| Re: by coogar: 10:59pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
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| Re: by Sagamite(m): 11:02pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
coogar:
hahahaha - sagamite has copped his nocturnal brainfarts again.
now lemme bury you in your own puke....
dictate
v. dic·tat·ed, dic·tat·ing, dic·tates
v.tr.
1. To say or read aloud to be recorded or written by another: dictate a letter.
2.
a. To prescribe with authority; impose: dictated the rules of the game.
b. To control or command: "Foreign leaders were . . . dictated by their own circumstances, bound by the universal imperatives of politics" (Doris Kearns Goodwin).
v.intr.
1. To say or read aloud material to be recorded or written by another: dictated for an hour before leaving for the day.
2. To issue orders or commands.
n. (dktt)
1. A directive; a command.
2. A guiding principle: followed the dictates of my conscience.
sagamite, this is the 2nd time i am letting you know dictate = control!
or does dictate means "change"?
i am the rain man!!! Explicitly stated what dictate means when I repeatedly said "change your desire" and when I REPEATEDLY used dictate for desire and control for behaviour.  I did not say "laws do not control your desire, it controls your behaviour". There must be a reason I did not. I said REPEATEDLY "laws do not dictate your desire, it controls your behaviour. Laws don't change your desire". |
| Re: by coogar: 11:06pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
Sagamite:
Explicitly stated what dictate means when I repeatedly said "change your desire". prescribe with authority = "change"  my ribs don finish  i am in fucking stitches here....somebody help me, sagamite just murdered the language! |
| Re: by Sagamite(m): 11:14pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
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| Re: by coogar: 11:37pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
Sagamite:
No one can dictate to you what your desire should be.
I can not dictate you should love morbidly obese women. I can not change your desire in women. I can't prescribe to you what kind of women you should desire, your desire will still remain your desire. It will not change.
laws can change all that! self control can change all that! self control is obeying a law or a moral code that governs you and the rest they say is history!
So simples.
But, hey, in the world where wishes are not desires in some context, maybe not that simple.
seriously, it's getting tedious now - the turning point in this argument was when you shifted the post in your own ink that laws cannot control one's desire. since then, this debate has not moved an inch----so go cop a nap, think about my intellectual javelin travelling n stabbing you in the abdomen, then come back with a meaty rebuttal otherwise - i don't have any reason to comment about this ish anymore! that said, i am glad you have been body-bagged! |
| Re: by Sagamite(m): 11:41pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
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| Re: by coogar: 11:57pm On Aug 19, 2012 |
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| Re: by Sagamite(m): 11:46am On Aug 21, 2012 |
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| Re: by denzel2009: 3:53pm On Aug 21, 2012 |
Singing Sunny Ade's ...what do you desire what do you have under...sweet banana sweet banana |
| Re: by Nobody: 11:18am On Sep 08, 2012 |
ftmom: For boys and girls-
Teach your kids to take pride in their achievements, not in material possessions. Let them understand it's okay not to have the latest game or doll. Let them know you work for your money and spend responsibly in their presence.
Teach your kids to never feel like they must flow with the crowd, that it's okay to think and act independently
Teach your kids it's okay to hang with the popular kids as well as the geeks
Let them understand that they do not need to be members of a clique to be accepted
Enrol them in extra curricular activities that boost their confidence - martial arts, theatre, dance, team sports
Ask your kids about their day at school, you can learn loads about what is troubling them just from their accounts. As they gist you, you can help form their opinion on what is good/acceptable and what is not.
Stand up for your kids against adults that discourage their pursuits or put them down. Teach them to fight their own battles with their mates but don't throw them to adult bullies. Let your children know you are an advocate for them. Boast about their achievements, no matter how little. Let them see you are proud of them
Reward their achievements, not necessarily with another game console but with experiences like a lunch date for just the two of you. Let them be able to look back and remember that Dad or Mom took them to the ball game or to watch so and so live show, etc
If they are engaged in extracurricular activities, don't put the emphasis on winning but emphasis the lifelong benefits of an active lifestyle
Teach them to show compassion and not be selfish. Teach them to give to charity and not hoard. Pack up their old clothing and go with them to give the clothing out. Explain to them that God blesses us so we can be a blessing.
