Walahi this babe get good home training unlike some yeye ppl... Wagbayi jare

chaircover:

God Bless you. May you have a happy home Amen.

@OP

There is a very good chance that your wife is having "sometin" with her ex. You need to 1. find out, if you can, 2. decide what you want to do about it and 3. do it. If I was in your shoes I will read the riot act to her, give her one more chance and watch. If she changes, fine. If not it is back where she came from. If you have kids, do a dna test to confirm parentage.

Just make sure you take some action.

I can count 2 ladies that were not even my Ex's, just acquaintances, that got married and in the marriage, they came to ask me why I didnt ask them out prior to their marriage. that am a better man (for their mind) and at the end, they seduce my humble self cos of the cashmoney, how much more an Ex ? What I tell every man is, if you aint got cashmoney, someone else is doing it. Money is OP's greatest cause for concern and the wife is a cheap lady, falling for travel documents and fairy tale of London. No body can tell me, as I dey so, that the Ex never bulldoze again, its Okafor's Law.

Efemena_xy: Nigerian men and their insecurity issues.

Can you explain the insecurity part?

You think its ok for your spouse to maintain contact and even go visiting the EX when they are married and one party said he doesnt like it

At poster....you are angry that your wife's ex wished her a "happy birthday"??

All i see around is insecurities, high and low.....you said your self she broke up with the guy 3 years before your marraige, and you think she will be dating him out of "frustration" since you have lost your job? is it because the guy is in London that this insecurities rose from level 2 to 20.....

You obviously do not trust your wife, you said she has "bleeped up the marraige"? in what sense? because the ex wished her "happy birthday"

Since you don't want her to talk to her ex at all...tell her, and better be ready not to have any form of conversations with your former exes, at least, lead by example.

dayokanu:

Can you explain the insecurity part?

You think its ok for your spouse to maintain contact and even go visiting the EX when they are married and one party said he doesnt like it

That doesn't mean she planning on jumping into the sack with him.

The guy obviously has self esteem issues. Low self esteem issues compounded by the fact that he's lost his job and is currently jobless. Just because there's contact between them both doesn't mean that she's doing the dirty on him. Or you saying just because the guy's her ex, means she should be enemies with him? For him to think that of her, in itself says a lot about the man himself. Absolutely no faith in her.

Efemena_xy:

That doesn't mean she planning on jumping into the sack with him.

The guy obviously has self esteem issues. Low self esteem issues compounded by the fact that he's lost his job and is currently jobless. Just because there's contact between them both doesn't mean that she's doing the dirty on him. Or you saying just because the guy's her ex, means she should be enemies with him? For him to think that of her, in itself says a lot about the man himself. Absolutely no faith in her.

Ok I would keep this as reference cos I remember the position of some people here when a woman claimed she suspect her husband cheating on account that he was in the office with a colleague

Yet you see no issue with a wife visiting the EX, Someone they have definitely shared sexuaal and intimate sessions in the past

So, you're saying that if your wife visits your ex, it means she's having a tumble in the hay with him??

Every woman who says hello to her ex, is having a sordid affair with him??

Efemena_xy: Nigerian men and their insecurity issues.

@Poster, so bottom line here is that you don't trust your wife.

So the question here is, what are you going to do about it?

All these married women and their silly talk. If you don't have an advice for him go and cuddle your husband. Or better still watch a soap opera. Are you contacting your ex? How can you ask such a st,upid question. Until he gets her red handed b4 he'll act abi? Every human being has an iota of insecurity. He sees his wife having close contact with her former long time lover and you expect him to be secure sabi?? Rubbish

dayokanu:

Can you explain the insecurity part?

You think its ok for your spouse to maintain contact and even go visiting the EX when they are married and one party said he doesnt like it

Abeg no mind that woman. If her husband is having close and solid contact and communication with his former lover behind her back and openned up after confrontation she would give him a peck abi?? Some people don dey ...

Duke_Nija:
All these married women and their silly talk. If you don't have an advice for him go and cuddle your husband. Or better still watch a soap opera. Are you contacting your ex? How can you ask such a st,upid question. Until he gets her red handed b4 he'll act abi? Every human being has an iota of insecurity. He sees his wife having close contact with her former long time lover and you expect him to be secure sabi?? Rubbish

Doing that right now.

