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Is It Right To Call Your Ex? - Romance - Nairaland

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Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Cleopatra2: 6:42pm On Dec 26, 2012
I am kinda confused here. I broke up with my boyfriend sometimes ago, though he is my friends brother. She came telling me that her brother is angry with me because i do not even flash or call him. I dont think it right or do you?

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by omega25red(m): 6:48pm On Dec 26, 2012
another reason not to mess with your friend's brother/sister they would constantly interfer with you trying to move on with your life. I agree with not calling an ex because they are an ex for a reason and calling them would either make them think you are still interested or give hope to someone who is still into you. So calling an ex is a no no for me

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by k2039(m): 6:52pm On Dec 26, 2012
You didn't call your ex and he didn't bother to call you and you are being accused for not calling, talk about pot calling kettle black.

If the call was necessary and mandatory he won't be a 'ex'. So it's not necessary you call him, if he has any reasonable thing to say he will call you.

Move on with your life, maintain the non contact rule.

Ex is simply good ridance to bad rubbish except in rare cases.

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by olumaxi(m): 7:40pm On Dec 26, 2012
It depends on d situation...but in dis situation of urz..dont bother calln him..
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by duni04(m): 7:52pm On Dec 26, 2012
Lol..very simple, he hasn't moved on n is probably still fantasizing about u. If u wnt 2 make him feel more horrible, don't call him. If u wnt 2 make him know ur still sulkin ova him, call smiley
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Mynd44: 5:06am On Dec 27, 2012
He is your ex and you have no obligations towards him. If he gets angry, he can go and die.

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Naijalane: 11:52am On Dec 27, 2012
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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Born2beRich1(m): 11:53am On Dec 27, 2012
NO...Am married now and am happy with my wife...Old things have passed away and all things have become new...However, if we see we can talk but no strings attached becos she is old news... grin

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by moneyhungry(m): 11:58am On Dec 27, 2012
i can call my ex wen i want se.x...

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Bolt2011(m): 12:01pm On Dec 27, 2012
Another typical NL question
Lemme ask you, 'Do you still have your Ex's phone number?'

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by dulphines: 12:02pm On Dec 27, 2012
This ex thing no dey sweet sometime oh. Ex-Governor, Ex-president, Ex-boy/girl friend. All na relegated position.
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by bigboyo(m): 12:04pm On Dec 27, 2012
...very funny, tot d call button goes both ways now...

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by chinnyonwu(m): 12:04pm On Dec 27, 2012
Yea its right.
Its also right to sleep with him.

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by dhrey: 12:07pm On Dec 27, 2012
No body knows tomorrow,just b careful.if he needs u he wil cal.
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by dammytosh: 12:09pm On Dec 27, 2012
Call your EX for what ?


Are you a learner.

Don't tell me you are feeling bad for not communicating with the person you dumped or who dumped you.

Mynd_44: He is your ex and you have no obligations towards him. If he gets angry, he can go and die.
Hear from a brilliant mind and stop being a fool.
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by AlAguns: 12:10pm On Dec 27, 2012
This may be of help to you @Poster

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT CONTACT YOUR EX

In as much as we want to live an “upright” life, and we do not want to create “enmity” with our fellow humans, it is important to note that, we must learn to leave the past behind us and forge ahead in life. There is certainly nothing that has happened, is happening, or will happen to us that has not happened to someone in the past.
This is just a write up based on my own personal opinion and experiences, it must not be used as a standard, but I can assure you that if we adhere to the points below, we would certainly have healthy relationships.

The Big Question: Why? Why does my ex want to be friends? Why do I want to be friends with my ex?
Answer: After a breakup, there is a huge hole in your life. You likely went from spending many hours a week together to none. Humans are creature of habit, and when a habit breaks we seek to restore or compensate for it. Imagine if you had another man/woman you could crawl into bed with after a breakup, you probably would, wouldn't you? That is you are filling the void; and a reason why it’s not your 'ex' that you want to stay in touch with, but anyone who will fill the gap that was your ex.

Reason 1: I actually have a lot of good reasons to stay in touch...
Truth: No. You have a lot of excuses, not reasons.

Reason 2: This person was really important in my life, why wouldn't we stay friends? We mean a lot to each other.
Truth: They were really important. If your ex is the one trying to be friends, it's not that they actually want you back, it’s that they are having a hard time getting over the relationship. The same for vice versa. And don't kid yourself, if you stayed friends you wouldn't have the same standards you keep as with any other friend. You are subconsciously seeing yourself as with this person still.

Reason 3: I need closure, I need to stay in touch to get over him/her.
Truth: Nope, closure isn't provided by your ex, it is provided by you, through grieving and accepting your loss.

Reason 4: I need to find out why he/she dumped me, -Or- I need to let him/her know why I dumped them.
Truth: What does it matter? You can't change your ex's way of thinking. There was something incompatible about you two and it's not going to change overnight. Hearing or giving a laundry list of reasons for being dumped or dumping them is not going to get you two back together. It will only make you become more insecure.

