₦airaland Forum

Did you do something bad to her? Sometimes when a woman is in pain it can be overwhelming. I am sure she cares but maybe she feels violated by you somehow.

He should apologise for using her first though. Cause that is just nasty.

Good - if the people involved are both serious and committed to making it work. if you are going to do it otherwise make sure its going to work.

Bad - if its not taken seriously and one party tries to use the other as you not only lose a lover you lose a friend at the same time.

izeek:
what exactly is being procrastinated,
the sexual gratifications he got, or the fact that he intends dumping her after soo much promise.

Thank you. If he slept with her and now wants to dump her thats just rubbish, he should have found that out before he slept with her.

[quote author=Lord_Reed link=topic=323399.msg4541357#msg4541357 date=1252937983]It is not only money dat gives someone power over u. Loving someone always puts u in a vulnerable position. So to think u'll b immune from heart break cos u don't ask is myopic IMHO.[/quote]Very true Lord Reed you will not be immune from heartache but not accepting money from a man gives you a more objective position and helps you see more clearly. It also helps you to remain stronger and more able to let the relationship go if he is taking advantage of you.  Whereas if you are dependent on him it gets messy and its harder to leave. It also means he will not think he can do what he wants simply cause he is paying for a few things.

If we were all sexually and financially self sufficient then most guys wouldnt have girlfriends. Cause the woman wouldnt put up with their nonesense.

[quote author=Dr. Lorenz link=topic=321722.msg4540657#msg4540657 date=1252932649]U are right Yumi, but you have to understand that when a man responds to a woman's nagging, she might feel she's making the man angry, so she'll continue. But when you ignore her, she'll get the message and stop nagging eventually.

When a woman cannot talk to a man about an issue and instead of trying to work out a possible solution to the problem resorts to nagging, what do you expect the man to do? As to your assertion that if a man ignores a woman it means nothing to him, i'd say it's wrong. If that was the case, then the woman in question wouldn't be near the man in the first place.[/quote]I expect the man to be a grown up and deal with the problem.  Why is that difficult?  Sit down talk about and try to find ways to resolve the problem and work on them.  It shouldnt get to the stage where the woman is nagging you if it has then its already late.  Men have to start taking responsibility in relationships too and recognise where things are going wrong.  Its always the woman doing the nagging cause she is trying to fix things to prevent a break up and that is not good as a relationship is a partnership.   I personally never nag a man cause I hate nagging, if your not going to contribute effort to the relationship why should I, I tell you about the problem a few times if you don't make effort to fix it and it all falls to bits so be it I am not going to force you.  I don't believe in forcing anyone to do anything if a man doesn't want to lose a woman he will fix up and cooperate to resolve problems if not he will ignore her and the relationship will become a total mess till they break up. Simple.

Men cheat more than women. Its worldwide however women are catching up now cause when they find out the man is cheating now a lot of women go and do the same. The difference is the woman is cheating with someone she will eventually leave for and the man might not be. Its usually the man that cheats first though it is quite rare for a woman to cheat on a faithful man it does happen though but not often.

I never ask a man for money. I never want a man to walk up to me anywhere and tell anyone that he paid for anything in my life. He can pay for outings on our dates and buy me the odd present if we are in a relationship, but I pay my own bills and for my own necessities. I never want to rely on a man financially it gives him too much power. I never want to feel indebted to any man so any time they treat me like rubbish I can show them the door as I don't need them. Unless I get engaged/married then it might change.

TheSeeker:
I just made a speculation that it may be the reason for him stepping aside but that may not be what exactly transpired. How do you know for sure he doesn't want to be with her? I think it's too early to start judging his decision because it seems to me like it's what everyone is doing about this issue.

It's not all the time that a man is ready for a relationship and a man's readiness for a relationship depends on the kind of woman he's getting down with. For instance, if I want to get into a relationship with a girl and she's having emotional trauma as at then, do you expect me to be ready if I don't have the patience to handle her outbursts as a result of her trauma? Of course I won't be ready because I won't be patient enough to handle her, and I don't want to look like a bad man. Do you know if she's demonstrated acts that made him think he needs to work on some of his traits and behaviors? It's prejudice to say the guy was never interested in her or whatnot because if he does get with her, we'll be the first to criticize him that he started a relationship he wasn't ready for bla bla bla

Well if thats how he feels he should explain the whole situation not say half the story. If he really loves her he should be telling her that oh I am sorry I can't handle when this happens but lets try and see. I am not always the most patient person so you will have to help me sometimes when I misunderstand you.

