After being in a distance relationship for about 9 months I ended things. We were together for abt 2 years. He initially was supposed to be gone for 4 months but its been 9 and he gave me dates of his possible return and those dates just flew by. He asked me to visit him at his parents home for Christmas but I declined due to exams and me spending time with my grandmother I haven't seen in years.

He calls every couple of days and I answer, try to call back when I can but there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm about to tell him to stop calling because there is no way to move on if we continue to communicate regularly. When he calls he says he misses me. He says that when he returns he wants to prove his feelings for me. Is it worth it? Worth giving it another try or just move on now? Who even knows when he will return. Its just hard to believe given the previous disappointments.

Also, I'm going to run into his family in a few weeks at my sister's swearing in ceremony. She is a political figure in the area they live and have a business in. As of now, I am unaware if they know of the breakup but I know its going to be awkward.

Op do u still luv him? He told u 2 come down to his parent house,did he come back to d country?

London Bridge, Tower Bridge, Southwark Bridge, Battersea Bridge, Albert Bridge, Hammersmith Bridge, Vauxhall Bridge, Westminster Bridge etc etc etc

luvmijeje: Op do u still luv him? He told u 2 come down to his parent house,did he come back to d country?

I do, his parents are in Nigeria, I am in the States

You guys should sit down and discuss about your personal plans for the future and see if you can sync it together. If you can't, then gather all your strength and have a clean amicable break-up and if you can then coming back together may be worth it, because you both love yourselves

NB: IF THERE'S NO TRUST, JUST FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE STUFF.

Lexusgs430: London Bridge, Tower Bridge, Southwark Bridge, Battersea Bridge, Albert Bridge, Hammersmith Bridge, Vauxhall Bridge, Westminster Bridge etc etc etc

You forgot Stamford Bridge. Lol

Ritzyjay: You guys should sit down and discuss about your personal plans for the future and see if you can sync it together. If you can't, then gather all your strength and have a clean amicable break-up and if you can then coming back together may be worth it, because you both love yourselves

NB: IF THERE'S NO TRUST, JUST FORGET ABOUT THE WHOLE STUFF.

we know each others personal career plans. we did have an amicable breakup, he said he understood but he didnt really listen to what I was saying. It took it to mean I have zero feelings for him and suspected another guy or that friends or family have been putting thoughts in my head.

dmcdad:
You forgot Stamford Bridge. Lol

I thought it was third mainland bridge

seedord247:

I thought it was third mainland bridge

Lol.. I guess that would be Éko bridge then

I will advice that you take time to think about this personally. Do you still want him in your life? This is not about the two of you having a talk as that will happen later.

You have to first decide in yourself if you want to get back together with him forst before you can make any move. Take a view of the situation and decide

Everything in life is a risk.
Every decision in life has a opportunity cost.

From your post I certainly know your preference is to get back with him, obviously you love him(so obvious in your post), just that you have doubts if this will really work due to the distance and his uncertainity about his return.

Your post is not comprehensive enough for me to decide why he just isn't sure when he will be returning(Why he keeps postponing his return is not explicit in your post), though since he is involving his families in your relationship I will say he probably has good intention.

As it stands, if you decide to move on, he may just return sooner than you expect. If you decide to stay, he may stay later than expected.
Another possibility, he may return and probably dissolve the relationship and decide he just doesnt want you again, also he may return and you guys may just get married.
Certainly one of this four assumption will be the final outcome.

I cant tell you which one will take place, but here is where opportunity cost will likely come in, certainly, I know you love him and he probably does to, so I suggest you give him one last chance.

The condition for another chance will be him telling you in explicit and certain terms when he will be returning, any deviation from the set time will mean a break up.
If you think the time is reasonable enough for you to wait and it wont cost you too much waiting for him should he say is no longer interested, then you can wait for him.
If you are not okay with the time frame he gives then you dissolve it.

In the end it's all about you decision. Every decision has a consequence.

