chic2pimp:

LWKMD.......
Baba n la were ni bobo yii sha

naijababe:

Fact!

Sisi_Kill:
I don't think there's anyone. . .parent out there instilling the opposite of those things in their kids (westerners included).

Sisi_Kill: Good list Deols and you are right, those things are what we consider Nigerian values.[size=13pt] However, if we look deeper, we will see that they should be Human Being values (for lack of a better word).

I don't think there's anyone. . .parent out there instilling the opposite of those things in their kids (westerners included). We Nigerians just tend to be more vocal about it even when it is not being practiced and when our children fail, it is easier to blame an external forces instead of looking inward and assessing where we went wrong.[/size]

What is different between us and "the westerners" is that they don't bury their heads in the sand, they tackle the hard stuff which for us. . .is a No No! We don't talk about certain things, like sex, we would much rather pretend our children are chaste and they shall be for the rest of their lives. The mere mention of it sends us into a fit but reality is. . .the world is changing, even we don't talk about it, these kids are still going to find out about it one way or the other. Wouldn't you rather be in control of your child's first foray into dangerous territory?

If I had to say what the Naija value(s) is. . .I'd have to say Denial!

Sisi_Kill:
What is different between us and "the westerners" is that they don't bury their heads in the sand, they tackle the hard stuff which for us. . .is a No No! We don't talk about certain things, like sex, we would much rather pretend our children are chaste and they shall be for the rest of their lives. The mere mention of it sends us into a fit but reality is. . .the world is changing, even we don't talk about it, these kids are still going to find out about it one way or the other. Wouldn't you rather be in control of your child's first foray into dangerous territory?

Sagamite:

Yeah, westerners do.

When parents go and verbally or even physically attack teachers for punishing their child, they are saying do not respect your elders.

When parents are saying they are allowing their teenagers to have s[i]e[/i]x in the home "because they are going to do it anyway and we can't stop them, so why not let them do it at home where it is safer", they are encouraging promiscuity.

They are in moral melt-down (especially in the UK).

While it might be said that our Africa morals are not optimal themselves, at least the major contribution to ours is economic, theirs is based mainly on pure illogical, moronic, liberal, progressive-wannabe, idiotic philosophical choices.

As I always tell people, it is child abuse to raise your kid in the UK.

Sagamite:

Sometimes you make decisions in life based on experiences.

My parents (and all parents of close friends and associates I know) did not talk about sex with me/us, neither was it taught in school bar reproductive system in biology, and I (as well as friends) came out fine.

My parents did give me contraceptives though. It was an oral one. Basically it was "You do shyt, you are dead". It worked like peach for virtually all of us and has worked till this day for me to the very best of my knowledge (I am not aware of any child I have, I may just be ignorant sha). It was an era when parents were parents and not trying some lame "I want to be my child's BFF".

Yes, the world is changing, but not for the better, I need to change with the changing world but I will try and make it for the better.

Kobojunkie:

TELL THEM!!

Sisi_Kill:


Not long ago, I read an article about an Army officer going to beat up his son's teacher. . .If I remember correctly, the teacher ceased the boy's phone.

I'm not a real fan of using anecdotal evidence to prove a point but here goes. . .my nieces attend one of the better schools in Lagos and some time last year they called an emergency PTA meeting because one of the moms actually brought a cane to beat a teacher for punishing her daughter. What made the whole thing crazy was the fact that the school was going to let the teacher go just because the woman is one of the big moneybags in the school (they can always count on her for donations) the other parents made such a big stink about it the injustice of letting the poor teacher go just to please the witch, they decided to move the teacher to their annex school.

I can bet anything that their are more cases like that but they are being swept under the carpet because these teachers don't want to lose their jobs. There's no union to protect them, there aren't labor laws the can use to fight their cases. They have no choice but to take the ill treatment and move on.

As for the sex part, you need to go on twitter to see what these kids are doing. Wasn't it year one students going at each other's throat last year on twitter talking about who has effed who and where? If our kids. . .Nigerian kids are so protected by the Nigerian values our Universities won't be synonymous to whorehouses (or whatever the kids call them these days)

These things are happening, that we don't talk about them as openly as they do in the west does not mean they aren't. It is easier to quote stats in the west because they at least try to keep track of these things but we don't. . .I mean how do you keep track of something you have convinced yourself does not happen? So of course when the western Statistics are compared to the Nigerian no Stats at all. . .well, the conclusion is obvious but does it paint a true picture?

Sisi_Kill:

Seriously, we are saying the same thing really, my parents didn't tell me about sex either but then again I didn't have the internet at home, internet on the go, internet on the potty, readily accessible sex books and magazines like they do today.

Times are changing and yeah maybe not for the better but we have adapt to it and if it means sitting our children down to have the sex talk (even though we never had to have it with our parents) then that's what we gotta do.

chaircover: After yet another few days of heartbreaking threads where our ahhh's and e-hugs are too late for some people, I have decided that we should have a chat about catching this serious problem from the root.