Teach them to have their own personality and aspirations, don't let them become " daughter or son of Lagbaja" Let them know they have to forge their own identities and it's okay to be different from your parents
Teach them to be tolerant of others and patient
Help them to understand why firemen, policemen, soldiers, etc are heros - I realise this is practically impossible in Naija but if you live abroad, you probably see that around you
I don't know if I'm even following the topic anymore, there's just so much I see, ways we can influence our kids lives so they grow up right. Be back later The best post on this thread! Kudos.... If this is how our leaders were brought up, nigeria would have been a better place. So sad their parents failed their generation. Then again, if this is how we were also brought up, it would have help boost my Hope of a better nigeria in the nearest future! Now check out the kinds of youths we have; none of them can even be trusted with our cash or property to say the least! Money is everything to them so they want to get it by all means (armed robbery, scam, fee fraud, hacking etc). They engage in so many other terrible vices! The married ones are busy divorcing day in day out leaving the kids(the next generation) to face the misery! Its so sad that our parents failed in training most of us in the right manner as well; they failed our generation. The so called 'next leaders' who are busy blaming present leaders. They don't know that the leaders were once youths; therefore by the way things are going, we will follow suit when we become leaders as well. Its jst so sad. I can only wish and pray we won't fail our own kids (the next generation/leaders). @Op, great thread but it would have been more informative if you didn't place restrictions; a child is a child! |
| Re: by Sagamite(m): 1:49pm On Sep 13, 2012 |
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| Re: by Nobody: 3:02pm On Oct 29, 2012 |
First and foremost nobody can teach someone how to love themselves. That has to come at their own merit or will. Only experience will prove to be the best catalyst in putting one on that journey to find, love, and cherish themselves to the max.
However most ppl with the healthiest self esteems were raised with both parents in the home (again i said most not all!) who showered them with love and played their respective roles. The fathers being there to guide their daughters on how to recognize a mans real love and affection and being their support or backbone. The mothers there to teach the young girls how to be lady like, wife material, and how to carry themselves.
Parents can only guide them by setting the example. Do that and you have a better chance at raising a true lady. 1 Like |
| Re: by Sagamite(m): 3:05pm On Oct 29, 2012 |
*Kails*:
First and foremost nobody can teach someone how to love themselves. That has to come at their own merit or will. Only experience will prove to be the best catalyst in putting one on that journey to find, love, and cherish themselves to the max.
However most ppl with the healthiest self esteems were raised with both parents in the home (again i said most not all!) who showered them with love and played their respective roles. The fathers being there to guide their daughters on how to recognize a mans real love and affection and being their support or backbone. The mothers there to teach the young girls how to be lady like, wife material, and how to carry themselves.
Parents can only guide them by setting the example. Do that and you have a better chance at raising a true lady. Well said, babes. 1 Like |
| Re: by Nobody: 3:06pm On Oct 29, 2012 |
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| Re: by lupey: 1:05pm On Mar 08, 2013 |
w 8 Likes |
| Re: by bukatyne(f): 1:31pm On Mar 08, 2013 |
lupey: Well,its a very good thing so many of us here have had good upbringings and I'm really impressed at so many families. However,as I read thru this thread,I couldn't help but wonder why many people who can't boast of such childhoods,can't contribute. Maybe it didn't turn out well,or they just are shy but I am the elenuu gbooro(as in,big mouth) that can talk,so I would.
