Efemena_xy: @ poster, funnily enough, I get where you're coming from. Household chores can be a drag & time wasting activity, especially if you aren't a domestic goddess. We live in the 21st century with domestic appliances designed to take the stress out of maintaining a spotless home.

Going by what you've posted so far, both you & your fiancee work, so my suggestion would be: Rather then spend good money on a househelp, why not invest in a good quality washing machine, dishwasher, tumble dryer, vacuum cleaner and iron rollers/pressers?

That to me, is a much better option if you can afford them. That way, you don't get to worry about your hubby cheating on you, or having your appliances talk back to you rudely, or you feeling guilty about engaging in slave labour!

Hell, it'll even spice up your s/e/x life. Ever made love on a spinning washing machine? Trust me, those added vibrations are HEAVENLY

u are a sensible woman.u understand where i'm coming from.i plan on getting as many appliances as i can afford.Thanks.

Ujujoan:

So because Jenny told your friend the truth, you guys are attacking her eh

A single girl looking for a househelp with her boyfriend. I thought I had seen it all on NL. Odikwa very very serious!

did u even bother to read my epistle?or u were just in a hurry to attack?
Anyway,i'm not looking for a maid with my boyfriend.i'm getting married soon and looking for a maid for wen i'm married.i needed advice and opinions that's y i came here and not judgements.Anyway, i've received good advice from the sensible and matured ones here.

jennykadry:
LMAO, you want a medal? Yea take one. Do you know how many people since 2008 that was sworn with their Nyash and bia bia that they know me from home? Stand in line dear

Anumanu. Guess you Also missed the thread where I also wrote that I was done with the trilogy book and have just begun anther one "secret lives of Emma". Join me and explore, my stalker



Good idea you deleted your post. I tell you what, I was hoping to derail your thread and possibly get it locked

Ewu

jennykadry:
LMAO, you want a medal? Yea take one. Do you know how many people since 2008 that was sworn with their Nyash and bia bia that they know me from home? Stand in line dear

Anumanu. Guess you Also missed the thread where I also wrote that I was done with the trilogy book and have just begun anther one "secret lives of Emma". Join me and explore, my stalker



Good idea you deleted your post. I tell you what, I was hoping to derail your thread and possibly get it locked

Ewu

ok

MLS12:

Pls ignore dis dry crayfish woman,I knw her so well from home,she has lost her joy,nothin good happening around her order dan reading her TRILOGY text.

abeg free her jare.i don't know her and i don't care who she is or what she has to say.

reinedamse:
u are a sensible woman.u understand where i'm coming from.i plan on getting as many appliances as i can afford.Thanks.

did u even bother to read my epistle?or u were just in a hurry to attack?
Anyway,i'm not looking for a maid with my boyfriend.i'm getting married soon and looking for a maid for wen i'm married.i needed advice and opinions that's y i came here and not judgements.Anyway, i've received good advice from the sensible and matured ones here.

You are looking for a househelp 'for when you are married'. Which means you are not even married yet. How is that different from what I said

Why are you putting the cart before the horse? Why dont you cross that bridge when you get there? Are so lazy that you can't manage your home, even for one day, without help

Ujujoan:

You are looking for a househelp 'for when you are married'. Which means you are not even married yet. How is that different from what I said

Why are you putting the cart before the horse? Why dont you cross that bridge when you get there? Are so lazy that you can't manage your home, even for one day, without help

I've gotten d advice I needed.
If you're looking for an e-fight,u won't get it from me.so run along and enjoy d rest of ur day.

Ujujoan:

You are looking for a househelp 'for when you are married'. Which means you are not even married yet. How is that different from what I said

Why are you putting the cart before the horse? Why dont you cross that bridge when you get there? Are so lazy that you can't manage your home, even for one day, without help

Haba now cut her some slack. How do you expect a self proclaimed ibadan made psychologist to cook and clean for her aba made husband? Psychologists in Nigeria work long hours and cannot afford to get their hands and nails dirty when they get back home

jennykadry:

Haba now cut her some slack. How do you expect a self proclaimed ibadan made psychologist to cook and clean for her aba made husband? Psychologists in Nigeria work long hours and cannot afford to get their hands and nails dirty when they come back home

sorry

MLS12:

I saved ur mail on my notepad,he is in abj dnt want 2 discuss over d fone or BB.I will def keep u in touch

Thank you and may God bless you for the kind gesture. Such blessing will extend to your children as they shall find favour in un-expected places.

