maran1983: I've been silently following this thread and was contemplating commenting or not but my husband explained that if my post can save just one person, then I'd have done a lot.
I was in my 3rd year, 2nd semester when I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started dating. @1st it was all rosy and magical but I noticed he started getting jealous of my friends, time spent with my family instead of with him, infact too many things for me to remember.
My family couldn't stand him, we are a really close knit family so I didn't understand why they didn't like him, so to compensate, I loved him even more but of course, that wasn't enough for him.
A typical conversation would go thus
Me:honey guess what? Omo and I are going to see a movie this weekend.
Him:you girls are just a bunch of sluts! Don't you have tvs @home? I'm sure you want to sNeak out to see another guy, it won't work, infact you have to be @my place by 7am on sat.
Like someone under a spell I'd be @his place all through saturday and sunday.
It got so bad I didn't have friends anymore, I was constantly @loggerheads with my family. He even had people spying on me in school! One time I'd told him I was fasting because of a program in my school church, to my shock he called and said 'liar, you claim to be fasting, yet you are frying meat!' I was amazed cos I was trully frying meat. I had to explain that I was cooking with some members of the church for the program.
Please, don't get me wrong, I wasn't naïve or foolish but with him I lost all confidence and self esteem. I used to feel so pretty and sure of myself but he killed all that.
When my dad died he refused to come for the burial because according to him my dad didn't like him!
My story is really long and painful, I'm just glad I got out. There's so much more to tell but I'm typing with my phone.

Thank you for taking time to drop your comment; even though it's a painful experience, this experience will help single ladies to watch out for signs of an abuser.

I would love to read more about your experiences. Thank God you came out of it.

TV01:

Funnily enough I also wrote up my reading of the situation and the main players, but I'll leave that for now. The rub with Debriefs story is that it sounds glossed to the point of being campaign material. At some crucial - easily overlooked points - it just doesn't wash;

1. Prior to marriage he was an angel, and no one saw or said a thing. Barely 6 months after he was a demon?

TV

She has already fully explained this tirelessly. Why do you refuse to believe her? Why is it so hard to fathom that the return of his bad influence of a father, bad new found friends and the corruption by wealth, alcohol and drug abuse; coupled with the fact that the union had not produced a child AND that he clearly had unresolved, repressed issues due to witnessing domestic abuse in his childhood that came to the fore when all things aligned for it to do so...are the things that caused it? What other reason are you looking for?

2. Through all this Debrief remained blameless (I'm not talking unsalted soup here). Whilst every other avatar was villified except her 2nd husband?

Again she has addressed this. She has not changed herself one bit in her new marriage and yet, her current husband does not abuse her. What does that tell you?
Ok, her blame was in not getting pregnant, not quitting her job and not cutting off her father from her life. Right? So now that you have uncovered how she is to blame, what would you have advised her?

3. And even if I had a large dose of incredulity administered, along with a few "belief suspension" tabs and somehow manged to forcibly swallow points 1. and 2., will I really confess that God - and for no apparent reason - abandoned one who was faithful to Him? Lemme open wide, I'm happy to guzzle on vitriol.

Wow, so now, you are claiming that faithful Christians can never be victims of abuse? So she must have been an unfaithful Christian so God allowed her to be abused? Really? Really? This is the kind of bs Christianity that I now avoid like a plague. Men and women of God the world over who have had bad things happen to them must have been unfaithful right? Pastor Bimbo who died of plane crash, Ilupetaife who was killed by robbers (I think). Multiple men and women of God who have died of cancer and other illnesses must have been unfaithful? Really?

Oga Pak, you convienently left out the fact that she her self was bullying Cotton and I had to defend her because she kept hammering on the fact that cotton must have done something to trigger abuse when the woman was literally crying here.
Me I have seen it all, I can handle it, any one who attempts to bully me na them sabi,. where I feel like responding I will, When they curse I Ignore but no one will silence me.
You do what you feel is right I will do my own part. Let us forget the hundreds of posts that I have given what so many consider good advice when I dont dance to the tune of some it becomes preaching divorce, I hear, preach ya own I preach my own, no gag me, and better believe no one can bully me to silence.
Thank you for your compliment, but I will give advice as I see fit for every situation. Thank you

ileobatojo:

She has already fully explained this tirelessly. Why do you refuse to believe her? Why is it so hard to fathom that the return of his bad influence of his father and new found friends and the corruption by wealth, alcohol and drug abuse; coupled with the fact that the union had not produced a child AND that he clearly had unresolved, repressed issues due to witnessing domestic abuse in his childhood that came to the fore when all things aligned for it to do so...are the things that caused it? What other reason are you looking for?



