Efemena_xy:

And I hope you see nothing wrong with doling out 2K to your boyfriend to "help" buy fuel, recharge cards and take him on a shopping spree for clothes, boxers, perfumes, etc?

I mean afterall, you need to apply this same logic of yours to show that you "care" for him too, abi?

Don't come here to talk-the-talk. Put your money where your mouth is girl.

Emefena I keep sayin u shld shut up.....anitank u r just on point.Most men here r just lazy ass#things broke men say*smh

Probably no different from most men in YOUR family.
Otherwise why looking 4 a man to improve you. Always the same impoverished ghetto escapee looking for a man to be a passport out of their misery. Get a job or stand on the street corner like your peers. I want to marry Tiger Woods
If you are that well off pay your way.

Rubbish from Okokomaiko!

it is at times like this I pity guys living in Naija having to put up with such nasty attitudes from some of the ugliest women in Africa!

aribisala0:
it is at times like this I pity guys living in Naija having to put up with such nasty attitudes from some of the ugliest women in Africa!

pity the guys in naija? the guys in naija should be pitying us as they are having the best deal. the honeymoon phase disappears fast for guys in naija as they soon turn their glutton brides into an old piece of furniture whilst they keep a harem of young concubines!

naija men are laughing to their bedrooms!

aribisala0: Probably no different from most men in YOUR family.
Otherwise why looking 4 a man to improve you. Always the same impoverished ghetto escapee looking for a man to be a passport out of their misery. Get a job or stand on the street corner like your peers. I want to marry Tiger Woods
If you are that well off pay your way.

Rubbish from Okokomaiko!

it is at times like this I pity guys living in Naija having to put up with such nasty attitudes from some of the ugliest women in Africa!

Harsh words but true. Shamefully true.

@ brut, I'm done bantering words with your kind that supports leeches. If after 10 pages with real life examples of the pitfalls of this mentality you still can't comprehend the essence of self worth, then by all means go out 'n seek your male meal ticket.

Shikena.

coogar:

pity the guys in naija? the guys in naija should be pitying us as they are having the best deal. the honeymoon phase disappears fast for guys in naija as they soon turn their glutton brides into an old piece of furniture whilst they keep a harem of young concubines!

naija men are laughing to their bedrooms!

that is a sad way to live out your marriage. Nothing to laugh about.

coogar:

pity the guys in naija? the guys in naija should be pitying us as they are having the best deal. the honeymoon phase disappears fast for guys in naija as they soon turn their glutton brides into an old piece of furniture whilst they keep a harem of young concubines!

naija men are laughing to their bedrooms!

The reason I pity them is ; Naija women are really ugly, as in Sinfully so. We just manage them to keep cultural stability.But there are some money misroad Naija men who spend money on them in a way that makes their delusions real and spoils market for everyone.
I know one in particular somewhere in the UK.An Ex-governor pays for her flat and uses it (and her) when he is in town.Not only does he pay for her flat he gives her £2000 every month.
She also has a man(So-called fiance) and a reasonable job and in my view does not need to do this but as the saying goes....you can take a pig out of etc.
Now my point is this; this babe is really H-ugly as in she is ugly and has the H-factor. Apparently she was raised in Lagos "Highland". To this guy she is Miss World. She is a pal of mine sha but I pity her and her fiance.

davidylan:

that is a sad way to live out your marriage. Nothing to laugh about.

Ode oshi. Ode! Ode! Ode as a stone that the other odes make fun of. So ode [/b]that you have traveled
far beyond [b]ode as we know it and into a new dimension of ode. Meta-ode. Ode cubed. Trans-ode ode. Odes collapsed to
a singularity where even the Odensins have collapsed into Odebolos. Ode so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity Ode.
Blazing hot summer day on Mercury[b] Ode[/b]. You emit more Ode in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar Ode. It cannot
be possible that anything in our universe can really be this Ode. This is a primordial fragment from the original big Ode b-a-n-g. A pure
extract of Ode with absolute Ode purity. Ode beyond the laws of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of
Ode.

The picture looks odd to me because the people in the picture look kinda hungry.