Listen, there's nothing stoopid about the question. They're adults. The fact that she's open with her husband and tell him what's going on speaks a lot in itself. She's not sneaking behind his back.

Trust me, if a hard working, dedicated married woman with kids chooses to have an affair, there's little the husband can do about it apart from making sure he and wifey are joined at the hip! He can't monitor her all day.

So you think if she wanted to have an affair, she'd even let the husband get wind of it in the first place?? Abeg, make I hear word jor.

Duke_Nija:
Abeg no mind that woman. If her husband is having close and solid contact and communication with his former lover behind her back and openned up after confrontation she would give him a peck abi?? Some people don dey ...

Don dey wetin?? So all of a sudden, this woman sees fit to sleep around cos her hubby is jobless? How do you guys reason sef?

She chose to marry her hubby, not her ex! Doesn't / shouldn't that tell him something?

What kind Of silly wife is this? an ex is an ex-past tense. There is no reason why a woman should keep in contact with an ex if her husband is against it and vice versa.

This is not an insecurity issue, this is outright disrespect. There is a reason why he is an ex, there is a reason why they broke up, there is a reason why she is with her husband now. This woman has no iota of respect for her husband. What does she discuss with her ex that she cannot discuss with her husband or her other friends?

This man needs to drum it into her ears that this is not acceptable and she needs to stop.

Unbelievable

Efemena_xy: So, you're saying that if your wife visits your ex, it means she's having a tumble in the hay with him??

Every woman who says hello to her ex, is having a sordid affair with him??

Read the bold in the post below. Also there is a theory called "Okafor's theory" which is true to a large extent.

Missy_B: There's no reason to keep in constant contact with an ex if you've 'moved on', let alone if you're married . . . More nonexistent that reason should be if your partner finds it offensive.

Oftentimes, Exes don't stick around unless there's still an iota of interest or an ulterior motive.
I expect every being who claims to be mature enough for marriage to understand the simplicity of that.

I have taken time to go tru u guys advises, some are like adding salt to injury, while some posters are better put in d op's position to really feel his pains b4 they come back to comment. Then d last group's comments are quite reccommendable just like dis one

obowunmi: Poster, this issue to me is not an issue of trust but an issue of respect.

Your wife is NOW a married woman. If she cannot leave the ex issues from 8 yrs ago, then there are serious issues. If she respects you, as your wife, ex will not be in the picture.

A normal wife will say, I am married now, pls out of respect for my husband, I don't think this friendship is appropriate. Will you sit and wait before they start to catch feelings for each other again? I mean common.

I'm not married yet and I'm certainly not in touch with any

OAM4J:


Read the bold in the post below. Also there is a theory called "Okafor's theory" which is true to a large extent.

exes from 1 month ago. Rubbish!

In addition to d good advises, i will ask u to find out ur wife's ex's wife too and confront her, warning her to tell her husband to leave ur wife and family alone. With that,d wife will suffer wat u ar going tru too.

Mayb u initiate a frndship wit his wife if they dnt stop atleast, u will get WIN WIN or LOOSE LOOSE as for there u ar still LOOSE WIN!

For d safety of ur home,dnt try d last paragragh @ home because players are liable to have broken homes!Goodluck

[quote author=ronkebp]At poster....you are angry that your wife's ex wished her a "happy birthday"??
All i see around is insecurities, high and low.....you said your self she broke up with the guy 3 years before your marraige, and you think she will be dating him out of "frustration" since you have lost your job? is it because the guy is in London that this insecurities rose from level 2 to 20.....
can u simply tell me in simple english, what the guy really wants by getting in touch?

People don't actually have respect for the marriage institution. Nor regard for their husbands.

Keeping in touch with an ex to the extent that he has the nerves to send someone elses wife a bithday sms?

Is the ex so bored with his life that he still remembers her birthday?shouldn't he be celebrating his current babes birthday, fully occupied with her?is he reciprocating an earlier gesture, the so called wife started the birthday sms ish?

