These past three days have been full of drama. My wife brought a maid to the house for me to interview and decide whether to take her or not. After the interview, I told her without mincing words that I didn't want the maid. For the past three days she hasn't said a word to me. Will I see temptation right in front of me and embrace it? Pls, do I backdown or stand my ground. Advice pls

'/'/

so that his wife will now begin to lecture him on how he cannot control his libido? guy tell her you don't want the maid and thats period

'/'/

chaircover:
Sit your wife down and tell her exactly what you have said here; that should do the trick because no sane wife will want to share their hubby with their maid.

You're saying I should tell the maid is too well spoken and cute for the job or that I don't trust my libido? Why can't she just make do with a simple ' I don't want this maid' statement?

'/'/

Chaircover, thanks.
My problem's not telling her how I really feel abt the maid, my problem's the future and her perception of me. I don't want her getting worried, and start imagining what I'll be doing with the secretary in the office or my female colleagues etc I want my wife to be able to read btw the lines. Is that too much to ask?

'/'/

@OP -

If you do not want the maid because of your shortcomings as a man, and your inability to control yourself,  the least you can do is inform your wife of the reason why you do not want the maid in the house. Why should she do with " i do not want the maid", when no other reason is given? Is your wife a prophet? That she should be able to read your mind? It is just simple courtesy and respect to inform your wife why you are taking the decision.

The issue of her getting worried is really a nonstarter, because if you have a problem - an inability to control yourself (which you have attested to), then your wife SHOULD be worried.  So will you ask your boss to sack your female colleague - cos she's well spoken and fine? Or you wont employ a secretary because of the same reasons- though she's the best for the job?

At least if you cant be honest, change the reason, but give her a reason!

@Romeo
Your contribution at some point is highly uncalled for. I am faithful to my wife. If I sleep around or anything of such do u think I'll bother abt my maid?! The atmosphere in my office is completely different. At home, it's just me and the maid when my wife goes to work, particularly on days that I'm off. I am a very proactive fellow.

^^^ No offense intended. I have simply highlighted what you said about yourself. Here are your words - "You're saying I should tell the maid is too well spoken and cute for the job or that I don't trust my libido?"

Since you are bothered about telling your wife the real reason behind your No, its better you cook something up that would be pleasant to her ears.

Well, didn't mean it like that, but the truth be told, is there any man born of woman that can boast of having a perfect control of his AP? Learning to control ur circumstance, not putting urself in very tempting environment/situation is the best way to control the AP, which is what I do and I'm doing in this situation.

@dami paul, it's called "compromise". Sit down with your wife and tell her why u feel strongly against hiring that particular house maid. If she insists, reach a compromise. Go along with it but she has to agree that if the maid makes even the slightest mistake, she's out the door. Believe me, in the first day, she will fumble. This way, u get peace back in your home.
i can't help but wonder why your wife asked for your input in the hiring if she was going to cop an attitude when u said no. 
if i might ask, what exactly is it about this maid that made you say no?

pslm23:

@dami paul, it's called "compromise". Sit down with your wife and tell her why u feel strongly against hiring that particular house maid. If she insists, reach a compromise. Go along with it but she has to agree that if the maid makes even the slightest mistake, she's out the door. Believe me, in the first day, she will fumble. This way, u get peace back in your home.
i can't help but wonder why your wife asked for your input in the hiring if she was going to cop an attitude when u said no.
if i might ask, what exactly is it about this maid that made you say no?

Shes too cute and too sexy.

At least hes being honest. Dont tell your wife the real reason that will cause hell. ignore her she will get over it. you have a good heart some guys wouldnt think twice

LadyT:


Shes too cute and too sexy.

At least hes being honest. Dont tell your wife the real reason that will cause hell. ignore her she will get over it. you have a good heart some guys wouldnt think twice

ah ah! which woman in her right mind wld hire a cute and sexy girl as housemaid? has she not seen or heard of instances where housemaid "carry belle" for oga? (no offense to dami paul. i'm not saying u r like that or u intend to give her belle)
My mother only hired women that were in their late 60s, menopausal and with a few teeth missing as maids as long as they were still healthy and strong enough to take care of some chores as well as caring for us kids. (our maids were wicked to us sha) and it worked out well even though that didn't stop my dad from knocking his secretary up 

Since LadyT wants me to spill, spill I will.
The girl's 18,just got out of High Sch, she has a fine phone (how did she get it,knowing that her family's, ),she speaks good English (must confess that's a plus though), she kept smiling (wouldn't say sexily, mayb something close to it) throughout our conversation, she's not so beautiful but on a whole, she can pass for 'fine', her confidence is another matter completely (even in my presence), I'm a guy, abeg I no want that girl.

'/'/

dami_paul:

Since LadyT wants me to spill, spill I will.
The girl's 18,just got out of High Sch, she has a fine phone (how did she get it,knowing that her family's, ),she speaks good English (must confess that's a plus though), she kept smiling (wouldn't say sexily, mayb something close to it) throughout our conversation, she's not so beautiful but on a whole, she can pass for 'fine', her confidence is another matter completely (even in my presence),  I'm a guy, abeg I no want that girl.