My family started like every other average,struggling Nigerian family. We moved from one rented apartment in a sub-urban area in Lagos to another rented apartment in a top-ranking estate at the outskirts of Lagos as things got better for us. Over time,my dad got enough to build us a house in that same estate and my mum stood by him all the way. She showed my dad the way in almost everything. She has always been a very strong woman. We were brought up like normal children(Nigerian), although I won't deny that we were spanked over the silliest mistakes we made. People looked at my family and felt we were a perfect one. Well,we were. We built a twin duplex under a year and under the able supervision of my mum. I recall that she would leave us in the car and sit on bricks,under the sun supervising work that was done. The house was completed and we moved in2 a wing when I was about 10years old. Then,calamity struck! My dad was having an extra-marital affair. The lady in question was obviously hungry. She was just looking for a place to lay her head. There were spiritual battles involved though,and the lady in question just wanted my mum out at all costs. Her wish came 2 pass when my mum got all our belongings together and moved out of the house. The last straw that broke the camel's back that prompted her decision was when the lady sent hired assassins to my mum and they(the assassins) advised my mum 2 pack out of my dad's house. Apparently,they knew my mum 2 be a good woman and didn't want 2 hurt her. They told my mum that my dad knew every of her gimmicks and didn't mind her eliminating my mum. He had made his intentions known to my mum through his behaviour at home and she didn't doubt. That ended our childhood. I was just 11years old. My eldest sister had just turned 15. My dad didn't call to know if we were fine,neither was he responsible for our fees. The lady moved into his house and they had two girls. In 10years,my dad didn't call us to ask after our wellbeing. We lived in Ibadan,which is about 2 1/2 hrs from Lagos and in 10years,I had 2 live with the fact dt my dad lived just 2 1/2 hrs from me but I couldn't connect with him cos the message was loud and clear that he didn't want 2 have anything 2 do with us. There was no father figure whatsoever throughout and my mum was both the father and mother. She never had a boyfriend and never encouraged our pestering her to remarry. She single-handedly sponsored all four of us through school. When things went a bit awry,she sold her gold. Two of my siblings went to private universities and I'm concluding my law program in a bit. My younger sister is studying to become a dentist,all these without my father's help. Ofcourse,there were times we felt terrible. Times we all sat together and cried,wishing things were different because there was nothing to eat,or no money for excesses but we found solace in one another and moved on. Bottom line is this- NOT ALL CHILDREN FROM BROKEN HOMES TURN OUT WRONG. Ofcourse not all women turn out like my mum. Not all are that strong. But I believe that much more than teaching ur daughters 2 believe in themselves and love themselves,not allowing any1 look down on them(I wasn't opportuned 2 learn that at the home-front),they also should learn 2 be independent and secure in themselves. No1 knows what tomorrow could bring and so,we should be willing to teach these little ones strength in the face of danger,and courage when everything falls apart. And,even tho I know I've over-typed,I believe I've succinctly expressed the minds of very many children like me from broken homes who can't type their experiences. I'm proud of mine anyday,anytime and I can share it to the whole world cos I'm beautiful,bold and raised by a single parent!!! Lupey, this is so so beautiful. I admire women who are so strong and can carry on like nothing happened. Learn to forgive your dad. It's not easy but it would give you peace of mind. |
| Re: by Nobody: 2:01am On Mar 09, 2013 |
lupey: Well,its a very good thing so many of us here have had good upbringings and I'm really impressed at so many families. However, as I read thru this thread, I couldn't help but wonder why many people who can't boast of such childhoods, can't contribute. Maybe it didn't turn out well, or they just are shy but I am the elenuu gbooro(as in,big mouth) that can talk, so I would.
My family started like every other average,struggling Nigerian family. We moved from one rented apartment in a sub-urban area in Lagos to another rented apartment in a top-ranking estate at the outskirts of Lagos as things got better for us. Over time, my dad got enough to build us a house in that same estate and my mum stood by him all the way. She showed my dad the way in almost everything. She has always been a very strong woman. We were brought up like normal children(Nigerian), although I won't deny that we were spanked over the silliest mistakes we made. People looked at my family and felt we were a perfect one. Well, we were. We built a twin duplex under a year and under the able supervision of my mum. I recall that she would leave us in the car and sit on bricks,under the sun supervising work that was done.
The house was completed and we moved in2 a wing when I was about 10years old. Then, calamity struck! My dad was having an extra-marital affair. The lady in question was obviously hungry. She was just looking for a place to lay her head. There were spiritual battles involved though, and the lady in question just wanted my mum out at all costs. Her wish came 2 pass when my mum got all our belongings together and moved out of the house. The last straw that broke the camel's back that prompted her decision was when the lady sent hired assassins to my mum and they (the assassins) advised my mum 2 pack out of my dad's house. Apparently, they knew my mum 2 be a good woman and didn't want 2 hurt her. They told my mum that my dad knew every of her gimmicks and didn't mind her eliminating my mum. He had made his intentions known to my mum through his behaviour at home and she didn't doubt.
