₦airaland Forum

Balancing:
Hello Nairalanders,

I need advice because I'm not sure if I'm being selfish or if my wife is acting unreasonable and out of line.

I've been married to my wife for about two years now, and we have a son. We're currently planning to relocate, and by God's grace, we should be out of this country in a couple of months.

My wife and I have discussed severally even before marriage about her getting cosmetic surgery after we finishe having all our children, which I’ve always felt is a nice idea. I've always mentioned that it should happen later, after she's done giving birth. Recently, she brought up the possibility of getting the surgery done sooner, and I thought she was joking. However, she kept repeating it and then I playfully said she could go ahead if she had the money, I didn't think she was serious and if even if she was , I didn’t think it was something that would be up to 3M( pardon my ignorance)

However, she brought it up again three weeks ago, and I realized she was serious. When I asked how much it would cost, she told me it was 8 million naira. I was shocked cause it was even way more than I expected. Now, My wife is a businesswoman, and while her business is doing well, I feel she can afford the surgery but it's really going to eat probably 90% of her savings.

She knows I have savings of about 25 million naira, which I've been accumulating for years for our relocation. Also, recently, I’ve spent around 5 million on processing the move, and I intend to use the remaining funds for travel expenses(flight,e.t.c) rent, food, and living costs for about 6 to 8 months in the country (it's a cheap European country) of which she is very aware cause I have informed her severally about.


I was shocked when she suggested I take some of my savings to help fund the surgery, asking for around 2 to 4 million naira. I found this request annoying and unreasonable. Although she didn't ask directly, but where does she expect me to get that kind of money if not from the savings?

To me, her body is still in good shape, although not as great as it used to be but I understand it was caused by child birth and I feel she is better than most ladies/ mother of one in terms of body shape( even though she feels the boobs aren’t firm anymore and the stomach isn’t flat anymore but I’m not complaining and it’s okay to me, she’s still very attractive to me ) , while I understand her desire for improvement, I think it should wait until we’re more financially stable. We should be focusing on investing and accumulating wealth, not spending on what I see as a luxury. Now, she's a matured lady as that was one of the reason I married her. We are both in our 30s also. So I really do not understand why this sudden frenzy about body work. Worst off, she doesn’t seem to have a sensible reason for wanting to do it now. All she says just doesn’t make sense cause the only thing I can grab from everything she’s said was she wants to look better and with the way Nigeria is going , it’s going to be way expensive in coming years.

Additionally, I feel it was unfair for her to bring this up suddenly, especially since she didn’t communicate this desire early enough. If she had, I might have been able to save up some money for her. Instead, it feels like she’s trying to make me touch the savings without saying it directly, which I feel is very disappointing.

I have told her point blank that I cant touch that savings and even if I want to give her something it won’t be substantial cause I really don’t see the necessity of the surgery at this time and it's coming very impromptu . Not wanting to sound like an unsupportive husband, I told her I can give her something but I don’t know how much yet. She asked for the range and I told her I'm not sure but it can't more than 800k and she said okay, but I know she’s unhappy with that amount.

Since our discussion, she's been trying to act like everything is fine but I know deep down she's angry cause she's been giving some kind of silent treatment which she knows I hate. Thinking about the issue just spoils my mood and makes me angry, no matter how hard I try to think about it, I feel even madder for even wanting to give her something as much as 800k cause i don’t feel happy about it and I'm sure she even feels it’s too small( which is what makes me angry cause I’m squeezing an unplanned 800k and she feels it’s way too to small or equal to me not giving her anything)

So, what do you guys think? Am I being unreasonable? Feel like I should discuss with someone but we have agreed not to discuss stuffs with third party that’s why I’m coming here to do this anonymously

I know if I try to discuss with her to ask if she’s acting this way because of how our last discussion ended, she’ll deny that it’s not it and nothing is wrong.

I apologize for the lengthy post, but I'm open to questions or clarifications.

