Hi everyone, I have a dilemna (it is not a new one, unrequited love is something almost all of us will unfortunately experience at some point in their lives) and I am hoping that someone will be kind enough to perhaps offer me some advice or guidance.

This is a rather long story, sorry about that but it is also rather complicated so, sorry again and thank you so much for taking the time to read my posting,

My fiance and I were introduced to a man through a mutual friend of ours (who has since relocated to England) about 4 years ago. I don't want to mention his real name so I'm just going to call him 'him' if thats okay.

I cannot explain it but that day when I met 'him' something, something 'stirred' inside of me, it was odd as if the entire room just lit up, there was a glow wherever he went and I couldn't keep my eyes off him.
This has never ever happened to me before , I mean it wasnt just his looks, it was his presence - I could just sense that he was a beautiful, kind man and over the years I have found out that I completely right, not only is he beautiful and kind but he is one of a handful of people that I know who have integrity and believe in empathy and loyalty, honesty and over the past 4 years, if he hadn't been around, I don't know what I would have done as I have been through a pretty rough patch and he was the only person that I could count on.
If I was in trouble, no matter what time, day or night, I knew he would be there for me like the time my car got stuck in a really bad area at night and I called my fiance but his phone was off so I called 'him' and he was there in 10 minutes, no questions asked and the time I woke up at 3 in the morning, vomitting uncontrollably for no reason, he immediately got out of bed, got in his car and came to rush me to hospital (I did phone my fiance but he said he couldnt come now).

About 3 years ago, he needed a place to stay as he wasn't happy where he was and since my father had a 'granny flat' on his property, I asked my father if 'he' could rent it (I was certain my father would say no as I had asked him a number of times over many years to rent it to friends or relatives but he always insisted that he did not want to rent it out) To my surprise , my father said I should ask 'him' to come see him and then he would decide.
I was stunned but okay, they met and he moved in with my father!

A year ago, my father sold the house and 'he' found a house of his own to rent but my father and 'him' are very very close and my father adores him. Over the past 4 years, we have always remained only friends as I would never consider becoming involved with a man whilst I was already involved with another and he, well he, like I mentioned earlier, is a man of principles and would never consider it either but I think we both were subconsciously 'aware' that there was something between us.

About 4 months ago my fiance and I broke up and 'he' went to visit my father who asked him if he would mind stopping at my house on his way home to drop some papers off that I needed. He came to my house and we started speaking and while we were talking, he told me that my father had told him that I was attracted to him (I always confide in my father and tell him everything) and asked if it were true. I said it was and he kissed me .
It was beautiful and I couldn't believe it was happening.
He asked what we were going to do about my ex-boyfriend and I said that we had broken up and it was over.
The next day he came to visit and said he'd been thinking and it would never work between us .
He said he wanted me to be happy and that I should get back with my ex because we had a child together and had been together for 10 years and he couldnt offer me the same as my ex did (he meant financially) and also the fact that we were different races would make trouble . Why? Who cares what people say or think?
I tried to tell him that I was happy, being with him made me happy and of course I didnt care about the money side of things and didnt want or expect him to support me.
He left.
I thought and thought and eventually came to the conclusion that it was not fair of me, that I was acting selfish to expect him to become involved with a woman that had a child already and as I wanted him to be happy, I decided to respect his wishes.
Each time I see him, my heart breaks and I want to burst into tears because I want so badly to be with him, to be in his arms, and over the past 4 months, we have kissed on 3 occassions but each time he says that we cannot be together and must stop then he completely avoids me for a while.

My fiance moved back in 2 months ago and I decided that maybe 'he' was right and I should try make it work for my childs sake but I cannot, I just cannot, I cannot stop thinking about 'him' I love him so very much, I want to leave my fiance but he says that I must not because we can't be together and I saw him a few days ago, nothing happened we just spoke and I can see that he does care about me, he had tears in his eyes but what is stopping him, why won't he be with me if he cares, just give us a chance, why?

Please help, what can I do to convince him that it can work between us? I cannot continue like this, I want nothing but his happiness but I also know that I can make him happy, I love him.

from your story the man you are in love with is a principled and empathic man. you may be mistaking is kindness for love. The fact that he is nice to you does not mean he is in love with you.

That you love him does not mean he should love you in return. did he tell you he is in love with you? he could have kissed you to appreciate your love.
You have been in an emotional relationship with this man for 4 yrs even though you may not know it, that will not help your relationship with your fiance.