That ended our childhood. I was just 11years old. My eldest sister had just turned 15.
My dad didn't call to know if we were fine, neither was he responsible for our fees. The lady moved into his house and they had two girls. In 10years, my dad didn't call us to ask after our wellbeing. We lived in Ibadan, which is about 2 1/2 hrs from Lagos and in 10years, I had 2 live with the fact dt my dad lived just 2 1/2 hrs from me but I couldn't connect with him cos the message was loud and clear that he didn't want 2 have anything 2 do with us. There was no father figure whatsoever throughout and my mum was both the father and mother. She never had a boyfriend and never encouraged our pestering her to remarry.
She single-handedly sponsored all four of us through school. When things went a bit awry,she sold her gold. Two of my siblings went to private universities and I'm concluding my law program in a bit. My younger sister is studying to become a dentist, all these without my father's help. Ofcourse, there were times we felt terrible. Times we all sat together and cried, wishing things were different because there was nothing to eat, or no money for excesses but we found solace in one another and moved on.
Bottom line is this- NOT ALL CHILDREN FROM BROKEN HOMES TURN OUT WRONG. Ofcourse not all women turn out like my mum. Not all are that strong. But I believe that much more than teaching ur daughters 2 believe in themselves and love themselves, not allowing any1 look down on them(I wasn't opportuned 2 learn that at the home-front), they also should learn 2 be independent and secure in themselves. No1 knows what tomorrow could bring and so, we should be willing to teach these little ones strength in the face of danger, and courage when everything falls apart. And, even tho I know I've over-typed, I believe I've succinctly expressed the minds of very many children like me from broken homes who can't type their experiences.
I'm proud of mine anyday, anytime and I can share it to the whole world cos I'm beautiful, bold and raised by a single parent!!! Nice post! All the best to you, your siblings and your rock of a mother! God bless. *Please excuse my meddling, but your story is too good to be skipped over for lack of paragraphs* |
| Re: by seyibrown(f): 10:53am On Mar 09, 2013 |
Subscribing ... |
| Re: by Nobody: 5:18pm On Mar 09, 2013 |
lupey: Well,its a very good thing so many of us here have had good upbringings and I'm really impressed at so many families. However,as I read thru this thread,I couldn't help but wonder why many people who can't boast of such childhoods,can't contribute. Maybe it didn't turn out well,or they just are shy but I am the elenuu gbooro(as in,big mouth) that can talk,so I would.
My family started like every other average,struggling Nigerian family. We moved from one rented apartment in a sub-urban area in Lagos to another rented apartment in a top-ranking estate at the outskirts of Lagos as things got better for us. Over time,my dad got enough to build us a house in that same estate and my mum stood by him all the way. She showed my dad the way in almost everything. She has always been a very strong woman. We were brought up like normal children(Nigerian), although I won't deny that we were spanked over the silliest mistakes we made. People looked at my family and felt we were a perfect one. Well,we were. We built a twin duplex under a year and under the able supervision of my mum. I recall that she would leave us in the car and sit on bricks,under the sun supervising work that was done. The house was completed and we moved in2 a wing when I was about 10years old. Then,calamity struck! My dad was having an extra-marital affair. The lady in question was obviously hungry. She was just looking for a place to lay her head. There were spiritual battles involved though,and the lady in question just wanted my mum out at all costs. Her wish came 2 pass when my mum got all our belongings together and moved out of the house. The last straw that broke the camel's back that prompted her decision was when the lady sent hired assassins to my mum and they(the assassins) advised my mum 2 pack out of my dad's house. Apparently,they knew my mum 2 be a good woman and didn't want 2 hurt her. They told my mum that my dad knew every of her gimmicks and didn't mind her eliminating my mum. He had made his intentions known to my mum through his behaviour at home and she didn't doubt. That ended our childhood. I was just 11years old. My eldest sister had just turned 15. My dad didn't call to know if we were fine,neither was he responsible for our fees. The lady moved into his house and they had two girls. In 10years,my dad didn't call us to ask after our wellbeing. We lived in Ibadan,which is about 2 1/2 hrs from Lagos and in 10years,I had 2 live with the fact dt my dad lived just 2 1/2 hrs from me but I couldn't connect with him cos the message was loud and clear that he didn't want 2 have anything 2 do with us. There was no father figure whatsoever throughout and my mum was both the father and mother. She