The half story above doesn't say anything and we cannot read minds. You have to communicate everything or the other person will not understand what is going on. Since he has chosen not to communicate everything then it may be that the man is seeing someone else and just doesn't want to hurt her feelings so she should move on.

Usually when men do not say the whole story and are hiding something that means there is something really complicated behind it and complicated usually involves other women.

Either way he don't want to be with her, so hes lying to her really by saying he is not ready. What he should say is we are not right for each other and we need to move on. Eliminates her waiting around for him if she really loves him.

You can never determine the way a girl will react, thats why you should tread carefully with woman and never play around with them. Anyway I would just tell her how you feel if she reciprocates then you haven't lost much as you are not really close friends.

Drop a hint to your friend. Don't tell her point blank but make her suspicious enough to start digging and catch him at it. Or maybe next time you see them call her and get her to come and meet you there and hide from them so she sees it herself. Otherwise she will find out later and when she finds out that you knew she will hate you for not letting her know.

I would tell your partner the truth. If you don't the rest of your relationship you will be worrying about what happens if they find out. Also its better to give them the choice to leave you if they wish to. If my man cheated I would rather know and have the choice to leave if I wanted to. Its very selfish of you to not only cheat on them but also not give them the choice of leaving if they wish to. They should not be a prisoner to your lies as well as a victim of your adultery.

Tell her the truth, that you really like her but you don't feel the same way she does and let her go.  Its funny though cause sometimes you regret letting go the good ones.  Years later once you have been played around a bit. So make sure you are not just letting her go cause your used to women who play you cause thats a mistake both men and women make a lot.  Years later they just wish they appreciated the person and could go back in time even but its too late the person has got someone else.  Think about carefully she could be a bit emotional as she feels you are withdrawing and you might be finding that too much.  Try to evaluate why you wouldnt like a good woman?  It might be you that has the issues if you really don't love her though set her free cause someone else will love and appreciate her.  If you can't let her go then you do love her and you have other issues to deal with like maybe being attracted to abusive women or women who play you and you will then need to investigate that as that type of attraction is not healthy and you don't want to be a slave to that kind of attraction and lose a very healthy relationship.

I never tell my friends everything as I have been burnt in the past. I tell some friends some things and others about other things. Depends on the friendship as well and its level. Its not appropriate to tell all your friends everything. I definitely do not discuss sexual intimacies with my friends thats a total no-no.

The truth is most men hate the phone and most women love it. So the guys always call a lot in the beginning when they are chasing the woman then once they got her, she has to call them more. Its just how it is, however men are better are making an effort to meet up whereas women will sit on the phone for hours and not go out. So men will make more effort to come and see you. Somehow it kind of evens out.

When he meets a good woman and he is mature enough to realise that drinking with his boys is a total waste of time and that his future family are what's important.  Some men never learn this and are useless forever.  Once a man hits 30 and you don't see a change then he is not good settling down material as he is unlikely to ever be a responsible husband and father. The usual age for a man to settle down is around 28 and he should have been with the woman a couple of years so I would say a serious girlfriend around 26 unless you meet that special person earlier and you just click but you will know if that happens.

Just be patient the right person is out there for you, you just haven't found her yet.  I think also if you don't want to have sex before marriage its better you meet a likeminded woman.  Then you will have less problems as you will both be on the same page and she will be really happy.  Be careful though cause some women will play you so make sure she is sincere first.

Don't worry dear if he is treating you like crap now.  What goes round always comes back.  The girl he is moving on to will probably play him like a deck of cards.    Or he will get rinsed out somewhere else.  At least you were honest and good to him.    Someone better will come along for you and be better to you.

Oh and don't worry he will be back in a few months time when he's realised how nice you really were and what he's lost. Men never seem to appreciate a good woman till they have lost her.

I think what is unattractive to one man is attractive to another.  So one man might laugh but the other will be thinking i like her,

I think guys may laugh at these girls in public but a lot of them will still try and hit on them in private. Men are not as fussy as women are.

pc guru:
Look at them.Emotional pple.Let me tell you incase you don't know.Women cheat on good guys same reason men cheat on women.It's the human nature to exploit weakness in any system or individual.Weak pple exist for the survival of stronger pple.Love is not an emotion it's a tool of weapon used to weaken an individual. No one can love only God can.We just tend to manage with another.Love doesn't exist in the real sense or does it.I think it's another system of control.

In some ways I think your right this is how a lot of people use love.  That doesn't mean love doesn't exist it does but its rare and hard to find.