Mynd_44: I will advice that you take time to think about this personally. Do you still want him in your life? This is not about the two of you having a talk as that will happen later.

You have to first decide in yourself if you want to get back together with him forst before you can make any move. Take a view of the situation and decide

I do still want him in my life but if he is in it I want him. Not as a friend, not as an ex. I want that now but I was starting to resent him being gone for so long.

KateSpade:

I do still want him in my life but if he is in it I want him. Not as a friend, not as an ex. I want that now but I was starting to resent him being gone for so long.

It is a good thing you have decided. Now just have a talk with him and see if he will be travelling again. See from that conversation if he is ready to stay this time and from there, you can decide.

I am of the opinion that even if you get back with him you still won't be able to take his absence so it will be better you don't get involved with him if he is not ready to stay

k2039: Everything in life is a risk.
Every decision in life has a opportunity cost.

From your post I certainly know your preference is to get back with him, obviously you love him(so obvious in your post), just that you have doubts if this will really work due to the distance and his uncertainity about his return.

Your post is not comprehensive enough for me to decide why he just isn't sure when he will be returning(Why he keeps postponing his return is not explicit in your post), though since he is involving his families in your relationship I will say he probably has good intention.

As it stands, if you decide to move on, he may just return sooner than you expect. If you decide to stay, he may stay later than expected.
Another possibility, he may return and probably dissolve the relationship and decide he just doesnt want you again, also he may return and you guys may just get married.
Certainly one of this four assumption will be the final outcome.

I cant tell you which one will take place, but here is where opportunity cost will likely come in, certainly, I know you love him and he probably does to, so I suggest you give him one last chance.

The condition for another chance will be him telling you in explicit and certain terms when he will be returning, any deviation from the set time will mean a break up.
If you think the time is reasonable enough for you to wait and it wont cost you too much waiting for him should he say is no longer interested, then you can wait for him.
If you are not okay with the time frame he gives then you dissolve it.

In the end it's all about you decision. Every decision has a consequence.

He left to take an exam, he passed every part but one and now has to retake it but it waiting for it to be administered.

All four of the assumptions you described make me nervous. Initially when I thought he was returning in the fall it was easier to me to plan accordingly (events, trips) what to accept and what to turn down. He could return with me not even being in the same city due to internships I'm currently interviewing for. But as u said, every decision has a consequence but time is not a friend of mine, at least not in this case.

I do agree with "The condition for another chance will be him telling you in explicit and certain terms when he will be returning, any deviation from the set time will mean a break up."

Thanks

Mynd_44:
It is a good thing you have decided. Now just have a talk with him and see if he will be travelling again. See from that conversation if he is ready to stay this time and from there, you can decide.

I am of the opinion that even if you get back with him you still won't be able to take his absence so it will be better you don't get involved with him if he is not ready to stay

I know I can't do agree to resume a relationship unless he and I are in the same area. It would mess me up . Like u said I just cant get involved if he is not ready to stay.

KateSpade:

I know I can't do agree to resume a relationship unless he and I are in the same area. It would mess me up . Like u said I just cant get involved if he is not ready to stay.

So have that discussion with him and find out what his plans are.

Communication and remember, don't hold anything back and try to use your heart less.

I wish you the best

cheers

Op since u both love each other,one of the conditn 4 u 2 wait further should be formal introductn of both families.

KateSpade:

we know each others personal career plans. we did have an amicable breakup, he said he understood but he didnt really listen to what I was saying. It took it to mean I have zero feelings for him and suspected another guy or that friends or family have been putting thoughts in my head.

if you are on twitter or fb, follow me on @imnukub or add me "ritzyjay44@hotmail.co.uk" so dat we can personally chat

KateSpade: After being in a distance relationship for about 9 months I ended things. We were together for abt 2 years. He initially was supposed to be gone for 4 months but its been 9 and he gave me dates of his possible return and those dates just flew by. He asked me to visit him at his parents home for Christmas but I declined due to exams and me spending time with my grandmother I haven't seen in years.

