Happy New Year to all and sundry.
Yesterday, a friend of mine came to celebrate new year with me. Along the line, while gisting, she told me about how her aunty has been begging her to allow one of her children to live with her and that she has decided to grant her aunty's request. All my explaination on the dangers involved fell to her deaf hears, saying, i was only being selfish and overprotective. But to me o , if im still alive, i dont think i can leave any of my children to live with either a relative or a friend. So, whats your take on this, am i truly selfish and over-protective? What are d dangers or benefits involved?
Expecting your mature responses. Thanks.

It depends on who the person is and the circumstance

If my kid has to go to school in a far away city and a very responsible family friend lives there, I dont have any reason to stop him

dayokanu: It depends on who the person is and the circumstance

If my kid has to go to school in a far away city and a very responsible family friend lives there, I dont have any reason to stop him

this is another case, d kid im talking about here is less than 6 years old.

But, even in your case, i will prefer hostel to living with a relative.
Remember.... Human heart is desperately wicked, no one can know it, says d bible, u never can tell what a person can do with your child when you are not there. Me, I no fit o.

Hell no

Akshow: Hell no

thanks, im getting relieved now, thought im selfish.

greatgod2012:

this is another case, d kid im talking about here is less than 6 years old.

But, even in your case, i will prefer hostel to living with a relative.
Remember.... Human heart is desperately wicked, no one can know it, says d bible, u never can tell what a person can do with your child when you are not there. Me, I no fit o.

a 6yr old is too young to live without biological parents

If I have kids that are adults e.g over 16yrs then its no big deal

Because I lived with people too at some time in my adult life

That's a tough one o madam, I always bluff about this particular situation but honestly I don't think I can sleep at night without all my kids under the same roof safe and sound... especially under 6 is complete no no..... some people just do things to make other people happy I get it but flying your kid like a kite should not be part of it .... So what's her hubby's take on this ?

jidegirl12: That's a tough one o madam, I always bluff about this particular situation but honestly I don't think I can sleep at night without all my kids under the same roof safe and sound... especially under 6 is complete no no..... some people just do things to make other people happy I get it but flying your kid like a kite should not be part of it .... So what's her hubby's take on this ?

i thought im d nly ne thinking like this.
As per d hubby, since she said she is granting her aunty's request, i guess she had talked with her hubby into acceptance.

I just feel sorry for the child that's all.... I hope she has a change of heart..... Pls continue to talk to her to advocate for this child's safety ..... that's what I would do provided she's my good friend ..... not too directive but kinda like a plea, It is well

It depends on your relationship with the said relative and the age of the kids. Some kids tend to cry profusely when they are away from their parents and sometimes It makes them sick. When I was a kid, I don't live with other people and the thought of moving away from my parents makes me sick and it still does sorta affect me today. If you feel you cannot guarantee the safety of your kids in the hands of your own relative and would rather prefer a hostel, so be it.

To live with the aunty forever and not just for the chrismas break or vacation? Hell no!

For me, I can't.

But if my anut keeps pestering me, then I would consider the following before giving into her request.

1. How close are we? Truth is before I consider any request from any member of my family, to allow any of my kids stay with them, we must be close.

I have so many uncles and anuts, but I barely speak with most of them apart from the regular exchange of pleasantries.

So if my kid must stay with you, I must know who you really are...my kids are my future, any wrong decision I make on them, I would be the one to suffer it not them.

That would be my one of my criteria, and if I'm not satisfied with our level of closeness, I would see you as a stranger to me, and turn down your request.

2. How financial stable is she? You might be wondering why I added this, but yes, I would consider how financial stable she is before thinking of allowing my kid come over to her place.

3. Is she a practicing christian? This is one of the major criteria I would look at before agreeing to her request.

If she isn't a practicing christian, then its obvious that her kids might be influenced by a thing or two they learnt from their peers.

So allowing my kids to mix up with hers might only lead to them corrupting my innocent kids for me.

Therefore I would turn down the request.

4. What are the ages of her kids? This is also something you must note before allowing your kids go over to her place.

Now the thing is...if the average ages of her kids falls between 12-16, and yours falls between 2-6, its very obvious that your kids and hers wouldn't be compartable.

They could end up bullying your kids, molesting them, subjecting them to unnecessary punishments at the slightest provocation...etc (I've heard stories like that)

So in order to avoid any unnecessary occurrence, the best thing would be for you to keep your kids in the comfort of your home....believe me, its much better that way.

