I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. It has been good although we have had the usual fights and makeups all couples seem to have. The only problem with this relationship is that he is to travel for a one year professional course next year and according to him, we can’t get married until he is back. This kind of puts a cloud on the whole happy relationship. Before i met him, i have never been in a committed relationship but with him, i have learnt to grow and be a better person.

Recently, i have been having phone chats with an ex-schoolmate. While in school, we never talked then he added me on Facebook and we kind of hit off. It has been fun and the last time i went to Delta to see my folks i saw him. We kissed and it was sooo lovely. i don’t know if my feelings for him now is based on those steamy kisses but since i got back, we always talk on the phone for hours every day. I share my day with him and he is so romantic. Anyway, he is a master student at DELSU now so it’s not even likely this will go anywhere too. He knows about my boyfriend but he says he just wants to treasure whatever time we have together (so cute).

My predicament is that i am now torn in two directions- i love my boyfriend but i don’t see a future with him- i don’t believe the long distance thingy can work with us because from what he says too, i don’t think he believes it too. It’s just like we are living a dream. I don’t even know what i want right now. I am in a dilemma.
Is it possible to be in love with two people?

So you loved your bf and u were cheating on him,mtcheew.

Frankly their is nothing else I can tell you about your boyfriend because it seems you mind is made up and you dont believe the relationship is heading anywhere.

On the other guy,I doubt if he loves you
(he just wants to treasure the moment you have together),sounds to me like he is using you.

Since you dont know what you want,I cant help you either.


To ba hoju si e ko ta,to ba ko eyin si e ta,to ba ku iwo nikan,tun ero ara re pa.

It’s not like i have plans to sleep with the other guy. It’s just nice having someone giving me all the other parts i have missing in my relationship. My boyfriend on the other hand is so pessimistic about our relationship, several times I have tried talking about the future, and He keeps saying "let’s see what it brings"; "it is only God that knows the future". Lately, he is saying if i can wait for him to come back, we would get married. It’s like we about living in the present and it’s kind of tiring.

If you don't have faith in your boyfriend free your mind. I am of the opinion that whenever anyone says "lets see where it goes", "only God knows the future" they don't have any real plan for you. Its simple really he does not want to be responsible for the relationship and his actions in it. Anything that happens is now God's will. Babe you cannot force anyone to commit to you. Live in the present and stop asking him questions about the future you too leave the relationship for God.

@op dear, one year isn't so much to wait for if u really luv n believe in him.

For me here, d later guy dnt seem to luv u as u may do.

So jst hope n trust God. He is d Master of d future.

andromida: If you don't have faith in your boyfriend free your mind. I am of the opinion that whenever anyone says "lets see where it goes", "only God knows the future" they don't have any real plan for you. Its simple really he does not want to be responsible for the relationship and his actions in it. Anything that happens is now God's will. Babe you cannot force anyone to commit to you. Live in the present and stop asking him questions about the future you too leave the relationship for God.

@andromida. Thanks. I have stopped asking him about the future- I just want to see how things turn out. I am not going to be a nagging girlfriend. I was in his office the other day and all his colleagues kept asking me when we are getting married. I just laughed and when he came in, he laughed too.

@ Law-confessor. Thanks. Sometime earlier this year, he made a statement that “if you think i am going to commit to you then travel, i wont. I would have to come back and see you are not married". I paraphrased but it just did not make me comfortable with the whole thing and i stopped questioning about the future. I love him and i show it to him, it's left to him to make up his mind on what he wants. All his friends and family I have met loves me,

incognitobabe: @ Law-confessor. Thanks. Sometime earlier this year, he made a statement that “if you think i am going to commit to you then travel, i wont. I would have to come back and see you are not married". I paraphrased but it just did not make me comfortable with the whole thing and i stopped questioning about the future. I love him and i show it to him, it's left to him to make up his mind on what he wants. All his friends and family I have met loves me,

Yeah! It is always gud to allow God fix d future.

Lols...it wont be comfortable dear. Just free ur mind n allow him. if he's urs, he'll still come bak to u.

thank God that man was smart enough to tell her he could never commit to her before he travel. see what she is doing now, and IMAGINE what she would have done during his long stay abroad?!

Don't get it twisted lady, that old classmate of yours is just warming himself into your heart. The rate at which his progressing he would hit 'target' before long.
Trust me! I know this coz as a guy we all got an 'unfinished' project somewhere, if you understand what am saying.