Again she has addressed this. She has not changed herself one bit in her new marriage and yet, her current husband does not abuse her. What does that tell you?
Ok, her blame was in not getting pregnant, not quitting her job and not cutting off her father from her life. Right? So now that you have uncovered how she is to blame, what would you have advised her?



Wow, so now, you are claiming that faithful Christians can never be victims of abuse? So she must have been an unfaithful Christian so God allowed her to be abused? Really? Really? This is the kind of bs Christianity that I now avoid like a plague. Men and women of God the world over who have had bad things happen to them must have been unfaithful right? Pastor Bimbo who died of plane crash, Ilupetaife who was killed by robbers (I think). Multiple men and women of God who have died of cancer and other illnesses must have been unfaithful? Really?

Dont forget Titi who was stabbed 76 times, she must have really been unfaithful to God. Heheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeee, This is the kind of "Christian " men my sisters should run from. Same person who cursed me and my family because I said marriage is not by force and he was enforcing on Sagamite. Lol, I wonder what happens when Madam disagrees with your views for you to lash out at strangers who dont fit into your stereotype. Dont bother my dear Sister, No be Pastor we see dey slap small pickin? God knows who are his

jennykadry:

Can I ask a question? is anything wrong with not telling people what they want to hear?You see the way I do my thing is, tell people what "I think" they need to hear and not what they want to hear. Many women have come on here asking for ways to tolerate their husbands infidelity and abuses. I am not going to impose my opinion on them , but I am not going to tell them its okay to tolerate such things from men. I am not going to give a woman whose husband slept with everyone at his work place a solution on how to make her husband remain faithful to her cos he really may never be faithful to her.

Imagine if Titi or Ogo had come on NLD seeking for ways to make their marriages work for them to start living in peace with their partners, imagine how guilty I would feel for the rest of my life knowing that I helped send them to their graves? imagine if I had told them what THEY WANTED TO HEAR?

You have to understand that most of these girls I am talking about are childhood friends. The husbands sef are older friends too. The problem is when they fight, they run to you. When they have make up s*ex, they tell the husband all you have said. That mumu now starts plotting for you, because you want to take his punching bag away. Some with violent husbands actually believe he won't do it again after the 4th time. You really should listen to the excuses. Oh, they said his mum is the witch, they said she is the one doing him. Oh,he said i shouldn't have looked at him like that or asked him why I get constant stalking phone calls at 11am I midnight. Oh, i shouldn't have gotten angry when his girlfriend came home to ask of him. This is happening to one friend at the moment. I just stay on the phone and say "aww", "eyah", "pele o". "So what do you want to do now?*silence*. So really tell me, does she want to be helped? Its always my pastor said this and that. Another one married a criminal because of money. You know how some naija girls like fast things. Funny thing is she came from a good but poor home. Just a little patience and she would have been better off. I had cut off from her for reasons that were not personal, only for us to find each other and discover that my friend was living the life. Hmmm! When I found out what was going on behind those shiny gates my dear, I shut my eyes and closed my ears. Long story short he used to beat her while dating, but she was determined to get her family out of poverty. This is a girl that had been hustling and working since 16. It turned out she was the one now feeding him because he had lost it all. He used to treat her like an animal. If you see this babe, I have never even seen her shout.beatings, rape and beatings when she refuses to do the deed out of fear of disease and disgust. She became the one maintaining that life in the end. Good thing is she was on her last leg and had already made preparations to run away. Family had tried to rescue her but she didn't leave. He will beat her in front of their kids and drag her up and rape her. Hmm! I think her breaking point was finding a used condom in her room.

