Sisi_Kill:

Dude! I am telling you that this is not about being PC! Seun has more integrity than that, he won't say anything just to please others. Nope, he is a stand up guy he knows what he says and he says what he knows without fear of what may come.

seun would lose his commercial deal with google if he gets too honest!

coogar:

seun would lose his commercial deal with google if he gets too honest!

Google Schmoogle. . .Our Seun don't need them. He makes the law!!

Sisi_Kill: What is being argued here is train (I really don't like that word training but for lack of a better word at the moment, I'll go with it) a child for LIFE e.g how to be leveled headed in the middle of crisis, how to be a conscientious person in everything you do, how how to be self confident yet humble, respect people because they are human beings and not because they woman or man, understand that not everyone will agree with what you do, so don't take it personally, respect yourself etc prepares that child for ALL the other facet of life. . .marriage, work, friendship etc.

I like to look at it in terms being General Practice Doctor vs Specialized Doctor. You can walk into a GP's office with anything ranging from ear problem to toe problem, unlike say an OBGYN. Training a child for LIFE is training them to be a GENERAL PRACTITIONER while training them for MARRIAGE is training them for just one aspect of life.

Kobo you are absolutely right about the training for marriage in the North, I have friends who by the time we turned 10 had already horned in their marriage skills. Everything they did was towards that goal. . .I mean something as simple as serving a man food. My best friend's mom would make a big production about how her daughter served, she didn't do this, she used her left hand, she took too long bringing water for washing hand. . .yet the same woman didn't think it anything when my friend stumped her feet or took her time getting up when her grandmother asks her to bring her food.

[b]My mom taught me how to serve food too but my lessons weren't just for men. . .It was for everybody and woe betide me to act all grumbly and shite because I had to run an errand for someone, I would regret the day I was born. Choi! I remember the the day I mistakenly (okay not mistakenly) slammed the door because my aunt told me to get something for her (in my defense, she had sent me to the kitchen 3 freaking times, back to back to back. . .first bring cup, I brought it, I had not even sat down when she said oh she needed an extra plate, got that for and next it was oh she forgot, the water is too cold, get her warm water so she can dilute it) so I got up stumped my feet and slammed the door. . .I tell ya, that day I was convinced my mom wasn't my mom. . .the way she dealt with me. I was so sure she picked me up somewhere because I thought no mother who loved her child would deal with me the way she did. Anyway my point is,I know how to be respectful to PEOPLE as opposed to a "subset" of the human race. . .i.e men.
[/b]

Hmmm!
Interesting and enlightening story.

@sisi=kill, you are speaking like a real down to earth kinda naija brought up gal. I tell you those are the values we have thrown to the dogs in the quest for westernization that has brought up most of the ills in society. Yes we can and should pick the good out of western values, we should be wise enough to keep our own great values as well. I have friends who have vowed to instill naija values and etiquette in their kids though they live abroad. Now that is what I call having the best of the 2 worlds!

smartmom: @sisi=kill, you are speaking like a real down to earth kinda naija brought up gal. I tell you those are the values we have thrown to the dogs in the quest for westernization that has brought up most of the ills in society. Yes we can and should pick the good out of western values, we should be wise enough to keep our own great values as well. I have friends who have vowed to instill naija values and etiquette in their kids though they live abroad. Now that is what I call having the best of the 2 worlds!

yes. it is okay to instill those values. But please, not the one that involves beating a child to a pulp

smartmom: @sisi=kill, you are speaking like a real down to earth kinda naija brought up gal. I tell you those are the values we have thrown to the dogs in the quest for westernization that has brought up most of the ills in society. Yes we can and should pick the good out of western values, we should be wise enough to keep our own great values as well. I have friends who have vowed to instill naija values and etiquette in their kids though they live abroad. Now that is what I call having the best of the 2 worlds!

Which values are "NIGERIAN VALUES"? Name 3

Errrr. . . what am I missing here? Who said anything about being beaten to a pulp?

Kobojunkie:

Which values are "NIGERIAN VALUES"? Name 3

me i wonder o!

people need to stop this western thing - if ur thinking everyone brings up their kids as if they are some family from the tv show shameless than a lot of people are mistaken - people go on as if the people that commit kidnapping, armed robbery, prostitution in nigeria did not have those najia values instilled in them.

cotton101:

me i wonder o!

people need to stop this western thing - if ur thinking everyone brings up their kids as if they are some family from the tv show shameless than a lot of people are mistaken - people go on as if the people that commit kidnapping, armed robbery, prostitution in nigeria did not have those najia values instilled in them.

