cute9jaguy:


another mistake!!!
In Nigeria,your inlaws are first.
@poster
will you ever learn?haba,on top all this talk

Inlaws come first in a woman's matrimonial home?  So you would allow that?
You would allow your sister to trash talk your wife in your home? So why don't you tell your sister to start doing your "wife's" duties!

While you are at it, feel free to be your sister's shagging partner because she "comes first" and less i forget make sure a "BJ" is in the package because you shouldn't expect the "second-fiddle wife" to warm your greasy bed!  .

In this digital age of Plutonium and Coltan, i find it repulsive , grotesque and incomprehensible that a man would say "inlaws come first". What sort of Inlaws come first in a man's home? 

Aiye e wa gbami lori isokuso yiii 

I'm at a loss for words really. I feel so sorry for you. I just pray your hubby realises sooner that later that u meant no harm and that it was an inadvertent action. Sorry dear. May God help you.

rikkyjen:

Inlaws come first in a woman's matrimonial home? So you would allow that?
You would allow your sister to trash talk your wife in your home? So why don't you tell your sister to start doing your "wife's" duties!

In this digital age of Plutonium and Coltan, i find it repulsive , grotesque and incomprehensible that a man would say "inlaws come first". What sort of Inlaws come first in a man's home?

So sane Nigerian guys still exist? I thank God. I was thinking maybe all of you have been cursed with this kind of retarded mentality.

I was thinking maybe "ALL OF YOU" have been cursed with bla! bla!! can't even say "some" of "most"

some people sef!

I took time and read almost the whole thread from top to bottom.
I'll advise the wife that if the husband does not change his attitude,she should not go to Naija for that burial.

The reason is that he may have told the whole family the whole tale and those who had not heard will hear it on your arrival amnd will be eargerly waiting for you.
Your life will be a living hell at that funeral and if care is not taken some overzealous relatives of his may jump you and beat you senseless for killing their mother.

Already the sister in law is saying things,there's no telling how far they've gone.
Remember that in Nigeria,anyone who died was 'killed by someone' and a woman you were not in good terms with, gets a stroke with a 360 degree head twisting,you laughed and days later she dies.

In Nigerian terms na you kill am.


If you must go home make sure you have able bodied brothers and male cousins within reach.
If I were you,I would tell this whole situation to my mother and get a wise counsel from her.
In- law business is no joke in Nigeria and if your husband is not on your side to defend you,you'll be devoured like Awusa suya.

You have my utmost sympathy and I wish you well.

unfair

D-reloaded:

So sane Nigerian guys still exist? I thank God. I was thinking maybe all of you have been cursed with this kind of retarded mentality.

are you married?do you ever hope to get married?

Hey gurl, I hope things get better. But you have to remember that when people are grieving one of the stages is anger, so he will be upset anyways and because he was/is not in his usual frame of mind no matter how many times you explain yourself it will not make a difference until he calms down enough to listen to you and really hear what you are saying. His sister is upset as well so even if she did/does understand y you laughed her emotions will take away her rationality. Then to everyone it becomes that you had something against the mom, whereas normally it would be like the thought of watching someone's head make a complete 360 would be funny.

@ poster,
u have to give him time.if he doesn't listen to ur pleas,send him texts.if he's got good friends ,u can tell them to plead with him.
make sure u attend the funeral.the people at home(nigeria) would probably have heard of what u did.they may want to be hostile but dont
let it het to u.
like they say,time heals all wounds.u really need prayers since u've not had a child for him.his people may even suggest to him to take a new wife.
be prepared for the worst

I guess you the fact that what happened was insensitive has been overemphasised and what she needs is sound advice and words of encouragement. I'm sure that she would learn a from this experience.

I would advice you pray that God softens his heart, at the moment he would not want to listen to you and he feels you do not feel his pain. He may not have the patience or heart to listen to you explain the situation but a well written letter deep from you heart may help. Make you you have more than one copy, he might tear a few before he finally reads it.

As mentioned previously, he needs you even if he doesn't acknowledge it, be determined in your heart to love him through this difficult situation. I know how hard it can be with regards to work in the UK, bills and stuff but if you can take time of work when appropriate to be with him, that would be great.

