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Getting Pregnant Before Marriage - Family - Nairaland

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Getting Pregnant Before Marriage / Men That Want Their Women Pregnant Before They Can Marry / You Must Get Pregnant Before We Can Wed! (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by berem(f): 10:42pm On Dec 22, 2012
It seems it has become a new trend for some men to request for their spouse to be to be pregnant fIrst before the proper marriage takes place.I have had the opportunity to ask about 20 yet to be married men and 15 of of them wants their wives to be to get pregnant first.I also asked them why they wanted it,I was shocked when they all said "I don't trust nigerian girls these days".
I have a cousin who is gonna be 34years by next year and she is not yet married.There is this guy she was introduced to for marriage but the man gave her condition that she must get pregnant first.My cousin being a very stubborn lady refused and said she will never get pregnant before marriage.Her mum has been worried because of her age and also being the first daughter.
My main worry now is that her mum wants me to advise her on what to do.Right now am confused.I don't know what kind of advice to give.Should I advise her to get pregnant or wait for the right time? Am really scared the guy might leave her if she refuses to get pregnant first.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by tchidi(f): 10:59pm On Dec 22, 2012
Dunno about others, but I have a strict 'no sex b4 marriage' rule!! If u can't wait till we r married, (not even traditionally sef, church!) Then back off! She should hold fast to her values! If he loves u, he'll love u even if u don't give him a child... My 2 cents sha! undecided

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Lolaabokoku(f): 11:03pm On Dec 22, 2012
must a lady get pregnant b4 marriage? I wonder wat men took ladies 4

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by redsun(m): 11:12pm On Dec 22, 2012
tchidi: Dunno about others, but I have a strict 'no sex b4 marriage' rule!! If u can't wait till we r married, (not even traditionally sef, church!) Then back off! She should hold fast to her values! If he loves u, he'll love u even if u don't give him a child... My 2 cents sha! undecided



grin grin grin

You are funny,"church!".

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by iamtheprincipal: 11:18pm On Dec 22, 2012
This issue has always been one that has raised certain concerns from different quarters as it's unbiblical but the waywardness and lost of values in our present day young ladies leaves much to be desired as it has eroded the 'trust' factor that existed in the days of our fathers and made most men absorb this concept of pregnancy before marriage.
Men are scared of getting married to their 'fellow-men' and hence, their decision.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Kobojunkie: 11:18pm On Dec 22, 2012
@Poster, is your cousin INCOMPLETE as a human being? I know she is 34 and single but does that somehow mean that she is DEFECTIVE and so should be made to do what she does not want? She has made her decision, why don't you tell whoever sends you to her just that?

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by harbeordune(f): 11:34pm On Dec 22, 2012
She shdnt trade her Integrity @ all! Pls if he truly loves then he shd wait. Shikena!!! Come to think of it, wat if she gets pregnant nd Loses d pregnancy few months after d wedding?

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by laykhorn(m): 11:36pm On Dec 22, 2012
When did pregnancy becom a prerequisite for marriage. People have taken this into their dumbhead that most people see it as a tradition.
@berem, something tels me its not just about that guy, your in-laws to be are fully involved.. They are the ones pressurising their son. Your cousin is on the right part, but she should analyse her decision thoroughly as she should weigh her loss if this goes the wrong way
**speaking from experience**

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Impulse80(m): 12:05am On Dec 23, 2012
I not only endorse it but i recommend it also wink cheesy wink smiley What is difficult angry about it? angry undecided undecided get pregnant and we get married! angry SHIKENA!

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by greatgod2012(f): 2:59am On Dec 23, 2012
laykhorn: When did pregnancy becom a prerequisite for marriage. People have taken this into their dumbhead that most people see it as a tradition.
@berem, something tels me its not just about that guy, your in-laws to be are fully involved.. They are the ones pressurising their son. Your cousin is on the right part, but she should analyse her decision thoroughly as she should weigh her loss if this goes the wrong way
**speaking from experience**

.........why should a grown-up man be pressurised to do what he doesnt want, allowing that make him less a man.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by amourpure(f): 5:08am On Dec 23, 2012
I have heard of Virgins that got married and could not conceive for several years. pregnancy before marriage does not Make sense to me, the woman might even loss the pregnancy or the baby after the marriage so what will the man do then?

