Every woman's desperate zone.. By Funke When a
woman thinks her biological clock is ticking, she is
vulnerable. When she begins to set wedding
dates between one birthday and the next, she is easy
prey. When all she has achieved and is achieving pale
into insignificance beside her desire to ‘settle down’, that is when she becomes a plaything in the hands of
men. She is finally in that place called the desperate
zone. Here, she can no longer see a simple friendship
for what it is. She reads meaning into everything her
boyfriend
says even when the guy can’t remember what he said or when he said it. Every man who winks or
smiles at her is a prospective husband. She attends
every singles meeting in her church and every
church, believing Mr Right is hidden in next week’s
singles summit or at worst at the end of the year ‘love
feast for singles’. She watches out for such themes as ‘ I must marry this year’ on church posters. She is
obsessed, totally desperate. She is at that point where
she feels incomplete, and that is putting it mildly. Most
women actually at this point feel like failures. They
feel all the witches and wizards in their villages are
behind the problem. The evil ones have covered their faces with evil veil or caged their prospective
husbands. That could be true and it may be far off the
mark. I have learnt not to tell a desperate 37 or 40
year old woman searching for a husband that I
know how she feels. It just does not work. What
further compounds the troubles of the 40-year-old desperate sister is the army of marauding
opportunist males who know what she wants,
dangle it in front of her nose, do what they wanna do
and move on, leaving her bitter and more desperate.
It’s awful and men like that need instant justice, if you
ask me. But since you didn’t, let’s move on. So, a man meets a woman in her late 30s, beautiful, stylish,
great job, independent and single. Her guard
down, she let it slip that she is looking forward to
becoming a wife and mum now that her career is at a
cruising altitude. He smacks his lips and sinks his
teeth into her. He knows he will not marry her or even allow his seeds get anywhere near her womb
but he still strings her along, probably waste another
one year she can ill afford. When he has had his fill,
he discards her like used tissue paper and moves on.
Another one comes along and goes as far as
introducing her to his family, and then zooms of just when she thinks they have something going. She
tries a younger man, lets him use her cars which he
also deploys to taking his sweet 16s to the movies.
He worships her . She keeps the juice flowing and
when he’s done sucking the juice out of her orange,
he throws her away. Isn’t that what you do when you are done with an orange? Truth is, a single-and-
desperately-searchi
ng- senior- babe goes through so much. Her self
esteem is left battered. The men walking through her
life leave her damaged. And for as long as she is
determined to settle-down-by-fire-or-by-force, she’s putty, easy prey and vulnerable. The predators will
continue to mill around her and milk her. Yes, getting
married is good. Marriage itself is a good thing once
you get the bone of your bones but if you are
unlucky to end up with someone else’s bone stuck in
your throat, you will gasp all the way to your grave or into a wheel chair. There is nothing wrong in
wanting a man by your side, in your bed, one you
can call your own with a
license to prove it and a Certificate of Occupancy for
good measure but if you buy the wrong property,
you cannot occupy it or you do so at the risk of broken life or limbs or both. And that is why every
mature babe should avoid that desperate zone. It is
in every woman’s path. Some get married before they
get there, others must pass through it. So if you must,
make sure you happen to the desperate zone, don’t
let it happen to you. In other words, take charge because at the end of the day, it is your life. When
you take a wrong turn in
the road, always remember that you are in the
driver’s seat. You can stop and mope and you can
choose to turn and make a fresh start. Do not allow
men to turn you into a ping pong ball, a pawn on their chess board, a topic over their evening beer.
Okay, I admit that it is easier said than done,
especially when menopause is staring you in the
face. But never ever forget that the same process that
gets you pregnant is the same one that gets you HIV.
Ah, you didn’t think of that? There you have it. Don’t get so desperate as to get sucked in into having
unprotected sex with every man who comes
your way just because you want to beat your
biological clock. You may be signing your death
warrant. Resist the temptation to think each man that
comes along is the one you’d been waiting for. You may even decide to make do with the chicken since
you couldn’t find the pigeon but never lose sight of
the fact that it is your choice, your life. A little slip can
have you careering into disaster. Tell yourself
constantly that this is just a phase and if you have
made it this far, even this phase will pass. Beyond this cloud is a silver lining. Do not let these
men take advantage of you. You actually should turn
the table and use them, if you get my drift. Now, if
you wake up one morning vomiting and hating your
favourite perfume ( I still can’t stand the one I wore
on my wedding day till today), you should just waltz through that desperate zone. Don’t spend a minute
longer. If the man responsible for your thickening
waist decides to disgrace his father by denying
responsibility, just shake your head and sing; It shall
be permanent What the Lord has done for me It shall
be permanent. Don’t lose any sleep. Concentrate on your pregnancy and start shopping like crazy. Buy
the best kaftans
and sexiest flowing tops. He is a coward who didn’t
learn anything his mother taught him. We all should
be ashamed of him because one day, like a prodigal
son, he’ll return with his stupid tail in between his legs to ask for his son or come claim his daughter or
twins when they become stars. So thank God who
did not let you labour in vain. Carry your pregnancy
with pride and let him worry about his cowardice .
That child is essentially yours, a sign that God still
answers prayers. And you know God does not share His glory with anybody. Now, that you can no longer
be called unfruitful vine, why should your blood
pressure not be normal? The worst thing you can do
when a coward impregnates you is not appreciating
God’s favour, by fixating on the shivering bloke.
Your baby will be born with all his features, bald head, sexy eyes, dimples and that little dark birth
mark on his shoulder will be right where the whole
world can see it on your baby. Trust me. Such babies
always arrive with their DNA certificates.