Don't mind them. There is no difference between Nigerian culture and the white peoples culture. We should all be like the white man you. By the way how many kids do you have now and from how many fathers?

cotton101:

me i wonder o!

people need to stop this western thing - if ur thinking everyone brings up their kids as if they are some family from the tv show shameless than a lot of people are mistaken - people go on as if the people that commit kidnapping, armed robbery, prostitution in nigeria did not have those najia values instilled in them.

I am really interested in knowing the values that people claim are Nigerian cause it blows my mind that many believe there is more morality attached to being Nigerian than of any other group. I can't see it and I obviously need some help seeing these "Nigerian Values" people speak of.

Kobojunkie:

Which values are "NIGERIAN VALUES"? Name 3

In Nigeria, you do NOT tell your father he is stupid even if you believe he is not so smart, in Nigeria, when your elders ask you to run errands you do it, you are expected to be responsible enough to your family and not turn your back on the needs of your aged parents. While we advocate a freedom of expression in our kids so they develop a healthy sense of self esteem, they do NOT overstep the boundaries of human relations and become rude and misfits in society. If you see an older person, you treat them with courtesy and respect and I tell you these simple but vital qualities are beginning to be scarce in the quest for foreign values.
One does not even need to beat a child at all if boundaries are set early enough and worked out with a child. A child with dignity will strive to maintain a cordial relationship with the parent and will not require a cane to behave well.

smartmom:
In Nigeria, you do NOT tell your father he is stupid even if you believe he is not so smart, in Nigeria, when your elders ask you to run errands you do it, you are expected to be responsible enough to your family and not turn your back on the needs of your aged parents. While we advocate a freedom of expression in our kids so they develop a healthy sense of self esteem, they do NOT overstep the boundaries of human relations and become rude and misfits in society. If you see an older person, you treat them with courtesy and respect and I tell you these simple but vital qualities are beginning to be scarce in the quest for foreign values.

Interesting, Cause the last time I checked, you have RUDE kids in Nigeria as well as in western world. And then you also have the kids who do not talk back to their elders ON BOTH SIDES. How did you come about labeling this one a "NIGERIAN VALUE".

And I think it is rather insincere to declare that all kids in the West talk back to their elders. Some of the most respectful people I know here are westerners. And another thing is adults here are more relaxed when it comes to requiring the younglings respect them. Many of them would rather they EARN that respect, and for others they would prefer the younger ones engage them directly and more honestly, something completely different from what you get in parts of Nigeria.

I was having a chat with a woman in church the other day, she said, she has never understood how in the Yoruba tribe, that even when a child is insulting his elder, people still assume he is being respectful because he is using the phrase "eyin" to address the other party.

smartmom:
One does not even need to beat a child at all if boundaries are set early enough and worked out with a child. A child with dignity will strive to maintain a cordial relationship with the parent and will not require a cane to behave well.

Yet so many kids are manhandled on a regular basis in Nigeria by their parents many of whom, I suppose work to instill these your "Nigerian Values" as the norm down there ?

Same reason why what we call or see as good training is now labelled 'child labour'. Methinks its alot of crap, you ask your child to do the dishes and he tells you its child labour. When we were growing up, everybody had duties or chores to do daily and I tell you it helped to shape up our sense of responsibility. Yes we do need those values in place Kobojunkie!

See more on this here too;

http://www.nigerianparentsforum.com/index.php?topic=57.0

enaye1[b:
]Same reason why what we call or see as good training is now labelled 'child labour'. Methinks its alot of crap, you ask your child to do the dishes and he tells you its child labour.[/b] When we were growing up, everybody had duties or chores to do daily and I tell you it helped to shape up our sense of responsibility. Yes we do need those values in place Kobojunkie!