One thing you can do is to speak to someone in his family that can plead on your behalf, someone he respects and would listen to. Hold on and don't loose hope, you're are sorry for what you did and I believe time would heal

@Poster

Look here girl, i think you need your husband's sister right now more than ever. Get closer to her and let her know how sorry you are and she will do the rest of the work for you regarding your husband. But please try to control your emotions and laughs, eventhogh there are some bad situations that are funny but we have to control our emotions. To be honest with you, the 360 thing would have cracked me up too but i guess some Nigerian don't know how to describe things.

To tell you the truth I would have laughed at the 360 degrees thing too.

and you might end up in the same shit the poster is in now

Your husband seems like a smart man, he now realises how much u dont like his mother and that is what is hurting him the most, u can put all sort of spins on this issue but the sad truth is u didnt like the woman, its not a crime not like her but the crime is that u allowed ur husband to know, would u have laughed if the message was about ur mum , would u have gone to work the next day if it was ur mum, I dont know of any organisation that will sack u for not coming to work cos of the death of someone close to u ,dont allow all these funny people that are goading u along destroy ur family, u are the one that is wearing the shoe u know where it pinches. The mom is dead and the next u want to do after is show the sister who the boss is, i guess by that u will eventually chase her out of the house and u keep saying u are sorry about laughing, I dont get it ur actions should show u are sorry not words.  I dont know how u intend to achieve that without ur husband getting all mad again, truth be said i am not so sure u not happy that the woman is dead, hey she wont be disturbing u again.  she

Like a poster said when going to the funeral go with someone that can protect u incase thing turns ugly.

@ shapey

Girl, try what ur mum said and wish ya all the best.

Keep us informed sha cos I am really rooting for u.

cooldude62:

are you married?do you ever hope to get married?

]

I'm married to you, duh

ibeere oshi.


Anyway

Osisi, I don't agree with you saying she shouldnt go to Nigeria. That will make the family VERY suspicious considering I am sure the mom said alot of crap about her upon getting back to Nigeria after the argument. I do understand what you mean by them giving her hell when she and her husband gets to Nigeria, however if she's able to get him to see reason before they travel then hopefully he'll stand up for her in the face of family.

@ sharpey

i understand.just give him some time.he will eventualy calm down.human beings are mostly creatures of emotion and not of reason.but when he calms down he will see what you did for what it really was:a harmless but silly mistake.but never lose your sense of humor it may even be why he loves you.

prince_onx:

and you might end up in the same shit the poster is in now

I don't think I'll marry a guy with a hardened heart.

Your sister In-Law is a bad person, just watch out for her when you come to Nigeria, she will try to make serious trouble by telling your people what happened. Its a good things this happened so you can know who she really is. Anyway, just a little patience, things will work out fine.
Keep on being good to your husband, but be careful with the sister, dont make any rash judgement, just keep studying her. Expriences like this happen to make us wiser.

Keep on being good to your husband, but be careful with the sister, don't make any rash judgement, just keep studying her.

I agree with aisha2, you'll sail through this, your sister inlaw may not be the best person to speak on your behalf. A neutral and mature member of his family would probably do you good. Also, make sure you attend the funeral

i have to update you guys on the turn things have taken.i also have to thank everyone.reading some of the posts put a huge weight off my shoulders
afterlocking myself and my husband in the room,he wanted to go watch the tv in the early hours of the morning and asked me for the keys.i told him he'd get it only when we had settled our differences.to cut a long story short.he told me that his anger towards me was aggravated by what his sister told him. please my dear friends hear this--he said she told him i called my sister in the us and was so excited,telling her that 'the old witch is dead now i can have peace in my home.good riddance to bad rubbish'.i was in shock,tears began to flow down my cheeks.as i was trying to recover from that shock,he dumped another bombshell.my sister in law told her brother that i said i told my mother that i'll be sending huge sums of his money to her since my mom in law was dead.
at that moment,i thought i was dead.
i simply broke down in tears and told my man that i never said any such things.i even asked him to call my sister and mom and ask.i went to his sister's room,and told her to repeat what she told her brother before me and my elder sister because i was going to call my sister.she could not utter a word.she just stood there staring at me.this was about 3.20am.my husband was just staring at his sister.i told my husband i was going to call mysister so he could confirm.i later went into my sister in law's room to ask her why she had to tell such blatant lies.she replied saying-'i only thought it will make things better'.i got so angry.i walked away congratulating myself that i had contained my anger.

