|Join Nairaland / Login / Trending / Recent / New|
Stats: 1240185 members, 1642962 topics. Date: Wednesday, 17 September 2014 at 12:30 PM
|10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by nabegibeg: 10:00am On Sep 13, 2012|
MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His "Potential"
Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do.
And just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well.
Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple.
Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Some women will continue to put up with a guy that doesn't treat them very well.
Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!?
Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.
Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know?
Because I've seen it at least a hundred times...
And because I've been this guy in the past myself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationships I've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.
I'm amazed the women put up with me.
But they did...all the while hoping that I would somehow change.
The women I dated hoped I'd change.
The only thing they saw in me that led them to want to keep me around was the “potential” they saw in me to share my feelings and communicate with them.
The potential for something better and the potential for me to change and be a better lover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at these things at the time.
And more importantly, I wasn't even at a place in my life where I knew how to or was interested in developing a deep and committed relationship - with ANYONE.
But deep down these women believed that if they tried hard enough, that it would make up for what was lacking.
They believed that I could become someone else with them.... and that this would be easy for us both.
Talk about a losing battle.
It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...
But until you accept that lots of women do this AND that YOU could be doing it on some level, you'll NEVER have the success with men that you choose and want.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quickly pick apart certain things about his style, body language, status and character that will tell her all kinds of things about him.
Lot's of women don't even consciously see that they do this because the process is so obvious and simple for them.
But does the same apply for men.
As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.
As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women.
And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.
Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, I can tell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.
Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful.
If you know how to use your body language AND communication correctly, you can make men feel the same kind of powerful intimate attraction to you that YOU feel when you see that hot, great looking guy that you got to know.
But it's not an accident.
You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY woman can learn how..
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guy's attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an “easy” woman for men to like you, and you certainly don't have to play like he's some gift to the Earth.
Doing these things actually works to subtly, at an subconscious level, lower your social status with a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with how he sees you as a woman.
So if you think that making him more attracted to you means “playing to the man's fantasies” from the start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man's approval, finding your way into his heart through sex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Attractive, single, successful men are rare.
They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive men are being approached in one way or another all the time by women.
And guess what?
Attractive men have usually dated a lot of women.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive men off and sends him running away faster than just about anything...
It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really, REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just like one of those “clingy” stereotype women who want to rush into a relationship and can't control yourself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.
That's great news to women...
Men can't help it!
You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.
MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out.
The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.
I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.
But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
Aside from their intimate interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.
If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.
Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.
You can avoid this pain if you learn to indentify a good man from a bad one.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.
But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of he.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.
This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.
This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.
Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.
But you have to know how to create this situation with a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?
Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?
But we all do it.
Men are the worst at this by the way.
They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.
Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.
She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!
If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me.
Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.
It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.
I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.
I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.
Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.
It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.
I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.
You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Nobody: 10:21am On Sep 13, 2012|
Why is it always 10? Why not 11 or 12? Why? Why?
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Caracta(f): 10:32am On Sep 13, 2012|
fluid26: Why is it always 10? Why not 11 or 12? Why? Why?I tire o. Did you read them? Pls summarize.
@OP, thanks for sharing?
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by 190(f): 10:38am On Sep 13, 2012|
For it is easier t o adhere t o th e 10 commandments then t o adhere t o this
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Caracta(f): 10:44am On Sep 13, 2012|
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by 190(f): 10:46am On Sep 13, 2012|
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Caracta(f): 10:48am On Sep 13, 2012|
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by DExplorer1: 10:56am On Sep 13, 2012|
This is an example of what not to post
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by free2ryhme: 1:12pm On Sep 13, 2012|
post yoiur own nah ... sucking blood pesin
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by johnshagb(m): 2:42pm On Sep 13, 2012|
I go come read am later
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Okijajuju1(m): 2:43pm On Sep 13, 2012|
13 Mistakes Women make with men.. By OKIJA JUJU
1. Using her p`ussy as a negotiation tool:
2. Taking Advice on men from women:
3. Trying to change a Man
4. Letting herself go because she think shes got him.
5. Thinking he is a mugu
6. Alawys asking him for money and never giving him back any money in return.
7. Relying on her physical beauty alone
8. Trusting us too much
9. Using pregnancy to trap us
10. Using Church and 'being born-again' to decieve us
11. Thinking her 'virginity' will impress him
12. Not knowing how to price Garri in the Market (not economical)
13. Taking my advice or the OP's advice seriously
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by djeezy(m): 2:44pm On Sep 13, 2012|
Too long. Someone should summarise it
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by berem(f): 2:47pm On Sep 13, 2012|
Is the thread not meant to be for Women Only? Just like the other thread yesterday which was meant for Men Only.awon boys nearly crucify me because I put mouth.