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Ask4bigneyo(m): 8:15am On Dec 23, 2012
Every successful marriage is a product of adequate preparation...

It is ur preparation dt detms ur xperience...

Ppl take so many time in sch studying abt rats n lizards bt wen it cums to marriage, they tink it z just to find a partner n walk-up to an altar...
Pls take ur time to read books abt marriage so as to prepare u ahead of marriage and there is no oda tym to prepare dan now dt u r stil single. Being a single is nt a sin, it z a stage u must pass tru in ur life. Life is in phases yl men are in sizes and every phase u accomplish in ur life prepares u 4 anoda one...

NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE SAYETH THE LORD TALKLESS OF GETTING PREGNANT!

Igboran san ju ebo riru, i fi eti sile san ju ora agbo lo!

GLORY!

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by kulyie: 8:59am On Dec 23, 2012
Impulse80: I not only endorse it but i recommend it also wink cheesy wink smiley What is difficult angry about it? angry undecided undecided get pregnant and we get married! angry SHIKENA!
why are women reduced to baby making machines.anyway different strokes for different folks.any man that cannot respect my values and integrity can go to hell.women need to start seeing themselves as human beings and people of worth that are more than production of babies.mshewww.the way some men think sef irritates the living day light out of me

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by chaircover: 9:03am On Dec 23, 2012
Its the hypocrisy that makes me laugh. Men complain that women are wayward, but in actual fact how did the women get wayward? its not as if the women sleep with themselves.

Some Men have two, three, four girlfriends on the go and sleep with all of them & stringing them all along, but then hope and expect to marry a virgin. How does that work?

@berem, your cousin is 34 so she is an adult. She has taken the decision not to give into getting pregnant before marriage. I am sure that she has weighed the pros and cons of it, so you are just going to have to respect her decision.

Personally if at the far stage of planning wedding, my fiance does not know me well enough to believe what I say and who I say that I am, then I dont think that there is any point in getting married to him cos there will always be trust issues at the back of his mind.

I know that in our culture, 34 year old single ladies will have pressure heaped on them from all angles to get married, but I always believe that one shouldn't lower reasonable standards just to get a man because he will always make you think that he is doing you a favor and If he senses desperation, you are just making a rod for your own back for the future.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by freecocoa(f): 9:16am On Dec 23, 2012
Some people and their ways of reasoning, smh.

Like many people have said on here, supposing she agrees to get pregnant, gets pregnant and losses the pregnancy, what happens then? He calls off the wedding or what?

Oh I get it, he just wants to make sure she still has a functional womb but its like he's forgotten that only God gives children when he wants and to whom he wants to, what if he has a problem and isn't able to impregnate a woman?(which he may not know)

There are just too many what ifs that we don't always have the answers to, that man is the one who needs to be talked to not even your cousin, if anything sef, I'd advice your cousin to have a serious thinking session about the kind of man she wants to marry.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by ednut1: 9:38am On Dec 23, 2012
afta all d abortion una don do, most holy holy ere self don do abortion, as for me till u get pregnant no marriage and we must be nackin, cos me no like wahala of childlessness or dull sex life, which is responsible for high divorce in 9ja, most guys dat dont want sex are eida gay, importent or wit small willy beware

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by centje(m): 9:47am On Dec 23, 2012
Alot of times we fail to undertand that life is simple. Make your decisions and stand by them. Don't blame anyone afterwards.
If she says no pregnancy before marriage why do you want a contrary opinion.

Some women desire pregnancy before marriage mainly to get the man committed. Its a very common occurrence.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Ask4bigneyo(m): 10:27am On Dec 23, 2012
ednut1: afta all d abortion una don do, most holy holy ere self don do abortion, as for me till u get pregnant no marriage and we must be nackin, cos me no like wahala of childlessness or dull sex life, which is responsible for high divorce in 9ja, most guys dat dont want sex are eida gay, importent or wit small willy beware

smh.... U no well @ all.. Is dt wat ur imam is teaching u.?
I go report u to ur Z.I