See more on this here too;

http://www.nigerianparentsforum.com/index.php?topic=57.0

I'm sorry but that's not on the kids but the parents who let's them get away with it. Why is doing the dishes even up for debate to the point where a child has a defense?? Shouldn't that be a given?

enaye1: Same reason why what we call or see as good training is now labelled 'child labour'. Methinks its alot of crap, you ask your child to do the dishes and he tells you its child labour. When we were growing up, everybody had duties or chores to do daily and I tell you it helped to shape up our sense of responsibility. Yes we do need those values in place Kobojunkie!

See more on this here too;

http://www.nigerianparentsforum.com/index.php?topic=57.0

um . . . doing chores = Child labor? that one is foreign to me. My neigbbor's 8 year old even mows the lawn. I don't know what the heck that one is about oo.

Sisi_Kill:

I'm sorry but that's not on the kids but the parents who let's them get away with it. Why is doing the dishes even up for debate to the point where a child has a defense?? Shouldn't that be a given?

Abi ooo!! What the heck?

Sisi_Kill: Errrr. . . what am I missing here? Who said anything about being beaten to a pulp?

I wasnt necessarily referring to you. Just stating a point

OP,

I think you have a long way to go in changing the mentality of many naija female.

Check this section in the last few days and see the number of women who implicitly believe their responsibility is upon the man they marry even things like food, hairdo money etc. Is the responsibility of the men they marry.

They have been brought up to believe the man is their paycheck and must always give not out of his volition but compulsion.

So tell me any relationship in this world where one party is expected to take care of you and all your needs and where the other wont LORD it over?

The moment you give another person the responsibilty of fending for you, you lose every form of individuality.

Even its said He who pays the piper picks the tune

Sisi_Kill:

I'm sorry but that's not on the kids but the parents who let's them get away with it. Why is doing the dishes even up for debate to the point where a child has a defense?? Shouldn't that be a given?

Oho my point Sisi, its really outta hand I tell you.

Kobojunkie:

Interesting, Cause the last time I checked, you have RUDE kids in Nigeria as well as in western world. And then you also have the kids who do not talk back to their elders ON BOTH SIDES. How did you come about labeling this one a "NIGERIAN VALUE".

I was having a chat with a woman in church the other day, she said, she has never understood how in the Yoruba tribe, that even when a child is insulting his elder, people still assume he is being respectful because he is using the phrase "eyin" to address the other party.

This has become so as a result of parents accepting that its cute and 'western' for kids to be rude.


Yet so many kids are manhandled on a regular basis in Nigeria by their parents many of whom, I suppose work to instill these your "Nigerian Values" as the norm?

This has become so as a result of parents accepting that its cute and 'western' for kids to be rude.

child labour all the way o - i had my one year old carry a bag of the grocery shopping - na wah for child labour I think one has been watching too many sit coms cos the friends I have here in the uk are still scared of their parents and we are grown women o! eh even at my age i still fear a slap from my mother if i even attempt to answer back or question her.

Look I work with "western" people and when the ones from a certain type of background tell u how they brought up their kids u would even think naija parents are chilled self - all this eastenders people are watching makes people think all kids here are rude to their parents - my daughter already knows my look.

smartmom:

Oho my point Sisi, its really outta hand I tell you.

This has become so as a result of parents accepting that its cute and 'western' for kids to be rude.

I vehemently disagree withe the above assertion.

What parents are accepting its cute and 'western' for kids to be rude? When I wrote what I wrote, I was not thinking even of recent experiences but my experience when I went to the village back in the early 80's. I was actually thinking of how rude the kids in the village, with mostly uneducated parents were. Something I did not expect considering the many stories of how those in the village are more traditional and cultural than we city folks were. I was utterly disappointed by what I saw. I felt I had been lied to about Nigerian culture and values.

Kobojunkie:

I vehemently disagree withe the above assertion.

What parents are accepting its cute and 'western' for kids to be rude? When I wrote what I wrote, I was not thinking even of recent experiences but my experience when I went to the village back in the early 80's. I was actually thinking of how rude the kids in the village, with mostly uneducated parents were. Something I did not expect considering the many stories of how those in the village are more traditional and cultural than we city folks were. I was utterly disappointed by what I saw. I felt I had been lied to about Nigerian culture and values.

Matter of fact the most guilty of the 'colonial mentality' are the uneducated or half educated parents in the effort to be 'civilized'. I am not surprised that you find rude kids in the villages.