Thank you for your advice.

guy why will U even allow Ur wife to go under blades or knife if she's not ill, what if she dies on the process. Nawao for some people. This just to impress her husband.

maxkoko:
@Righteousness, in as much I share some of ur evangelical views, I disagree and as well disregard some of your views. It’s a biblical error to say that people will burn in hell forever. It’s even illogical. What kind of God will create people only for them to die in sin and burn forever in hell. It then means you too will burn because no man is good nor righteous. Eternal destruction of unrighteousness people simply means the absence of Gods presence. Stop misrepresenting the character of God. I come in peace. Thank you.

all this Jehovah's witness who don't believe in existence of hell. Make una well-done

vanbonattel:
Why your DickThomas is still standing after you cannot pay common dowry is shocking.

Let your hands stand strong instead, to earn money to settle her family.

I didn't say I won't pay, it happened d way it happened and I told her to keep it. Afterall na marry we want marry . Paying the dowry and doing d marriage isn't the problem infact it's my topmost priority as soon as I get another contract. Make God help me cos is too early, I can't afford scandals in marriage. This is too early.

My wife of 3 months pregnant has constantly being rejecting sex, we did our intro couple of months ago, I have being trying to safe up to complete the marital rites along the line she took in. The family expressed their sadness especially her mom, but the whole family now knows she's heavy. My job is a contract job and couple of months now I have been out of contract. The family to a point has been understanding , though we're both separated in different states but close to each other. Currently she visited and stayed 2 days she didn't even allowed me stay with her as partners this someone that we communicate often on phone telling how we missed each other. She visited and repelled all my advances towards her. I don't know what is going on the next day she left the house . Is it because of pregnancy that is making her behave like this. How could she repelled my advances after not seeing her for 2months now, when I asked her what's the problem for her rejection she was asking me if she's a intimacy gadget , this is someone i have not seen for 2months .

Joshua no try at all . See as small pikin dey beat am . Cheiii

Makaveli217:
OK, seems it's oil and gas related.
I know someone you can talk to, how can i contact you so I can send you the number?

it's different from oil and gas , it's a ship job .

Makaveli217:
What aspect of engineering? electrical, mechanical, or petrochemical. What's your location?

ok I'm a marine engineer, our job is offshore base. We are ship crew . We carry out operations and maintenance of ship machineries onboard a ship I just acquired my license.

I'm an engineer, just acquired my license in my career pathway 4 months. Securing a job as not been easy with the license as our job is offshore, God helped an opportunity came through, I went there after all the preparations and readiness and messed up myself. Till now I'm yet to forgive myself. This was a good opportunity for me , there are alot of bills to be paid, expections was high. Till now I feel I have disappointed myself and my family. No job no paid. I wish I can overcome this guilt, I feel extremely bad since then. Please someone should advise me on how to overcome this in this harsh economy, I'm feeling terrible right now.

Quantumheight:
Good morning do you have palm kernel but,if you can supply I will link you with a company DM me

yes I have , please what's the price in kilos

Pals I heard there are companies that buys palm kernel nuts (cracked ones) and process it to remove the oil and use the leftover chaff to produce pig food.
Pls those in that line should bring me in . I want to know about those companies in the east, and how much do they buy per kilo (kg) from you .

Pals I heard there are companies that buys palm kernel nuts (cracked ones) and process it to remove the oil and use the leftover chaff to produce pig food.
Pls those in that line should bring me in . I want to know about those companies in the east, and how much do they buy per kilo (kg)

Samantha124:
I think it depends on what separated you guys and whether you were still in contact after the separation or not.

Sometimes it's best that when you separate, you move away from each other and don't get to have any contact with one another or see each other's day to day lives.

Some breakups can be very ugly and never be mended, while some can still stand a chance of being mended.

hmmmmm

Artiiclebeast:
Funny skit.

You need to get more serious with your employment status at the moment.

That is sure to go a very long way in determining how, and what you truly feel in the long run, including serving as a potential distraction for you and also an opportunity to start meeting new people.

Do not ever underestimate the power of idleness and joblessness.