Anyway.., how u dey n wen r u goin bak to ur station?
Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by berem(f): 10:43am On Dec 23, 2012
Kobojunkie: @Poster, is your cousin INCOMPLETE as a human being? I know she is 34 and single but does that somehow mean that she is DEFECTIVE and so should be made to do what she does not want? She has made her decision, why don't you tell whoever sends you to her just that?
my cousin is very complete as a human.we are very fertile in my family.my cousin isn't the type that keep male friends.The man in question loves her so much but he is insisting on getting her preggy first.My cousin missed so many chances of getting married by her stubborness.She is an introvert to the core.Her mum is very worried because her other sisters are trying to follow her footsteps.Her younger sister also turned a guy down that wanted to marry her just because the guy is short! Well,I don't really know the kind of advice am gonna give her.There are some other women that would gladly accept but .......I don't know.am kinda confused.
Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by berem(f): 10:50am On Dec 23, 2012
centje:

Some women desire pregnancy before marriage mainly to get the man committed. Its a very common occurrence.
Exactly! It is a common occurrence these days.people don't see it as a big deal.getting pregnant by mistake is quite different from trying to get pregnant intentionally.The problem now is that I don't know what to tell her.
Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Nobody: 11:02am On Dec 23, 2012
By sleeping with the lady before marriage is he not contributing to this so-called 'waywardness'? Nigerian men are hypocrites! Freaking razz things.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by slimyem: 11:10am On Dec 23, 2012
berem: my cousin is very complete as a human.we are very fertile in my family.my cousin isn't the type that keep male friends.The man in question loves her so much but he is insisting on getting her preggy first.My cousin missed so many chances of getting married by her stubborness.She is an introvert to the core.Her mum is very worried because her other sisters are trying to follow her footsteps.Her younger sister also turned a guy down that wanted to marry her just because the guy is short! Well,I don't really know the kind of advice am gonna give her.There are some other women that would gladly accept but .......I don't know.am kinda confused.
Why not just leave this lady alone.
Did she ask for your advice?
How are you even sure she'll take your advice?
She 34 years old for chrissakes not a kid!!
She has chosen to stick by her own values and standard so please let her be.
You and her mum should stop being desperate for her.
Haba!

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by centje(m): 11:29am On Dec 23, 2012
berem: Exactly! It is a common occurrence these days.people don't see it as a big deal.getting pregnant by mistake is quite different from trying to get pregnant intentionally.The problem now is that I don't know what to tell her.
just tell her to stick to her decision. For those that believe in God,He will bring the right person. For those that don't nature always aligns itself to our will,provided what we desire is not against nature.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Nobody: 11:30am On Dec 23, 2012
Lol, This is a classic swallowing panadol for another persons headache.
Lol @ loosing men because of her sturborness, so a jhuman being can choose wwhat they can and cannot live with, hia na wa oh, I am rolling on the floor at her sisters now joining her by rejecting a short man.
Let them make their choices and stand by their principles, what kind of marriage will I go into with such an ultimatum? Today its get pregnant out of wedluck, tomorrow it is resign from your job ( I am sure then you guys will pressure her to "keep her husband"
I am so proud of her for desipte her age she will refuses to be bullied into a marriage, if she goes in with desperation and giving into silly ultimatums she will live the rest of her married life at a disadvantage.
If he doubts her fertility he should request for a medical test of fitness, Marriage is about companionship and partnership, if he doesn't get that, na him sabi.
I thank God for your cousin, better be single and happy than bullied into a marriage to make you and her mother happy

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by ciphoenix(m): 11:42am On Dec 23, 2012
She's a human being not a piece of equipment about to be bought. She has as much right as the guy demanding a child. She should stick to her values.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by gabbytabby: 11:43am On Dec 23, 2012
I always say one thing cunny man die cunny man bury am. For a man to say something like this, it implies at a level that the relationship is s-exual so one would need to ask oneself can you not be said to be preggers by eating a bit more akpu than usual or will he ask to see evidence.

Early on in life parents of a young man I was dating requested this and they did me a favour cos we then discovered through the process that he was virtually azoospermia and a totally spineless prospective. He came back later wanting to man up but water done pass under bridge by then. On the other side, I have a cousin who also decided that she will only marry after she preggers as she did not want to go in and have people put unnecessary pressure on her in the first year of marriage when she wants to be left alone to get to know her hubby welu welu and she being preggers means she might also be forgiven for some resistance to boundary crossing that families tend to do.

