Cuddlemii:

Ok lets ignore the 30 part.

Everyone is bothered about her desires. Have u stopped to think from the guys perspective? She said "yes" to him for crying out loud! Saying "no" now would only hurt that man and she might pay for that. Infact saying "no" would mean men should never be empathetic & compassionate to women cos they are "confused" lots. Now I see there is no disparity between men and women. Men are just transparent with their evil doings. If the man was ur brother or son, would u subscribe to her changing her decision? How inhuman can we be? If I am an employer, I can't employ such a fickle minded woman!

If my son or brother is still leaving in my house while working at that age still not contributing no matter how small †̥☹ †ђξ upkeep of his so called fiancee, I will call him †̥☹ order and if he refuses †̥☹ change and †ђξ fiancee started complaining I will tell †ђξ lady †̥☹ follow her mind even if it maens dumping his sorry a.ss.

Cuddlemii: Before I take my leave- Op lets do an experiment, drop the man's email address & phone number here. You would be amazed at the number of babes that would contact him or even pay him a visit to mend his heart. You know so many peeps view nl, dem go bombard am forget the whole ranting & talk talk. This only shows scarcity and that you don't appreciate what you've got.

Wow!!

CRAZE? Which kain craze

You really don't need to be crazy about your partner for a marriage to last.The opposite probably is the case
Anyone who has brothers and sisters especially younger ones knows when they first arrive you don't have strong feelings for them but eventuallly LEARN to love them(sometimes )
That feeling of being crazy about someone never lasts quite simply because people change so whoever you were crazy about will become someone different eventually.You too will change.
Especially when your marriage is embedded in the Nigerian culture it is practical things that make your relationship last
1. Money; Not necessarily being rich but not lacking and even when you don't lack agreeing on how to use it
2. Fecundity; Without children it is meaningless in our culture
3. Housekeeping and harmony; Living in peace and harmony in a home that nurtures children is a skill that is not inborn.Many habits emerge when people who think they love each other marry and live together for the first time or spouse may have known about these habits hoping they would change
4. Physical attraction and social compatibility; This is important but people change; grow bald,get fat,develop unwanted body hair or even have accidents.Are you deep enough to cope with these? What if your partner ends up in a wheel chair or you do? Will you stick around ?Will your partner
5.Young people think they will live forever and only see the bright side but life is a lot more than that.
Getting married actually has little benefit to the individual especially these days and is more a duty and service to community with much sacrifice for MOST. Duty to have children and provide for them as well as nurture them so they are NOT liabilities to society.That is the primary purpose of marriage in our CULTURE.
All this "CRAZE" about people E MUST STOP

ileobatojo:

Lol! What do you have to say of the hypocrisy of many naija men including here on NL who hold on to the traditional roles of women in the home as if their lives depended on it but suddenly become modernized when it comes to sharing the financial responsibility? Cos you know, God forbid the blasphemous, disrespectful abomination that daily household duties should be divided equally but when it comes to money matters it should be 50:50. Abi?

nope
the logic is simple enough----if a woman wants me to pay her life bills, she should be ready to be submissive like her great grandmother did. every little expense in the house shall be taken care of by me and me only but then i will rule absolutely. my decision(logical or illogical) is final!

on the other hand, if she wants the responsibilities to be 50-50, then the power sharing shall be 50-50. it means seeking her counsel before making any decision as we are partners. there can be no master-slave relationship!

NL's are getting intelligent by the quality of their feedbacks check the first page almost every post is liked by someone.

Anyway for me, what is crazily in love with someone? What is the next level that the guy wanted?Must he provide for your saloon session? Consider your age. The story speaks for itself i.e you work in an oil company and he is in the bank. How do you expect him to break his bank?

coogar:

i wait patiently....

[b][size=13pt]how many women actually married who they truly love? abeggi - you'd find out that more often than not - majority of the women out there married what was available when they were "ready"......you think it's easy to find mutual love in this world of sin? [/size][/b]sisikill, you should know better. let this woman marry what's available to her right now - love would find them later! if she waits till she finds someone she loves, there's no guarantee that man would love her, is there? she might have to wait till age 49 before she finds the perfect partner!