There are some barriers between you and the man that must be worked on if you intend to be with him.

1. He knows you spouse, so he might think he is being disloyal to him to be involved with you.
2. People might say he took another's mans wife. that will be against his principles, reputation matters to him, thats why he is principled, how will a relationship with you affect his reputation? Consider this. you may need to have a clean break from your fiance, not just a few months separation before he may be convinced that it is OK to be with you.

3. Also being better off financially than him might not also help his self esteem in your presence. You have to discuss this with him.
4. Why is he principled, if it due to his religion, it might be very difficult to get him. if it is due to his religion, he will simply see you as a temptation he falls into when he is weak and repents of as soon as he can. No relationship can be built on that belief.

But my advice will be to forget him, work on your current relationship with your spouse to make it better and don't be emotionally involved with any other person. afterall your spouse is back.

Good luck

@topic
such a complex story .you partially complicated things by yourself.you already have a child for your fiancee? .would I be right If I say he is no longer your fiancee but your husband?maybe not legally.
the guy has already given you his word I mean "him",so I suggest you stick to your husband and look at the brighter side of things.The "him" might not actually take you to the eldorado that you desire.I mean it.The problem with we mortal beings is that we think that the pasture on the other side of the river is greener but when we get there,we actually find out that its not as green as where we came from.that means it was just an optical illusion.
and thinking of the number of years youve spent with your fiancee(10 yrs). .engaged for ten f**king yrs .

anyway ,Ive just made some comments but not an advice.I think that you are the only one that can advice yourself better in this situation.cheers.

Hi AGB5, thank you so very much for taking the time to read my posting, I do appreciate it and the assessments which you made as to what he may be thinking and what is between us, what we need to resolve, was very accurate. Your advice also, was most helpful and for that, I thank you once again.

Hi there Talk2Sulta, I am not going to lie and tell you that your response was helpful, as it was not (please do not take offence, I do not mean to be rude as I consider, lying to you would be far more disrespectful - hope you understand) but I would however like to tell you that irrespective of the above fact, I do still appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my plea for advice.
Thank you

Hello ChyChy, thank you and yes you are correct that love is not always reciprocated by the one we love - and rightly so isn't it, because would it be or could it be true love if one loved someone and expected to be loved in return? No, because love has no expectations, love wants of nothing in return, one is merely happy to love, I do value your taking time to consider my plea for advice before responding, that is really kind of you and I am looking forward to any opinion or advice you may be able to offer.

Thank you again Chychy

, I don't know what to say (and thats a first,,,) thank you Chychy may I get back to you in a bit ? Thank you,

@samanthaZA

I see you've gotten used to the site. Take care

I gotta agree with ChyChy on this one, I mean after 10 years what are you still doing with a man who hasn't decided he wants to marry you yet, i wouldn't put my life on hold for someone to decide if he really wants to be with me, having a kid together should even hasten that decision, but your so called fiancee is so reluctant to make that decision. I would say have a heart to heart talk with 'HIM' you guys should lay out all your options and if you both are working then you would definately be fine, and to top it up, ur dad likes him alot.
the fact of the matter is Hun, you ain't getting any younger, no need waiting for a man to decide on issues concerning your life, take a bold step and see if it works out with 'HIM', you guys should talk and give it a try, if it works out then that will be all great, from the look of things it might work out, because for a guy to do all he did for you, it show he care a great deal about you.

@ samanthaZA ,

I tried checking for your age to see at what stage of life you are in. Unfortunately, there was nothing to show how old you really are. However, I will proceed believing that you are truly of age - between 25 and above.

The stage we are in at any point in life determines our need at that particular point in time, especially with our relationship to the other sex. First, you need to convince yourself that you are not confusing 'infatuation' with 'true love'. As you related your experience, I could visualize you physically gushing over 'him'. Yes, such things do happen. But, as we grow older our needs and expectation of the opposite sex transcends their ability to take our breath away. We become more sated by just being around them. And, what we then desire form them is just their 'companionship'.

I am afraid that you have somehow turned this fellow into a knight in shining armour. I am happy tohear that 'he' has been reticent in his dealings with you. I am happy to hear that he has been very matured in the way he has handled his interaction with you. You should thank your stars that this guy truly has genuine feelings for you. Else, he would have taken advantage of you and moved on with his life.