How many Nigerian men marry for love and do they even know what it means. For a man to mention something like that it tells you its not a love match or his idea of love is wrapped up in being with the mother of his children. It does not necessary mean that you cannot marry him but that you know the score and if there is enough in there(is he a good catch(looks, ego, family, what I call humfff)) to want you to pursue the next steps then you decide as there is a risk that you could become preggers and still he no marry and are you prepared to risk that.

At 34 she might want to negotiate getting engaged in the face of society(traditional) then maybe. At this time that you need to get together with people who love you and want the best for you and you might even get to hang it on their neck. grin grin grin

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by berem(f): 11:48am On Dec 23, 2012
slimyem: Why not just leave this lady alone.
Did she ask for your advice?
How are you even sure she'll take your advice?
She 34 years old for chrissakes not a kid!!
She has chosen to stick by her own values and standard so please let her be.
You and her mum should stop being desperate for her.
Haba!
my dear I don't know much about my cousin's affair because she isn't the type that talks about it.Apart from our stay together in school,we aren't close.it is almost a year I spoke to her last.Her mum is the one trying to put me in the middle of this mess and she is tryna involve her sister,my mum.even up till now my cousin hasn't told me anything.it was her mum who gave me the whole jist.am gonna pretend like I didn't hear anything till she herself tells me what's happening.but I fear for my cousin.Her introvert nature is really becoming worrisome.
Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by omicron(m): 11:52am On Dec 23, 2012
tchidi: Dunno about others, but I have a strict 'no sex b4 marriage' rule!! If u can't wait till we r married, (not even traditionally sef, church!) Then back off! She should hold fast to her values! If he loves u, he'll love u even if u don't give him a child... My 2 cents sha! undecided
I had a friend who had same values as you. Both she and her then fiance resolved no sex too. Soon, they got married, but at the honeymoon the long expected did not happen. The guy, now husband, became furious and sad...! The reason was that she was too wide beyond his expectation. It was funny but this led to weeks without another attempt at consummation! One thing led to another and today, they are in the final processes of formalizing their divorce.

I admire your stand regarding premarital sex, nor would I ever encourage it, but marriage is complicated. It's hard! And one may never know what lies in store for them unless one has entered it. This is some of many occurrences that might make some people demand 'mock marriage'

As for the OP, it goes either way. I have met many girls too who intentionally wanted to get pregnant before marriage. Some do it cos they are afraid they may have issues, some cos they want to tie the man die, while some do it cos it's what the man wants.

IMO, you should rather counsel your friend, not tell her what to do. She alone knows the best for her. No one has a right to make us do things that go against our beliefs, not when they ain't willing to change theirs either.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by Nobody: 12:30pm On Dec 23, 2012
The problem now a days is that single girls dey waka waka too much.
Some girls commit more than 50 abortions/D&C before they reach 25 years of age. So no man wants to buy broken goods.
They want to test the goods to make sure they are working and can successfully produce the end product -a child.
I do not blame any man that insists on pregnancy before marriage- it is a vicious circle we live in.

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Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by redsun(m): 12:31pm On Dec 23, 2012
The day a man and a woman "meets" is the day they become one and it last as long as they they are compatible.
Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by ednut1: 12:49pm On Dec 23, 2012
Ask4bigneyo:

smh.... U no well @ all.. Is dt wat ur imam is teaching u.?
I go report u to ur Z.I

Anyway.., how u dey n wen r u goin bak to ur station?
lol guy, na jan me dy go bk. No dulin, me no fit enta trap of barren or abortion laden babe
Re: Getting Pregnant Before Marriage by kulyie: 12:59pm On Dec 23, 2012
ednut1: afta all d abortion una don do, most holy holy ere self don do abortion, as for me till u get pregnant no marriage and we must be nackin, cos me no like wahala of childlessness or dull sex life, which is responsible for high divorce in 9ja, most guys dat dont want sex are eida gay, importent or wit small willy beware
you make it seem like the only reason for marriage is sex and children and you make it seem like thats the only thing women have to offer.what the hell is wrong wit u men that you lack self control like this

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