Kobojunkie:

OK, there we agree.

It's just that I think a lot of us know what this "training for marriage" thing is. I mean you go to, say a village in the Eastern/Northern Part of the country for instance(anyone who takes this as an ethnic attack is a class A mor0n) and you find cases of girls being trained and talk to of how what they do wrong as kids, or do not get right as children, will affect their marriages. In the north, girls are almost often groomed for marriage. When you try to engage them, they don't seem to function outside of that mindset.

So your logic is that because training of marriage is poor, you would rather abandon it completely than improve it?

Is that some Koboizen-Zero Sigma process I have never heard of.

Sagamite:

You claim people cannot teach about marriage and relationship because they don't know it themselves.

So you are saying there are no people that know about marriage and relationships in this world?

Is that not delusion?

um . . I didn't make such a claim.

Kobojunkie:

What magic? Training your child in something you [size=14pt]probably [/size]don't even have a good handle on in your case, is far more critical than training your child on common sense ways to handle all things as they come[size=13pt]? [/size]

Of course many of the mother's training their kids for marriage are themselves not in great marriages -- many of them are abandoned mothers, others in bad relationships, and some think they have the greatest marriage ever.

Kobojunkie: um . . I didn't make such a claim.

Of course many of the mother's training their kids for marriage are themselves not in great marriages -- many of them are abandoned mothers, others in bad relationships, and some think they have the greatest marriage ever.

What do you mean you did not make such a claim?

You said people should train their kids for life but should not train them for marriage.

So you assumed people know and are successful in life and can teach it, while on the other hand you assumed people do not know and are not successful in marriage so cannot teach it and should not bother.

Those are useless asssumptions aint they?

Sagamite:

So your logic is that because training of marriage is poor, you would rather abandon it completely than improve it?

Is that some Koboizen-Zero Sigma process I have never heard of.

So, in your mind, teaching all girls, and boys, equally, critical thinking skills, instilling common sense ideals in to them is not a way of improving on anything?

Kobojunkie:

OK, there we agree.

It's just that I think a lot of us know what this "training for marriage" thing is. I mean you go to, say a village in the Eastern/Northern Part of the country for instance(anyone who takes this as an ethnic attack is a class A mor0n) and you find cases of girls being trained and talk to of how what they do wrong as kids, or do not get right as children, will affect their marriages. In the north, girls are almost often groomed for marriage. When you try to engage them, they don't seem to function outside of that mindset.

I got that from your answer. Despite the fact that I live in the west, I am still amazed at the number of girls who are "trained for marriage" to an extent that they cannot picture any other ambition for their lives. Little girls are praised for taking care of their dolls and being peaceful (i.e. quiet) while little boys are encouraged to take risks and play rough. You go to a park and see parents let their boys climb everywhere without worrying much, but when the younger sister tries the same thing they call her back "baby, you're gonna hurt yourself, come and play house".
What I mean is that, even though I wouldn't compare the condition of women in the north of nigeria with those of their counterparts in the west, there is still a long way to go to get rid of this traditional "training for marriage" thing.

Kobojunkie:

So, in your mind, teaching all girls, and boys, equally, critical thinking skills, instilling common sense ideals in to them is not a way of improving on anything?

You said people should not teach their kids about marriage because it does not work?

Is that an improvement process in the Koboizen-Zero Sigma masterclass?

Miss_Ife:

I got that from your answer. Despite the fact that I live in the west, I am still amazed at the number of girls who are "trained for marriage" to an extent that they cannot picture any other ambition for their lives. Little girls are praised for taking care of their dolls and being peaceful (i.e. quiet) while little boys are encouraged to take risks and play rough. You go to a park and see parents let their boys climb everywhere without worrying much, but when the younger sister tries the same thing they call her back "baby, you're gonna hurt yourself, come and play house".
What I mean is that, even though I wouldn't compare the condition of women in the north of nigeria with those of their counterparts in the west, there is still a long way to go to get rid of this traditional "training for marriage" thing.

I agree.

I will also say women in the north deserve liberation from all those shackles. Those kids blowing themselves up in the north, were raised by women, and men. I particularly like to blame mothers for the way their kids turn out because I have seen my share of mothers who need HELP.

P.S. I am not a feminist. I just believe that when common sense is applied(across the board even), in most cases, we all benefit.

Sagamite:

You said people should not teach their kids about marriage because it does not work?

Is that an improvement process in the Koboizen-Zero Sigma masterclass?

No one said don't teach your kids ABOUT Marriage. In most cases, you don't need to because you are teaching them ABOUT even without knowing it, in the way you handle yours.