Btw if you love your bf as you insist, one year ain't so big a deal. In his heart, his committed to you (by your knowing his people) even if it ain't publicly declared in a wedding.

2kurupt: Don't get it twisted lady, that old classmate of yours is just warming himself into your heart. The rate at which his progressing he would hit 'target' before long.
Trust me! I know this coz as a guy we all got an 'unfinished' project somewhere, if you understand what am saying.

Btw if you love your bf as you insist, one year ain't so big a deal. In his heart, his committed to you (by your knowing his people) even if it ain't publicly declared in a wedding.

Thank you so much. I know he is commited to me, he does some things sometimes but i get my doubts too. Besides, am not getting any younger

Op which one u dey sef?

Are u concerned with which of them to get married to? Or u want to know if its possiblt to love two people at d same time? Choose one and let's respond appropriately. Thanks.

That your ex-classmate wants to enjoy your 'thing'. if you know what I mean. its good if you want it to do it with him. it will be passionate love-making BUT

remember you have a bf. Guys approach pre- marriage plans differently. your viewing on his non-forwardness does not mean he does not love and want to marry you. The decision is yours. if you want to go with ex class mate. Break up with your bf so he can quitely search for a new girl. and not to break his heart.

Only thing I can say is for u too seek the will of God. As for ur old classmate free dat guy abeg. And plz dis am nt getting any younger talk is just uncool. Last I check ur not the creator... Nuff said

u are a cheat. irrespective of what he said to u before travelling, u should have stayed committed or broken up with him to have a clear conscience. And if he comes back and finds that u are not married and u are willing then continue. Damn. Kissing another guy?! while still in another relationship?. Can't you be honourable and do what is right?

incognitobabe: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. It has been good although we have had the usual fights and makeups all couples seem to have. The only problem with this relationship is that he is to travel for a one year professional course next year and according to him, we can’t get married until he is back. This kind of puts a cloud on the whole happy relationship. Before i met him, i have never been in a committed relationship but with him, i have learnt to grow and be a better person.

Recently, i have been having phone chats with an ex-schoolmate. While in school, we never talked then he added me on Facebook and we kind of hit off. It has been fun and the last time i went to Delta to see my folks i saw him. We kissed and it was sooo lovely. i don’t know if my feelings for him now is based on those steamy kisses but since i got back, we always talk on the phone for hours every day. I share my day with him and he is so romantic. Anyway, he is a master student at DELSU now so it’s not even likely this will go anywhere too. He knows about my boyfriend but he says he just wants to treasure whatever time we have together (so cute).

My predicament is that i am now torn in two directions- i love my boyfriend but i don’t see a future with him- i don’t believe the long distance thingy can work with us because from what he says too, i don’t think he believes it too. It’s just like we are living a dream. I don’t even know what i want right now. I am in a dilemma.
Is it possible to be in love with two people?

It is possible to be in love with two people. Unfortunately it is. It has never happened to me but from what I have seen it is not a good thing to happen because there hearts will be broken.

You said that your boyfriend helped you to grow and become a better person. If this so, then consider that you have had a very special relationship. I think a year is not too much and if you truly love him, you should give it a try. It's only a year. If you and him don't want to do it, then pls play it fair, don't continue cheating. Imagine it happened to you. We all wish for honesty, so we should be honest first.

Apart from this, we don't know what tomorrow will bring, so don't think too far ahead but let the present moment, relationship, feelings decide.
You don't know who you will marry and who wants to marry you or eventually and actually will, so make sure you play it fair FOR NOW.
And if you can't make up your mind, confess to your boyfriend what you did and he will decide if he can forgive you. I know it's a hard thing to do and it requires courage but it is the right thing to do.

incognitobabe: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. It has been good although we have had the usual fights and makeups all couples seem to have. The only problem with this relationship is that he is to travel for a one year professional course next year and according to him, we can’t get married until he is back. This kind of puts a cloud on the whole happy relationship. Before i met him, i have never been in a committed relationship but with him, i have learnt to grow and be a better person.

Recently, i have been having phone chats with an ex-schoolmate. While in school, we never talked then he added me on Facebook and we kind of hit off. It has been fun and the last time i went to Delta to see my folks i saw him. We kissed and it was sooo lovely. i don’t know if my feelings for him now is based on those steamy kisses but since i got back, we always talk on the phone for hours every day. I share my day with him and he is so romantic. Anyway, he is a master student at DELSU now so it’s not even likely this will go anywhere too. He knows about my boyfriend but he says he just wants to treasure whatever time we have together (so cute).