Is the wife lacking attention in her marriage? She have not been able to make new and healthy friends since her marriage?what could be special in ab ex to still keep contacts with?is the woman lacking self esteem and needs the ex to massage her ego?

I'm struggling to find 1 valid reason to still be "buddies" with an "ex" after marriage! For single girls I can understand: there's hope of reconcilation but for a married woman? One or both of them is missing the kpekus.

Btw, how would the birthday sms look. Like? Dear ex honey, happy birthday. You remember how we do it those days?is your husband doing any better bla bla . . .

Pulease!

@OP i have had similar experience which i posted here on NL sometime last year though not with the handle i am using right now.I dealt with the situation by taking the issue to her parents,unfortunately her parents never saw anything wrong in what she did and it almost crashed the marriage because we separated for months.After few months of separation neighbors thought i have been appointed the chairman of the ruling political party as her friends and other well wishers trooped to my house on a daily basis to plead with me to rescind my decision.I had to oblige their request after 6 months because of the welfare and health of the children which at this time was fast deteriorating.In my case even though she refused to admit her mistake;the communication between she and her Ex came to an abrupt end.Right now i have a post in the family section "He is divorcing his wife". where i am seeking for advice on how best to take care of the welfare of the kids.Mine is a failed marriage as far as i am concerned.

1 according to OP's story his wife dated this ex for 7 yrs after which he dumped her and they became enemies.... So quit the story that she decided to marry the OP and nt the ex cos u dnt knw better than the OP 2. I am begining to think u are the husband in ur marriage if u re truly married cos only an arrogant woman talks the way u ve bn talking on this thread unless u ve anything against this OP prior to this thread

Efemena_xy:

Doing that right now.

Listen, there's nothing stoopid about the question. She chose to marry her hubby, not her ex! Doesn't / shouldn't that tell him something?

proudlyafrican: @OP i have had similar experience which i posted here on NL sometime last year though not with the handle i am using right now.I dealt with the situation by taking the issue to her parents,unfortunately her parents never saw anything wrong in what she did and it almost crashed the marriage because we separated for months.After few months of separation neighbors thought i have been appointed the chairman of the ruling political party as her friends and other well wishers trooped to my house on a daily basis to plead with me to rescind my decision.I had to oblige their request after 6 months because of the welfare and health of the children which at this time was fast deteriorating.In my case even though she refused to admit her mistake;the communication between she and her Ex came to an abrupt end.Right now i have a post in the family section "He is divorcing his wife". where i am seeking for advice on how best to take care of the welfare of the kids.Mine is a failed marriage as far as i am concerned.

Okotorigba!!!! Even after spending 6months suspension. God help us in our marriages!

@ ProudlyAfrican, na wa o!

Okay then, I stand corrected. Granted, I've never found myself in such a situation before but then again, I know NOTHING will tempt me away from my matrimonial home sha.

@poster, you know your wifey better than any of us here sha, but I still believe trust and insecurity are issues in your relationship.

You do what's best for your marriage.

Etranshub: 1 according to OP's story his wife dated this ex for 7 yrs after which he dumped her and they became enemies.... So quit the story that she decided to marry the OP and nt the ex cos u dnt knw better than the OP 2. I am begining to think u are the husband in ur marriage if u re truly married cos only an arrogant woman talks the way u ve bn talking on this thread unless u ve anything against this OP prior to this thread

Try not to get a heart attack on my behalf.

Madam self nor dey hear word, why still contact ex for crying out loud even when hubby makes it clear
we are humans and are bound to make mistake, there might still be some unresolved feelings between both parties
7 years is a long time, feelings might get back together and the ex might get her at her weak point and the rest is history
oga sit your wife down and let her know how you feel

But you already playing the scenario of them being together might lead to something ugly
let wifey know how you feel about the present situation

This is a matter of respect. Has nothing to do with trust. Respect your husband, don't contact your ex.

Efemena_xy: So, you're saying that if your wife visits your ex, it means she's having a tumble in the hay with him??

Every woman who says hello to her ex, is having a sordid affair with him??