Unfortunately, I concur, and I believe it also applies to the males as well! However, I would say she wait for love.

mirob:

If my son or brother is still leaving in my house while working at that age still not contributing no matter how small †̥☹ †ђξ upkeep of his so called fiancee, I will call him †̥☹ order and if he refuses †̥☹ change and †ђξ fiancee started complaining I will tell †ђξ lady †̥☹ follow her mind even if it maens dumping his sorry a.ss.

maybe your son is putting the funds in another woman's bosom!

Cuddlemii:

Was she high on acid when she accepted the proposal? Peeps should learn to bear the consequences of their actions. Why do they always wait till the very end to consult nl? When she was proposed to, she should have thought it through. No one says "yes" if the man is not worthy. The reason y she is backing off is becos of the man's financial disposition. All these love, sex etc is just a camouflage. Didn't she consider that before saying "YES" to him. I am not asking anyone to force love but dnt toil arnd be raising hopes only to shatter it later.

I feel the same. If she had the guts to say YES when he asked her to marry him, then she might as well go ahead and marry him, and probably learn from the experience.

coogar:

nope
the logic is simple enough----if a woman wants me to pay her life bills, she should be ready to be submissive like her great grandmother did. every little expense in the house shall be taken care of by me and me only but then i will rule absolutely. my decision(logical or illogical) is final!

on the other hand, if she wants the responsibilities to be 50-50, then the power sharing shall be 50-50. it means seeking her counsel before making any decision as we are partners. there can be no master-slave relationship!

It should also mean the male share the house work as well. No ducking in that either.

Generousity in a relationship cuts both ways. You are piqued by your mans inability to give you money even when you clearly stated that you are better off than him and not once did you state you ever give him anything. Talk of double standards! My two cents: set your priorities and stick with them. If you are sure you don't love him then you would do yourself a great deal of disservice marrying him, not to talk of him.

[color=#990000][/color]The lady consine should use her brain and follow her heart

Ishilove: Dear bebe,

You have read all the comments; the brainless,the wise,the insulting, the encouraging and the absolutely idiotic.

However it all boils down to these:

No one will be with you when you are crying at night.

No one will see you apply powder and mascara to your face and eyes swollen with crying,just before you step out of the house,plaster a fake smile on your tense face, enter your fancy car and drive off to your mundane, high paying job.

No one will be with you when your man lies beside you at night and reaches out to you in silent demand for his conjugal rights and you involuntarily cringe. . .

If after three years of ...er,'dating' you haven't been able to feel any intimate attraction or desire for him then there is a problem somewhere. Deep down in your heart of hearts you already know what to do but the fear of remaining single at your "great old age of 30" made you accept his proposal.

You obviously don't have many options and the clock is ticking. . .tick tock. . .tick tock. . .tick tock. . . That's why you are even considering entering into a marriage contract your mind and spirit dosent agree with.

Marriage is not a ticket to heaven, my dear sister. Most of the people who have villified you with cruel words have no idea what it feels like to be in your shoes; the intense pressure that the society places on women your age who are still single. Okay when you become Mrs So and So, what next? What next? Babies and the tag of 'mrs'. What happens to your happiness and fulfillment?? WHAT HAPPENS?? Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not endured.

I understand your situation and I completely sympathise with you but sympathy will not solve the problem at hand. Take your problems to God; He is the one who established the first marriage and He is still in the business of establishing marriages that will bring glory to His holy kingdom. We here on Nairaland are mere fallible mortals and we have spoken based on our limited understanding of the human situation,but at the end of the day it all boils down to YOU. You are the one who will face the consequences of your actions and we will not be there to suffer or enjoy with you in the aftermath.


Remove yourself and ask God to take His place in your marital destiny. In the meantime, though you may feel time is running out, don't take any rash or hasty decisions because a like they say, a broken relationship is better than a a broken marriage. Some are rushing in while some are seriously hustling with determination to get out.

God's delay is not His denial. It is well

Ishi

spoken well no comments.