My predicament is that i am now torn in two directions- i love my boyfriend but i don’t see a future with him- i don’t believe the long distance thingy can work with us because from what he says too, i don’t think he believes it too. It’s just like we are living a dream. I don’t even know what i want right now. I am in a dilemma.
Is it possible to be in love with two people?

It is possible to be in love with two people. Unfortunately it is. It has never happened to me but from what I have seen it is not a good thing to happen because hearts will be broken.

You said that your boyfriend helped you to grow and become a better person. If this so, then consider that you have had a very special relationship. I think a year is not too much and if you truly love him, you should give it a try. It's only a year. If you and him don't want to do it, then pls play it fair, don't continue cheating. Imagine it happened to you. We all wish for honesty, so we should be honest first.

Apart from this, we don't know what tomorrow will bring, so don't think too far ahead but let the present moment, relationship, feelings decide.
You don't know who you will marry and who wants to marry you or eventually and actually will, so make sure you play it fair FOR NOW.
And if you can't make up your mind, confess to your boyfriend what you did and he will decide if he can forgive you. I know it's a hard thing to do and it requires courage but it is the right thing to do.

incognitobabe:

Thank you so much. I know he is commited to me, he does some things sometimes but i get my doubts too. Besides, am not getting any younger

I understand your plight on the age issue and am sure your feeling pressure seeing your mates getting married off but remember it's not how far but how well

She said before she met her boyfriend,"she had never been in a committed relationship". That means so many things including "I've been moving from bed to bed". Now,she's kissing and enjoying an old school mate... No wonder our elders keep warning us that a leopard never changes its spots. @ OP. When there's a third guy in d picture & it's heading into a party,pls let us know.

See double standards, so you want to eat your cake and also have it! You want him to fully commit yet you yourself are not fully committing - cheating with an ex schoolmate and all.
Your guy is obviously quite smart, I am not surprised that he's holding out till he gets back, just in case (as he said) you did not get married to another - and by all indications, who'd blame him.
Besides, why else would he make that statement unless of course you are also inadvertently sending out the wrong signals to give him concern.
You seem too much in a hurry and a little insecure about the relationship, which is reason enough to wait a while (after he returns) until you can both be sure about each other.
Meanwhile, there are positive indications he is committed but maybe not saying so e.g. your introduction to his family members and the feedback/expectations from his office colleagues - he must have said in that direction to them.

@op I understand what u mean, u love this guy and u r willing to wait for him but he has not given u †ђξ full assurance u need, anyguy who wants to spend †ђξ future with u will tell u how much he's scared to lose u and hw much he wants u to βε̲̣̣̣̥ with him, my advise for u is to talk to him abt ¶τ̲̅, if u think u love †ђξ schoolmate guy, break up with U̶̲̥̅̊я bf properly and explain why u can't βε̲̣̣̣̥ together again.who knows he mite start pleading for u not to leave, any guy who rili rili loves won't let u go so easily

OP, be very careful and smart about this. He loves you and you know he does. To him, he has already indirectly committed himself to you by letting him get involved deeply into his life. He may just not wanna make you so over relaxed about him. He may wanna use this as a Test for you to see if you truly love him to the point of waiting for him for a whole year.
Though may not be the best idea but I think you should just play along. Don't put too much pressure on him because of the other Delsu guy. Its not like the Delsu guy is gonna marry you within the next 12 months. Just take the risk to be faithful to him till the end. No Risk, NO reward.

incognitobabe: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. It has been good although we have had the usual fights and makeups all couples seem to have. The only problem with this relationship is that he is to travel for a one year professional course next year and according to him, we can’t get married until he is back. This kind of puts a cloud on the whole happy relationship. Before i met him, i have never been in a committed relationship but with him, i have learnt to grow and be a better person.

Recently, i have been having phone chats with an ex-schoolmate. While in school, we never talked then he added me on Facebook and we kind of hit off. It has been fun and the last time i went to Delta to see my folks i saw him. We kissed and it was sooo lovely. i don’t know if my feelings for him now is based on those steamy kisses but since i got back, we always talk on the phone for hours every day. I share my day with him and he is so romantic. Anyway, he is a master student at DELSU now so it’s not even likely this will go anywhere too. He knows about my boyfriend but he says he just wants to treasure whatever time we have together (so cute).