You sort of trivialized your relationship with your ex. You were together for a long time. Moreso, you have a child together. Where I come from, the elders have a saying to the effect that ' a woman that has a child for you, is no longer just a woman you had a fling with'. You seem to have allowed your affection for 'him' to blind you to the seriousness of what you had with your ex.

Come to think of it, are you sure that your feelings for 'him' did not contribute to your separation from your ex. And, the speed with which you nearly started a relationship with 'him' just after your break-up is suggestive. I put it to you (as the Lawyer said to the Accused) you broke up with your ex hoping 'he' would accept you with no strings attached.

I salute 'him' - he is a man among men - for being able to hold himself up till now. What with you literally throwing yourself at him.

I plead with you to tread cautiously. 'Cause fools dare where angels dread. Matters of the heart are worthy of our serious considerations, unfortunatley in our hurry to sate out 'lust and love' (since we are often unable to separate the two) we rush headlong and get entangled where we need not.

Whichever, way it goes, I wish you the best. I am sure you will ultimately take the right decision.

Best wishes.

Good morning Chychy, how are you today? I must apologise for disappearing like that yesterday after reading your response, its just that what you said made so much sense and well, I was just taken aback by your wisdom and ability to read 'between the lines" so to speak. Yes, we have been together 10 years and he has said numerous times that he will marry me but his parents (thats another story) want him to marry chinese and have never accepted me, the past 5 years or so, I hardly feel alive, I have not been out once (I mean dinner, movies, friends) as my life is totally absorbed by watching the house, helping him with his business, that I don't have time for friends. The only thing I do for me is my volunteer program which I run and my charity work but then too, it is done from home. If I didnt have this or "him" or my son, I would have gone nuts. The past 3 years, my fiance had an affair, he is a gambling addict and we have lost very close to everything more than once (i sometimes wish we had, then he wouldnt have anything else to lose financially and we could move on with our life, without any obstacles to prevent happiness, like money, ), he's been to rehab, been in a coma for a week, i've had to move house by myself 4 times, theres loads more but all this has happened in the past 3 years. I have completely forgotten and don't even know what I want to tell you the truth. After reading your response I began to think about that, what did I want? and you know what? I don't know, its difficult to do, I haven't thought about that for ages, its always about what can I do to make others happy, what does my fiance need, what will make him happy, what does my son want? I am not complaining by any means, but the truth is that well, I guess that is what I want. I want to see my son happy, I want to see those that I love, being happy, I want to help others then I am happy, so I guess that is what I want, Anywayz Chychy I just wanted to say thank you so very much for your kindess and your help, you will never know how much it means to me. I spoke to "him" last night and he says that he won't be around for a while as he doesn't want anything to happen between us because that would be wrong and I respect that and as far as my fiance is concerned, I spoke with him too and told him that I am tired of being good enough to look after his son, cook and clean for him, run his business, etc but not good enough to be his wife and that I am not certain whether I love him anymore and I therefore need to be away from him for a while to sort myself out, start focusing on my empowerment projects, (which always begin to take off but the minute he notices something happening, like sponsorship, etc, then something "urgent' crops up that I need to help him with, ), gain some independence back and well, just see what happens or as a wise woman once said (wink wink) , if it is meant to be, it will be,

SamathaZA,
reading your story made me think of a similar one. I go with agb5 on this and that ch-something.

Yes, it is glaring that the guy was principled. Any other guy would have capitalized on your parent's wealth and take your advance.

It is clear that you need to do something about your fiance. How you stay long for ten years and had a child for him without marriage leave much to imagination. The naija guy would have seen something that made him reject giving vent to his passion. And that something is obviously in your fiance.

From your post, he was elated when the two of you first disclosed the existence of attraction between you. And you went further to kiss afterward. But he later said he would think of it. The result was stronger resistance. And he asked you to patch up your relation with your fiance. It is clear he does not want to be involved with an engaged lady.

Before, I advise you. I need to point certain thing out about nigerians.

1. Men, principled men don't like marrying an engaged lady that has a baby for someone else. Not until they are sure the ex is gone for good.

2. If you are richer than him, you have to be careful not to make him feel like you want to buy his love. I want to draw your attention to the fact that your dad broke the news to him. The way he discussed with your naija man is important. I hope it was well.

3. If he is tribalistic, then you have a great task ahead.

My advice to you is:
Extirpate this burning passion in you and return to pure friendship only.
Meditate on your past. Your fiance. Your kid. What is missing? Is it possible for you to get them back? There must have been reasons why you stayed in an unproductive relationship for ten years. What is it?
Next, have you ever bother to find out if your naija man has a lady in naija or elsewhere? Finding the right answer to this would safe you alot of trouble.