I would move on girl men only say things like that when they want to see other people. Maybe someone else has caught his eye and he wants to move on.

sexyLeamon:
vice versa hun u think I like chicken everyday either? you wife too will get tried of eating meat everyday
so you have no problem if she goes out looking for chicken meat?

poster to answer your question, Why do married men cling on external affairs? Men cheat because they are operating by external rules and not of their own will. The men who cheat consider the rule against extramarital sex as an unjust law serving the tyrants who own their lives, which could be their wives, the church, society, or anyone other than themselves. They see themselves as outlaws or flawed, maybe both, with guilt happening in case they believe cheating wrong, or the pretense of feeling guilty if they got caught but secretly reject the rules. It's a matter of character.

I tell you the funniest thing though men who cheat always think their woman aren't but usually the woman finds out they are then starts to look for someone else, making her exit plan. Sometimes women even just wait for the children to grow up then they leave but 9/10 times woman find out the man is cheating and they then do the same. They just hide it better so the man never finds out.

[quote author=frank3.16 link=topic=283552.msg4530203#msg4530203 date=1252757641]well, you might call it cheating. but how do u expect us both to have the same threshold for it when we have different orientation about what sex really is. all we need is your understanding.

all i am saying is that no matter how angry u are about it, men will continue to 'cheat' for the reasons i gave above. if u condition your mind and stop seeing it as cheating, then u will be happier.[/quote]Isn't stealing still stealing no matter why you did it? Cheating is cheating whether done by a man or a woman.

I am not angry I never cheat and my body is clean and nice. If a man wants to behave like a filthy animal thats his problem but remember he is destroying himself when he cheats on his wife cause they are one flesh. Hes the one who will have to explain it to God and might end up in hell.
I know a few men who have cheated on their wives and they lose everything its honestly not worth it.

He also looks stupid why woiuld I be angry about a man making himself looking stupid. Thats his choice and when hes lost everything he will realise that wasn't the best way and regret it all. Never mind. One day men will learn.

[quote author=frank3.16 link=topic=283552.msg4530121#msg4530121 date=1252756390]please everybody read my post carefully and understand the reason why men cheat?[/b]that is if u call what they do cheating

Men see sex as a means of satisfying a need.
women see sex as something more emotional, rather than a means of satisfaction.

if a man cheats, it is different from when a woman cheats.

now what do [b]i call cheating?

cheating is when u give your heart to someone else, not when u sleep with someone esle other than your partner

most men who sleep with other ladies just satisfy a sexual desire or sexual curiousity without giving their heart. this should not be called cheating (but some give their heart, then u can say they have cheated)

but most women give their heart before allowing u to make love to them even if u pay them because to them sex is emotional. now this is what i call cheating.

this is why the society frowns more at a woman who sleep around than at man who sleep around.[/quote]Cheating is when you  ' satisfy a need with anyone other than your partner' 

Women cheat both emotionally and physically but men usually cheat physically

Its all still cheating and non of it is right ever.

I think men who cheat have low IQ's coz they are saying their original choice in woman is wrong. Their own brain is not right.

ohaechesi:
Why do most married men cling on external affairs? This is becoming a culture to most men. Women are usually the ones to maintain and build their marriage, why? You may not agree with me but most of my friends are married and even the ones i meet in some social gathering are all married but you hardly see them with their wives in most social events, you only see them with their gal friends. Addendum, is it normal?

Thats why I love Obama takes his wife and family almost everywhere possible. Till that changes and men start to get rid of this corrupt mentality within their marriages, Nigeria will not progress cause till men stop destroying and being corrupt within their marriages and homes there will be no peace, civil war in homes, retrogressive marriages. No real progress. Sons carrying on the behaviour of their fathers. We do what we see.

I don't really have to say sorry often. As I don't do much that is wrong if I did though it would be

my darling sorry for not cooking you the food it the way you liked and for putting too much pepper in the food. I will make it up to later tonight in the bedroom and wear that sexy lingerie you like and give you a special treat.

Coz instead of having self control they prefer to be weak and sleep around.  When there is a problem in their marriage instead of trying to fix it and put a bit of work and effort into the relationship as women do they find it easier to chat up another woman.  They have problems with their ego's and want to show off to their friends.

Once you are married you have selected your life partner, by cheating you are saying that your choice is wrong and your brain is not good for making your original choice.  Its a kind of self contradiction.

pc guru:
14.Trust no one.{xfiles-}

Am definitely focusing on that one. Recent X files.