Amen

jennykadry:

Haba now cut her some slack. How do you expect a self proclaimed ibadan made psychologist to cook and clean for her aba made husband? Psychologists in Nigeria work long hours and cannot afford to get their hands and nails dirty when they get back home

O . . . k! I now understand.

reinedamse:
sorry

Why you no explain am like that na

Ujujoan:

O . . . k! I now understand.



Why you no explain am like that na

E dey una body

My dear, permit me to say that "YOU WANT TO START OFF ON THE WRONG FOOTING". Hiring the services of a house help SHOULD NOT BE ON YOUR TOP 20 PRIORITY LIST. Its akin to saying "since i am about to get admission into the university and we all know how stressful school can be & i want to have loads of free time on my hands to look good, party etc, i'l have to pay someone to do my registration, attend lectures for me, write my notes, do my assignments, read for me, write my tests & exams then when a good result is out at the end i jump out and take the credit".
Its really early in the day to think of a help. When you get pregnant (heavily) and still feel you cant manage your home then you can begin to consider it. But in the mean time, sit down with your fiance and re-discuss the issue on how you both will join hands together and clean up after yourselves ( it surely cant be that bad). Inviting a third party (A STRANGER) into your home immediately you say "I DO" is not the wisest decision you should consider.
THINK TWICE OR EVEN MORE!

Mumsluv: My dear, permit me to say that "YOU WANT TO START OFF ON THE WRONG FOOTING". Hiring the services of a house help SHOULD NOT BE ON YOUR TOP 20 PRIORITY LIST. Its akin to saying "since i am about to get admission into the university and we all know how stressful school can be & i want to have loads of free time on my hands to look good, party etc, i'l have to pay someone to do my registration, attend lectures for me, write my notes, do my assignments, read for me, write my tests & exams then when a good result is out at the end i jump out and take the credit".
Its really early in the day to think of a help. When you get pregnant (heavily) and still feel you cant manage your home then you can begin to consider it. But in the mean time, sit down with your fiance and re-discuss the issue on how you both will join hands together and clean up after yourselves ( it surely cant be that bad). Inviting a third party (A STRANGER) into your home immediately you say "I DO" is not the wisest decision you should consider.
THINK TWICE OR EVEN MORE!

I love ur illustration..I think I'm really beginning to see things in a new light.thanks for ur advice.

2sexy: Thank you and may God bless you for the kind gesture. Such blessing will extend to your children as they shall find favour in un-expected places.

Tanks and amen
Hw can I reach u easily,and ur field should be elect abi.

reinedamse:
u are a sensible woman.u understand where i'm coming from.i plan on getting as many appliances as i can afford.Thanks.

No worries. I feel you jare. I must commend you for trying to plan ahead. I wish I had the foresight you're exhibiting now as this would have helped a lot during the early years of married life, when we were scrimping and saving to even get a washing machine.

Slaving over household chores does not make you any more of a woman than those who chose to employ the use of gadgets for manual repetitive work. You don't need to prove to anyone that you are a hard worker. If people disagree, that's their own cup of tea jor. Make them go bush collect fire wood for head, use grinding stone to grind tomatoes and pepper for cooking, or use charcoal iron take press their clothes.

Although I too am not in for the house girl thingy - at least not at this stage, what you can do during late pregnancy or when the baby is born; is to employ an elderly mama to help out. (that is, if your mum or MIL aren't available to help you). I say elderly mama, as that would quickly douse any interest / temptation for your hubby to stray over...

Good luck though

reinedamse:
I love ur illustration..I think I'm really beginning to see things in a new light.thanks for ur advice.

You are most welcome. Goodluck!!!.

MLS12:
Tanks and amen
Hw can I reach u easily,and ur field should be elect abi.

my phone number and email are below in my signature. Just look carefully below this post and you will see: " Contact 2sexy at doyen2fine..." I studied Petroleum Engineering. Thanks and God bless!

Does this thing still exist? U people keep calling maid as if they are not human being maybe animals. I think the gov't need to do something about these human traficking. I lay blame to people who give birth these children they can't take care of, the way God does things self tire me. Don't do to others children what u don't wish for ur children. Nosense tread and lazy set of people.