Miss_Ife:

I got that from your answer. Despite the fact that I live in the west, I am still amazed at the number of girls who are "trained for marriage" to an extent that they cannot picture any other ambition for their lives. Little girls are praised for taking care of their dolls and being peaceful (i.e. quiet) while little boys are encouraged to take risks and play rough. You go to a park and see parents let their boys climb everywhere without worrying much, but when the younger sister tries the same thing they call her back "baby, you're gonna hurt yourself, come and play house".
What I mean is that, even though I wouldn't compare the condition of women in the north of nigeria with those of their counterparts in the west, there is still a long way to go to get rid of this traditional "training for marriage" thing.

I will caution you about the example you gave.

Even though I am die hard advocate of freedom of choice for EVERYONE.

If you go through my historical posts, you will I have always advocated women should be free to make a choice about their lives.

If she wants to face her career and leave house work to the husband, I am all for her freedom to do that.

I just want my own freedom to say she is not the one for me too. Because awa Alpha Male ni wa (I am an Alpha Male)!

I love facts, reality and objectivity with a sick passion.

Now in the example you gave, if both the boy and girl fall and scar their faces, who do you think would lose out more in future.

Lets face the realities of life sometimes and manage things with sensibility not emotions.

I get your logic but I think that example was not apt!

Kobojunkie:

No one said don't teach your kids ABOUT Marriage. In most cases, you don't need to because you are teaching them ABOUT even without knowing it, in the way you handle yours.

Oh!

Really?

Now we are for teaching kids marriage?

So when I said girls should be taught about marriage and also boys should too, I was fcking right and demonstrating fabulous intellect?

Now, lets move to the second part. Explain to me, what proportion of people are intelligent enough about life and know about life to be able to teach their kids?

I keep on saying it. I keep on telling people.

Mo ma n so fun yin pe logic flow ninu veins me. E fe gba gbo. Lojo Sunday! Ojo Oluwa!

(I keep telling you people logic flows in my veins. You refuse to believe. On a Sunday! The day of the Lord!)

Kobo da mi lowun! (Answer me)

How do I da e lowun when I have no idea where you are taking the discussion?

Kobojunkie: How do I da e lowun when I have no idea where you are taking the discussion?

Easy questions!

If you can understand me when I said this:

https://www.nairaland.com/1012348/parents-how-teach-daughters-self-esteem/6#11772431

You can understand this:


Really?

Now we are for teaching kids marriage?

So when I said girls should be taught about marriage and also boys should too, I was fcking right and demonstrating fabulous intellect?

Now, lets move to the second part. Explain to me, what proportion of people are intelligent enough about life and know about life to be able to teach their kids?

Answer the questions.

Sagamite:

Oh!

Really?

Now we are for teaching kids marriage?

So when I said girls should be taught about marriage and also boys should too, I was fcking right and demonstrating fabulous intellect?

Now, lets move to the second part. Explain to me, what proportion of people are intelligent enough about life and know about life to be able to teach their kids?

I did not say to teach kids marriage . . you cannot do that because again, there are no one-solution-for-all when it comes to marriage/relationship etc. And teaching kids [b]ABOUT [/b]marriage is not the same as teaching kids marriage.

Kobojunkie:

No one said don't teach your kids [b]ABOUT [/b]Marriage. In most cases, you don't need to because you are teaching them [b]ABOUT [/b]even without knowing it, in the way you handle yours.

Kids are not all dumb . . when they see their mum and dad live and sleep together, and that they are referred to as husband and wife, they kind of figure out that is probably a bit of what marriage is about.

Kobojunkie:

I did not say to teach kids marriage . . you cannot do that because again, there are no one-solution-for-all when it comes to marriage/relationship etc. And teaching kids [b]ABOUT [/b]marriage is not the same as teaching kids marriage.

Kids are not all dumb . . when they see their mum and dad live and sleep together, and that they are referred to as husband and wife, they kind of figure out that is probably a bit of what marriage is about.

Oh, really?

As in, really?

So there is one-solution-for-all when it comes to life?

Sho mi-e the la-i-ty o, Kobo!

Show me that one solution, jowor!

When my babalawo in Sagamu wanted to sell me that solution, I said No because I thought he just wanted to milk extra money from me. I did not know it was real.

It is 6 am. I have a ride in 3.5 hours. Need to get some sleep before then.

What is being argued here is train (I really don't like that word training but for lack of a better word at the moment, I'll go with it) a child for LIFE e.g how to be leveled headed in the middle of crisis, how to be a conscientious person in everything you do, how how to be self confident yet humble, respect people because they are human beings and not because they woman or man, understand that not everyone will agree with what you do, so don't take it personally, respect yourself etc prepares that child for ALL the other facet of life. . .marriage, work, friendship etc.