Kobojunkie:
It should also mean the male share the house work as well. No ducking in that either.

i will hire au pair to do my own share of the house chores!

coogar:

nope
the logic is simple enough----if a woman wants me to pay her life bills, she should be ready to be submissive like her great grandmother did. every little expense in the house shall be taken care of by me and me only but then i will rule absolutely. my decision(logical or illogical) is final!

on the other hand, if she wants the responsibilities to be 50-50, then the power sharing shall be 50-50. it means seeking her counsel before making any decision as we are partners. there can be no master-slave relationship!

Nice deflection, now will you please answer the question directly?

ileobatojo:

Nice deflection, now will you please answer the question directly?

i have answered you, ma'am.

@coogar, am sorry if I stepped on the part of Ʊ that pains Ʊ most, its just that dis forum has not given us the opportunity to know guys who are financially sound and those who are broke-ass, all the same, forgive me to say, the fact that Ʊ are poor and afraid that Ʊ may never meet A̶̲̥̅̊ lady that will marry A̶̲̥̅̊ poor rat like Ʊ is not my prob. The fact that every lady desire to marry A̶̲̥̅̊ financially stable and responsible man(which makes Ʊ wonder if Ʊ will ever find A̶̲̥̅̊ lady to bear ur responsibilty for Ʊ) is annoying to Ʊ, go to HEL.L.
The way Ʊ talk, (naija men, lmao, I believe Ʊ are britiko or american man, abi), shows Ʊ live below $10 A̶̲̥̅̊ day and earnestly desire to marry A̶̲̥̅̊ lady who can help Ʊ step_up, wish Ʊ luck, what Ʊ will get is A̶̲̥̅̊ lady who add prostitution to her work just to be able to provide for Ʊ or even steal from her place of work,. We are satisfied with our naija men, this naija men which Ʊ so talk abt like nothing are far better off than Ʊ, naija men who can tell dia wife to stop working and set up A̶̲̥̅̊ very good business for Ʊ, wait dia and b looking for A̶̲̥̅̊ woman who will set up business for Ʊ, I use to think ladies are d ones called Gold diggers, now I have A̶̲̥̅̊ different view.
Broke ass, sorry, Ʊ hear, wonder ow old Ʊ b self, am happy I fell in love and married A̶̲̥̅̊. Financially stable guy and not A̶̲̥̅̊ broke ass like Ʊ, wonder how ur marraige would b, dear, I will pay school fees, Ʊ pay house rent, lwkmd,
Dis will b the last time I will respond to ur post cos poverty to me is contagious, don't want to contact it from Ʊ jare.

Anyway, just catching ma fun, I love internet, I gbadun nairaland jare, I don't give A̶̲̥̅̊ shyte

Sisi_Kill:
2000k? I'm sorry but this is even worse.

It's no wonder some men think they can treat a woman like rubbish, when we go around begging for kobo kobo.

Sis, use your money for your personal upkeep abeg. . that's why you are working. Again, I'm sorry oh but until a man marries you (even then sef) you are NOT is responsibilities. I mean I thought the whole reason how parents sent us to school get was so we could get good jobs and not have to depend on a man for money for sanitary pad.

Would it be nice if these men doled out the cash on us? Of course. . .who can say no to money but the sense of entitlement, this HE MUSTO DO IT, IT IS HIS RESPONSIBILITY, is just a HUGE turn off (and this is coming from a female oh).

Having said that, I think him not giving you wash and set money is the least of the issue here. . .you don't love him and you aren't attracted to him. What kinda marriage do you hope to have?

There really should be a DETEST button here. You just do not get the point do you? It isn't the action or the lack therof that is evaluated, it is the motive. So stop counting kobo literally, if a woman refuses to cook for a man just because he can do it himeself would that be seen the same way?

coogar:

i will hire au pair to do my own share of the house chores!

Ok I see your reply here. But please humor me for 1 more minute. What if the man has no job and can't afford a maid?

davidylan: If you're marrying him only because of the pressure of not being married by 30... big mistake. No point making the poor dude's life a misery. You dont love him, not sexually attracted to him, have various concerns about him and you quite clearly do not have mutual agreement on issues that are important to you. Leave him and keep praying for your own man.

