hi guys, i am in dilemma, here is my story!

I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years. I love her so much.we decided to settle down to a married life after my nysc , but something happened that drifted us apart painfully. we both went for blood screening as demanded by the church when the result came out it was so evident that we can't be married because our genotypes are both AS.i just couldn't bear the pain of not marrying her this was too much for me.hence we love each other dearly, but i have no choice so for our happiness we had to forget about marriage.While i was dating her, there is this guy based abroad that has been pestering her for marriage and she kept snubbing him just because of me.

So i had to advice her to give the guy a chance since ours can't workout anymore , she refused on the ground that as Christians we should have faith that all our kids would be AS & AA, But after about 5months she understood where i was coming from and took my advice.Immediately the guy learnt of the situation he quickly proposed marriage to her and i told her to accept because i want her happiness , she accepted since he is AA. The guy came down to Nigeria and did the traditional rites and went back abroad with the promise that he will go process her papers so that she can join him.

Its one year now since he left,promising and re-promising the time she would join him,from December to easter period then to December now again and so many other bothering issues.

The dilemma here is that she just can't stop calling me! she comes to see me , all in a caring notion to check up on me to know how i am doing as she use to do. .This visits have resulted to near sexual incidents(kissing and smooching).but not sex.
Guys i am in a fix here because i still love her and she loves me too , and i don't want to commit the stuff with her because she now belongs to another man traditionally.what do i do !!!!!!!!!!

I know where you are coming from. As far as she is still in Nigeria and not with the hubby, she will alwayz come to you since it was just genotye issue that seperated you people. Take it easy and alwauyz let her understand aite and avoid all the kissing etc, remember, she beongs to someone now, good luck

thanks hotstepper, but how do i stop her visiting me,ooohh!i get worked up and sad each time she complains of this or that , i don't like seeing her cry or sad.if u were in my shoes Wat would u do.

Here is my candid advice:
1) She should annul the traditional "marriage" immediately. It is not binding.
2) You should marry her immediately, in a legally binding fashion.
3) The two of you should seek to adopt parent-challenged kids and love them as your own.

Those are the steps I would follow if I was faced with a similar situation.

If you believe in abortion, then you can also go ahead and have kids the normal way and when any foetus is found to be SS, you can just abort it. Marriage is not something a woman should enter into half-heartedly. That's just silly.

SEUN do you know what you just said?
i guess you weren't serious, the girl is traditionally binded to someone else
the parents of the Girl would not possibly let her Marry Mrtee coz another man has seen them
marriage is not something you can just walk in and out of, itz a lifetime bond
the mistake made is the Girl's acceptance, she shouldn't have accepted the guy in the first place
i would advice mrtee to stop her for now coz if he has sex with her he has sinned both against God and man
so he's just gotta leave her

thanks oracle, i quite agree with u, its not as easy seun thinks,jugding where we both come from(eastern Nigeria) its a taboo to have an affair with a married woman who has solemnly agreed to live with one man in the presence of allasundry via wine carrying ceremony in the traditional sense.the fact is that i have tried avoiding her stopped picking her calls.i have talked to her to get over me but each time we see each other there is this magnetic force that pulls us together .but i know it will surely fizzle out cos i have made up my mind to cut all contacts with her including dating another girl ,relocating to a new place, change my phone numbers or even change my names well thanks guys for ur opinion u guys are really great(hotstepper,seun and oracle ) i really appreciate ur response, two heads they say are surely better than one.

Toni,
I think you just have to sit her down and tell her your mind that you wouldn't want her around you any longer cos she is meant for someone else and i believe if she is a sensible girl, she would understand what you're saying.
This is what i can say for now,

thanks feyi!u simply wonderful, u opinion is quite encouraging, i have alrady made up my mind wat asking to take next,it falls in line with all the opinion i got frfrom u and other guys in th houze! thanks a million times.
hey! feyi, i want to tell u are beautiful and good looking!

O boy ehn. it'z a big curse if u sleep with her, Dont ever try it, it'z very easy for a guy to let go a girl but for a girl to let go a guy, men it'z either the man is dead or ,
Avoid her like plague, But whatz the problem with the other guy? he shud come take his wife na than leaving her to waste, u know women are so different from men, a man at the age of 50 can still marry but a woman at the age of 30, will need both fasting and praying,

Look for someone else men, but I dey pity the girl oh,

Enjoy,

thanks xdos, i am an ibo man and i know the consequences in our place asper traditions even in Christianity, as i am writing now i have changed my gsm number and thinking of relocating to another residence because she still calls and wants to visit me.Infact the kissing and smooching wey i do , me i dey regret but anyway sha i don ask baba God for forgiveness .thanks for ur opinoin i really appreciate thanks man!keep the nairaland flag flyin.cheers.

