member_126910: Thanks for the advice. Is there any part of my post above which suggests that things cannot be worked out? I'm just really upset about this, and I'm in a mess.

sexkillz: Run. . .

Or you regret marrying him for the rest of your life. A broken courtship is better than a broken home. Your happiness comes first.

azpekuliar: It's just a case of insecurity and being overly jealous to the point of now becoming controlling, invasive and manipulative. It's no reason to bail out of the relationship.

You only need to keep reassuring him of your love for him and why you would always be there for him. I'm sure he has fears and anxieties (perhaps born out of the fact that he was an ex-player) but this is not the time to be dismissive of them, but to lend a listening ear.

The man loves you and some fair amount of jealousy is necessary to maintain a healthy relationship but let him know that this sort of extreme jealousy can also alienate you from him.

He's a jealous man that just needs extra reassurance of your unconditional love for him. Provide that and go on with them marriage plans.

Good luck!

member_126910:

Hoe much reassurance is enough reassurance? Is this "constant reassurance" a cross I will have to bear all my life? Does this mean this it's going to be like this forever and ever and ever?

Mynd_44: In every relationship, there must be some level of trust. It seems this guy does not trust you at all and without trust, you might as well be walking into a vush street blindfolded. Run run run
it is better to call it off now that when you are both hurting as a result of his distrust

member_126910:

We have talked about this though, and he says that he trusts me. He says he only does this because we veed to be accountable to each other, and I can do the same thing to him if I wavted, but I don't think I have it in me to be the same way back.

azpekuliar: It's just a case of insecurity and being overly jealous to the point of now becoming controlling, invasive and manipulative. It's no reason to bail out of the relationship.

You only need to keep reassuring him of your love for him and why you would always be there for him. I'm sure he has fears and anxieties (perhaps born out of the fact that he was an ex-player) but this is not the time to be dismissive of them, but to lend a listening ear.

The man loves you and some fair amount of jealousy is necessary to maintain a healthy relationship but let him know that this sort of extreme jealousy can also alienate you from him.

He's a jealous man that just needs extra reassurance of your unconditional love for him. Provide that and go on with them marriage plans.

Good luck!
Reassurance ke!. Sorry to say but I don't think this guy is ok. He sound like d kind of mind dat wld lock his wife in d bedroom be4 going to work

@Op we really can't tell you to stay or RUN, you know him better than we do. But I don't feel ani lady shd stand this kinda abuse cause I feel its going to get worse when u say "I DO".

sexkillz: Everything about it.

You cannot marry someone who cannot trust you. . . No one deserves that

member_126910: Hi guys, I need fresh eyes to look at this situation, as it is bugging me constantly.

I've been engaged to this guy for about 20 months, and we got engaged after 2-3 months of dating. Even though I was a virgin at 25 when we met, I have had previous boyfriends. He grilled me several times in the beginning, wanting to know what specifically I had "done" in the past with them, even going as far as to asking if I was gay.

We live apart, and he has always been obsessed with the idea of me "cheating". When we started, if he phoned me and I was unavailable for any reason, it meant that I was being suspicious even though I called him back asap. It doesn't help also that he is very cunning. On one occasion, I invited him to church with me, he pretended he wasn't coming, dropped me off at the station, and immediately followed me on the train back to church to see if I indeed was going where I said I was. When confronted, he said it was because I gave him a reason to believe that I was cheating by not always answering my phone immediately - he thought I was meeting up with friends after service. (Even if I do, I still don't see why this should be a problem!). One public holiday, I had lots of work to do at home so I told him I was going to work when I wasn't (I didn't want to be disturbed). He called my work, and as I wasn't there, he concluded I was cheating. He confronted me about it, and I admitted that I lied about going to work, but only because I needed to get some work done at home. He was terribly upset about this, even shouting at me down the phone. It was only later that I realised that he got so emotional because he had assumed that I was cheating, not because he was betrayed by me lying about where I was. He admits that he has had several partners before me, and also that he had never been 100% faithful to any one of them. Yet, I do not try to grill him in the same way. I do not assume that he is cheating when anything happens, if he doesn't answer his phone immediately. The funny thing about this is that the day he told me that he had never been faithful to anyone before (even in a 5 year relationship that he was in - he said the lady cheated, so he cheated for revenge), he immediately followed up saying that things might get bloody if I ever cheated on him. His first reaction if anything happens between us is "Who have you told?". He says that he doesn't want us bringing 'outsiders' into our marriage issues, which is a valid approach, but I am beginning to doubt the intention behind this.

Recently, I found out that he has (without my knowledge), not just hacked into my Twitter account but also set up his phone to receive an alert whenever anyone mentions me or sends me a message on Twitter. This is not just a hack which lets you log into my Twitter. This is an alert like a text message. This means that wherever he is, whatever he is doing, he wants to know what who contacts me on Twitter. He does have a Twitter account but isn't interested in anything I have to say and so he isn't following me. Rather he is interested in the private messages I get, and what messages people send me. By the way, I have absolutely nothing whatsoever to hide there. I do have male "followers", but these are people who I learn from. I'm quite interested in business and technology and I think it's a great learning resource for other people's experiences. So I don't mind that he can see all my conversations. What I mind about is that 2 months to our wedding, this man is convinced enough that I might be flirting with other men, that he is still trying to catch me out through various methods. This worries me, because why would anyone go through wedding planning and preparations with someone they don't trust? I'm not a flirt, I don't have many friends yet I'm being treated like a criminal. I almost regret saving up myself all these years only to end up being monitored and investigated for infidelity for no just cause. This breaks my heart because I don't treat him the same way, and I don't know what I have done to deserve this kind of treatment.

The ironic thing is that early this year, I met a guy on the plane, who can be desribed as a ladies man. This man stared at me for the entire duration of the 6-hour flight, at the end of which he stopped me to chat me up. I initially thought he recognised me from somewhere, but when it seemed he just wanted to chat a girl up, I told him I was married and walked away. I narrated this to my fiance, and by pure coincidence 3 months later, it turned out the same guy in question was dating my fiance's cousin, and had narrated the incident to her as well, confirming my story in public! If anyone ever needed reassurance, then I would have thought that would be it - but my fiance says that his problem is that I shouldn't even have had a conversation with a stranger in the first place! So basically he's not convinced that I wouldn't sleep with any odd guy that catches my fancy if he had the right qualities. When you love someone, have given them yourself in a way that you'll never give anyone, and want to spend the rest of your life with them, this is very hard to hear. I understand that he has been cheated on before, and it was difficult for him, being a very very caring guy, but it still doesn't justify punishing me for other peoples sins.

What do you make of this, guys? Are his fears justified? Is this how Nigerian relationships usually are, or is my case a special case? I'm really really pissed off about this Twitter issue, especially as there is no need for it.