never had a boyfriend and never encouraged our pestering her to remarry. She single-handedly sponsored all four of us through school. When things went a bit awry,she sold her gold. Two of my siblings went to private universities and I'm concluding my law program in a bit. My younger sister is studying to become a dentist,all these without my father's help. Ofcourse,there were times we felt terrible. Times we all sat together and cried,wishing things were different because there was nothing to eat,or no money for excesses but we found solace in one another and moved on. Bottom line is this- NOT ALL CHILDREN FROM BROKEN HOMES TURN OUT WRONG. Ofcourse not all women turn out like my mum. Not all are that strong. But I believe that much more than teaching ur daughters 2 believe in themselves and love themselves,not allowing any1 look down on them(I wasn't opportuned 2 learn that at the home-front),they also should learn 2 be independent and secure in themselves. No1 knows what tomorrow could bring and so,we should be willing to teach these little ones strength in the face of danger,and courage when everything falls apart. And,even tho I know I've over-typed,I believe I've succinctly expressed the minds of very many children like me from broken homes who can't type their experiences. I'm proud of mine anyday,anytime and I can share it to the whole world cos I'm beautiful,bold and raised by a single parent!!! I am proud of your mum. 1 Like |
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| Re: by seyibrown(f): 1:36pm On Mar 10, 2013 |
lupey: ................................................I'm proud of mine anyday,anytime and I can share it to the whole world cos I'm beautiful,bold and raised by a single parent!!! .....Happy Mothers' day to a very deserving mother and all others like her all over the world!  |
| Re: by lupey: 5:04pm On Apr 22, 2013 |
;DThnx so much NLers! I really appreciate all the advice. |
| Re: by tpia5: 4:46am On Dec 17, 2013 |
J12: If I ever have a daughter(which I wouldn't want to), I'll try my best to ensure that she
1. She learns to be extremely hardworking, respectable and caring.
2. Is Well educated
3. Doesn't phock around
4. Is well loved by me.
I hope I don't have a daughter anyway and if you do have a daughter, she will sense the fact that you disapprove of her and transfer her hurt to other males. |
| Re: by tpia5: 4:49am On Dec 17, 2013 |
2mch: This is where father's come in. The mum can teach her how to carry herself, cook and manners but cannot accurately build her self esteem. The father reinforcing and uplifting her self esteem works magic on girl children. You run less of a risk of having an emotional, clingy, needy, low self esteemed tragedy of a child.
you may end up bringing up a hell of a woman, who is unbreakable by any guy, and fiercely independent though. maybe, not sure what role a father plays in a girl's self esteem, an important one no doubt, but in homes where the father is absent, this doesnt necessarily always translate to low self esteem in females although its likely it will, just not sure what the numbers are here. |
| Re: by tpia5: 4:51am On Dec 17, 2013 |
elampiro: What is the essence of this topic? Does it mean you girls lack confidence? You people can go ahead and breed young girls that will grow up not willing to stay in their husbands' houses (not being able to stay in marriages). Perhaps, the very reason marriages are not working in the western world. Women are programmed and stereotyped from girlhood. not sure what the topic is for, but imo, self esteem is mostly innate. |
| Re: by tpia5: 4:56am On Dec 17, 2013 |
Kobojunkie: @Poster,
a) Treat your kids (males and females) as equals
b) Stress the importance of intelligence, even if it is not bookoro kind . . . enough of the stupid black blonde kids we have around today
c) Teach them that love is not all about babies and sex . . . . way too many black girls world over seem to associate the two in some way
d) Teach your kids that if something is wrong, it is wrong. None of the grey lines that we now realize hurts womanhood more than it helps the struggle
e) Help them understand the difference between being loved and being used . . . it is key to helping them avoid the evil men and women out there
f) Listen to them when they speak and NO READING IN BETWEEN THE LINES . . . enough of that Nigerianess . . . When a person, even a gal, says A, let it mean A
g) Show them love as their mother. If their father rejects them, and everyone else rejects them, at least be the one person who they are sure will never forsake them. I know some like to say it is God but reality is so many people go through live never really SEEING or KNOWING God as others claim. So at least be as close a representation as you can, when it comes to showing love
h) A rude female is NOT a self-confident female. If your children lack manners, do not confuse that with self-confidence. It is in fact the opposite. hmmm |
| Re: by tpia5: 4:59am On Dec 17, 2013 |
Shinatu: @ Post,
I hope we all can still remember what this post is all about.