After this post, every other post just faded away to me.

afrobaby: @coogar, am sorry if I stepped on the part of Ʊ that pains Ʊ most, its just that dis forum has not given us the opportunity to know guys who are financially sound and those who are broke-ass, all the same, forgive me to say, the fact that Ʊ are poor and afraid that Ʊ may never meet A̶̲̥̅̊ lady that will marry A̶̲̥̅̊ poor rat like Ʊ is not my prob. The fact that every lady desire to marry A̶̲̥̅̊ financially stable and responsible man(which makes Ʊ wonder if Ʊ will ever find A̶̲̥̅̊ lady to bear ur responsibilty for Ʊ) is annoying to Ʊ, go to HEL.L.
The way Ʊ talk, (naija men, lmao, I believe Ʊ are britiko or american man, abi), shows Ʊ live below $10 A̶̲̥̅̊ day and earnestly desire to marry A̶̲̥̅̊ lady who can help Ʊ step_up, wish Ʊ luck, what Ʊ will get is A̶̲̥̅̊ lady who add prostitution to her work just to be able to provide for Ʊ or even steal from her place of work,. We are satisfied with our naija men, this naija men which Ʊ so talk abt like nothing are far better off than Ʊ, naija men who can tell dia wife to stop working and set up A̶̲̥̅̊ very good business for Ʊ, wait dia and b looking for A̶̲̥̅̊ woman who will set up business for Ʊ, I use to think ladies are d ones called Gold diggers, now I have A̶̲̥̅̊ different view.
Broke ass, sorry, Ʊ hear, wonder ow old Ʊ b self, am happy I fell in love and married A̶̲̥̅̊. Financially stable guy and not A̶̲̥̅̊ broke ass like Ʊ, wonder how ur marraige would b, dear, I will pay school fees, Ʊ pay house rent, lwkmd,
Dis will b the last time I will respond to ur post cos poverty to me is contagious, don't want to contact it from Ʊ jare.

Anyway, just catching ma fun, I love internet, I gbadun nairaland jare, I don't give A̶̲̥̅̊ shyte

after displaying an acute poverty of intelligence, you now want to divorce the same poverty that has been your breath all your life? i laugh in boko haram. any tool can come online and boast they have the richest man as a hubby - whereas the last time you tasted fried rice was last christmas - keep deceiving yourself that you live a life of opulence!

i don't need to look at my partner's pocket to afford whatever i want - one of the reasons i went to school, studied hard and be what i am today. unlike you, i don't drag my self respect in the murky waters. you have traded your dignity for a blackberry bold. how are we sure your husband does not treat you like shyte? you came here talking a good game even when your fellow women are saying the mentality of demanding from your husband stinks - cheiii, enough educated illiterates in nigeria!

when i close my eyes - i see you as one old haggard hawk tying ankara wrapper with a thin chewing stick and saliva foaming in your mouth while waiting for your turn by a community borehole - you are so poor in spirit, rainbow appears to you in black and white!

ileobatojo:

Ok I see your reply here. But please humor me for 1 more minute. What if the man has no job and can't afford a maid?

why did he marry?
if he had a job before marriage and he suddenly lost his job then i expect a reasonable wife to bear the burden for a while until the man can stand on his feet! i'd do the same too!

Raggedy_Ann:
There really should be a DETEST button here. You just do not get the point do you? It isn't the action or the lack therof that is evaluated, it is the motive. So stop counting kobo literally, if a woman refuses to cook for a man just because he can do it himeself would that be seen the same way?

I don't think you are talking of the same thing here. She does not know the motive. She simply concluded that since he does not give her, then there must be something wrong.

It is one thing to marry a financially stable man, and another to require that the man give you money for things you can easily take care of on your own.

It is not THE RIGHT of a woman to have a man that gives her things. That ruins relationships, marriages, you name it. It is actually simply a part of the expression of love. Even in traditional marriages, it is simply an expression of love. And on that, I ask why don't you buy him gifts(assuming you still want to go ahead with the relationship) and see if he reciprocates. It may be that he is actually a traditional man and remember buying of gifts is actually a foreign culture to many of our traditional Nigerians.

Cuddlemii:

This marriage thing sef!

May I ask what you have been doing since in terms of settling down? I mean why did you wait this long? 30 years is old! I see you as a woman who is very choosy, has high expectations in a man, not considerate & unrealistic.