So you see, telling them the truth can only go so far. They will want to look good to their husbands and victimize their friends or anyone in the process. Its kind of like when a mum disciplines a child and the child after 5mins will do anything to get the mums love back, including the puppy eyes and crying. Who knows if titi and Ogo came here. But you know Nigerians with their oversabi. They will rather you die to please others. You can only just be there. Otherwise you will hear "My husband said I should stop talking to you". Hahahaha. After a while honestly, I cut them off if I see they are on a path of destruction. Every man for himself and God for us all. I have my own worries and occasional problems to solve in life too. I can only carry so much as a burden. An adult is an adult afterall. And God gave us free will, and a CHOICE.

TV01, seriously eh I just wonder what you hope to achieve with the kinda things you post.
Why should Debrief confess to whatever it is you want to hear? Must she have done something to deserve how her ex treated her?
I don't know why some of you people are trying so hard to make it seem like abuse in some cases if not all should be excused.
There's no reason whatsoever to tie your wife up and flog her or bring in other women into her matrimonial home, its really not nice to try and push the blame her way.

ileobatojo:
What is Abuse?

Abuse is fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control. The abuser is not hampered in these efforts by the pangs of a healthy conscience and indeed often lacks a conscience.

While this mentality of power and control often expresses itself in various forms of physical abuse, it just as frequently employs tactics of verbal, emotional, financial, social, sexual and spiritual abuse. Thus, an abuser may never actually lay a hand on his wife and yet be very actively terrorizing her in incredibly damaging ways.

Abuse in any of its forms destroys the victim's person. Abuse, in the end, is murder.

you are criminally biased!
fücking hell, tone it down a bit so your points would seem balanced. even in your definition of abuse, it is the man that is vilified and the woman is the saint which is far from the truth.......experience has shown women can be as bad as the men in domestic abuse issues so shut up already. i just don't think any man would wake up one day and become a joe fraizer by beating his wife on a daily basis. people who believe such tales by sunlight need their heads checked! women are excellent story tellers.....i remember chaircover propped up like spartacus to defend a woman who reported her husband had beaten her.....on getting there, chaircover was told it was the woman that actually threw a hot cup of coffee on her husband!

all the women coming here to tell porkies - if you bring their partners here to share their stories, we would learn new things the women systematically removed from their tales of woes! it takes two to tango! if you are romantically involved with a grizzly beast - it says something about your own personality and the silly choices you make.....men don't just metamorphosed into beasts - the red flags are always up all the time but the love of fried rice and chicken of our gluttonous nigerian women would not let them see the warning signs......

this witchhunting and the vilification of nigerian men should stop - if we are that demonic, stop marrying us - there are men of other races, pet animals, silverbacks, etc as options!

debrief08: Oga Pak, you conveniently left out the fact that she her self was bullying Cotton and I had to defend her because she kept hammering on the fact that cotton must have done something to trigger abuse when the woman was literally crying here.

As it not been argued here that any form of bullying/abuse is not justified regardless of what the 'abusee' might have done to trigger it ?

I'll give you the credit that after your first response, you actually stepped back and gave her what you felt was the necessary education, which she duly conceded to and you seem to be the only person that noticed that there was something ironic about the way she exited the thread

debrief08:
You do what you feel is right I will do my own part. Let us forget the hundreds of posts that I have given what so many consider good advice when I dont dance to the tune of some it becomes preaching divorce, I hear, preach ya own I preach my own, no gag me, and better believe no one can bully me to silence.
Thank you for your compliment, but I will give advice as I see fit for every situation. Thank you

It will be unfair to say I have never acknowledged the good advice/good intentions of the principal players on the thread. And am not anti-divorce (neither am I pro-divorce). Religous ppl can say whatever they want. I believe people should do what is right for them but believe me sis, as a participant and most importantly an observer/learner - this thread does sometimes start to sound like a 'divorce if you can booklet'.

The essence of balance/moderation is to ensure that sometimes in our pursuit of what is good, we don't unknowingly cross some bounds.

And what's it on this thread about always feeling criticism is a sign that someone is against you ?? Believe me your greatest asset in life are people who are willing to criticize when necessary especially when its positive.