The aunt may not be happy, but at least you're sure that your kids are safely in your home under your love, protection and care.

Happy New year.

greatgod2012: Happy New Year to all and sundry.
Yesterday, a friend of mine came to celebrate new year with me. Along the line, while gisting, she told me about how her aunty has been begging her to allow one of her children to live with her and that she has decided to grant her aunty's request. All my explaination on the dangers involved fell to her deaf hears, saying, i was only being selfish and overprotective. But to me o , if im still alive, i dont think i can leave any of my children to live with either a relative or a friend. So, whats your take on this, am i truly selfish and over-protective? What are d dangers or benefits involved?
Expecting your mature responses. Thanks.

I'm really confused as to why the discussion even came up at all to send a 6 yr old to go and live with the aunty. Please can you clarify the reason? Because the only reason I know of is if the parents are too poor to take care of the child themselves but this case doesn't sound like that so what exactly do they all stand to gain from this deal?

Most definitely. . . MY MOM AND DAD OR SIBLINGS!
No one else. I may drop dead today if my darling AGNOSTIC God decides to call moi. . . I want them to be able to develop sound emotional and psychological compasses/senses of wellbeing! TO REALIZE THAT NO ONE IS INDISPENSIBLE!!!
I lived with my grandma for a while while my parents were studying abroad.
THOSE WERE THE MOST PRODUCTIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE!
I learned soooooooooooo many things that have helped me today to be a strong, independent woman!
I LOVE MY PARENTS AND I LOVE MY GRANDMA!

I don't come from 'dysfunctional' roots. . . .so I have absolutely no fear!
My children have been taught how to communicate effectively and can NEVER be intimidated. . . just like moi!
No matter who they live with! I have taught them about OPTIONS!!!! All about developing the basic survival instincts!

It is only natural to 'fear' others. . .if your life and upbringing was marred by domestic violence and sex-ual exploitation!
I thank my AGNOSTIC GOD!

I nor get that kain 'born hia-born dia' kind of dysfunctional problem!
MOST NIGERIAN PARENTS ARE PSYCHOS THEMSELVES!

No way!
...especially not a 6 yr old or a child under 18.
After hearing lots of horrible stories around it and seeing a few myself,i'll never suscribe to it!
Its not even healthy for a proper family unit.
Eventually,one's child might have to live with one or two people as an adult but then he or she would be able to protect or remove himself/herself from any unfavourable situation.

Thanks all for your responses.
@ chaircover, ileobatojo &others who asked for why...... This is what really happened:
The aunty is d elder sister of her mother, all her children are grown-ups, they are all based in abroad.
My friend took her children to d aunty for a week holiday, and when d woman brought them back to their mother, she claimed to love one of d children dearly claiming she is d most well-behaved among them all, and that she will love d child to be living with her, and since then she has been pestering my friend to allow d kid live with her, which she has now granted her.
But as for me, i dont think its right to train d children under different persons, d girl may likely not like to be separated from other siblings, which she may not know how to explain. Above all, how do i know d woman will really take good care of d girl.....these and some others are my fears....
Cheers!

greatgod2012: Thanks all for your responses.
@ chaircover, ileobatojo &others who asked for why...... This is what really happened:
The aunty is d elder sister of her mother, all her children are grown-ups, they are all based in abroad.
My friend took her children to d aunty for a week holiday, and when d woman brought them back to their mother, she claimed to love one of d children dearly claiming she is d most well-behaved among them all, and that she will love d child to be living with her, and since then she has been pestering my friend to allow d kid live with her, which she has now granted her.
But as for me, i dont think its right to train d children under different persons, d girl may likely not like to be separated from other siblings, which she may not know how to explain. Above all, how do i know d woman will really take good care of d girl.....these and some others are my fears....
Cheers!

Thanks for clarifying. I'm truly speechless at this point though. I'm just in shock that the aunty can make such a request and even more stunned that the mother can agree to it.

Yes,my kids can live and stay comfortably with my mom,mil and siblings.
No friend or foe,wealth or wretchedness can destroy our very strong and pure familal bonds.

ifyalways: Yes,my kids can live and stay comfortably with my mom,mil and siblings.
No friend or foe,wealth or wretchedness can destroy our very strong and pure familal bonds.

If you don't mind my asking, if your sister tell you she likes one of your kids more than the others and so wants that child only to come live with her, you will agree to that?