Let hear you first before I continue.

As chychy said it's time you started thinking about your own happiness. Learn how to say No to a fruitless relationship. For 10 years your fiancee has been beating around the bush, I would have left him long ago if I were you. The thought of even finding out he gambles and had an affair, should have been enough to dump him right away. It looks as if when you fall in love you fall very, very hard. Which could be good but at times blind us from the most important things.

This is what you said in the earlier thread

I have said yes to get married next month, hoping that this will force me to get him out of my mind and also, I know that once I am married, there is no way that anything will happen for us because I believe him to be a man of integrity and he would never become involved with a married woman,  crazy I know but I am desperate, I don't know what else to do its driving me nuts!

Why do your fiancee see it fit to marry you now? Has he changed for good or does he see you as someone he can walk all over, since you confessed (and probably he already knows) you like making people happy?

Ask yourself these questions, weigh your answers by the things he does. But I would advice you get away from your fiancee and give yourself a break to think thoroughly!!!!!
Build a friendship first with the Nigerian guy as Olanajim said, don't jump into any relationship at this moment because you are just getting out of terrible one. As I said in the other thread find out if he is engaged to someone else already through this friendship. I'm sure he would say something if he has any inhibitions about why he can't get into a relationship with you.

@ Poster,
Your story is indeed a touching one. The nigerian guy is also a very nice person not to have taken advantage of you and your emotions. that is pure respect.
Do you still like your fiance?
Do you think you need a fresh relationship?
Weigh all the goods and bads about your 10 years affair together and draw up a strong decision.
You sound like a strong woman and i really wish you find real love.
As for the Igbo guy, dont force yourself on him. Spend more time being closer friends. Know eachother more. Do those things that portray genuine friendship and sacrifice and i would tell you his heart would draw as close to you as yours is drawn to him.
Keep up with life and never get weighed down .
In conclusion i must say you have a cool look for your age. Cheers.

#

I think I now understand why 'him' is such an extraordinary, principled and good person, because he comes from Nigeria, I mean does this forum just attract good, kind people or is everyone in Nigeria this way? I can't believe that so many strangers out there even read my post, let alone replied to it! Thank you guys for caring, I do appreciate it. In response to Olanajim, thank you for the facts you mentioned, some of which I had not yet considered so your advice certainly does help. Insofar as my relationships is concerned, the reason I held on for so long is because I believed I loved him, even after the affair (the worst was that she would phone him and one night he lay in bed and spoke to her for over an hour while I cried and cried next to him- i thought I would die but I loved him still), even when he told me he was getting on a plane to see her and when I phoned to see if he'd arrived, he swore at me. Through the many times he lost close to everything gambling, left us with not even bread in the house and went to eat by his mother (I am never allowed there or to sit at the table with them because well, because of my color), even when he stole money out my bank account, every last cent, my life savings, I understood I said, because he couldnt help it, he had a problem, through the 5 month break up (i mentioned earlier) but I didnt mention why, it happened because I found out he was gambling heavy again and also that he had stolen money from his parents company account (a year before he had done this and lost the money gambling, he ended up in a coma for 3 days because he tried to kill himself, I did not want this to happen again so , ) I told his mother. He was mad at me (obviously but I thought he would see that it was for his own good) and told everyone that I was lying, I was the one that took the money and gambled with it!! Thats ridiculous and everyone knows that but because he has family, his parents are well known, etc, everyone pretended they believed him including his mother and thats why he left. I took him back even. I never left him because I firstly could not leave someone that I cared about at a point in their life when they needed someone (when he was gambling) and because I wanted my child to have a family and, So to answer you, I do not want to work it out with him, I think its jsut came to a stage where, enough is enough and I have stood by him through everything, its killed me inside, I don't know when last I laughed or smiled (other than when 'him' is around ).

good morning Stillwater, how are you today?

Hi there 'holyeye', I am going to take your advice and try to be just a friend again to 'him' (did not start off very well though as I have not slept a wink last night, all I could do was think of 'him' and so I did something stupid, I sent him an sms and confessed my undying love ) Dumb, Dumb, Dumb but you cannot imagine how much I am missing him Anywayz, thank you I am going to try and not do that again so thank you and have a great day okay.