I will always appreciate ftmom, she came in on the thread criticized a prevailing notion, we saw much sense in what she said and we'r all the better for it.

coogar:

you are criminally biased!
fücking hell, tone it down a bit so your points would seem balanced. even in your definition of abuse, it is the man that is vilified and the woman is the saint which is far from the truth.......experience has shown women can be as bad as the men in domestic abuse issues so shut up already. i just don't think any man would wake up one day and become a joe fraizer by beating his wife on a daily basis. people who believe such tales by sunlight need their heads checked! women are excellent story tellers.....i remember chaircover propped up like spartacus to defend a woman who reported her husband had beaten her.....on getting there, chaircover was told it was the woman that actually threw a hot cup of coffee on her husband!

all the women coming here to tell porkies - if you bring their partners here to share their stories, we would learn new things the women systematically removed from their tales of woes! it takes two to tango! if you are romantically involved with a grizzly beast - it says something about your own personality and the silly choices you make.....men don't just metamorphosed into beasts - the red flags are always up all the time but the love of fried rice and chicken of our gluttonous nigerian women would not let them see the warning signs......

this witchhunting and the vilification of nigerian men should stop - if we are that demonic, stop marrying us - there are men of other races, pet animals, silverbacks, etc as options!

Are you okay? Why are you getting defensive? Are you guilty of abuse or planning to abuse your wife in the future? I did not make up that definition and you can always replace woman with man and the quote would still be the same. It is not even from a Nigerian website, abusers' mentality are the same everywhere so what the heck are you talking about? Who cares if an abuser is Nigerian or otherwise? So if Debrief's hubby was a white man, we would not have the same opinions of the situation? What tosh!

experience has shown women can be as bad as the men in domestic abuse issues so shut up already.

Please show me where anyone on this thread has praised abusive women otherwise just shut up with that rubbish. As a matter of fact, several of use condemned abusive behavior by one of us here once it surfaced so once again what bias are you seeing that is not there?

pak:
As it not been argued here that any form of bullying/abuse is not justified regardless of what the 'abusee' might have done to trigger it ?
I'll give you the credit that after your first response, you actually stepped back and gave her what you felt was the necessary education, which she duly conceded to and you seem to be the only person that noticed that there was something ironic about the way she exited the thread



It will be unfair to say I have never acknowledge the good advice/good intentions of the principal players on the thread. And am not anti-divorce (neither am I pro-divorce). Religous ppl can say whatever they want. I believe people should do what is right for them but believe me sis, as a participant and most importantly an observer/learner - this thread does sometimes start to sound like 'divorce if you can booklet'.

The essence of balance/moderation is to ensure that sometimes in our pursuit of what is good, we don't unknowingly cross some bounds.

And what's it on this thread about always feeling criticism is a sign that someone is against you ?? Believe me your greatest asset in life are people who are willing to criticize when necessary especially when its positive.

I will always appreciate ftmom, she came in on the thread criticized a prevailing notion, we saw much sense in what she said and we'r all the better for it.

Please kindly show where I said any woman should divorce here? It is not my fault that people just conclude on issues when it comes from certain people, all I have said is that the traditional advice of cook, clean and turn more mumu doesnt always work, and I also said no one should be judged for their choices, where in these 22 pages did I advocate divorce?
I was asked questions i answered, I made my choices and stand by it because it worked out for me. When People were here shouting "divorce is not an option " consistently nobody talk cabal, now some of us just comment on a thread and some people come and scream divorce then falsely accuse me of being the one saying it. Find where I advocated divorce here for me abeg

Baby_123, You couldn't have said it better, I talked about a friend of mine earlier on this thread, who went back to tell her boyfriend everything I and another friend told her in form of advice, he ended up telling to quit being friends with us, I've seen stopped talking.
Some of these girls really don't want to be helped.

freecocoa: TV01, seriously eh I just wonder what you hope to achieve with the kinda things you post.
Why should Debrief confess to whatever it is you want to hear? Must she have done something to deserve how her ex treated her?
I don't know why some of you people are trying so hard to make it seem like abuse in some cases if not all should be excused.
There's no reason whatsoever to tie your wife up and flog her or bring in other women into her matrimonial home, its really not nice to try and push the blame her way.

