In psychology, a person who has a martyr complex, sometimes associated with the term victim complex, desires the feeling of being a martyr for his/her own sake, seeking out suffering or persecution because it feeds a psychological need.

In some cases, this results from the belief that the martyr has been singled out for persecution because of exceptional ability or integrity. Theologian Paul Johnson considers such beliefs a topic of concern for the mental health of clergy. Other martyr complexes involve willful suffering in the name of love or duty. This has been observed in women, especially in poor families, as well as in codependent or abusive relationships.[3][4] It has also been described as a facet of Jewish-American folklore.

The desire for martyrdom is sometimes considered a form of masochism. Allan Berger, however, described it as one of several patterns of "pain/suffering seeking behavior", including asceticism and penance.

The Martyr Complex

by Krishna on June 23, 2007

One of the most destructive behaviors in any relationship is the existence of someone with a martyr complex. As the definition from Wikipedia explains, a “person who has a ‘martyr complex’ desires the feeling of being a martyr for its own sake, seeking out suffering or persecution because it feeds a psychological need.” The characteristics of such persons include

They have the need to be a victim and complain always and relentlessly.
They take little initiative in trying to fixing any complaint.
If any problem is solved, but in a different way than what they proposed, the problem still exists, as far as they are concerned.
If any problem is solved according to their solution, they will find another problem to complain about.
If any problem is solved, it is because they complained about it.
They complain about problems that do not concern them in the least.
They do not appreciate any good things being done.
They lie and twist facts to prove their point.
They selectively forget, ignore or avoid any facts that may conflict with their point.
They resort to name-calling when everything else fails.


To generalize, here are the dysfunctional dynamics that happen when someone starts developing the martyr complex:

Other people take time to recognize this, but they do in time. They treat the person as “the Boy Who Cried Wolf”. The person loses all credibility. People start ignoring all their concerns, even if some are actually important, because they cannot make out what is truly legitimate.
Other people can behave just as irrational. Since a martyr usually boasts that he was responsible for any change, people avoid doing anything that can be used by the martyr for feeding his ego. Sometimes the very fact that the idea came from a martyr is cause enough to abandon the idea. A martyr creates many enemies directly and indirectly.
Since the martyr picks fights with anyone who disagrees with her, her friends have learnt to nod their heads at whatever she says, reinforcing her opinions. However, friends realize that too much close association with that person can be harmful. They behave like double agents by slandering the martyr in private and further lowering her image. Communicating any issue starts with, “Don’t think I am complaining like John Smith, but…”
A martyr can spoil the well for others by flaunting rules and opposing authority, not for any good reason, but just because of their perceived issues. When this happens, other people start putting up new rules or exhibit behaviors to prevent such incidents in the future. Flexible policies can become inflexible, negatively affecting everyone.
The martyr demands attention, but the opposite can happen with people leaving them alone and ignoring them. Take the example of some elderly people who crib all the time. They may actually be suffering from pain or disease. But, their relatives and caregivers cannot take their complaining any longer and abandon them.

Over time, the relationship can plumb the depths of hell. Resolve the situation as best as you can. In a future post, I will discuss strategies for handling martyrs, especially the need to differentiate between levels of martyrdom.

They honestly believe they are a model of virtue. If they are abused and mistreated, they will suffer such indignities, because eventually their tormenter will see the error of their ways, and recognize what a special human being they are hurting.

Martyrs are often attracted to difficult and abusive people. They pick spouses who are brutal or intolerant, who lack a conscience, who deceive and manipulate them, and who resist the martyr’s efforts to reform them. It is interesting that they unconsciously choose to be around impossible people, and that their efforts to rehabilitate the latter are doomed to fail.

The victim role is an important component of a martyr complex. It justifies in their mind that others are responsible for their pain. They engage in compulsive blaming to reinforce this conviction. The blaming functions to deflect the basic neurotic tendency of their behavior: They set themselves up to be victims. They do this to avoid taking responsibility for their life, but also to show that their own behavior is beyond criticism.

This is a negative trait to have. yet particular groups suffer deeply from this Martyr complex. How do we deal with it?
"The Boy Who Cried Wolf' pretty much sums it up. how do we deal with this silly shouting boy? wait for the wolf to tear him apart?

I thought NL have so many dif sections- politics,
Education, jokes etc
I think this belong to education section .

Toaskarity: I thought NL have so many dif sections- politics,
Education, jokes etc
I think this belong to education section .

It belongs in politics. You just have to read between the lines.

c.fours:


It belongs in politics. You just have to read between the lines.

pls tell me more

The activities associated with the governance of a country or area.
The activities of governments concerning the political relations between countries.

what i find

You must be referring to 'IGBO' people within Nigeria. . . . and ON NAIRALAND!!!

The victim role is an important component of a martyr complex. It justifies in their mind that others are responsible for their pain. They engage in compulsive blaming to reinforce this conviction. The blaming functions to deflect the basic neurotic tendency of their behavior: They set themselves up to be victims. They do this to avoid taking responsibility for their life, but also to show that their own behavior is beyond criticism.

Gbam!

Outside Nigeria. . . THE YORUBAS ARE CHAMPIONS. . .
How can we forget the AYO OMOTADE Vs BA saga?
When they misbehave. . .it is the MET POLICE'S FAULT WITH RACISM!

Toaskarity:

pls tell me more

what i find

you sabi read.