Hmmmm

Very nice write up, & very true. I've seen people get marrried due to pressure & desperation. Itz not only women that can be in desperate zones, men too!

@dazz661 do u think men do and what are your reason

I'm desperate someone come marry me

190-the-clown:
I'm desperate someone come marry me

my grandma has been single for 37years

mondi_cheeks: my grandma has been single for 37years

Badt girl

Mynd_44:
Badt girl

is she not a woman?

mondi_cheeks: is she not a woman?

hmmm. She is but still.......

I think we owe it to ourselves as men to be responsible. I once had this babe willing to do anything to get me to marry her, I knew it wouldn't work cos she's based in US and I wasn't ready to quit my job. She did everything but offer me her life. I didn't let her go too far before telling her the gospel truth, even warned her about the need to be sure of a man's intention before getting involved with him.

Pls, do not use anyone (opposite sex in particular) for your selfish end, karma is real.

Mynd_44:
hmmm. She is but still.......

okay let me offer myself then

mondi_cheeks: okay let me offer myself then

he won't accept

Mynd_44:
he won't accept

but I'm not that ugly I'm sure even a desparate man can take me

mondi_cheeks: but I'm not that ugly I'm sure even a desparate man can take me

Well you are not white are you? That's the only condition he will take you

Mynd_44:
Well you are not white are you? That's the only condition he will take you

is he white himself?

mondi_cheeks: is he white himself?

Racist (on NL only) against his own colour

Mynd_44:
Racist (on NL only) against his own colour

hahaha so I guess he is not desparate yet

mondi_cheeks: hahaha so I guess he is not desparate yet

Well if you say so

Mynd_44:
Well if you say so

now tht I'm desparate will u marry me I'm not good looking but I can cook and clean and I never cheat

mondi_cheeks: now tht I'm desparate will u marry me I'm not good looking but I can cook and clean and I never cheat

Yes I will. Send me you adress and I will come and pay your brideprice tomorrow

Mynd_44:
Yes I will. Send me you adress and I will come and pay your brideprice tomorrow

okay,my father is a retired postman so all our financial burdens will be put on u ...see u tomorrow my future husband

mondi_cheeks: okay,my father is a retired postman so all our financial burdens will be put on u ...see u tomorrow my future husband

okay, no problem

190-the-clown:

u took too long, I ws really waiting for u

Mynd_44:
okay, no problem

Lolz

youngdady: I think we owe it to ourselves as men to be responsible. I once had this babe willing to do anything to get me to marry her, I knew it wouldn't work cos she's based in US and I wasn't ready to quit my job. She did everything but offer me her life. I didn't let her go too far before telling her the gospel truth, even warned her about the need to be sure of a man's intention before getting involved with him.

Pls, do not use anyone (opposite sex in particular) for your selfish end, karma is real.

nice of you Bros

Whew!

God bless you poster, a word is enough for the wise!!!

emilyone: God bless you poster, a word is enough for the wise!!!

Thanks dear

190-the-clown:
I'm desperate someone come marry me

Lol... Do u mean a Nigerian gurl?

dazz661: Very nice write up, & very true. I've seen people get marrried due to pressure & desperation. Itz not only women that can be in desperate zones, men too!

Desperate men? Like 4 real Well even if there exist men who are desperate, I assert that the ratio of desperate men to none desperate men can be 1:99 or even less..