Yea you may be right, some persons have equally told me that, some even argued that I will eventually forget her, if I bounce back with money and a job . hmmmm it really well with me oooo

Married couples who came back to reconcile with their ex and marry please advice me.

I and my gal have been together for a long period of time at a point we had to cohabit. I supported part of her school, thank God she will be graduating few months from now. We separated January this year, our relationship is 7 years older, reasons we stayed that long was because we were just growing up, i was 23 in my year 3 in school , while she was 18 writing her weac. This is someone i later engaged . Initially when she left me and parked out of my house I had to full my hands and watch her leave 7years of what we built . when she left, she couldn't stay without me unfortunately where she went to, she had to call and be disturbing me and I paid deaf ears , out of this she fall into depression and her bp rised , she was admitted twice in the hospital.

She had to recover with different people , today she has alot of different people she's seeing , unfortunately she's actually exploring life now, many people have asked me to let her be for now, though I was her first experience ( I deflowered her), that if she's mine, she will definitely come back, I have tried for the past 7 months now to move on I can't, and efforts to bring her back has provened abortive though we've been communicating but rght now i ended the communication . I have been at home now unemployment for a while now. My career is still young and a very good one as at that, just that it has not began paying yet.

People advice me to pray that God should bless me so I could call her back . Deep inside of me I'm just imagining how will our love life look like if we eventually come back after separating for a while. How will sex look like ? How will kissing look like, Knowing that she must have slept with a lot of persons. people who came back together please share your experience, I still love and want her to come back so we settle down, if you ask her , she will tell u that I'm still in her mind.

I do hear of people who separated and later came back and marry and they're doing fine , how possible is that and why is mine like this ?

immortalmortal:
Check your sim settings and make sure it's not on call divert

baba u borrowed money from those online loan apps and u didn't pay , that's d penalty for not paying back, that's what those online loan sharks are doing now to violators . I'm a victim as well, they send in an imsi coding to ur number and from there ur phone dials different numbers just for them to get back at u , so ur credit will be finished without u knowing, and also too u will be banned on WhatsApp. That's what those loan sharks are doing now.

Josephagada03:
I'm experiencing the same thing too. My whatsapp is always banned.

baba u borrowed money from those online loan apps and u didn't pay , that's d penalty for not paying back, that's what those online loan sharks are doing now to violators . I'm a victim as well, they send in an imsi coding to ur number and from there ur phone dials different numbers just for them to get back at u , so ur credit will be finished without u knowing, and also too u will be banned on WhatsApp. That's what those loan sharks are doing now.

Pals I met this very pretty damsel , I mean she's very very beautiful, tall, light skin with beautiful curves. Still on the pursuit for a perfect relationship that could lead to marriage.
When I met her at the market, she was hawking ice cream obviously it's family business cos I equally saw her mom selling as well. When I saw her it was very striking, I had to go back to look for her, of a truth it was like love at first sight. I went back to look for her behold I saw her and I told her I wanted to talk to her and that i needed her number though I still bought d ice cream.
She gave me her number and we start talking , she made me understand she was into hair dressing that she works for someone that d ice cream business is her 2nd business.
I tried my best keeping in touch with her but she always claim she's busy and that she's working for someone, I begged her that I only wanted us to talk thats all.
She finally fixed a day and I went as I got there, I discovered she was d owner of the place she actually told her mates to pretend as though the had a madam that wasn't around , what an intelligent but as a sharp guy I still knew she owns the place, despite warning her mates to pretend, most of them were still making mistake by calling her ma, when she called them, this gal should be like 22 and she has about 6 gals in her establishment wow.
At first when I got to the place , I was a bit shy having about 10 women around me, she was d one making d customer hair while others were learning or going for arrand for her I stayed till she closed but we couldn't talk so she told me we should meet again d next day but that wasn't possible as well.
Two days later I sent her a text in d morning she read and responded and thanked me for d text and she also made a request that she wants to go for a photo shoot in a studio and she demanded for some money and I asked her how much , she told me that 5k will do. I wasn't comfortable, for goodness sake we bearly know each other , we have not really spoken , or is it a way of testing me, someone adviced me to send if I have that much it might be a way of testing me.
Pals it this a bad omen ?? this is someone that owns an establishment she can afford that money over and over again , what is she up to , anyways i sent her 3k and she thanked me . But one thing I know for sure is that when a relationship starts this way, its a sign of bad Omen or let just assume she's just testing me . pals what do u think ?