I just have an advise for you though, make sure whatever you are getting into you have peace of mind & happiness. Forget attraction, finance or love for the man in question or do you have other options? Do you have men of your "taste" flocking around you or proposing to you? If u don't have a better option, then you have no choice! Bother about his love, xter/attitude, morals, way of life & commitment towards you.

Take it from me, 2 or 5 years from now, its a photographer that would be on your case. This thing is like a cycle, its keeps getting worse and not better. When you were in your peak period, I am sure you played the game of chess with a lot of men's emotions because you were choosy. Life is what it is, you have to make do with what you have. Remember beautiful ones are not yet born, take a field trip to unilag(land of plenty), Covenant Uni(land of innocent beauties), to the north(natural beauties)...You would be amazed at the attractive babes with good xter. Men would rather go for those ones before your age bracket. Even mid twenties babes can testify to that. The first thing that comes to mind is that, a 30 years old unmarried/single woman was probably promiscuous, lost her womb, committed several abortions and slept her way to success. Do you know how many people would have cautioned him to leave you for a younger woman? Or you think cos he is 35, he is in the same boat as you?

Better don't let these married women tell you to leave the man. The world only identify with success! When the hard time comes, no one would stand by you instead its insults you would get and these same people asking you to say NO would insult you for not grabbing the opportunity. You are meant to be having a matured conversation with the man, let him know how you feel about him not contributing his quota financially. Try and come to a compromise with him on a realistic level. Thank God you are rich, you no even happy sey na banker u go show off to family & friends at 30. If na office clerk wetin u for do? Just make the best out of whatever situation you get urself into, its your destiny! Even you can't re-write it, you can at least shape/mold it to your benefit. ABOVE ALL, PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR GOD'S WISDOM & GUIDANCE(He would make everything fine).

Haba!

So cos she is unmarried at 30 means she has been choosy and playing chess game with men? Did you get all these from her posts? Do you know her history with men? do you know if she was jilted/played/disappointed by the one she trusted and looked up to for marriage before now?

And because she is 30 she should be desperate for marriage and marry just any man available even though she doesn't love him? And if she doesn't marry this banker now, she will only be left with photographer? O ga o! BTW, what is wrong with photographers? You just advised its not good to be choosy!

I think you are too judgmental on her.

andromida: Poster after reading 4 pages of this I still say your expectations are not outrageous or outlandish.Even if you have wasted your youth on 100 men which I doubt it doesn't mean you should be sentenced to life imprisonment. You know what you know.If you are not feeling him free him.Don't be afraid to be happy.If some people 30+ women have compromised their happiness just to bear the mrs title too bad but that's their cup of tea and they are not the standard to look up to.

Life is meant to be lived not managed. Disregard everyone telling you that you are an old maid .Remember you are not in competition with anybody but yourself.30 and single can be scary because almost all your friends are married and doing baby talk but you are speaking another language.Marriage happens for women at different phases of their lives some at post 30 through no fault of theirs and hey that's life. Bottom line of all these my long talk is don't settle and if you decide to settle remember you chose this life.Goodluck

Thank you!

OP, please listen to this wise counsel. If you don't, 3 years or less down the line you will be here to read threads or open a new thread about "Copping with Marriage without love - Should I divorce him?"

Abeg mek una nor kill the OP na. Abi una neva see mistake before. But mehn @OP u really need to improve ur thinking o (it will really help even beyond this present problem or topic).

Dear Poster, don't be discouraged by some comments on this thread but l will be very frank with you as an adult since u claim to be 30yrs. Please read every word carefully.

To start with pls u av to change your traditional mindset. its a stronghold u need to be delivered from. Culture and tradition will ruin any marraige. Your foundation should be based on biblical truths if u're a xtian so go for marital counselling in a good church. Am sure your parents and tribe contributed to this your traditional mindset because most of us pick up such attitudes mostly from our mothers.

As u said uv been friends with this man for 3yrs with no intimacy. The truth is no healthy man can do without sex for 3yrs so your "friend" is definately doing it with someone and respects u for not asking for it since. However don't let that discourage u because as u noted u were just friends until he proposed and u accepted.