After I lost my dad, I lost all self confidence and I used to be very shy and it wasn't until a change of environment, that the real me suddenly blossomed and things changed. I was only lucky I know and I could have easily ended up lamenting like many women on here.

i will like us a mums and dads to share tips on how we prepare our daughters for the dating game/marriage.

When we had our daughter we made it a point to ensure that she is a very confident girl and can speak her mind. its never too early to start praying some things into your kids life. We have prayed for her from when she was a baby that when the time comes, she will pick the right man, We pray for her husband to be and the kind of marriage that she will have and even the type of inlaws & children that she will have.

Her nickname is princess. We tell her at least once a day that she is very beautiful and clever and we let her express herself. If she doesnt want a particular outfit we dont force it on her. So long as she is dressed decently and for the occasion then thats OK; so leggings under a mini shirt is fine by me and during the school holidays if she wants her hair down rather than in plats again that is fine by me.

She is baby fat cute chubby, but no one is allowed to call her fat, unless the person wants to see her dads red eye. we also try to make her feel important by involving her in descsins, so for example when we go shopping, we will ask her which brand of an item to buy and she picks her own meals of a menu when we eat out. We also try to ensure that we create time to actually listen to her even though My God she can talk ooooooooooo. she and her dad are like 5 and 6 and they have been to hundreds of places together; they play these silly games and I have heard her tell people that she will report them to her dad . . like her dad is her own personal superman LOL.

We praise her as often as we can, even when she makes small improvements, using a lot of positive words such as clever, gorgeous, beautiful, exceptional, great and so on and we never ever use any body part as an abuse even in jest like "see your eyes" or "that your big mouth"

One person I admire on this forun is sagamite. I have actually heard that he is like that in real life....superconfident. His only problem is that he has a caustic tongue to go with it Only God knows how many cretins he has met in his life time

Seriously, More tips will be welcome please. We need to teach our daughters to believe in themselves. They are princesses in their fathers house and they should be queens in their husbands house. Nothing less.

Will be back to open a thread about how we teach our sons to be good partners.

coogar:

come on - they must have told you if a boy touched your hand you would get preggers.....

Sisi_Kill:

Shut up!!! How did you know!!!

It was "If a guy sits close to you, you will get pregnant" for me. Of course they had to change it when I went. . .wait a min but Muktar and Saliu and Yemi and Toks sits close to me all the time (Muktar, Saliu, Yemi and Toks are my cousins, brother and uncle) and I don't have a baby.

In retrospect, The "Errrrr. . .ehm. . .we mean any guy not related to you" shoulda tipped me off that something wasn't right but what can I say, I was eight and mom was the fountain of knowledge.

Sagamite: The first bunch of kids I knew that were being raised using this youthful, niche, funkadelic parenthood were Queen's College girls.

In my time, they love to speak funky and were posh.

A great institution that used to churn out great alumni back in the days. Those were the old ones raised by proper African parents. Now, I don't even hear of their grads anymore, evident of the waste of the generation I knew, in my opinion.

Ah! Me, I am not funky o. I am your FADA!

Sagamite: The first bunch of kids I knew that were being raised using this youthful, niche, funkadelic parenthood were Queen's College girls.

In my time, they love to speak funky and were posh.

queensmith:

I sure do hope you do all this for your sons, abi what message are you sending? Women are retarded so we must treat them special. well done. Meanwhile there really is no self esteem and self respect when one believes women are 'somehow somehow' you know when they get hormones and all that. . . . . .

I am amused.

chaircover: Thanks Jenny. I knew that this is a topic that is very important to you. I sometimes think that it is my age and that is why I dont understand why all these women are just going with "anything goes" just t have a ring on their finger but you are younger than me and you too dont understand it

My heart bleeds when I read what these women are going through. I sometimes even feel guilty because I am not better wives than them.

chaircover:

Older than jenny

kandiikane:

How old are you?

queensmith:

I sure do hope you do all this for your sons, abi what message are you sending? Women are retarded so we must treat them special. well done. Meanwhile there really is no self esteem and self respect when one believes women are 'somehow somehow' you know when they get hormones and all that. . . . . .

I am amused.

chaircover:

I guess you didnt read the first and last sentence in the post you quoted 3 times.

And yes I believe that boys and girls are different no matter what we like to say/believe; I never used the word retarded; you did.

Am I amused? Yes I am too. It amuses me when people just have to write something just to be on the opposite side of someone else.

chaircover:

[s]I guess you didnt read the first and last sentence in the post you quoted 3 times. [/s]

[s]And yes I believe that boys and girls are different no matter what we like to say/believe; and I never used the word retarded; you did.

Am I amused? Yes I am too. It amuses me when people just have to write something just to be on the opposite side of someone else. [/s]

You know what . . I just give up.