Nairaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / Login / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 1273167 members, 1747661 topics. Date: Sunday, 23 November 2014 at 09:03 PM

My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! (18010 Views)

Getting Married In 2 Months - Why Does He Distrust Me So Much? / Your Boyfriend Is Not Your Atm / What Do I Give My Boyfriend On His Birthday? (1) (2) (3) (4)

(0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) ... (11) (Reply) (Go Down)

My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Namzgurl: 10:45pm On Dec 25, 2012
Ok, I have been with my boyfriend for almost eleven years and I love him very much. I am African American and he is Nigerian (Igbo) he inspired me to go back to school when I first met him, now I am an RN. He happens to be a doctor here in US. We have gone on many trips but none to Nigeria. I have never met anyone from his family and he has a sister that lives about 30Min away from him whom he says he is not close with. I spend quite a bit of time at his home but he has never left me alone there nor do I have a key, but he doesn't have one to my place either. About 7 years ago he told me his sisters didn't approve of our relationship and we decided to end it we both hugged and cried. I was devastated, Three months went by and he called me telling me he loved me and missed me and didn't want to lose me. So, During this time a friend of mine told me she seen him and another women at the post office together. So about 2 weeks later he showed up at my door and we went to dinner to talk and ended up being intimate that night. That same night I noticed a ring on his finger and Said what did u go and get married and he said no it was a gift his sister bought him and since I have never seen it again. Since we got back together back in 2007 he has consistently tried to get me to gave a baby, but i refuse. My daughter has often said she thinks he is married and I feel it is true,he goes home once a year for 6 weeks. I have asked him and he denies it. So, recently I was on his computer at his home and it got a virus, I told him I would take it the following day to the computer store to get it removed. I know if you look for stuff u will find it. Well, I was on his computer and I opened up 2 files and one was a marriage certificate from the church in Nigeria (Enugu) and it was dated 2007 and the other was a passport showing his true age he is 10 years older than he told me he was which I'm ok with the age but why lie and married. I am torn and why doesn't his wife live here? I need advice, I so love this man and he babies me and is so affectionate. Who can live a double life and what if I would have had a baby, he is not going to leave his wife. Help!!! I was 27 when I met him and thought he was 31 years.

3 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Nobody: 11:10pm On Dec 25, 2012
What other help do you need? Thank God you're not in my village, I would have called all the village women to surround you and clap on top ya head for taking over another man's wife.

How can you live/stay/be with someone for 11years without a meaningful first or second - hand information? You even saw an evidence (a ring) on his finger after 11years, yet you're defending his lies.


I know what you want to hear but I will not say it... some other rock-bottom posters are free to tell you though. Its none of my business.

12 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by 190theclown: 11:13pm On Dec 25, 2012
Nigerian men are the best around

OP you have to manage him cos if you had met other men from other nationalities they would have done worse

so manage him - havent you heard the saying

Nigerian men are God's gift to woman-kind# or is women kind - abeg anyone atleast you understand the message

we are the best when it comes to relationships, child upbringing, we got the culture, we dont cheat and did i forget to say we are the best in bed too cool

12 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by pfii: 11:17pm On Dec 25, 2012
My dear, *in a local pidgin tongue* siddon for dia ooo, make pant dey wear u........u are waiting for pity face comments abi......u won't get that from me.......11 solid years and all u've been getting is American lovey dovey....Hian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wakie! Wakie!!!! Babe, dem don gba u, clean and clear.

3 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Afam4eva(m): 11:22pm On Dec 25, 2012
You knew he was married all this years but chose ton lie to yourself.

6 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by mashnino(m): 11:43pm On Dec 25, 2012
mtcheeeewww...

my fellow nlanders have said it all..

nufing to say again..

just move on
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Nobody: 12:19am On Dec 26, 2012
Without paragraph i can't read the all so familiar bollocks from yet another woman who can't handle her private life.

3 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Rich4god(m): 12:35am On Dec 26, 2012
Why should you be in a relationship for that long without having a direction. 11 goods years and all you both do is say "i love you to each other".... From what i can deduce, may be you never wanted to marry him, you just want him as a friend... else you would have asked him about his future plan with you. Deed has been done. Now that he is married, try to move on with your life. My 2 cent.