For the man to plan to meet your parents, l think he really loves u. Nothing is wrong with being single at 35 and stayin with his mum as long as he is working and independent. If he was married and stayin with his mum, then it is a bad thing. Most parents don't want their kids leave the house until they get married to avoid being distracted. I av a cousin that moved from his parents house to his own 5bedroom duplex and he is 32yrs and still single. His mum adviced him not to waste over N1.2m renting a 3bedrm flat so he got a land and started buiding gradually.

You claim to be a financially bouyant working class lady so why worry about gifts or hair funds. Those are petty things u should care less about. You said u like him but not crazy or attracted to him. Its simply because the relationship is static and not funfilled.

Follow this simple therapy:
1.create more time for yourself and go out every weekend together consistently for 3months. Sacrifice and pay the bill first and u will be suprised that he will also pay the bill the following week.

2.Visit different cinemas, attend comedy shows, swim together, visit the beach and if you're in lagos go to "lacampagne tropicana" or "whispering palm" and have long chats about the future.

3.Have a horse and boat ride together, Kiss each other and cuddle lightly to avoid sex o(uv abstained for 3yrs so its worth waiting for).

4.Buy him gifts like a boxers, roll-on, perfume, hair & body cream, socks, ties, towel, sponge, soap, toothbrush, singlets etc. Things u know he needs daily(don't av to be too expensive). He will love u more and you will see him change gradually and see yourself loving him.

This 3months therapy works like magic. My sister love is sweet o but it takes time. Please loosing up yourself and don't get obssessed with your job and financial status. Am a man and we all want a humble, caring and supportive spouse. Life is beautiful so please don't stress yourself with worry and depression.

You can't blame this guy for not showerin u with gifts or giving u hair money(without u asking), its because of your status. If u were a student or not bouyant. Am sure he would respond to your basic needs.

in a nut-shell, here are some tips that may help u grow in love and enjoy your relationship.

1. Pray and commit your ways to God.to get d best out of any relationshp, uv got to be ready to adjust: no human is perfect, u're not just d flexible type. u sound so rigid. if u intend to get married(like your friends) and av kids soon, u av to bring down your ego and change your attitude

2. u dont fall in love, instead u grow in luv and luv takes time. Its like planting a seed and nurturing it to maturity till it bears fruits: Relationships are crucial to succeedin in life. we all cant do without it. Life could be frustratin without it.

3. men are logical and women are emotional in their response to issues: u need to learn to love and trust your man. dat doesnt mean u play d fool but being strategic and reasonable.its better u don't loose this relationship as your man seems focused and purpose driven(for planning to meet your parents).

4. what is required for any relationship(even marraige) to succeed is endurance and tolerance. however relationships are not to be endured but to be enjoyed. in real endurance, u're hoping to stay together to work things out. however tolerance may lead to trauma if your partner doesnt change. so uv got to strike a balance

5. try and adjust and lower your standards. take someone like me, a working graduate dating a final year student who I intend to marry next year. had to lower my standards and adjust despite all d visible differences. age, status, background, mentality, maturity etc.

av got a lot to say but av to devote time to other things.send me a mail and tell me more about yourself and relationship. phloxzone@yahoo.com. will recommend a particular book that will help u discover yourself and rekindle your love life.

In conclusion there is no perfect man o so stop wishing for one fairy tale husband. think positive and change your mindset. You will excel and succeed & your best will become better this year in jesus name. AMEN

OAM4J:

Haba!

So cos she is unmarried at 30 means she has been choosy and playing chess game with men? Did you get all these from her posts? Do you know her history with men? do you know if she was jilted/played/disappointed by the one she trusted and looked up to for marriage before now?

And because she is 30 she should be desperate for marriage and marry just any man available even though she doesn't love him? And if she doesn't marry this banker now, she will only be left with photographer? O ga o! BTW, what is wrong with photographers? You just advised its not good to be choosy!

I think you are too judgmental on her.

I wasn't being judgemental with her. I made my comment based on reading her entire post on this thread. Many 32 yrs old women have come with the same problem in the past and I wasn't harsh. I admit, what got to me was the fact that she said "yes" already and wanted to breach that contract like she was indecisive & playing with the man's emotion. These are the kind of things we women frown against from men but dishing it out to a man is unfair.