After years of terrible relationship I thought that i have finally found someone my heart yearn for. This gal was so lovely, she was calm, humbly to earth excessively beautiful with pink lips chocolate in colour, she's so natural not wasteful , very cultured, she barely demand, she got the curves and hips i crave for, she's really a spec, she's a soul to be loved. Barely one month we stayed I felt loved like i never felt for a very long period of time.

She was loved by all my neighbours because of her simple nature, she could bare hurt a fly she's just natural good to stay with forever I even had to go run some test because i felt she was a treasure that shouldn't be left atleast God done answer my prayer of a wife though I was still studying her.

Pals when we first met, I asked her about her relationship status she told me she had a guy but the guy is no longer in her mind that she as moved on and moreover her family doesn't like him. She gave me her word that she's alone I was rest assured. Little did I know that they were still communicating and whenever she traveled home it's actually the guy's place she will be staying cos both of them are from the same village and the said guy is doing well at home.

Cutting the story short , she traveled this last time she made up with the guy , they are back together again, she didn't even communicate to me that they are back , i found out myself when we last spoke telling each other i love u at the end of the call and all of a sudden i heard sound of struggling at the background her guy was asking and struggling at the background asking her who she was talking to. I had to call back again and the guy picked and we spoke. It's 5 days my gal has not called to say something about the situation. I decided to call her today, someone that did as if I was her oxygen she was breathing , I was surprised at her calling me by my name, she told me to move on, I feel heart broken, I thought I have finally met my missing rib someone that fits in into the kind of woman I want to build my home with, it's very obvious she using me because she and her guy had issues and that was the period I met her. I will miss everything about her cos she was so lovely.

Some of my guys were advising me that I should have played alone since I knew she had someone, that I should be sleeping with her but I can't do that , I can't share my woman with someone else . what if I contact STDs like HIV, playing along will demand spending resources and time I would used to build witj someone else . I guess love isn't for me such good soul left me.

At a point we were thanking God for bringing us together, she really felt she was more luckier for being with me and wanting to end up with me, that I accepted her. mean while I was the one who was more happier , I just feel disappointed I really love her and her nature .


I

Have u been unable to pay your online loan you collected, what's your experience like, those guys almost drain my battery with calls , I submitted my dads contact as a guarantor, u know usually they will always ask for 2 contacts , I didn't know a time like this will come that i will be unable to pay. I needed to borrow from one to repay another that's how I got to be owing about 6 loan apps , one is currently calling my dad, I feel sad about it already. I will certainly pay them but not now, I just tire evil people, I heard it's Chinese people that owns most of those apps .

I have received alot of calls from online loan apps for me to pick their offers , they keep calling over and over for me to pick an offer with them despite of oweing about 6 apps already , I never even pay but others are keeping disturbing me. Depression wan almost kill me for d ones I dey Owe. Are they not aware I'm owing 6 apps already. Abeg make den leave me alone, make I face my life.

Pals I'm really depressed , my bp is rising , I borrowed from online app to do small business instead of being idle, and the business income has being very poor almost made loses , and these bank apps don't give good time frame, I borrowed from A to pay B, B to pay C , D to pay A , now I'm owing up to 6 bank apps don't know what I'm going to do. God abeg make I no go commit suicide , they're beginning to send me text, I don dey think and my bp don dey rise, good Nigerians abeg help me, before I commit suicide.

How do I come out of this , no property to sale , God please help me .

Artemis444:
What apps and can you file an extension? I hope it isn't those 7 - 14 days loan apps!

it is ooooo, I don't really know what to do

Dpatch:
Live my bro...I don't want to tell my own past story here..but work towards paying. you have to live first...

please share ur experience , it might help me .

