This is a letter to my wife and girlfriends...

Dear Mama Nkechi,

I feel so bad to be writing this letter to you, because I know it's going to upset you by the time you finish reading it.

Despite all the quarrels and fights we had, your constant nagging and other irritating habits of yours, that drove me into the arms of other women, I still love you * teary eyes* And being the mother of my three kids, you are entitled to half of my properties (atleast the ones you know of). and out of the five cars in the garage, take three. but dont go near the Range Rover Evogue and ford explorer o. Make sure the children dont suffer. and make sure they read to university level. look after Nkechi very well. protect her from all these bad bad boys. especially those men in our area, who come around pretending to be looking for someone else. they are lucky I'm not there, I for show them pepper. And if you like, make you sef begin follow all those small small boys too. just dont waste my money on all of them. what else are you looking for in men? just find something better to do and avoid all these good for nothing boys.

And as for my seven girlfriends, namely Tina, Shade, sekinat, adaeze, uchechi, bose and cynthia the one with a child for me. Tina, despite all I did for you, you were still cheating on me. you thought I didn't know? And everytime I give you money, you divide it into two, and give half to that useless boyfriend of yours Joe. Dont know what you see in that guy sef. I guess you two are laughing your asses off by now, cos I'm now out of the picture. and as a result of your betrayer I'm not giving you anything. atleast the #50k I gave you last, will be enough for you. And to shade, you were a darling. one I would have married if not for my wife's stuborness and refusal to allow me bring you in. you would have made a very good second wife. you were there for me, whenever my wife made the house unbearable for me. each time i come to you, you're always there for me. your hospitality and love wont go unrewarded. and because of that I'm leaving my ford explorer for you. liase with my lawyer later.

As for you Sekinat, I still cant understand what brought me to you, probably na jazz. cos your character and affection for me was nothing to write home about. na so so money you were interested in. and each time I come to your place, na so so amala and gbegiri soup you go dey feed me with. i guess that was where you were putting the love portion, shey? dont worry, I have ordered for a tipper load of yam flour for you. it should be at your door step by now. love portion doesn't make any sense. shogbo? and to my sweetest pawpaw Adaeze nwa, you really touched my heart. your cooking was another thing. and your romance was something else too. there was even a day it almost caused wahala in my home with my wife. when I mistakenly mentioned your name when my wife and I were in the bedroom. biko, gikwa nwayo. dont break the waist of all these lagos men o. whom I know wont allow you to rest cos of your beauty and sexy 'behind'. and for being a very good lover, I'm leaving my black berry and ipad for you. since you are so crazy about black berry phones. ngwanu you can take my bb. liase with my lawyer later. but delete all the naked pictures and videos of our excapades at sheraton, Nicon hilton and for obudu cattle ranch. It was because of these pics/videos I didnt allow my wife to touch my phone. yawa for gas before now.

and to uchechi and bose, you were just there for flings. both of you didn't mean much to me. Cos I knew you are runs girls and have several men in your lives. and as a result, nothing for both of you. atleast we enjoyed ourselves while it lasted. and I paid you two for your services. and to the last and not the least, Cynthia. apart from my wife, you also gave me a child. a fine boy for that matter. though we had our differences, but notwithstanding you tried as a loverand baby mama. and for that, I'm leaving the Range Rover Evogue car for you, and the sum of #2,000,000 as upkeep money for you and my son. I dont want him to suffer at all. and I've also kept a sustantial amount of money for his education. liase with my lawyer later. And as for my remaining properties, the duplex at lekki phase 1, the three storey building in aguda surelere, the bungalow duplex in festac, the landed properties in abuja, port harcourt and epe, I'm giving them all to brothers and sisters. They should liase with my lawyer for more details. and to my friends and business partners. I thank you all. But advise that none of you should make the same mistakes I made. love your wife and cherish your family above all things. avoid 'strange' women and be closer to God...

Yours Truly

Theo Jordan
.......