I see where most posters are coming from though, her happiness is the ultimate & the guy should be saved from the misery of a marriage without love. She should not have said "yes!". Eh ya, I pity the guy! It's all good!

Cuddlemii: Before I take my leave- Op lets do an experiment, drop the man's email address & phone number here. You would be amazed at the number of babes that would contact him or even pay him a visit to mend his heart. You know so many peeps view nl, dem go bombard am forget the whole ranting & talk talk. This only shows scarcity and that you don't appreciate what you've got.

I can also assure you that if she also drop her email and phone number here, more than 1000 mails, calls and txt msgs will roll in before the end of the day from guys promising her heaven and earth to be her husband.

The problem with both of them is not about finding "toasters", it is about finding their soul-mates.

The issue is very simple - marriage should be a joy, a lifetime of learning how to please your spouse more than when you first decided to commit yourselves as a couple. Marriage should provide a sanctuary, a place where each can find refuge from the adverse winds of life experiences... if you can barely tolerate having your spouse around you then what's the point? Might as well remain single and happier.

Cuddlemii:

I wasn't being judgemental with her. I made my comment based on reading her entire post on this thread. Many 32 yrs old women have come with the same problem in the past and I wasn't harsh. I admit, what got to me was the fact that she said "yes" already and wanted to breach that contract like she was indecisive & playing with the man's emotion. These are the kind of things we women frown against from men but dishing it out to a man is unfair.

I see where most posters are coming from though, her happiness is the ultimate & the guy should be saved from the misery of a marriage without love. She should not have said "yes!". Eh ya, I pity the guy! It's all good!

I agree she made a mistake saying "Yes" to his proposal without thinking it through. But she will be making a bigger mistake, worse for her and the guy if she goes ahead and say "I do". They can both overcome this mistake now than overcoming a bad contracted marriage.

I can't say a lot more than some very thoughtful people have elucidated in their posts. Poster, you better leave that man and not make his life miserable since you already wasted your time to 30 years and still in this self-imposed quandary. But you know you will lose biiiiggggg time and foolish women who watch too much TV, too silly to think leave the men that are imperfect but love them to wanna marry them for the big shot they fantasized about who will treat them like crap after marriage. Be ready to cook your own meals at 9 months pregnancy, clean the house with no appreciation from your phantom big shot husband! Better not complain 'cos he will just dash you two heavy slaps which you will have no logic or oil company salary to explain because you know why? Your stupid self have a chance to not create a problem you will spend several years praying useless prayers about a marriage that was not founded on any serious iota of love but on 2K (< $15) worth of hair do!

OAM4J:

I can also assure you that if she also drop her email and phone number here, more than 1000 mails, calls and txt msgs will roll in before the end of the day from guys promising her heaven and earth to be her husband.

The problem with both of them is not about finding "toasters", it is about finding their soul-mates.

OAM4J:

I agree she made a mistake saying "Yes" to his proposal without thinking it through. But she will be making a bigger mistake, worse for her and the guy if she goes ahead and say "I do". They can both overcome this mistake now than overcoming a bad contracted marriage.

No comment! I guess we have all addressed everything that needs to be addressed from all angles.

coogar:

after displaying an acute poverty of intelligence, you now want to divorce the same poverty that has been your breath all your life? i laugh in boko haram. any tool can come online and boast they have the richest man as a hubby - whereas the last time you tasted fried rice was last christmas - keep deceiving yourself that you live a life of opulence!

i don't need to look at my partner's pocket to afford whatever i want - one of the reasons i went to school, studied hard and be what i am today. unlike you, i don't drag my self respect in the murky waters. you have traded your dignity for a blackberry bold. how are we sure your husband does not treat you like shyte? you came here talking a good game even when your fellow women are saying the mentality of demanding from your husband stinks - cheiii, enough educated illiterates in nigeria!

when i close my eyes - i see you as one old haggard hawk tying ankara wrapper with a thin chewing stick and saliva foaming in your mouth while waiting for your turn by a community borehole - you are so poor in spirit, rainbow appears to you in black and white!

***Dies!!***