I'm going to try, really, really hard not to swear on this thread.

(takes a long, deep breath)

There are, some hypocritical men who condone abuse (physical/non-physical abuse) of the woman and in their own sick way, cover it up under the cloak of Christianity. Re the bolded: Would TV01 mind terribly if his wife were strong enough to tie him up and flog him in their matrimonial home? Afterall, there does exist some women who are physically stronger than their husbands, albeit in the minority sha.

Efemena_xy:

I'm going to try, really, really hard not to swear on this thread.

(takes a long, deep breath)

There are, some hypocritical men who condone abuse (physical/non-physical abuse) of the woman and in their own sick way, cover it up under the cloak of Christianity. Re the bolded: Would TV01 mind terribly if his wife were strong enough to tie him up and flog him in their matrimonial home? Afterall, there does exist some women who are physically stronger than their husbands, albeit in the minority sha.

How can that happen to a "faithful Christian " like him? No, it is for us unfaithful ones

coogar:

you are criminally biased!
fücking hell, tone it down a bit so your points would seem balanced. even in your definition of abuse, it is the man that is vilified and the woman is the saint which is far from the truth.......experience has shown women can be as bad as the men in domestic abuse issues so shut up already. i just don't think any man would wake up one day and become a joe fraizer by beating his wife on a daily basis. people who believe such tales by sunlight need their heads checked! women are excellent story tellers.....i remember chaircover propped up like spartacus to defend a woman who reported her husband had beaten her.....on getting there, chaircover was told it was the woman that actually threw a hot cup of coffee on her husband!

all the women coming here to tell porkies - if you bring their partners here to share their stories, we would learn new things the women systematically removed from their tales of woes! it takes two to tango! if you are romantically involved with a grizzly beast - it says something about your own personality and the silly choices you make.....men don't just metamorphosed into beasts - the red flags are always up all the time but the love of fried rice and chicken of our gluttonous nigerian women would not let them see the warning signs......

this witchhunting and the vilification of nigerian men should stop - if we are that demonic, stop marrying us - there are men of other races, pet animals, silverbacks, etc as options!

What has fried rice and chicken got to do with this?

You saying it's only ladies from poor backgrounds that get abused??

ileobatojo:
Are you okay? Why are you getting defensive? Are you guilty of abuse or planning to abuse your wife in the future?

ad hominem sniping - what i would expect from a breäst displaying market woman.......

I did not make up that definition and you can always replace woman with man and the quote would still be the same.

exactly my point - if it's the same, why didn't you do the replacement?

It is not even from a Nigerian website, abusers' mentality are the same everywhere so what the heck are you talking about? Who cares if an abuser is Nigerian or otherwise? So if Debrief's hubby was a white man, we would not have the same opinions of the situation? What tosh!

what a daft thing to say....
nigerian women mostly marry nigerian men - so if you are here casting aspersions at the menfolk for being domestic abusers you are directly talking about nigerian men! you women should be more careful when choosing your partners! material wealth and what comes with it seems to be the main priority for most of you nigerian women. if you end up with a werewolf because you ignored the alarm bells - then the blame falls squarely on your shoulders!

Efemena_xy:
What has fried rice and chicken got to do with this?
You saying it's only ladies from poor backgrounds that get abused??

gluttony knows no class - it cuts across...
majority of the aristo chics in naija came from wealthy backgrounds!

pak:
As it not been argued here that any form of bullying/abuse is not justified regardless of what the 'abusee' might have done to trigger it ?

And what's it on this thread about always feeling criticism is a sign that someone is against you ?? Believe me your greatest asset in life are people who are willing to criticize when necessary especially when its positive.

Show where I bullied her please?
Secondly lol @ defensive. I had explained my reasons for leaving severally still a few people still insist there must be more, some came back and ask specifics, I answered, still there must be something, even you used the word "slow" and suggested I was guilty of being too "nice" (forgive me if that wasnt you, it is a long thread), any way, I ignore what i feel doesnt apply and respond sometimes to specifics, you ask a question or you say something wrong about me I respond and it has become defensive. lol
Bare in mind I am only responsible for how I behave and not how others behave or respond.

Efemena_xy:

What has fried rice and chicken got to do with this?