i did not even know he heard what his sister said.it was when i was trying to put a few things together that.my husband called me.he said 'look angel you have to calm down' .i pinched my self.it's been almost 2wks in this hell and suddenly i hear him calling my pet name!!!!!!!!!!.he told me his sister told him so much,but since he can now see she made things up,there would be no need telling me more.i told him i was not keen on hearing any more.my sister called from the us to know if we needed anything from there.my husband told her i was the organiser,so she could talk with me.i then hinted her on what was going on.she spoke to my husband telling him she had hardly spoken to me.she called my house 2ce and my in law told her i was not home-meanwhile i was o.she called me 2ce at work but i could hardly talk to her.that confirmed everything to my husband if he was in doubt.now i am relieved that i'm no longer a witch to my husband's eyes,and he now knows who the real culprit is.my annoyance stems from the fact that he can hear such horrible things about me and keep them to himself,and believe them.one thing i know for sure is his sister is moving out once we return.and then secondly,we have to re-address things in this marriage.i thought things were 100percent okay,but now i know that is a big lie.he has told his sister that she must not breathe a word of the past 12 days to anyone,or else he'll seize her passport.i'm still watching and waiting.truly,i'm no longer so interested in this marriage.this is the plain truth.it only means that if i had not been persistently pleading,these things woul not have come out.
my parents,sisters and cousins will be there for the burial.for me,after truly paying my last respects to my mom in law,i' have alot of looking inwards to do.it's been hell on earth for the past 12 days.

My dear thank God things are taking a good turn.
As for your sister in law,do not change that position,she must move out when you return
She can cry Imo River,beg till the cows come home.
She gats to go.

From your writings,you do have a good man.
God bless.
Please keep the names of people off the thread,you never know who's reading.
Go to modify and take off her name if that's her real name

nwando thanks so much you are such a darling.

Whats in the mind of an average guy who marries a black gurl and decides not to have kids for sometime bcoz of fund? ,hmmm, the wise should answer that.
The slightest provocation also leads to --,the wise should fill in the gap.
for the guurl,i wish you luck.

@poster,
your choice of title is strange, do you believe in God? why say its dying? why not help,i dont want my marriage to die
well,na you know o,i still wish you luck.

Pls my sis,don't allow michevious pple to mislead you.YOu know if it's in Nija here,so many
by-standers will intervene and interfere and further excerbate an already tense situation.
Hold on to your relationship and husband.
Put yourself in his shoes and trade places with him,you'll know how it feels.
God bless you.

thanks alot cute9jaguy,but the thing is this-i was doing my masters when i met my husband.i had to round off,before i could discuss anything about marriage with him.this was in 2004.we got married in 2005 september.the suggestion not to have kids just yet was mine and he bought it.he was in medical school and that is aaallloootttt of cash and .apart from that my husband is one who likes planning to the minutest detail.we planned to start trying for kids by june this year. thanks so much.you are so right about the topic.i guess i was not just at my best at time of posting.


abbey10 thanks too.i'll take that into consideration.

S,
There is still good reward in patience.
YOu have a nice man as husband.
HOld tight.
As for the sister in law;no comments.
cheers.

Girl am so happy for u o.
Thank God. - u better not say this marriage doent interest u any longer, spit that thought out.
Now u just know him better - u have just learnt something else about him that u can avoid if u dont want drama.
I told u that men are big babies.

Girl am so happy for u o - journey mercies as u go ok?
May u come back to us on this site in one piece.

And maybe we will even help u celebrate the birth of Atinuke with this trip u are going to in Nija?

Told ya. . its a matter of time but things will be fine. I am so happy for u and good thing u updated us.

Step 1: Attend ur mom inlaw's burial
step 2: Kick ur sis in law outta ur house.

Safe trip and all the best in naija.

adeboo you've been such a shoulder.yes,i'll join the forum once i'm back from nigeria.you sound like you are married.are you?i wish you all the best.you guys are so good.i never knew one could have friends without actually meeting them.

busta thanks a bunch.you bet i'll be in 9ja for the funeral now-wont miss it.as for my in law,she knows she's so out.i'd have given you guys update even if things were still sour.since i told you when things were messed up and you lent a listening ear,i'll also tell you when things are okay.it's not like the thing is all cleared up,but it's alot better now.at least we are talking and planning the trip.thanks again.

drop your line when ur in Nigeria so we can buzz you.have a nice time and hope someone has learnt even if you aint real!