If your suggestion about role is that it is a man's role to do that; Let me stop you
The picture would look odd in many cultures that are not Oyinbo whether gender was reversed or not so your example only makes the point that roles vary from culture to culture. This is NOT Arab,Indian,Pakistani,Somali,Nigerian or Cameroonian Culture
I wonder how many posters here can tell us that their fathers ever carried their mothers on a beach.
Even me sef I no fit
Back in Nigeria anyone who has lived in the North will tell you Men tend to do more shopkeeping and many other roles that women in the south do.
I would say 99 percent of Rural Niger Delta woman Farm Fish trade etc to feed their Children This is equally true of other parts of Southern Nigeria.
Right Now Our Youth are confused about their Wannabe Yankee antics as your picture illustrates and Naija Culture.They need to make up their Minds.
It certainly is not the case that in Western Culture money changes hand between two people dating each other.Of course dating is relatively new to our culture but if money is changing hands,in my book that is NOT dating,that one na "makate". Which is fine and even useful but let's not kid ourselves

aribisala0: The picture looks odd to me because the people in the picture look kinda hungry.

Hungrily in lurrrrrve??

hungry as in scrawny

^^ Okay then. Scrawnily in love.

Hungry / scrawny, e nor matter. All join

aribisala0:

Things don change?
Last time I was in Naija Egbeda babes were haxing for salon money

Dont know if things have changed . . . not been there for years but leave Egbeda alone

iragbijile:

Ode oshi. Ode! Ode! Ode as a stone that the other odes make fun of. So ode [/b]that you have traveled
far beyond [b]ode as we know it and into a new dimension of ode. Meta-ode. Ode cubed. Trans-ode ode. Odes collapsed to
a singularity where even the Odensins have collapsed into Odebolos. Ode so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity Ode.
Blazing hot summer day on Mercury[b] Ode[/b]. You emit more Ode in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar Ode. It cannot
be possible that anything in our universe can really be this Ode. This is a primordial fragment from the original big Ode b-a-n-g. A pure
extract of Ode with absolute Ode purity. Ode beyond the laws of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of
Ode.

omg see different versions of ode chineke!

o i am soo using this from now on- odepiphany! lmao

@ tiniyata, you didnt have to call me names, i didnt steal anthing of yours. if you dont like my post. *just jump am pass*

@ andromina. yes im marrying him alomost out of fear and i havent discussed this behaviour of his with him. i plan to do that.

@ sisikill and still water, i used salon money as the least cash assistance he can offer in terms of suporting me and im not talking salon money for brazilian weavon or anything of that range. im reffering to wash and set of at most 2k. not that i cant afford it, its a gesture of the fact that i am someone he should be responsible for as a wife to be.My point of concern is him not being responsive to my needs and translating that to not providing house keeping money just because im working and can afford it.

@chaircover and begs101 [size=18pt]three years together was spent just as platonic friends[/size]. hence we never spent that time trying to buid intimate compatibility.

@ others ... thanks for your candid responses. i appreciate.

"Platonic friends"

And yet you want him to pay your bills!

To the Op, first of all is this story true? because if it is so, how can you expect many respondents here to say marry him?. You claim you like him as friends? but not crazy about having a love life with him and secondly you are apprehensive about his financial status or caring financially about you. As long as you are true with this statements then don't marry him. If you are too hung up on money now it will be a problem later, if you don't love him now it will be a problem later. The best thing is to realise this, if you go along with the marriage you have to realise this and find a way to work around it. But my advice for you even if you search for a future husband is that money is a big thing in a marriage and contrary to many hearsays you hear, the wife has to contribute if she loves the husband to make the marriage work. The solution may be after saying yes, tell the prospective husband to lay out his financial plans(housing, children for future, pension, food, etc and you say yours and find a way to work out a common ground. You have to contribute because really the financial burden of school fees, housing, pension, healthcare and other should not be the sole responsibility of one man if the man is hardworking and not corrupt and wants to live long. I personally don't support a joint account but if you feel you are earning enough and the man is earning okay, you both need to specify an amount to put into a joint account every month to cover your basic necessities.

i feel he is just taking advantage of the fact that i can afford it

Sister, we are in the same shoes. Some men find it difficult to give girls money for a hair-do (at least once in a while) all because they feel we are working. I did ask once and what I got was so discouraging to even think of asking again. It is not as if they don't have to give. It's appalling.

I believe the right man will do the right things and you will find so many reasons to love him, so please, find your way out of that relationship for the sake of your happiness.

this picture is so disgusting so people should be bathing with poop soap

Of a truth, if this lady continues like this she will remain single for years. She is the proud type that wants a man of the same or better status ( oil and gas). There is one thing I know GOOD MEN ARE SCARCE GOOD WOMEN ARE IN EXCESS. @ poster if u loose that man it will take u time to get a good one, besides it's likely u marry anyone that comes your way after. Identify the problem , be humble and sort out this relationship

I will not mention it it but it is clear which ethnic group the poster is from.
That is a cultural thing
In a modern marriage with a woman earning a good wage i.e able to save money every month there is no need for the man to give you money to do your hair.That is backward thinking. Money is the thing that causes the most arguments in marriage. For peace to reign you should decide what your joint expenses are and how you will pay for them. Pay for your personal expenses yourself. Gifts and such like are a different matter but that is not the same as "taking care of you". That take care of you mentality is wrong for anyone who earns enough money and indicates a mercenary streak. If a couple decide that the wife will NOT work and be a full time housewife then the husband must give her a fixed portion of his monthly earnings so she can take care of herself without the indignity of "begging" him for money.