You saying it's only ladies from poor backgrounds that get abused??

I actually laughed at that. Looooool, the guy is a clown and looking for attention with that post. I couldn't stop laughing. Does he really believe all he wrote? I think he should print it out and read it like 10times to himself.lol.

Wow Coogar kilo happen? Take it easy na.
Well from what I understand on this thread, we are not saying(atleast I'm not) that woman are completely without fault.
Its more like No one deserves to be beaten and treated in such manners by their partners, the women on this thread sharing their stories (Debrief especially) has explained what led to the abuse in her own case.
It is not fair to say its their personality and silly choices they made that led to the abuse.
The fact that some abusers have deep psychological issues cannot be over emphasized.
Agreed that it takes two to tango, should my boyfriend beat me black and blue because he saw an sms on my phone of another man telling he loves me, without even waiting to hear my side of the story?

Efemena_xy:

What has fried rice and chicken got to do with this?

You saying it's only ladies from poor backgrounds that get abused??

LMAO!!

debrief08:
Please kindly show where I said any woman should divorce here? It is not my fault that people just conclude on issues when it comes from certain people, all I have said is that the traditional advice of cook, clean and turn more mumu doesnt always work, and I also said no one should be judged for their choices, where in these 22 pages did I advocate divorce?
I was asked questions i answered, I made my choices and stand by it because it worked out for me. When People were here shouting "divorce is not an option " consistently nobody talk cabal, now some of us just comment on a thread and some people come and scream divorce then falsely accuse me of being the one saying it. Find where I advocated divorce here for me abeg

Funny enough, I wasn't specifically referring to you per se. It was just my observation on the general direction the thread tried to drift to atimes.

Maybe the mistake was making that point in the same paragraph where I quoted your name (sorry for that - it surely can sound like singling out). I did that cos I felt in a way, you were probably the preponderate voice on the thread and hence exert more influence in the trends - my opinions

pak:

Funny enough, I wasn't specifically referring to you per se. It was just my observation on the general direction the thread tried to drift to atimes.

Maybe the mistake was making that point in the same paragraph where I quoted your name (sorry for that - it surely can sound like singling out). I did that cos I felt in a way, you were probably the preponderate voice on the thread and hence exert more influence in the trends - my opinions

Lol abeg oh, I dont exert any influence, I am responsible for my words alone. Abeg try not to credit me with actions or words that are not mine.
My own here na to answer questions people ask, I no dey influence any one or any trend, If I make some sense to people toh it means I get small brain, but that should be seen as control or influence

freecocoa: Wow Coogar kilo happen? Take it easy na.
Well from what I understand on this thread, we are not saying(atleast I'm not) that woman are completely without fault.
Its more like No one deserves to be beaten and treated in such manners by their partners, the women on this thread sharing their stories (Debrief especially) has explained what led to the abuse in her own case.
It is not fair to say its their personality and silly choices they made that led to the abuse.
The fact that some abusers have deep psychological issues cannot be over emphasized.
Agreed that it takes two to tango, should my boyfriend beat me black and blue because he saw an sms on my phone of another man telling he loves me, without even waiting to hear my side of the story?

why would your boyfriend beat you because of sms/bbm nonsense if you carried yourself with high esteem, respect and grace? where do you women choose your boyfriends sef? when the good guys are doing the wooing, you ignore them and go for a typical money-miss-road agberos - and when the cookie crumbles we start seeing gnashing of teeth!

WTF is going on here?

coogar:

ad hominem sniping - what i would expect from a breäst displaying market woman.......

Lol. Your entire post to me was an ad hominem attack from top to bottom. But nice try though

exactly my point - if it's the same, why didn't you do the replacement?

I copied and pasted the post as it was. Once more, are you okay?

what a daft thing to say....
nigerian women mostly marry nigerian men - so if you are here casting aspersions at the menfolk for being domestic abusers you are directly talking about nigerian men! you women should be more careful when choosing your partners! material wealth and what comes with it seems to be the main priority for most of you nigerian women. if you end up with a werewolf because you ignored the alarm bells - then the blame falls squarely on your shoulders!