Siena: Without bothering to read the entire, unparagraphed epistle, I would agree with your friends.

Why can't you do your house chores yourself? You say you're not lazy, but your comments suggest otherwise. Newly married, no children to get under your feet, you're not pregnant, yet you find house chores "stressful"? If you think you're under stress now, wait till the kids come along, when you have an active toddler, and you're 32 weeks pregnant. I wonder what your "stress" will manifest into then? When you'll have loads more clothes to wash, diapers to change, nursing an infant, sleepless nights etc.

My wife looks after both our children without ANY help. An active two-year-old and a two-and-half-week-old baby. Yes, she copes fine, I do as much as I can to help when I get home from work. But we've never even considered getting in outside help - we both have relatives we could invite to help out, but why should we?

If you're truly adamant about placing your household responsibilities on the shoulders of others, because you can't (won't?) cope, then there's no right or wrong time to call in reinforcements. Just remember, most households are generally happier if things are dealt with in-house.

Good luck.

Dear Siena,

from your post it seems to me like your wife does not work,because if she does she'll most likely need some help with two kids. The poster says she works and that is why she thinks she may need some help when she gets married. You also say you assist your wife as much as you can, please what exactly do u assist her with; do you change diapers, bathe the kids or wash their feeding bottles or clothes, or you see those as a woman's job?

Well, at poster my advice to you is this: you may not need a househelp immediately after marriage but once you start having kids and sense that you need some help, pls run and get a househelp so you can live long! The househelp must not be live-in, she may be the type that comes and goes when you return from work, whatever works for you and your husband. Except ofcourse you have a husband who does not mind doing house chores (very few men do not mind, anyway).

Picture this scenario in the life of a working mum; she returns from work by 7pm and with her suit goes into the kitchen to fix dinner (her husband may have come home earlier than her but the lazy ass cannot even warm food for himself because it's not a man's job to do that). She bathes the children, does the dishes, washes feeding bottles (if she's nursing an infant), does a little of the children's laundry and any other chore that needs to be done. Before she bathes herself and goes to bed, it's already 12midnight(her weekends are not any different as they are loaded with activities like shopping, cleaning, mopping, cooking and refrigerating, church activities, washing, ironing and not a single minute to rest). Meanwhile her husband had dozed off for the night right after dinner by 8pm or 9pm in the name of tiredness from work(meanwhile Dear Wife also got back from work - she pro'lly passed through the market too). As she lies down to catch some 4-5hours of sleep (meanwhile a working brain requires eight hours of a good night's sleep),Oga suddenly turns in his sleep requesting that they make love. How unselfish! How do you even expect this kind of tired woman to be able to satisfy her husband in bed, because even in her sleep, she's dreaming of the chores she has to do the following day? At the end of the day both husband and wife are frustrated and thesame thing they are trying to avoid by refusing to get a househelp is what happens - the man goes outside to seek sexual fulfillment.

African men need to understand that a wife is a wife and not a slave! A well-rested woman is a happier woman and will have more time to even take care of herself and look attractive to her husband. So if you really love your wife, you wont mind helping her out with some chores (especially when she contributes financially to the upkeep of the family too), or atleast finding her someone to assist. Check out the dictionary and Bible meanings of a wife. She's not your cook, drycleaner or house-cleaner; you should hire these if you need them. And if she is okay doing them, you should not make her life revolve around chores.

The first year of marriage is crucial. You can make or mar ur union by your actions. No housemaid. No inlaws. Just the two of you rediscovering urselfs.
Buy appliances
share the work
hire a washman or woman. Dryclean delicate favorites.
Live close to your office or find a middle ground with your husband. If you work in Ajah and live in Iyana Ipaja you will age badly.
With good planning like cooking once a week. Life gets simpler. Avoid househelps now some runsgirls are into this stuff plus if househelp is under 18 it is child abuse.