What the hell are you talking about? You will go seeing your ex after marriage for whatever reason? Am not too happy with this stupid position of yours at all. Why mix with an ex for what? Utter rubbish.

What is a married woman doing communicating with an ex even when her husband has warned her against it. Insecure-he is, really? Then if he is insecure the wife is responsible for it, how does she expect him to feel when it is obvious she respects her ex more than she respects her own husband? Why wouldn't he feel let down? This man has lost his job and the best way his wife can help him get back on his feet is by visiting her ex a million times?

This is a joke

thks all for your comment, its been so helpful, i ve rescinded my decision of staying away from her for a while, for d sake of my marriage. she had apologised seriously & said she just does not have any ulterior motives or feelings thats why she picks his call, but now that i dont like it, its ended completely. I believe her & also made her understand that, i m not saying she has anything with him, but i know the way men reason, & i dnt want anybody take advantage of my wife. I m also working on

chaircover:

Thank you jenny

I feel very strongly about this because I know how i will feel if I found out that my husband was still in contact with his ex behind or even infront of my back LOL. Its got nothing to do with insecurity. It is to do with respect. It makes it even worse that the husband has voiced his displeasure on the contact but the lady still does it.

if my husband wakes up one morning and says that he doesn't want me on NL because of the male attention, perceived or otherwise, if i am unable to convince him and make him see my point without forcing him, wont I just pack my bag jeje and go to dollarland where there are no men is my home not more important than NL?

People tend to forget that marriage a long haul and we will be there for so many years. There are also a lot of other things intertwined in it. She may not be having an affair with the ex and have no intention of doing that, but it leaves a mark on the marriage and if when in 3 years time she finds herself in another situation with her husband he will find it easier to refer back to this and base his decision on what is happening now. You think that if the wife approaches her hubby and says that she wants to go to London for business,even if she had noble intentions) he will let her go? She is only making a rod for her own back for the future.

If the EX was such an EX-pert, then why am I not wearing his ring and with his baby on my back

What is the difference between this man's story and that woman who chose her friend over her marriage? Oh yea, the other posters friend is female

The power of "ex relationships"is usually very strong and addictive wen ignited. If u hv ddecided to get married,I really dnt see any reason y. Shuld be in contact wit ur ex ....anythin can happn esp if u guys were seriously in love bfor now. My advice......keep ex'es far away

OP, I am sorry that your wife has little respect for you. Your story has reminded me of what I already knew: Never marry a person that does not love and [b]respect [/b]you.

proudlyafrican: @OP i have had similar experience which i posted here on NL sometime last year though not with the handle i am using right now.I dealt with the situation by taking the issue to her parents,unfortunately her parents never saw anything wrong in what she did and it almost crashed the marriage because we separated for months.After few months of separation neighbors thought i have been appointed the chairman of the ruling political party as her friends and other well wishers trooped to my house on a daily basis to plead with me to rescind my decision.I had to oblige their request after 6 months because of the welfare and health of the children which at this time was fast deteriorating.In my case even though she refused to admit her mistake;the communication between she and her Ex came to an abrupt end.Right now i have a post in the family section "He is divorcing his wife". where i am seeking for advice on how best to take care of the welfare of the kids.Mine is a failed marriage as far as i am concerned.

I hate to say this to you but you did not do the right thing yourself. You don't go around giving an adult an ultimatum, whether you are married to em or not, just because said adult is talking to someone that you are uncomfortable with. That is a sign that you don't respect that adult. I mean would you, sitting here, tell me that you can tell your best friend(male I presume) that if he continues to talk to, say another gal or guy, that you will no longer be his friend? That is childish and insulting.

If you want respect, learn to give it first.

bjcole: thks all for your comment, its been so helpful, i ve rescinded my decision of staying away from her for a while, for d sake of my marriage. she had apologised seriously & said she just does not have any ulterior motives or feelings thats why she picks his call, but now that i dont like it, its ended completely. I believe her & also made her understand that, i m not saying she has anything with him, but i know the way men reason, & i dnt want anybody take advantage of my wife. I m also working on

Well, if she has truly changed- goodluck with your marriage and life.