Reality is marriage is a serious and responsible business and money has to be managed sensibly without sentiment.Not everyone is earning the same money as Mikel Obi and people must live within their means.

Whew !!!! going through 10 pages of response. i under estimated the nairaland group.

i have gone through 70% of all the post in response of my to be or not to be as i would simply call it at this moment with my original post contents, although a lot here made effort to mis represent my views or best stir the discussion in a different direction.
i'm grateful to all. Like in most opinion poll where you rightly choose what you digest , i have gained an immersed wealth of information and will use it to my benefit in concluding this matter alone as several posters has identified that its my cross to bear no matter which way i sway to.
For those that resulted to calling me names which has done absolutely nothing in changing who i am. I just asked for fair and honest opinion irrespective of how absurd and vain it may come across to the audience as some have potrayed tons of holier than thou attributes. if nothing it gives me peace to have the courage of sharing my inner feeling even thou with a virtual crowd.

The single most important thing i have taken out of this , is poor comunication as one poster sighted . That im going to address by engaging him on on a real heart to heart discussion and tell him honestly how i feel about him and towards him. on why i had the guts to say yes when he proposed, i guess it was a flush of emotions. Thanks to the poster that mention its better to have a thousand broken relationship than one broken marriage. Cheers People.

amaechijay:

Sister, we are in the same shoes. Some men find it difficult to give girls money for a hair-do (at least once in a while) all because they feel we are working. I did ask once and what I got was so discouraging to even think of asking again. It is not as if they don't have to give. It's appalling.

I believe the right man will do the right things and you will find so many reasons to love him, so please, find your way out of that relationship for the sake of your happiness.

Why should a man pay for your hair when you can afford it? Are you not ashamed of yourself?

Which of his own expenses do you pay for? Kindly list them out and hear yourself once again

Hmm

bebe4u: Whew !!!! going through 10 pages of response. i under estimated the nairaland group.

i have gone through 70% of all the post in response of my to be or not to be as i would simply call it at this moment with my original post contents, although a lot here made effort to mis represent my views or best stir the discussion in a different direction.
i'm grateful to all. Like in most opinion poll where you rightly choose what you digest , i have gained an immersed wealth of information and will use it to my benefit in concluding this matter alone as several posters has identified that its my cross to bear no matter which way i sway to.
For those that resulted to calling me names which has done absolutely nothing in changing who i am. I just asked for fair and honest opinion irrespective of how absurd and vain it may come across to the audience as some have potrayed tons of holier than thou attributes. if nothing it gives me peace to have the courage of sharing my inner feeling even thou with a virtual crowd.

The single most important thing i have taken out of this , is poor comunication as one poster sighted . That im going to address by engaging him on on a real heart to heart discussion and tell him honestly how i feel about him and towards him. on why i had the guts to say yes when he proposed, i guess it was a flush of emotions. Thanks to the poster that mention its better to have a thousand broken relationship than one broken marriage. Cheers People.

Very Good!!

Best of Luck!!!

Twy: To the Op, first of all is this story true? because if it is so, how can you expect many respondents here to say marry him?. You claim you like him as friends? but not crazy about having a love life with him and secondly you are apprehensive about his financial status or caring financially about you. As long as you are true with this statements then don't marry him. If you are too hung up on money now it will be a problem later, if you don't love him now it will be a problem later. The best thing is to realise this, if you go along with the marriage you have to realise this and find a way to work around it. But my advice for you even if you search for a future husband is that money is a big thing in a marriage and contrary to many hearsays you hear, the wife has to contribute if she loves the husband to make the marriage work. The solution may be after saying yes, tell the prospective husband to lay out his financial plans(housing, children for future, pension, food, etc and you say yours and find a way to work out a common ground. You have to contribute because really the financial burden of school fees, housing, pension, healthcare and other should not be the sole responsibility of one man if the man is hardworking and not corrupt and wants to live long. I personally don't support a joint account but if you feel you are earning enough and the man is earning okay, you both need to specify an amount to put into a joint account every month to cover your basic necessities.

Good advice. Bebe hon, listen to advice like this because they don't come often.