2 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by claremont(m): 12:48am On Dec 26, 2012
Story doesn't look or sound like it's been written by someone supposedly a Nurse.

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by pDude(m): 1:33am On Dec 26, 2012
190-the-clown:
Nigerian men are the best around

OP you have to manage him cos if you had met other men from other nationalities they would have done worse

so manage him - havent you heard the saying

Nigerian men are God's gift to woman-kind# or is women kind - abeg anyone atleast you understand the message

we are the best when it comes to relationships, child upbringing, we got the culture, we dont cheat and did i forget to say we are the best in bed too cool


I pDude approve this message. cool

Naija nor dey carry last cheesy

@190: I go buy you Moet

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by huninaija(f): 1:53am On Dec 26, 2012
Pele, you've been played for a fool. How can you date someone for eleven whole years and not have met any member of his family or friends? Where you not suspicious or worried? Didn't you ask questions?? Chai, some women just like putting themselves into unnecessary problems, problems that could have been avoided easily.... undecided

Personally, for me if i haven't met a potential interests family or friends within two weeks of getting to know him, i either stop talking to him or ask questions, if they aren't reasonable enough for my liking i just block his number and move on, no time for time wasters.

My advise to you is to move on, the man in question is married and has no intentions of leaving his wife for a side piece. Good luck on your future endeavours.
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by pDude(m): 2:13am On Dec 26, 2012
Leason to be learned:

If you are an Akata or oyibo and are dating an African, at least get to meet 2 or 3 female relatives or friends of his before thinking about marriage.

Dont let naija guy's sweet-mouth scatter ya head o. grin

4 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:15am On Dec 26, 2012
Hmmm... Interesting...

Edited - clowning..

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Gabrielsylar(m): 2:18am On Dec 26, 2012
So when u broke up at first u both cried and hugged?u mean a fully grown up man who happenes to be +10 years older did cry and hug to break up?? Pls mrs americana dat Guy is from burundi or congo not nigeria....cos back here igbo guys only cry when they sniff EGO

16 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by huninaija(f): 2:21am On Dec 26, 2012
shymexx: Hmmm... Interesting...

However, there's nothing bad in being a 2nd wife as long as the love and mutual respect is there... And if the 1st wife is willing to share her man(she should anyway since she lives across the Atlantic)...

More reason why polygamy should be legalised around the world... grin

If polygamy should be legalised.. Then the law's of the land should develop a law whereby the first wife gets to keep the house and all the properties they had if she doesn't agree with it.. Simples grin angry

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:21am On Dec 26, 2012
JacksonHuston: Why men always do thing like that? They just can't deal with themself!

Don't judge the man, bro..

African culture is so complicated and you can't really judge from the outside...

The man was probably coerced by relatives/family in Nigeria to marry someone from his village or something...

3 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by coolzeal(m): 2:22am On Dec 26, 2012
In our culture, we don't date someone for over eleven yrs without getting married. I understand your frustration and sometimes we deny ourselves from the truth even if it hurt just when we found someone we love. You have proven that he is married, guess the decision is yours to handle. In nutshell, dump him no matter how difficult it is. My honest opinion...

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:23am On Dec 26, 2012
huni_naija:
If polygamy should be legalised.. Then the law's of the land should develop a law whereby the first wife gets to keep the house and all the properties they had if she doesn't agree with it.. Simples grin angry

Why?? Marriage shouldn't be about material things but for love and companionship... grin

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by huninaija(f): 2:25am On Dec 26, 2012
shymexx:

Why?? Marriage shouldn't be about material things but for love and companionship... grin


Which kind yeye love? Keep deceiving yourself with love.. I pray love will not be your downfall! grin
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:26am On Dec 26, 2012
coolzeal: In our culture, we don't date someone for over eleven yrs without getting married. I understand your frustration and sometimes we deny ourselves from the truth even if it hurt just when we found someone we love. You have proven that he is married, guess the decision is yours to handle. In nutshell, dump him no matter how difficult it is. My honest opinion...

Dumping someone after 11 years is going to be difficult, bro...