I like to look at it in terms being General Practice Doctor vs Specialized Doctor. You can walk into a GP's office with anything ranging from ear problem to toe problem, unlike say an OBGYN. Training a child for LIFE is training them to be a GENERAL PRACTITIONER while training them for MARRIAGE is training them for just one aspect of life.

Kobo you are absolutely right about the training for marriage in the North, I have friends who by the time we turned 10 had already horned in their marriage skills. Everything they did was towards that goal. . .I mean something as simple as serving a man food. My best friend's mom would make a big production about how her daughter served, she didn't do this, she used her left hand, she took too long bringing water for washing hand. . .yet the same woman didn't think it anything when my friend stumped her feet or took her time getting up when her grandmother asks her to bring her food.

My mom taught me how to serve food too but my lessons weren't just for men. . .It was for everybody and woe betide me to act all grumbly and shite because I had to run an errand for someone, I would regret the day I was born. Choi! I remember the the day I mistakenly (okay not mistakenly) slammed the door because my aunt told me to get something for her (in my defense, she had sent me to the kitchen 3 freaking times, back to back to back. . .first bring cup, I brought it, I had not even sat down when she said oh she needed an extra plate, got that for and next it was oh she forgot, the water is too cold, get her warm water so she can dilute it) so I got up stumped my feet and slammed the door. . .I tell ya, that day I was convinced my mom wasn't my mom. . .the way she dealt with me. I was so sure she picked me up somewhere because I thought no mother who loved her child would deal with me the way she did. Anyway my point is,I know how to be respectful to PEOPLE as opposed to a "subset" of the human race. . .i.e men.

Prepare a child for LIFE (and let the lessons be based on reality as opposed to fairy tales) and they will be better equipped to deal with whatever is thrown their way (and more often than not, this includes marriage).

Disclaimer
I am not saying one type of doctor is smarter than the other. . .one is just better equipped to deal with the randomness of day to day injuries.

@Sagamite
I'm not against marriage. In fact I would cherish companionship from that one person. My mum's parents died so early, and she tells us it's the little values she learned from her mum, that is what she carried to her own marriage. Nobody sat her down to say 'ehn these are the basics on marriage or we are training you for marriage'. My parents trained me to be a well grounded human being that wherever I find myself I would be able to handle the situation. This is not to say she wont lecture me when I'm getting married.

Sagamite:

Easy questions!

If you can understand me when I said this:

https://www.nairaland.com/1012348/parents-how-teach-daughters-self-esteem/6#11772431

You can understand this:


Really?

Now we are for teaching kids marriage?

So when I said girls should be taught about marriage and also boys should too, I was fcking right and demonstrating fabulous intellect?

Now, lets move to the second part. Explain to me, what proportion of people are intelligent enough about life and know about life to be able to teach their kids?

Answer the questions.

Okay okay okay! Sagamumu, you are intelligent. In fact, you are fabulous paapaa. You want me to validate you, okay, I will. You are phocking intelligent. Now, you go out there and act like one intelligent mo'afucker, instead of acting like a coward here online. Dont allow those biatches in real life London to tell you you are a nobody. You are from Sagamu, the land of infinite untarred roads; of mud houses with thatched roofs; of unpainted homes; of corrupt politicians; of OPC; of babalawos and mamalawos; of substandard secondary schools and universities. Sagamumu if you know what you are worth prove it in real life, but be ready to take the hits though because in real life there is no Google and no spell checker.

iragbijile:

Okay okay okay! Sagamumu, you are intelligent. In fact, you are fabulous paapaa. You want me to validate you, okay, I will. You are phocking intelligent. Now, you go out there and act like one intelligent mo'afucker, instead of acting like a coward here online. Dont allow those biatches in real life London to tell you you are a nobody. You are from Sagamu, the land of infinite untarred roads; of mud houses with thatched roofs; of unpainted homes; of corrupt politicians; of OPC; of babalawos and mamalawos; of substandard secondary schools and universities. Sagamumu if you know what you are worth prove it in real life, but be ready to take the hits though because in real life there is no Google and no spell checker.

Keep on working hard to annoy me!

Come on, cretin! You can do it.

In Sagamu, we have CEMENT/LIMESTONE! What do you have in your village? Oloshi.

stillwater: @Sagamite
I'm not against marriage. In fact I would cherish companionship from that one person. My mum's parents died so early, and she tells us it's the little values she learned from her mum, that is what she carried to her own marriage. Nobody sat her down to say 'ehn these are the basics on marriage or we are training you for marriage'. My parents trained me to be a well grounded human being that wherever I find myself I would be able to handle the situation. This is not to say she wont lecture me when I'm getting married.

Those hints are too strong men. Calm down, woman.