Cool . . . trying to apportion blames to the girl for being who she is rather than dealing with your problem which is YOU.
So what happens when u step outta the door and jam other 18 yr olds,fresh out of high sch,bubbling and fresh,has a smile that rivals Cheshire cats own perm. on the face and oozes with confidence?
    You have to decide to stay faithful to your wife.Btwn,are u not getting enough se.x from your wife or your T.J just loves to explore and go on adventure?

Nairaland! Thanks for the contributions

^Hahaha.
UW Oga.
Ok,on a lighter note,work on controlling ur T.J.

Coughs, I'm not tryin to defend myself or anything, we all have our pasts and our short comings. Just like I said earlier, my work,church, etc atmosphere is different from my house's. The maid will be staying with us! She get's to open d gate for me to drive in, take my briefcase from me etc when my wife's not around. It's different at work, it's different at recreational centers. My eyes could honestly wander for a while (don't criticize me for being honest) but the memory soon fades away. The mind is very dangerous thing, it plays a lot of tricks.

dami_paul:

Coughs,  I'm not tryin to defend myself or anything, we all have our pasts and our short comings. Just like I said earlier, my work,church, etc atmosphere is different from my house's. The maid will be staying with us! She get's to open d gate for me to drive in, take my briefcase from me etc when my wife's not around. It's different at work, it's different at recreational centers. My eyes could honestly wander for a while (don't criticize me for being honest) but the memory soon fades away. The mind is very dangerous thing, it plays a lot of tricks.

Aiight.
See what u typed here now,just sit your wife down and tell her exactly same thing.I believe she wud appreciate your honesty,understand that u as a guy needs to be aided constantly to stay on the right track and more importantly help u overcome your weakness.
It might put her in the panic mode for sometime though but heck,the issue here is that the problem is trashed out once and for all.
Goodluck

See women and wahala! This man does not want the girl period. Why has the wife not looked for another girl in 3 days?

Knowing women they just want the man to say in so that they can sulk for eternity. Dont give in brother!!!

Na wa oh . . .  MEN!

Now this 'maid' from what I can gather is neat, lively, pleasant and speaks good English! Who wouldn't want her The woman peobably doesn't want someone who'll corrupt her children with 'I dey come' language! And yet, this poster can't keep his libido in check!

@ poster let me ask you?

Are you going to find another person with the same qualifications for your wife? I think if you are turning her down, your poor wife deserves more than 'I don't like her' . . . .  Can you just not think about yourself for once?

I mean if I were you, I'd be ashamed too for having the hots for your teenage prospective househelp! But hey, do what is right here and find something reasonable to tell your wife!    

ping pong:

See women and wahala! This man does not want the girl period. Why has the wife not looked for another girl in 3 days?

Don't be so insensitive! Do you know what it takes to get a good househelp? One that you spirit accepts?

You can ask the poster for how long they've being sercahing. And now that they've finally found one, he expects his wife to accept a misely 'I don't want her' . . .

chaircover:

You see, the more I think about this, the more it bothers me.

OK so you have a choice with the maid and you can refuse to hire her. But what about instances where you don't have a choice; work colleagues, female relatives of your wife, your neighbor, customers etc. What do you do? do you walk around with your eyes closed?

On one of the threads here, a man got his wifes elder sister pregnant. I am not saying that you are that kind of man, but truly truly you should be able to control yourself.

At the end of the day, she is your maid; you are the employer and she is the employee and no amount of grammar or smiles etc should sway you. She was probably smiling because she was nervous. I interveiw too and I see all sorts.

What you need to do is to put yourself in a position of authority and you keep it that way & if she steps over the boundary, you immediately send her packing. Most of these girls who try it on, would have already sussed it out that their oga is game.

. . . . and as Pslm23 pointed out, an man that will stray will stray irrespective of how many closed doors facing him, so Mr, I think you should work on yourself first.

You are right CC.

I remember when I was about to do my IT, I went to a privately owned pharmarcy run by a husband and wife and the wife autamatically took to me . . . was ready to give me the job on the spot. Hubby on the other hand was hesitant, said he wasn't sure I was suitable for the job and told me to go and wait for his feedback.

Only for him to call me later in the day to say he was attracted to me and wanted to have an affair. Of course he didn't want me working for them, just wanted me all to himself!

Funny . . . I wonder what he told his wife!

abeg save yourself you are badly attracted to the maid even maids that are not cute men still have a way of falling for them talk more of one that is cute and you will be together in diff situations drive her farrrrrrr away cook up a story and tell wifey something you a man you guys do it all the time, well most men do it all the time.

telling her the truth does not sound so good to me even though it looks like the rt step to take your wife will not be wrong in future for suspecting you anytime she sees a neat gal ard you.Nothing has happened and if you want to keep the waters still you will cook up an excuse your wife will be happy with.

@ulujoan - And you think the man's spirit agrees with D girl abi? The woman knows D reason, lets not deceive ourselves.

There is relative peace in that house now, the moment he gives his reason, there will be turmoil. I know women that much

So how's he gonna say it. "Honey that girl too set and e be like say I fit do bla bla " next call Pastor for deliverance