Pals I borrowed some money from online app to do business, but its didn't play out as I thought right now I have borrowed up to 6 apps and the dept is almost 300k , I don't know where I will get such money for now, I pray and wish someone will come to my rescue , right now I'm trying to push my career forward, the course i came for wish is a 6months course , we are only 4months gone i can't even open book again to read, right now I'm really feeling depressed .

frozen70:
For the fact that you are satisfied staying with her for the rest of your life

Pls follow your heart so that you will be satisfied for thr choice you made

In the issue of child bearing, you musnt go up to 4 children unless you love children

So now you are aware of the medical procedure that awaits you any time she is pregnant,

Start saving towards that from now and carry her along so that she too will contribute what she can

thanks dear for your encouragement, I'm currently chasing my license hoping to get it before the year runs out, as soon as I do that there will be inflow of cash.

She at the other end is a 18yrs gal, but thinks and behave like a 30yrs old woman very mature , humble and homy knowing what to do at all time, u might even doubt her age because of her maturity. she has really been a piece of mind to me, I really suffer in my previous relationship.

Also for career , she has been learning chemist before she had misunderstanding with the woman she was staying with so had to relocate to my area where I met her at the market, so I have made an arrangements with a family friend so she could go over there and continue building herself in chemist , as soon as I'm balanced I intend setting up somewhere for her (chemist), that will be after our marriage.

Divoc19:
Every child has the right to life.
Foetus testing is good. I know of one.
I'll advise you open a special account in that regard now so that you won't make any bloody mistake. Good luck

thanks my dear for your advice

frozen70:
You should have asked the Doctor the possible cost of such procedure that's where you would have started with

Then you can compare it with your income

Alternatively, you guys will an adopt a child pending when you can afford the cost of that medical procedure including all expenses and drugs

Meanwhile enjoy your relationship toll you find your way out

well spoken but with a good pay one can sustain it. If u target 3 to 4 kids when ever she's pregnant u go for it , I feel I can do it, my woman has brought peace of mind to me ever I met her after terrible 7yrs in my previous toxic relationship, I see my new gal as a God sent exactly what any man could look for in a woman. Though the money is not yet there , I'm in early stage of my career no money yet, but I know it will come. I don't want to loose this gal she's a peace of mind, first time I'm feeling loved in a very long while .

I and my gal are planning settling down despite genotype not matching , she's AS same with me, but because of medical technological advancements, we visited a specialist who told us that we can still marry if we so desired to be together.

Just that If we can afford the cost of going for foetus testing whenever she's pregnant so as to ascertain the genotype of the child. According to him if the test is conducted and it turns out to be AA or AS, we can keep it, but if it's SS we determate, I have spoken to my gal and we are yet a decide despite this seeming goodnews that we can still be together if we choose to, she really wanted us together same with me.
On my part, I have been in terrible and toxic relationship for the past 4years that almost claimed my life but God served from her. And this my current gal came along and she's exactly what I prayed God for, she's really like a gift to me, since she came I have had peace of mind I don't want to loose her because of genotype but thank God for this technically medical advancement , please I want to know if anyone have undergone this treatment before , what's your experience or experiences

I and my woman decided to go for genotype test cos we wish to settle down soon, I know mine which is "AS" but she doesn't know hers. And we really wanted to settle down together in fact from the first time I saw her something struck my mine that she's my wife.

Getting there hers happen to "AS" as well, at first we were very sad we got home and cheered up. We both took decision to continue with the relationship and future plan of settling down together, please married people with this scenario what's ur experience please share with us to strengthen us.

Medical experts please advice , I love my woman I don't wanna lose her, thanks everyone .

AbdulMagaji:
Sometimes when a man prays to God for a devine opportunity to find a wife, he might end up meeting a woman with incompatible genotype.

This is not to say that God wants you to produce kids that you will end up regretting, but this is to show you that human activities and actions have distorted and created imbalance on the earth we live in today.

A sickle shaped blood is a disease which might be possibly developed by man.

If you have money and truly love her and want to marry her please make sure you select your child within 2 weeks of pregnancy.