//

cotton101: child labour all the way o - i had my one year old carry a bag of the grocery shopping - na wah for child labour I think one has been watching too many sit coms cos the friends I have here in the uk are still scared of their parents and we are grown women o! eh even at my age i still fear a slap from my mother if i even attempt to answer back or question her.

Look I work with "western" people and when the ones from a certain type of background tell u how they brought up their kids u would even think naija parents are chilled self - all this eastenders people are watching makes people think all kids here are rude to their parents - my daughter already knows my look.

one year old already being 'abused'? no mind them, na you born ur pikin, train him the way you want him to turn out.
As for your daughter softly softly o! looovl, sounds like my mum with my naughty broda in those days!

smartmom:
Matter of fact the most guilty of the 'colonial mentality' are the uneducated or half educated parents in the effort to be 'civilized'. I am not surprised that you find rude kids in the villages.

What are you talking about now? You claim there are these "NIGERIAN VALUES" that exist somewhere out there. We know it cannot exist in the urban areas given that according to you, many of the parents there think it is cute to raise their kids the way you term as the "WESTERN" way. Then I tell you that in the villages you find equally rude kids, and now you declare that the kids there are rude because of "colonial mentality". Where in Nigeria do we then find examples of these "NIGERIAN VALUES" you speak of?

P.S. In some villages, people there actually think that those of them there are "PURE" compared to a lot of those who reside in villages. I have not been back in the village for a long time, but I can't wait to be told that because I have been abroad, I am completely "TAINTED". Language like that just cracks me the hell me the hell up.

chaircover: . . . .and to add another twist to it; a lot of the so called Naija "respect" that we are referring to is actually linked to wealth or or their perception of wealth/power.

You think a young kid will respect you if you fail to pay for your meal after eating or you overprice an item at the market, however You step put of a jeep in a boubou and you will be hearing ma ma ma/madam from people who are even much older than you.

my dear it is actually quite embarrassing when elders give you this respect cos of that perception of money.

chaircover: . . . .and to add another twist to it; a lot of the so called Naija "respect" that we are referring to is actually linked to wealth or or their perception of wealth/power.

Nigerian Value?

Kobojunkie:

Nigerian Value?

Don't let anyone fool you, the only value we have in naija is naira value

As I was saying earlier:

https://www.nairaland.com/367394/angry-black-woman-fact-myth/2#5198241

Kobojunkie:

What are you talking about now? You claim there are these "NIGERIAN VALUES" that exist somewhere out there. We know it cannot exist in the urban areas given that according to you, many of the parents there think it is cute to raise their kids the way you term as the "WESTERN" way. Then I tell you that in the villages you find equally rude kids, and now you declare that the kids there are rude because of "colonial mentality". Where in Nigeria do we then find examples of these "NIGERIAN VALUES" you speak of?

P.S. In some villages, people there actually think that those of them there are "PURE" compared to a lot of those who reside in villages. I have not been back in the village for a long time, but I can't wait to be told that because I have been abroad, I am completely "TAINTED". Language like that just cracks me the hell me the hell up.

What I am talking about is this; where ever you are located, you can instill the naija values if you appreciate it and you believe its of intrinsic value to you. It is not a location or 'çlass' thing. I have friends who raised their kids in the US and I tell you they considered it of value to teach them these values and those kids are cultured with all of the naija ethics. They are a perfect reflection of the parents' views on culture.

smartmom:

What I am talking about is this; where ever you are located, you can instill the naija values if you appreciate it and you believe its of intrinsic value to you. It is not a location or 'çlass' thing. I have friends who raised their kids in the US and I tell you they considered it of value to teach them these values and those kids are cultured with all of the naija ethics. They are a perfect reflection of the parents' views on culture.

You do realize that to this point, you have yet to explain what these "Nigerian Values" given that the examples you gave apply to even the west. So we would like know what this NIGERIA ONLY values are and where they can be found. If we cannot even witness these values anywhere, don't you think it makes sense to then assume they do not exist?

Sagamite:

Ah! Thank you o, my sister!

Tell them.

TELL THEM O!

I have been saying this for years.

Majority of Naija girls!

Awon weyree! Awon oloriburuku! Come open dem yeye mouth say "I want a man that will treat me good and worship my feet".

Anuofia! Na oloriburuku like dem dem deserve. Odikwa moorons!

LWKMD.......
Baba n la were ni bobo yii sha