Nice write up anyway!
THE MEN ARE GONNA TAKE OVER THE THREAD!!! WATCHOUT!
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Periwinkle(m): 2:49pm On Sep 13, 2012|
@nabegibeg....thanx so much learnt a lot
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by kokoye(m): 2:51pm On Sep 13, 2012|
It all boils down to this:
Stop trying to change your man by force. He will pretend if he has to..till he gets what he wants (whatever that is).
You can pray for a change but dont nag him about it..please dont.
Nagging never works.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by cindyrella(f): 2:52pm On Sep 13, 2012|
Wow and it made front page
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Laryokeke: 2:55pm On Sep 13, 2012|
I believe i observed that sexist's view of women that project them as delicate creatures who must hide their feelings till a man leisurly feels the same way, and comes asking for their attention. What nonsense! You clearly didn't read your psychology theatrises well enough or you would have discovered that we are all different, react to the opposite sex very differently, and can never ever respond to such stimuli in a general manner. I personally love girls that are outspoken and would try to win me over when they are in love with me and am not unattractive. Hence, saying that girls shouldn't try to change a man's feelings because failure in such an endeavor is inevitable is stating a proven lie. Thanks for writing and posting all the same
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Euroclydon(m): 2:57pm On Sep 13, 2012|
hmmn....this seem like a fire for fire of what i posted yesterday, you gals wanna go head on abi? i got more in my arsenal o!
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by ceejay80s(m): 2:58pm On Sep 13, 2012|
I wasted 9kb of data take open dis page and another 7kb of data to reply, what A waste!!
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by temujin1234: 2:59pm On Sep 13, 2012|
Some of these points are more valid than others.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Mynd44: 3:06pm On Sep 13, 2012|
ceejay80s: I wasted 9kb of data take open dis page and another 7kb of data to reply, what A waste!!I swear
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by LeCoq: 3:12pm On Sep 13, 2012|
LOL...jump the story and come right down to the comments section.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by sayso(m): 3:12pm On Sep 13, 2012|
How to do this,how to do that and still the problem persists.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by cindyrella(f): 3:15pm On Sep 13, 2012|
ceejay80s: I wasted 9kb of data take open dis page and another 7kb of data to reply, what A waste!!Real waste
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Nobody: 3:19pm On Sep 13, 2012|
1. Juggling ur bosom over a Mans face.
2. Wearing G-strings go market when u are suppose to wear it only in his presence for him to c.
3. When you nag without reason at ur Man. WTF
4. When after 1 round of s.e..x, you said you are tired and said till like next year for another 1.
5 when you tell a man that you can only have s.e..x 1ce in a month. Haba!
6. When you only ask for recharge cards, take me to cinema etc
7. Asking a man the things your father have never dream of even till he die.
8. When you pretend to be ajebor and whereas you are ajepako.
9. When you only expect him to do the callings and you don't wanna return the calls
These are some of the few mistakes woman.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Chanchit: 3:20pm On Sep 13, 2012|
I slept off, when I got to #7, only to wake up 30mins later to finish it. Damn the article too long for me.
Let me leave, for females to comment, since the Op is talking to females.
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by DExplorer1: 3:24pm On Sep 13, 2012|
cindyrella: Wow and it made front page
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by chiboy11(m): 3:33pm On Sep 13, 2012|
D page s more like a projet,can't even read all of dem self.
4me d only mistake girls make s wen dey start sein dier folow bf or fiancee as a ATM machine,den respect s gone
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by Nobody: 3:35pm On Sep 13, 2012|
@op, nice one. But, pardon me, because i will use dis ur thread to ask a personal question. What shld a babe do, wen a guy she is dating 4 lyk 3mnths, brings anoda babe to spend d nite in his house, goes to club with her and usually exchange calls wit her. And he claims......., they are just best frnds, they ve bin frnds 4 five yrs(witout eva having sex), dat d babe housed him in her house wen he had accomadation problem. And so many blah blah blah. Pls hw shld a babe handle dis stiuation, witout sounding jealous or over protective??
|Re: 10 Mistakes Women Make With Men by MMM2(m): 3:36pm On Sep 13, 2012|
Trying 2 be a virgin 4 life
|Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health |
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket
Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2014 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See Nairalist and How To Advertise. 128