The easiest way to fence a girl is to use another girl!
Think about it.

hi kajad, u think its dat easy to get another girl ,except u want to go for anyhow babe which i am not the kind.i take time to date any girl,but all the same tahnks for u opinion i do appreciate it.thanks.

In this situation it will be difficult to extricate yourself unless you are going to be mean to her. You obviously appear to be a nice guy who will not want to hurt her. She knows this and will use it to her advantage. What will you do if she comes to your place very late at night and refuse to go? Throw her out? Believe me sooner than later you will do that which you want to avoid; after all she is still the same person you knew.

Unless you have the money to give yourself a new identity! What if you change residence and she get to know about it through mutual friends, will you change again?


Getting a new girl is not too difficult but falling in love may be, besides falling in love takes some time and getting to know one other. So if you have a new girl and she sees you with her she definitely know that the game is up.

But then style differs this is doing it nicely, there is always a nasty way.

Sitting her down for a 'candid' discussion would only open room for temptation. Avoid her at all cost. I am not being critical of your Church, but I feel that blood type or no blood type, couples should be given the chance to get married. If having a sickle cell child would be a burden down the road, you can opt for an adoption in the mean time. Afterall, there are no chances in life, that a healthy child would survive his/her parents down the road, or a child with sickle cell would die shortly after birth. There is nothing greater than God in giving us healthy kids, irrespective of the blood type, and the pastors should have taken that into consideration. Either way, the union between your ex and her hubby has been formalized, and it's time to bid your adieu, with a tone of finality!!!

Resist the devil and he will flee from thee . A word is enough for the wise.

Well ma guy, the thing is you just have to let her go cause she is someone else's wifey now.

If you cant help seeing her and you know once you do you get all mushy for her, then you need to leave that environment.
The thing is you cant get together anyways, so why torture yourself. She has 'moved' on and so should you.

There are loads of girls out there that can capture your heart as she once did.

Leave her alone cause one nite of lust could lead to the bedroom and she could get preggers which will lead to shame for her and i know thats not what you want for her.

mrtee,

It's obvious you both love each other. You spoke of a magnetic attraction. If you let her go through with the binding church and court marriage to that other guy you and her have sinned against God IMO because you are cheating that man of true love and u will be cheating your future wife of true love. That's not fair to either of them. Every human being has an unalienable right to true love. Humbly apologize to the guy and everyone else, marry the babe, adopt children or give birth to children. At least na only d trad marriage dem don do. Our ancestors can cut us some slack. It's 1 in every 4 of the children born to parents that are carriers of sickle cell that are SS. That means you have only a 25% chance of giving birth to an SS. You can have one and adopt the rest. Besides, if you 2 keep carrying on like this, you will never forget her, she will never forget you and y'all might end up cheating on your spouses. How does that help them or you? The choice is very clear.

Good luck!

Hey brother man,I was once in your shoes, run for you life,its a bad thing to do so RUNNNNNNNNNN

Its easy for those who have not been throuh this situaton to just say anything they feel like.

I have been through this myself. We even spent the night together in a Hotel room berely a month after her white wedding.

What i would advice you to do is to have a pure mind and start to see her as a friend and a sister. In my case that was how i handled the situation and even though we slept on the same bed, there was no sex. We just gisted and watched movies. There should be no touhing either cause once u start its hard to stop. I must confess it wasnt easy but i knew that the guilt we would both feel would be worse and that was enough to keep me in check.

After i posted, i checked out the date for the first post and saw that it was over two years old!! No more advice wouldd be meaningful so except you want to waste ur time typing, go ahead and reply this outdate thread.

This is why dating is not good.

@merge

Do you mean dating or double dating? If people do not date? How would you know the kind of person u are settling down with?

8inchplus:

@merge

Do you mean dating or double dating? If people do not date? How would you know the kind of person u are settling down with?

Some date and know they will not marry the person so why do it when it could affect future relationship.

yeah the blood type thing is kind of a bummer to most relationship, i had to do mine b4 i got married and found out that i and my hubby had the same blood group "O" and the same genotype which was "AA" i think. which suprised everyone. funny i was the only one with "O" blood type in my family, my parents have different blood type which is kinda weird