reinedamse: I'm getting married soon and i've engaged the services of a firm that specializes in helping people get house-helps. Of course i discussed it with my fiance and he has no problem with it.Though he initially suggested we get someone that's family from any of the families(mine or his)but i kicked against it cos i would love to avoid any family drama or anything that may bring tension in the family.
But the issue is this;i discussed it with my friends and they were all trying to discourage me.saying it's wrong for a newly wedded couple to have a maid or house-help.They said since i don't have kids yet and i'm not pregnant either,i should be able to do all the house chores myself.
while growing up and even as a spinster,i have this mindset of "why stress myself when i can get people to help me out and pay them off"?
i see ladies struggling to do all the houework themselves and run all d errands even with kids.some barely have time to sleep.the first thing that runs through my mind is "what are u trying to prove?That you are mrs macho or wat?"
I believe stress makes you grow older faster and at the end of the day you become less attractive to the man you are trying so hard to please with your machoism.
i'm not the lazy type and i can NEVER allow anybody to cook my husbands meals or wash his undies or clean our room.but apart from these,i believe i should be able to delegate simple chores and not kill myself by coming back late at night from work and instead of eating and spending good time communicating and making love to my hubby,the next thing i'm thinking of is how to wash this and tidy that.and i cannot spend weekends dat is meant for resting and socializing doing house chores.
Pls i need advice cos i don't want to start out on a wrong footing.i've never been a people pleaser.i av always done things my own way no matter wat anyone thinks but i understand dat in marriage,u can't always have your way.
So pls,abeg make una advice me.is it bad to have a maid or househelp at the early stages of marriage? and if it is wrong,why is it wrong?

Really i won't advise you get a maid early in your marriage, start your life alone with you spouse, there not much to do. You can get a washing machine to do the laundry, or every Saturdays get someone who will come clean the house for you except you bedroom. It was hard for me when i started to, but igot over it especially when i was pregnant, now i have my baby and still do everything at home. Working and being a wife and nursing mother is no beans at all. But to same unforeseen had i known. It ain't easy just try and do things well, no body can do it better than you if you really wanna do it. Good luck

If they entertain a lot, they'll need maids or some form of wait staff.

It depends on what line of employment they're in.

You still wan collect house help? Sebi you no watch video ni?

I'll give my honest opinion as a young wife who is used to receiving visitors every other weekend. House chores should not be much of a big deal since its just you and your husband at the initial stage. Your dirty dishes won't be much, the laundry can be taken care of with a washing machine. Clean as you go and don't pile up dirts. Prioritize your chores on weekends. Cook in large quantities and keep in the deep freezer to reduce the time you spend in the kitchen during the week. This won't work if your husband likes only freshly made soup, then you are seriously on your own

Your husband can help you with the ones you think are difficult for you to handle. At this early stage, its not a maid you need, it's your perspective that needs to change. Maybe when you become pregnant, you can get additional help. Trust me, you will soon start craving for your privacy again when strangers begin to live with you. For now, do the chores with joy. In all things, get wisdom.

Let's assume the op is not a small child and knows why she will need the services of a househelp.

Everybody is not the same, some people WILL be in positions that warrant authority, it is not automatically a crime as long as you keep your bearings.

Dangote's daughter, for example, should not be expected to worry about freshly made soup ( unless she wants to), if she has a lot of responsibilities and employees working for her. It would actually be embarassing for guests to see her pounding yam or peeling egusi when there are important matters to be discussed meanwhile. Which affect people's livelihood. She's expected to be a hostess, not a server.


And the context is not the numerous rich ladies in nigeria who have impressive political portfolios yet still do all the house chores. They may choose to do it for various reasons.

need a good maid? contact Haspol

EfemenaXY:
@ poster, funnily enough, I get where you're coming from. Household chores can be a drag & time wasting activity, especially if you aren't a domestic goddess. We live in the 21st century with domestic appliances designed to take the stress out of maintaining a spotless home.

Going by what you've posted so far, both you & your fiancee work, so my suggestion would be: Rather then spend good money on a househelp, why not invest in a good quality washing machine, dishwasher, tumble dryer, vacuum cleaner and iron rollers/pressers?



That to me, is a much better option if you can afford them. That way, you don't get to worry about your hubby cheating on you, or having your appliances talk back to you rudely, or you feeling guilty about engaging in slave labour!

Hell, it'll even spice up your s/e/x life. Ever made love on a spinning washing machine? Trust me, those added vibrations are HEAVENLY

This sounds dangerous to me. Imagine hubby's balls getting caught in a spinning washing machine or your hair getting caught in the spin.

If you can afford it and you are ready to pay fair wages and give fair working conditions you don't need to justify it to anyone.
You are obtained in services and paying for them.
Please you home is private and therefore you need to screen properly and ask for refrences.
I wouldnt take a stranger I can't locate later.