Oh ok, we have heard. It is time 4 u to listen to us. He knews u r in a relationship and he wants to treasure time spent with u (I laugh in delta). Wake up Juliet, he wants to treasure ur ass. Once he has treasured ur ass and toto until ur bf returns na run be dat. Look, I don't know the guy from adam but I know the way men think. For god's am also a man. Most sane thinking men would rarely go that far with a woman that they know has a relationship. It is not done....Unless the guy has ulterior motive, as in this case..

incognitobabe:
My predicament is that i am now torn in two directions- i love my boyfriend but i don’t see a future with him- i don’t believe the long distance thingy can work with us because from what he says too, i don’t think he believes it too. It’s just like we are living a dream. I don’t even know what i want right now. I am in a dilemma.
Is it possible to be in love with two people?

Sorry u don't love ur bf, cos if u do, u will definitely be seeing wedding bells, asper Nigerian gril concerned. Sorry, u don't love the other guy either, cos if u do, u would have broken it off with ur current guy and not be sneaking arnd stealing kisses from a stranger. Even if u said u've know him from school or so, he still qualifies as a stranger but I wonder why u let him get past ur personal space? R u that loose? Well knowing the Nigerian setting if he got there so fast am sure he did other stuffs that u have not mentioned. So madam, use ur tongue to count ur teeth cps cheaters will always be caught.

@poster your boyfriend too is insecure and doesn't know what he wants yet. A guy, even if it is a lie, should try to give his girl a little bit kind of assurance.
I don't blame the poster about kissing her school mate because she finds warmth in his arms but are you sure it is not more that just kissing him? #justasking.
I think that; either ways, all will end up in a broken heart. Her boyfriend may go and get someone else and her school mate may leave after checking her low waist and treasuring every intricate parts in her body, he will make her feel like she is on top of the whole world and as if butterfly grows in her belly then at the last minute turn around to break her heart. That type of guy is common: sweet but poison!
If your boyfriend loves you so much, he will be asking for committment no matter your past life and also the other way round.
Now my own is let go of that gold-digging school mate of yours, talk about it with your boyfriend (I mean about how you want the relationship to be) and get him to tell you his mind. If he trusts or loves you or neither. Then you take it from there. Just don't quit yet but stay on a low key and see how it goes.
Not getting younger? Are you even sure that another will marry you within a year?

ure cheating on ur bf nd he dsnt deserve dat! D only offence he committed was leaving u 4 a year(not like he was going 2 catch som fun tho)! Dnt loose ur bf except u have better reasons 2!

pepperminty12: ure cheating on ur bf nd he dsnt deserve dat! D only offence he committed was leaving u 4 a year(not like he was going 2 catch som fun tho)! Dnt loose ur bf except u have better reasons 2!

That is not his only offence. About 3 months ago, i was lying beside him when i saw a BB chat from a babe- she was like i am so happy you said u loved me , this is the happiest day of my life blablabla. I was so upset that i confronted him- he got angry and accused me of insecurity. prior to that, he had no problems with me going through his phone although i had never gone through his chats before that night, He assured me that the babe was his girlfriend while in school and she is not even in PH and he could not stop a babe from liking him. I could not tell him i actually read everything. What even drew me to the chat was that she used his picture as her DP and it wasn’t his birthday. Apart from birthdays, we both have never used our pictures as DP. Before then, I have cut all contacts with every boy in my life then I wondered if it was worth it at all

A few weeks later i noticed he was still chatting with her, I kept quiet about it and wnen he noticed i was upset about something, he kept pressing until i told him. Again, he told me i was worrying over nothing. that i was his only girlfriend, maybe deep down, i feel there is more to it and it upsets me.

daisyella: @op I understand what u mean, u love this guy and u r willing to wait for him but he has not given u †ђξ full assurance u need, anyguy who wants to spend †ђξ future with u will tell u how much he's scared to lose u and hw much he wants u to βε̲̣̣̣̥ with him, my advise for u is to talk to him abt ¶τ̲̅, if u think u love †ђξ schoolmate guy, break up with U̶̲̥̅̊я bf properly and explain why u can't βε̲̣̣̣̥ together again.who knows he mite start pleading for u not to leave, any guy who rili rili loves won't let u go so easily

This is good advice. This is what i meant when i said you should live in the present.

Look, young lady you are very flummoxed. You better sit down and think about your life and know exactly what you want cos the way i see it,you'r just being used by both guys and you'r just tooooooo stupid to make yourself the sacrificial lamb mmmmmmttttcccchhheeewwwwwwwwwwwww...wise up joh!!,wat are you 5 or smthing?