I have read the things said about bringing up the girl child and I sincerely hope that things will
be different at the time of our children, maybe the boys too would have been taught how not to be threatened by
a confident and intelligent lady as we have now in Nigeria (you guys in the diaspora may have it different) both are threatened by each other. Naturally many people feel comfortable with people that they know cannot see their faults or weakness not necessarily always. I agree with the poster that mentioned that much focus should be given to training the boys too, a confident and intelligent lady can only respect and submitt to an equally or more intelligent man and if these men are few, what will the lady do in a society where being married is everything for a girl? ..go ahead and marry the available.......then all these stories that we hear on NL.
well, i guess they'll just divorce after a while. |
| Re: by tpia5: 5:00am On Dec 17, 2013 |
andromida: Teach your children to stand up for themselves.Teach them to know they can be whoever they want to be,never to compromise sound values.To be kind and respectful to others and more importantly themselves this way they can hardly be rude to others. But then there is always you the parent,you must remember children watch your actions and that is what they are most likely to emulate.
Its only in home movies that I see Nigerian girls whether home based or otherwise slapping a man just because he said hi. links? would like to view that. |
| Re: by maryhaam(f): 12:49pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Sagamite:
Yeah, I guessed as much. 
Most likely they are within the 27-35 age range.
Look, I don't know your friends. As far as I am concerned, they might have personalities close to Nayah at one end of the spectrum, or they might have personalities close to queensmith at the other end.
But if I was to judge based on general black women, most likely they were like typical Naija rude girls when they were younger and at their aesthetical peak. They were most likely rude to men, have their head up their arse, say men are annoying and "disturbing" them when they are approached (that is why they are justified to be rude). Then, they would probably have said they are looking for bad boys that are rich, nice 6-pack physique, 6ft2+, dark and handsome. And any man falling short is discarded as not in their league or not worthy to chat them up.
Then when they are getting older and the looks are disappearing, all of a sudden they know how to be polite a little when they see a guy with potential/prospects because they have become ATM women (Anxious To Marry), and then start whining how "I am a nice, intelligent woman, how come men don't want to commit to me". They want a guy with potential to come and take the fading goods.
To me, this is akin to a trader that dominates a market with his special medicinal fruits that other traders can not provide. This trader is now very rude to his customers and greedy when pricing. He does not care about them queueing up for hours to buy his stuff. Telling the general customers to fck off if they do not like it and leave his store. He is only nice to the aristocracy and royalty who are ready to pay him loads. The general customers buy because he is the only provider and it is the only fast and good cure to their ailment.
Then one day, some Chinese traders enter the market and are able to source and bring this medicinal fruit to the customers at cheap prices. They understand customer service and give low prices. Everyone flocks to them. Then the local trader tries to reduce his price and wants to start being nice to customers because he has stock that would soon degrade and perish if he does not sell it soon. He then starts whining that why are customers buying from foreigners over one of their own local sons.
This was the analogy I gave to a close friend recently when I was at Liverpool. Naija girls need to be nice when they are at the top or peak value. Not when the share price is falling. the last sentence got me whining......you sure have a good sense of humour.... |
| Re: by Nayah(f): 2:28pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
maryhaam:
the last sentence got me whining......you sure have a good sense of humour.... Well I m curious to know more about my personality sister |
| Re: by maryhaam(f): 2:41pm On Jul 14, 2015 |
Nayah:
Well I m curious to know more about my personality sister looool,nothing much just a boring young lady,that look more and talkless,i love making friends you know,btw am mariam |