He calls every couple of days and I answer, try to call back when I can but there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm about to tell him to stop calling because there is no way to move on if we continue to communicate regularly. When he calls he says he misses me. He says that when he returns he wants to prove his feelings for me. Is it worth it? Worth giving it another try or just move on now? Who even knows when he will return. Its just hard to believe given the previous disappointments.

Also, I'm going to run into his family in a few weeks at my sister's swearing in ceremony. She is a political figure in the area they live and have a business in. As of now, I am unaware if they know of the breakup but I know its going to be awkward.

@Poster: I am in EXACTLY the same position as your situation, the only difference is I am the Guy ... I know how it feels on both ends. from your post it seems you really love him and he madly loves you too. He wants things to work out hence he wants you to meet his folks. At the same time he is very much goal oriented wanting to achieve something worthwhile in life. And I guess you are in the 22 - 26 age bracket (Its the most tempting and confusing in the life of a lady)
How I wish you can just be strong and "Know that no good thing in life comes easily"... How I also wish that you know that if you guys are able to surmount this dilemma, you have a chance of enjoying a blissful union
Anyway, there is no hard and fast rule.... no one can advice you more.. Its your life... Think with your head, and know that you are responsible for every decisions you make and take

PS: Thinking from the guys perspective

Mynd_44:
So have that discussion with him and find out what his plans are.

Communication and remember, don't hold anything back and try to use your heart less.

I wish you the best

cheers

Thanks! That's one thing I've always liked about the relationship, we were both able to communicate whether good or bad.

I don't know what you mean by using my heart less tho.

Ritzyjay: if you are on twitter or fb, follow me on @imnukub or add me "ritzyjay44@hotmail.co.uk" so dat we can personally chat

Wut?!

KateSpade:


I don't know what you mean by using my heart less tho.

It means you should let your brain control you more instead of your emotions.

You might see him and the feeling you have for him come back and your judgement might get clouded by them

Mynd_44:
It means you should let your brain control you more instead of your emotions.

You might see him and the feeling you have for him come back and your judgement might get clouded by them

Aight Aight. Will do.

Wut?![/quote]
I Just feel that there are some things you aren't saying here and there are also some things i don't want to mention here.
First is about him questioning your loyalty... when there's no trust, the relationship is just a time bomb... u can either first try and create d trust or allow d whole affair to blow. It has happened 2 me & i don't want to sound like a prophet of doom. pls don't follow or add again o!

dmcdad:
You forgot Stamford Bridge. Lol

and third mainland bridge

So OP, what is the result? Have you had that conversation yet?

If u TRULY love him and he is really the kind of man u want in ur life as a husband, then i don't think distance should be a problem. Just my thought, tho.

The final decision urs to make, anyway. But make sure u guys discuss ur asses out before coming to a final conclusion.

Best of luck.

luvmijeje: Op since u both love each other,one of the conditn 4 u 2 wait further should be formal introductn of both families.

Hmmm not happening. My parents and siblings are in the states, his parents are in Nigeria but his siblings are in the states. There were professional settings where the siblings could've been introduced, it just didn't happen. I also don't see it happening without him present.

Mynd_44: So OP, what is the result? Have you had that conversation yet?

Update: We spoke (not enough time), conversation will be settled this week. However, I know my stance now. He is now beginning another round of exams, praying he passes.

Flygerian.:
If u TRULY love him and he is really the kind of man u want in ur life as a husband, then i don't think distance should be a problem. Just my thought, tho.

The final decision urs to make, anyway. But make sure u guys discuss ur asses out before coming to a final conclusion.

Best of luck.

Thanks for the advice. Discuss we will.

I do disagree with you tho on your thought that if I "truly" love him distance wont matter. Maybe I'm alone with this thought but love is not enough.

KateSpade:

Update: We spoke (not enough time), conversation will be settled this week. However, I know my stance now. He is now beginning another round of exams, praying he passes.

Okay