Being an ibo man, reading posts from the poster and then reading advices from "chychy", it is openly clear that some of our girls in nigeria have become nothing but selfish and idiotic in the name of westernization or similar, and they now are spreading it throughout africa.
I have had the liberty to mix with Nigerians, ghananians, and quite a lot of girls from the south of Africa and one thing stands out clearly, our girls seriously lack respect and are 10 time more like to be in a failed marrriage than any other in africa.

@poster: Dont take up very bad advice. There isnt much you can do here but u still have 2 options. You can get this guy where u want him by imposing yourself, he will fall as he is near the brink anyway, but he will always have a double mind and may never take u seriously in public.
Alternatively, u can decide to stick with your partner for the child's sake or leave and start afresh with someone else who is not "him".

Hello 'whitelexi', I have to say that I don't think it fair to call 'chychy' selfish at all, I don't know her personally, but someone who takes the time to assist another can never be selfish. Then also, I feel I need to say that if you were correct in that Nigerian girls (or people from any culture) are becoming Westernised then I have to say I share your dismay as one should never ever forget ones roots or forsake ones culture including ones language, for the sake of modernisation or westernisation. In my opinion, Westerners claiming to know everything and claiming to want to show everyone the wayt o 'civilisation' or what they deemed to be 'civilisation' did in fact do and still are 'regressing' (if that is a word, ). What I mean is that Westerners are most certainly not civilised I mean what civilised people would impose their beliefs on another, what civilised people would force children from their parents claiming to want to educate them? If there are any young girls out there that think it cool to be Western and want to be like Western women, please, think twice, is it cool to have no culture, no respect for your elders (if you don't know what I mean watch "Jerry Springer", pregnant while still in your teens, running around drunk and half naked? This is not cool. Coming from a Western woman, believe me when I say that you are LUCKY, yes lucky to have roots, because you know what? There are two things a parent must give a child - one is roots - the other is wings, your parents gave you roots and by doing that they give you wings - wings to reach your dreams, roots to never forget where you came from, Whitelexi, as far as my options are concerned, I don't want to get "him" by imposing myself, if I were lucky enough to "get", the only way I want him is because he wants me and because he loves me and because he thinks or knows that I will offer him unconditional love - it wil break my heart to say no to him should he want me for the wrong reasons, but if I truly love him, I will say no if that is the case as if you love someone, their happiness is what matters most, not yours. Secondly whether or not he takes me seriously in public is not an issue for me, as I said I love him 'unconditionallly' and quite frankly do not care about that as long as he loves me and I know it, that is all I need. Then, one more thing it is too late to stick with my partner, I can no be with one man whilst in love with another and I do not believe it is in my sons interest for me to stay when he is lucky enough if his father says hello to him - the rest of the day is spent staring at his fathers back while he gambles on the internet - that is not good for him and lastly, starting afresh with someone else is something I would NEVER EVER consider, I love 'him' my Igbo man and he is the only one I want to be with. Come what may, I will wait for him, no matter how long it takes and I will not be involved with anyone else and all the while continue hoping and praying that one day we will be together, maybe I am foolish, maybe we will never be together but I will wait and hope and pray , if it is meant to be it will be,

samanthaZA:

that is not good for him and lastly, starting afresh with someone else is something I would NEVER EVER consider, I love 'him' my Igbo man and he is the only one I want to be with. Come what may, I will wait for him, no matter how long it takes and I will not be involved with anyone else and all the while continue hoping and praying that one day we will be together, maybe I am foolish, maybe we will never be together but I will wait and hope and pray , if it is meant to be it will be,

If I may ask,In your closing paragraph,who were you refering to? The igbo guy or your fiancee?
Love that is meant to be,will be,no matter the method employed.My advice,dont get married to your fiancee because he is the father of your child.Get married to someone because you love that person.Give the Igbo guy time.By time I mean ,no calls or sms.If he loves you ,he will come back for you.Are you financially buoyant?If you feel lonely or alone,and you need companion.I think your family will come in handy,This is a time to be with them Thank God for you volunteer work.I still find it amazing that that you were involved with that man for 10 years,and yo never caalled it quits ,when you noticed his habits.I know things will work out well with you.

,

Samantha ,I've been on nairaland a while and have never read a story that moved me to tears.
I know what it feels like to be engaged to someone you don't really like deep within.
Like you I was engaged to a man I fell out of love with after 2 years and it's so hard to break free emotionally from someone even though you know that's what's best for you.
Thankfully mine was only 2 years and there was no child involved but like you I fell in  love with another but unlike you,I now found the courage to leave the other man and the man I met  is today my husband.
I couldn't be happier and thank God daily for sending him my way.He's Igbo by the way.