This thread has turned into a woman bashing thread, with a lot of posters ignoring the situation at hand and jumping into a lot of baseless and downright idiotic conclusions about the reasons behind op's motives and actions. What an irritation

@TWY thank you for your advice. I am not hung up on money. the basic things/ comforts / luxury i can provide for myself. i only used the salon money to typify a situation of his perceptible lack of giving. While we were friends yes, it wasnt a bother to me, we have moved to a different phase he should see some of my needs as his. its the thoughts behind that im bothered about.not necessary the amount he has to offer. It's long term situation of taking care of myself , my kids and home all by myself while he sees nothing wrong in championing that just because i can afford it that im concern about.

bebe4u: @TWY thank you for your advice. I am not hung up on money. the basic things/ comforts / luxury i can provide for myself. i only used the salon money to typify a situation of his perceptible lack of giving. While we were friends yes, it wasnt a bother to me, we have moved to a different phase he should see some of my needs as his. its the thoughts behind that im bothered about.not necessary the amount he has to offer. It's long term situation of taking care of myself , my kids and home all by myself while he sees nothing wrong in championing that just because i can afford it that im concern about.

I understand where you are coming from, but like most people have pointed out, you are focusing on the wrong thing now. What you should be more concerned about is if he's a responsible or decent man. When he gets married and has kids, you won't have to remind him to pay the bills and be responsible for his children . . . that is IF he's a decent and responsible man.

He may not think it's necessary to give you any money now because he belives you can afford anything you want (and he's right).

Just forget the guy abeg, the whole matter is unfair on him. Leave him for him to meet someone better suited for him and you also move on to someone better suited.
Stop trying to force relationships that are never going to work, it will only end up making you unhappy. Women who do this end up complaining about stupid things that don't count. You have even started early using the salon example- you don't love him, end of. Marrying him will be a mistake and you will regret it, you will also drag the poor man along into the misery.

Ignore the trolls chatting nonsense about marriage after 30, you will find someone else. just focus on being happy and forget this guy.

True . . .You either love someone or you dont. You cant really force it. Marriage is hard enough as it is.

bebe4u: @TWY thank you for your advice. I am not hung up on money. the basic things/ comforts / luxury i can provide for myself. i only used the salon money to typify a situation of his perceptible lack of giving. While we were friends yes, it wasnt a bother to me, we have moved to a different phase he should see some of my needs as his. its the thoughts behind that im bothered about.not necessary the amount he has to offer. It's long term situation of taking care of myself , my kids and home all by myself while he sees nothing wrong in championing that just because i can afford it that im concern about.

So because you are engaged he should be giving you money for wash and set?

Shouldn't he instead be trying to plan to get a property where you will both leave and save money for the wedding?

Talk about seeing your needs as his, what about YOU seeing some of his needs as yours? Or is the marriage supposed to be one-sided?

How long have you even been engaged? You sound like one of those women that place guys on 'trial' - the man has no clue he is being tested but the woman is scoring him on some crazy scale.

Woman: 'Dahling I am going to the saloon (sic)'
Man: 'Ok dear, see you when you get back'
Woman: thinks: 'Useless stingy man, he can't even give me wash and set money'
Woman: 'Dahling, I just bought some recharge cards to load my phone'
Man: 'Ok....nice?'
Man thinks: 'this woman dey broadcast useless info like NTA sha, make I dey watch my football ojare'
Woman thinks: 'Useless broke arse miser, he can't even pay for my recharge card. I'm calling the wedding off!'

debosky:

Woman: 'Dahling I am going to the saloon (sic)'
Man: 'Ok dear, see you when you get back'
Woman: thinks: 'Useless stingy man, he can't even give me wash and set money'
Woman: 'Dahling, I just bought some recharge cards to load my phone'
Man: 'Ok....nice?'
Man thinks: 'this woman dey broadcast useless info like NTA sha, make I dey watch my football ojare'
Woman thinks: 'Useless broke arse miser, he can't even pay for my recharge card. I'm calling the wedding off!'

Tee hee hee

queensmith: Just forget the guy abeg, the whole matter is unfair on him. Leave him for him to meet someone better suited for him and you also move on to someone better suited.
Stop trying to force relationships that are never going to work, it will only end up making you unhappy. Women who do this end up complaining about stupid things that don't count. You have even started early using the salon example- you don't love him, end of. Marrying him will be a mistake and you will regret it, you will also drag the poor man along into the misery.

Ignore the trolls chatting nonsense about marriage after 30, you will find someone else. just focus on being happy and forget this guy.

Couldn't agree more!!!