Why are you feeling persecuted? Who is talking only to Nigerian men? So if someone comes with an abusive white husband, will we ignore her because her husband is not Nigerian and we are only interested in bashing Nigerian men? That's not a very clever thing to say to be honest and I'm disappointed you are sinking into new lows just to try to prove a dumb point.

jennykadry: WTF is going on here?

I blame you? You start a "cabal" thread then run and kpekus. , After Kpepus you come here dey open mouth hehehehhehhhehehee

^^ Lol.

Can't a woman go on kpekus till i quench leave again?

coogar:

gluttony knows no class - it cuts across
majority of the aristo chics in naija came from wealthy backgrounds!

Apply that analogy to the men too, if not moreso.

How many pot bellied Naija guys do we have in Nigerian restaurants (here in London) sweating it out over a bowl of goat leg pepper soup? You see them ferociously attacking a bowl of pounded yam with their right hand, hanky in left hand mopping up beads of sweat from their faces while they try to loosen their belts.

You gonna tell me that such men don't suffer from gluttony too? Abeg source another form of argument here coogar!

coogar:

why would your boyfriend beat you because of sms/bbm nonsense if you carried yourself with high esteem, respect and grace? where do you women choose your boyfriends sef? when the good guys are doing the wooing? you ignore them and go for a typical money-miss-road agberos - and when the cookie crumbles we start seeing gnashing of teeth!

Kai coogar, if didn't know you any better here I'd have started vexing, my dear its not always like that o.
You think well educated guys can't abuse a woman? How is a girl supposed to know automatically that the guy she said yes to will behave that way few months into the relationship if he didn't show any signs before? What if the beating as a result of the sms is the first sign of abuse\abuse itself?
No one sees inside another's mind, so don't expect me to know at first glance that the handsome, intelligent and rich dude is a potential or full blown abuser.

jennykadry: Can't a woman go on kpekus till i quench leave again?

Abeg go jare, must you come back and rub it in our face? I blame you? no bew us wey answer you reach 100 pages? You leave us here dey enjoy yaself, god is watching you sha

Efemena_xy:

Apply that analogy to the men too, if not moreso.

How many pot bellied Naija guys do we have in Nigerian restaurants (here in London) sweating it out over a bowl of goat leg pepper soup? You see them ferociously attacking a bowl of pounded yam with their right hand, hanky in left hand mopping up beads of sweat from their faces while they try to loosen their belts.

You gonna tell me that such men don't suffer from gluttony too? Abeg source another form of argument here coogar!

My belle oh.

ileobatojo:
Lol. Your entire post to me was an ad hominem attack from top to bottom. But nice try though

no, it wasn't - i only pointed out how biased your comments were.....

I copied and pasted the post as it was. Once more, are you okay?

next time, improve your copy and paste skills! endeavour it's more balanced. a lot of people come here to read some of the comments and it's imperative we point it out that women can be as abusive(if not more than men).....a woman who verbally abuses her partner to the point of the partner assaulting her physically is as guilty as the husband. there should be mutual respect between the two parties!

Why are you feeling persecuted? Who is talking only to Nigerian men? So if someone comes with an abusive white husband, will we ignore her because her husband is not Nigerian and we are only interested in bashing Nigerian men?

cotton101 and debrief had nigerian husbands, no? all the responses from every poster on this thread were geared towards the actions of those 2 men.....so what are you talking about? which of the women here married a white guy?

That's not a very clever thing to say to be honest and I'm disappointed you are sinking into new lows just to try to prove a dumb point.

i give up......#sigh#

Efemena_xy:
Apply that analogy to the men too, if not moreso.

How many pot bellied Naija guys do we have in Nigerian restaurants (here in London) sweating it out over a bowl of goat leg pepper soup? You see them ferociously attacking a bowl of pounded yam with their right hand, hanky in left hand mopping up beads of sweat from their faces while they try to loosen their belts.

You gonna tell me that such men don't suffer from gluttony too? Abeg source another form of argument here coogar!

at least, these men are spending their own money - they don't rely on the women to pay their life-bills. i am talking about women who choose men based on the size of their pockets and totally ignoring his other issues........people don't just become beasts overnight! i don't just buy such stories- abeg!