Ah, ha! You want all these to yourself?

Greedy!

It is not only you that wants Saga Saga. It is a scarce international market product.

@Sisi_Kill: Your mum was simply abusive, and you will abuse your children the same way. It explains a lot of things.

Seun: @Sisi_Kill: Your mum was simply abusive, and you will abuse your children the same way. It explains a lot of things.

Rotflmaooooooo!!!

Seun, your comment is funny, uncalled, for but funny!!

Carry with ya bad sef oh jare!!!

Seun: @Sisi_Kill: Your mum was simply abusive, and you will abuse your children the same way. It explains a lot of things.

abusive? so seun also buys into the pathetic political correctness? if you weren't thrashed in school, i am sure you would have been an armed robber or a political tout as we speak!
i thank my parents for drilling hard discipline into me - i was such a rebellious child but they made me bend!

Sagamite:

Keep on working hard to annoy me!

Come on, cretin! You can do it.

In Sagamu, we have CEMENT/LIMESTONE! What do you have in your village? Oloshi.

My village? You really want to go there? Two words: THE SOURCE

The source of everything. Sagamu aint got nothing on my village.

Sisi_Kill: I like to look at it in terms being General Practice Doctor vs Specialized Doctor. You can walk into a GP's office with anything ranging from ear problem to toe problem, unlike say an OBGYN. Training a child for LIFE is training them to be a GENERAL PRACTITIONER while training them for MARRIAGE is training them for just one aspect of life.

Shoot!! You beat me to it. Actually, I was going to use the human body as my example but I thought it would be too . . ..

Yeah, I agree.

iragbijile:

My village? You really want to go there? One word: THE SOURCE

The source of everything. Sagamu aint got nothing on my village.

where's the source?

coogar:

abusive? so seun also buys into the pathetic political correctness? if you weren't thrashed in school, i am sure you would have been an armed robber or a political tout as we speak!
i thank my parents for drilling hard discipline into me - i was such a rebellious child but they made me bend!

Oh Coogar don't be hard on Seun. Yes I know on the surface, it looks like he passed judgement about my mom's parenting skills based on a fleeting mention in one innocuous comment but that's not true. . .not true at all!!

Seun, I know we said we will keep this under wraps, so that people won't think you give me special treatment but I can't stand by and watch them malign you, call you bad names. No sir, I will not sit back while someone cast aspersions on your character because of an innocuous comment you made.

I will not look away and let people wonder why you would make such an insulting comment about a woman you don't know. No waaaay jose, I want them to know the real deal, I want them to know you are not that kinda person, that you are better than that. You say things only one you have a strong ground for saying them. You can't stop me ooooh! So don't even bother!!!!!


*Clears Throat*
Everyone. . .the truth is Seun and I are COUSINS!!!! Yep, we grew up together which means he is in an excellent position to know exactly the kind of woman my momma was. . .is. . whatever. Therefore his comment did not come out of nowhere and certainly wasn't rude.

So y'all free him, please!!

Thank you!

Sisi_Kill:
Oh Coogar don't be hard on Seun. Yes I know on the surface, it looks like he passed judgement about my mom's parenting skills based on a fleeting mention in one innocuous comment but that's not true. . .not true at all!!

seun is the ceo of nairaland - probably the biggest nigerian website on the planet. he has to pretend so as not to look like he supports the use of the cane on kids. seun schooled in osun state where whipping kids happens more than solving equations. the punishment for the slightest misbehaviour in his school is uprooting palmtrees with bare arms. without those hard drills he encountered, would seun be what he is today!

Seun: @Sisi_Kill: Your mum was simply abusive, and you will abuse your children the same way. It explains a lot of things.

hmmm i could not agree more

Sagamite: I keep on saying it. I keep on telling people.

Mo ma n so fun yin pe logic flow ninu veins me. E fe gba gbo. Lojo Sunday! Ojo Oluwa!

(I keep telling you people logic flows in my veins. You refuse to believe. On a Sunday! The day of the Lord!)

Kobo da mi lowun! (Answer me)

Saga you making the most sense on this thread ooo, your realistic and have knowledge on what it takes to survive in the "real world".

coogar:

seun is the ceo of nairaland - probably the biggest nigerian website on the planet. he has to pretend so as not to look like he supports the use of the cane on kids. seun schooled in osun state where whipping kids happens more than solving equations. the punishment for the slightest misbehaviour in his school is uprooting palmtrees with bare arms. without those hard drills he encountered, would seun be what he is today!

Dude! I am telling you that this is not about being PC! Seun has more integrity than that, he won't say anything just to please others. Nope, he is a stand up guy he knows what he says and he says what he knows without fear of what may come.