Chy chy relates so well and speaks a lot of sense and I know many women have been in those same shoes , it's not as easy as people think.
Women are by nature emotional beings and you've invested a lot into this relationship,sadly the "fiancee" does not see you fit enough to be his wife ,cheats on you on top of it all ,he is taking undue advantage of you.
You need to wake up!

Like many have said,10 years is a very very long time.
You have a child and so what?,that's no reason to throw your life away with a man who obviously has no respect for you and he's not even your husband.
You should have been gone yesterday.

I don't know if you're a Christian or willing to ask God to help you out here but which ever way you chose to go ,I'm here to tell you that the first step is finding the strength to leave the "fiance"/ baby daddy.
You've put in enough into it and you ought to move on !

You noticed I've not mentioned anything about "him"
The reason is that he's not the focus in my opinion.
The focus is you and your emotional well being.
Call and move in with your dad if you can and start a life without that "fiance"
Money is not everything.
Get a job somewhere else.
You are better than that.

Don't let yourself be defined by a man using and abusing you.
You are entitled to be loved by a man full time not part time and if this "fiancee" is not ready to do that, Move on.

After you're a stronger woman emotionally and able to make clear choices,if it's meant to be between you and the Igbo guy,it will be.
If not,someone else will come your way.
Please don't push it.
If a man senses desperation on your part he'll either use you to satisfy his sexual urges or run away from you.

I wish you the very best.

Sama,
From your posts it seems that you are not of the same race with your fianceé? It also seems that his family has some sort of direct or indirect influence over his relationship with you.  I don’t know how long you have had this problem of not being accepted by his family and I would think that it would be a long shot. It also seems that he is not the kind of person who can do the talking and walking in order for his parents/family to accept you given the fact that your relationship with him does have a result (ie Child) If this is being going on ever since you met, I don’t think that he might settle down with given his parents' objection.
As per the Nigerian guy, a lot of factors are to be considered. As for his financial status, he may not be willing to settle down with you because most Naija men would like to be financially stable before being in a committed relationship that might have some marriage implications. Besides, no Igbo man leaves his country for a foreign land in search of love, but for a better future. The cost benefit analysis of this situation does not swing in his favor. The Nigerian guy would weigh the option of taking another man’s fiancée with whom he has a child, More so, the Naija guy would weigh the option of battling with someone who is wealthier, more connected and has a solid family support. The odds are against him; so the Naija guy will choose an easier option- take care of his business in a foreign land.
  This does not mean that Naija men do not fall in love, but in most cases they would want settle down with someone who is not engaged. So, you have to take care of your case with your fiancée before the Naija guy can change his non-committal attitude

Hi Hollandis, thank you for responding and for your kind words and to answer your question, I was referring of course to "him" and you are right, if it is meant to be it will be and no matter how difficult, I am going to try my utmost not to call or sms, because firstly, I want to know that if, one day, we end up together, it is because it is what he wants and not because I 'chased' after him and secondly, I do not think that I have much to offer him (aside from my unconditional love - which he could probably get from any woman) in that I have a child already and he deserves so much more than that, someone that has "saved" herself for him or a lady with no extra "baggage". , I just want him to be happy and the only way to ensure that he is, is to let him go , allow him to make the decision without my input/influence.

Hi Nwando, how are you doing? Thank you so very much, it truly helps to know that someone out there was in the same position and it is inspiring and motivating too, to know that things worked out for you and that true love won in the end. You have given me hope and courage, thank you . Yes, chychy is a remarkable woman, caring and wise and I have a great deal of respect and admiration for her. This forum is really one of a kind, so much love and caring, its hard to believe, when I am on this site, that so much pain and suffering is going on out there, Thank you again Nwando, your husband and yourself are an inspiration for all those out there who are not/cannot be with the one they love,

@poster
reading your recent posts really gave me a true insight of what ure actually going through.Didnt mean to be mean or harsh initially in anyway but I would say It was like I read from bottom to top.but now ive just read from top to bottom.Such a pathethic and moving story.I still sympathise and I feel that other posters have really offered good piece of advice.maybe I couldnt advice cos I was awed by the story itself.Never really heard such a story before so dont be offended if my response wasnt helpful.I even thought twas one of those usual fibs we see everyday on the forum.but your recent posts and your response to my post revealed your sincerity.

WISH YOU WELL.