Seeing what I went through before having babies one will expect me to be over protective and want my kids around me 24/7, Contrary, I learnt a lot mrom my mother in law.
Yes I will let my kids stay with my family and very close friends, My son spends a bulk of his hokidays with my Dad and same for the other grand kids its like a reunion. He lines up a lot of activities for them and they have loads of fun.
Maybe I am old school and don't believe my kids are mine alone. I think its good to let them have a life. Living permanently with someone I doubt but holidays, sleep overs etc they are welcome.
My boy is fiercely independent and doesn't like being fussed over, he is orgainised and neat, even scolds me when I dump things in his room anyhow.

Let kids be kids, I wasn't bubble wrapped and don't intend to bubble wrap my kids.
I have seen 5 year olds scream and cry when being seperated from their parents, My boy barely turns to say bye, he is usually excited about the fun he is about to have with and a change of environment.

Never!!!!!!!!!

However, I can allow them visit occasionally. My summer holidays spent with my cousins growing up were the bestest. I would want my kids to have that - a strong bond with their cousins/family.

@ ileobatojo, thank you for opening my eyes to this, so what is her opinion about other kids?


@ Debrief.....its about living with d relative PERMANENTLY with d aunty.....so, whats your take on that?

Its a No No for me,except a serious situation requires that.
Its something I went through,I must tell you,it wasn't a palatable experience. It really affected my psyche,cos my uncle's wife I stayed with treated me more or less like house help,my uncle didn't help matter too. It nearly affected my complex,and mentality in life,that I vowed that no child of mine would ever live outside my home.

Hell no!!!!, the Aunty is lonely in her old age, she should go and adopt!!there are a million and 1 children in need of a good home, waiting for someone to come and take them home. Has the friend thought of the psychological effect it will have on the little child, this isn't a holiday thing , this is because someone is lonely !! abeg your friend should nurture that kid

[color=soyouquotedme]I have lived with people all my life, I wasn't just raised by my mum alone but I have a lot of mums.

I was never maltreated by any of them though(My aunts), but the issue is just that I'm never free with them the way their children are. That demarcation is always there, there are limits to what I can say before it's termed being rude, there are limits to what I can talk to them about e.t.c.

No matter how much love you get from an outsider, the demarcation will always be there that you are not a direct blood.

So I already vowed, whatever it takes I will raise my kids under my roof.

Besides if she is married, I doubt if her husband will allow her take that kind of action. [/color]

[color=soyouquotedme][b]Going by Steph7's post, it's even more dangerous if that's the case.

There are just two things that will happen.

1)The child may be over pampered.

2) The child may be mal treated.

As a parent it's easier to draw the line between both since you are the one in charge, but for an outsider, drawing that line may not be a easy task.

In the end, whatever that child becomes isn't too much of the aunt's problem but the mother.

In fact stuffs like this destroys family, if something bad happend to that kid or should her aunt fail in raising her up the right way, the relationship between the two sisters will be strained.

It would have made more sense if she decided to let her kid stay with her aunt, not the aunt asking, that way she will know she was responsible for whatever outcome that happens.

@GreatGod2012, there is just little you can do, you can only advise her, ultimately the decision lies in her hand.
You can't force a carmel to take water, but you can help it to the brook.
[/b] [/color]

NO

Hell no
I can't try that silly mistake.

IGBO CAN DO IT BCUZ OF Money.well THIER BUNCH OF SLAVE IN NIGERIA.i MAGINE YORUBA WILL START PRODUCING Oil.added 2 OUR FINE STATE. Lagos.igbo are borntroway.see them run up and down inside sun.but the money then no get.well make then go back 2 thier ojukwu that starve them.thnks 4 ur corpporation. Welcome

ileobatojo:

If you don't mind my asking, if your sister tell you she likes one of your kids more than the others and so wants that child only to come live with her, you will agree to that?

My brothers love my kids equally,so far.
He has to have a Strong reason to want my son to live permanently with him.A valid reason at that, one that would be enough to convince me,my husband
and the whole family to give in to his request.

With my earlier reply,I had other scenarios in
mind.Stuff like education in another city,me or spouse
traveling,financial difficulty ,illness or employment
opportunity.

Btw,which kind of sibling would just wake up and want his or her young niece/nephew to come stay with
him/her When the patents are alive and doing well nor asked ? I don't have such busybody relatives oh,shuo.