Reason 5: If we stay friends we may get back together again.
Truth: It could happen, but it will fail again. Without time alone to grieve, you are both bound for the same fate. You are each continuing to pick the scabs of the relationship, never letting them completely heal. You are also likely to be self destructive during this time; you are probably trying to 'fix' everything that was wrong to make your “ex” happy. This type of behavior leads to resentment. With resentment, you are incapable of loving. You are not yourself.

Reason 6: I need to return some items or retrieve some.
Truth: Like what? Your soap? These exchanges should occur within the first day or two. Anything that you 'need' after that time probably wasn't really 'needed', and is rather an excuse to see your “ex”. Any gifts you received or gave should remain with the recipient. A gift does not belong to the giver, but the receiver. This type of behavior could further damage yourself. What if they have already moved on and you run into their new mate? See what I mean?

Reason 7: We had great sex, and want to be friends with benefits now.
Truth: Again, not accepting your loss. You are probably assuming it is still exclusive, which really means you still see it as a relationship; which it is not. This behavior is likely to lead to confusion, insecurity (over pondering what they are doing when you are not together), and believe it will lead back to a relationship. Also, it prevents you from moving on. You aren't going to find your next partner while still sleeping with your ex.

Reason 8: We work at the same place, live in the same neighborhood, go to the same school, we have children, etc.
Truth: This may be, but it does not imply you need to have consistent generic communication. If you work at the same place, keep conversation brief and work related. If same school, it’s ok to say hi passing each other in the hallway. Have kids together? Keep the conversation in relation to them. Anything outside of these boundaries is an excuse to keep in contact with your ex, and again, preventing you from grieving and moving on.

Conclusion: Play out any of these in your head. How do you honestly picture them going? That's right, not well, in fact it may even make it worse. Do you really believe your ex will magically become 'the one' by staying friends with them? Will they magically get that sex drive back? Trust you around your friends? Be more open about their feelings? Spend more time with you? The answer is no, and if so, only temporarily until they become comfortable again. If it hurts when you do that, don't do it.

Closing Statement: It’s hard, but it’s necessary. DO NOT CONTACT OR RESPOND TO YOUR EX!!!

5 Likes

Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by freecocoa(f): 12:11pm On Dec 27, 2012
I still talk to my ex.

He calls sometimes and I return the favor too, though it depends on what kind of relationship you had and how it ended.

I've moved on, have a lovely man I'm in love with so why should talking to my ex be a problem?
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Damitism(m): 12:28pm On Dec 27, 2012
I'm sure d poster is a female. U just don't understand dat it's hard for most guys to move on after a breakup

1 Like

Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by fckmn24seg(m): 12:29pm On Dec 27, 2012
Your ex want some ex wild intimate experience you used to give him, keep it up and u are blessed

1 Like

Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by mkoabiola: 12:29pm On Dec 27, 2012
Call ex abi?
Ys now,in as much as e needs u to b wit hm .
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Fruittyswaqboii(m): 12:34pm On Dec 27, 2012
People's opinions shouldn't make u. Do what you feel is best

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Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by brixton: 12:35pm On Dec 27, 2012
Cleopatra2: I am kinda confused here. I broke up with my boyfriend sometimes ago, though he is my friends brother. She came telling me that her brother is angry with me because i do not even flash or call him. I dont think it right or do you?

shocked
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Vide(m): 12:42pm On Dec 27, 2012
Yes but ensure it hurts no love!
With maturity comes bigger responsibility. I think most of us go into friendship>relationship>courtship>marriage to discover the other person and rediscover ourselves. I'm not sure any sane person commits to such emotional venture with intent to hate the other; if it fails to work out it doesn't mean you must end up as "enemies" (tho with a few circumstantial exceptions).
Hey be glad you guys were smart enough to know on time you can't rock the same boat, move on but with grace & tact: no one knows tomorrow.
In your case, leave him to sulk & moan over your keeping away. If he reaches out to you try to be warm yet firm in all your responses. You 'll earn greater respect & admiration. Besides he's your friend's bro, there's possibilities of more encounters.
A word they say is enough for the wise.

2 Likes

Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Pdizzle(m): 12:46pm On Dec 27, 2012
I dnt think u shuld call him, he probably wants more of the coochie
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by alliswell2(m): 12:54pm On Dec 27, 2012
why not.when dey is ni string attach again.but be 90% sure if u both keep in contact there's every proof u both will be tempted....(is a feeling of d past that u can't earse)but u can only prove stuborn 4 d early stage,but ask urself how long will it take.coz we r all human's.
Best advice if u dont want to fall back to his/her hands again.dont keep contacts.just be yourself
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Nobody: 12:58pm On Dec 27, 2012
@Op, you can call when Kornji calls

I don talk my own
Re: Is It Right To Call Your Ex? by Haybayray: 1:17pm On Dec 27, 2012
U shouldn't keep contact with your EX 'cause he might want you back and you might not share the same feeling. This might culminate in frequent altercations between you two leading to abstruse enmity. And that'll be so uneviable. But that shouldn't stop you from calling when it's really urgent... Jst make it formal! Experience is the best teacher... But why are most guys emphasizing the sensual parts more? -_-

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