Or

If you're lucky that the first two kids are AS then just stop giving birth.

boss thank u so much for d advice, I think choosing my child within the first 2weeks according to u is the best, but medical can all hospital do that for me ? Or it's only specialist hospital that can do it and how possible is it, just surprise that there's that option, this is a great relieve to me and my gal here with me. We are not panicking anymore , pls tell us more. Better still here is my WhatsApp number , 08165859931 thanks pls advise me more.

I and my woman decided to go for genotype test cos we wish to settle down soon, I know mine which is "AS" but she doesn't know hers. And we really wanted to settle down together in fact from the first time I saw her something struck my mine that she's my wife.

Getting there hers happen to "AS" as well, at first we were very sad we got home and cheered up. We both took decision to continue with the relationship and future plan of settling down together, please married people with this scenario what's ur experience please share with us to strengthen us.

Medical experts please advice , I love my woman I don't wanna lose her, thanks everyone .

Bombeverybody:
I feel like seeing you physically to gift you a hot slap. Yeah, you deserve that slap if I can see you. Lemme give you hint about the male world.
People tend to call anyone with balls underneath a man whereas the word "man" is the ability to stand on your feet in times of troubles and a merry day. One of the key point inside the manual to live as a man is NEVER to take a woman that leave you back...under no condition, if she leaves, let her leave for good. Women are the most manipulative being and that's why she told you she didn't sleep with anyone during when you guys were apart, those under our roofs sef still dey go back outside let alone when no one will question her movement. She has gone far and wide in male market and she discovered that the goods she rejected is the only available in the market, hence , her decision to come back to you. You are not superb bro, you are just the last option she can take. Rejecting her is a statement that you are not an OPTION.
My daughter's mom left me without an hint that she can do that, I went to her ,pleaded with friends , she said no. I decided to plead with her to come.back because of our daughter because I want the best for my kid, she didn't give in. While I was pleading with her, I noticed that she feel on top of the world like I'm no match for her, I knew there is a guy somewhere making her happy. I picked up my pieces, as God would have it in my life, he bless me , bought 2 cars, finished up my building ( we were living in rented 2 bedroom appt when we were together) boom, she wants me back, I tricked her to travel with me to another state, I can read her eyes, she wants me back at all cost , she agreed to the trip, I lodged her in an hotel room beside my room , she thought we will sleep together, late night around 10pm ...went to her room, told her to follow me to have a nice time at the downtown club, she agreed, she was happy thinking she had her way back automatically, got to the club , sat , ordered drinks ,she was doing the talkings, while I faked smiles, na so one beautiful olosho walked by, call her to come and sit beside me, I asked her how much , olosho said 15k for the night and if I'm doing 2some because my ex was on seat...I told oloso na only her I wan Bleep, my ex was amazed , she touched herself to know she wasn't dreaming....halfway to what I bought, food and drinks etc, I told ex to hurry up that I want to go back to the hotel room with my new olosho....she couldn't utter a sentence , she was trembling as she was about to open the car front door , I told her she should sit at the back , that my olosho will sit in the front....drove to hotel ,everybody alighted and told her goodnight....went to my room with olosho.
Didn't do a thing with her, gave her 5k and told her that I'm not interested ...she left without rancour.
Daybreak, went to my ex room to know she didn't commit suicide overnight, met sitting at the edge of the bed , told her it's time we go back to our state, she was looking at me like I'm the most devilish person she has ever seen, she didn't say so but I read her Psyche. For the 4 hours trip, she spoke only 12 times throughout the journey. She was looking at me with side eye 👁️ while I was driving , singing along with music I was playing in the car...loads were going through her mind. Dropped her at the garage and drove away.....I texted her this " If my dog intends to take you back, I will kill the dog, I bet you have a nice time with trip, Bye"

Bros, till today , those that know us together that she reported me to always say I'm evil in treating her that way....well it is what it is. We have different ways of dealing with people and that is just one out of hundred ways I can treat a woman Bleep up.

lol bro u wicked.