She should think critically about what's best for her - at least the other wife lives thousands of miles away....
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:27am On Dec 26, 2012
huni_naija:

Which kind yeye love? Keep deceiving yourself with love.. I pray love will not be your downfall! grin

Love is the answer and love maketh the world go round...

Love more - that's a virtue I'm trying to embrace... grin
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by kittykat1(f): 2:27am On Dec 26, 2012
Be strong and move on. From the responses you see, you can see that in Nigeria, women are always blamed when a relationship goes wrong. I do not blame you cos I can relate to your situation. That's Nigerian men for you. Polygamy is openly accepted in Nigeria and so the ppl never blame the man when he cheats.


I feel your pain dearie. For your own good, leave 9ja men alone. You ar not emotionally trained to handle their dramas. Unfaithfulness is legal in 9ja. Please find your own ppl. Thanks

11 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by huninaija(f): 2:28am On Dec 26, 2012
shymexx:

Love is the answer and love maketh the world go round...

Love more - that's a virtue I'm trying to embrace... grin

Love don't make the world go round! Deception of the century. I don't believe in love, never have never will... tongue

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Nobody: 2:29am On Dec 26, 2012
Two words: dump him.
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:32am On Dec 26, 2012
huni_naija:

Love don't make the world go round! Deception of the century. I don't believe in love, never have never will... tongue

Why?? You probably hang around too many naija guys and their booky ways.... grin

Stop being a pagan, b... wink
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by Nobody: 2:34am On Dec 26, 2012
ogugua88: Two words: dump him.
Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by mimifonwon(f): 2:34am On Dec 26, 2012
my dear if he married her in 2007, that means he must have married her when yall split, the moment he told you his sister didnt approve, i think that was the clue. I dont get you 11years, you should have tied him down within 2 yrs, talk of 11yrs, you are the cause of your own problem. One thing about most educated igbo men, that are traditional which your man sound like, if you get pregnant for him he would have had to marry, you. Its obvious he loves you or care about you for igbo men i know spoil girls they care. I think you are the one he loves, but the wife he just got is out of cultural obligations. SO wait my sister, before you know it that wife he will bring over will start misbehaving and he will come back to you, mark my word.

5 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by seedord247(m): 2:38am On Dec 26, 2012
pDude: Leason to be learned:

If you are an Akata or oyibo and are dating an African, at least get to meet 2 or 3 female relatives or friends of his before thinking about marriage.

Dont let naija guy's sweet-mouth scatter ya head o. grin

Guy why u dey spoil road for upcomin greencard applicant. angry

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by seedord247(m): 2:39am On Dec 26, 2012
mimifonwon: my dear if he married her in 2007, that means he must have married her when yall split, the moment he told you his sister didnt approve, i think that was the clue. I dont get you 11years, you should have tied him down within 2 yrs, talk of 11yrs, you are the cause of your own problem. One thing about most educated igbo men, that are traditional which your man sound like, if you get pregnant for him he would have had to marry, you. Its obvious he loves you or care about you for igbo men i know spoil girls they care. I think you are the one he loves, but the wife he just got is out of cultural obligations. SO wait my sister, before you know it that wife he will bring over will start misbehaving and he will come back to you, mark my word.

Is that your house or herbalist shrine?

6 Likes

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by huninaija(f): 2:40am On Dec 26, 2012
shymexx:

Why?? You probably hang around too many naija guys and their booky ways.... grin

Stop being a pagan, b... wink

Hehehe.. I'd rather be a pagan than a mumu deceived by love.. tongue

1 Like

Re: My Boyfriend Is Married In Nigeria! by shymexx(m): 2:43am On Dec 26, 2012
huni_naija:

Hehehe.. I'd rather be a pagan than a mumu deceived by love.. tongue

More reason why I'm the answer - I'm a realist... grin

I can cure every paganism associated with love with ease and taking people for a dyckhead isn't my thing... wink

(0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) ... (11) (Reply)

Little Things That Leads To Break-up In Relationships / Have You Ever Cheated On Your Partner? If So Why? / A Nairalander To Nairalanders: Please Save My Relationship With A Nairalander

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (0) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2014 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See Nairalist and How To Advertise. 119
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.