@Poster,


So sorry about your situation. This issue is neither here nor there but let me talk from my little brain. I see 2 things.

1. He might have realised his mistakes and seen what he did wrong.
2. The don't walk away on me Ego might just be the temporal reason he is not allowing a divorce.

You need to ask yourself, do u still love him and can u ever consider going back to him ? Please try and be sincere with urself and dnt allow sentiments to becloud ur reasoning.

Secondly you need to investigate him. What has he been doing since he abandoned you. Is he married or committed to another woman ?

Thirdly , if u consider going back, you are at a bargaining advantage so get assurance on some issues dt caused the first separation. do all these prayerfully.

U should hav know dat marriage is not a bed of roses.men are sometime bad but wil allow things to continue like dis.because of ur child u should give him another chance.know dat their are dozen single dat wil lyk 2 seize this opportunity.unles there are unspoken reason for u leavin him

@PrettyCindy
Hope you are doing great dear.
Please whatever you do, be very careful with a man who dared strike a pregnant woman. A woman pregnant with his child at that.
A man that cannot find it in him to set eye on his own child. Where is the heart of such a man that any will want to live with him?
I got scared reading where he slapped you and you slapped him back. It was beautiful you stood up for yourself when you were abused but things could have gone out of hand and you could have been harmed greatly out of rage for slapping him back. Thank goodness you escaped the abuse in one piece.

We are not the ones to tell you what to do here, you may even say all this and lovey dovey back to him. Just be careful whatever you do, we want you alive and well.

PrettyCindy: Change ke!!! I refuse to believe that. That man is a chameleon.
I made an attempt once to contact him when my baby was about 4months old, asked him if he wasnt interested in the baby's welfare. Do you know what he said? He said he wasnt going to send money for anything and that even if he considers it, he will ask his elder brother first.
He reasons and acts like a child, destroyed my dignity and self esteem. Made me feel terrible all the time, never saw anything good in me. Made me feel like i was good for nothing and could do nothing good.
I remeber once i (when we were (co-habiting), i pleaded with him to make arrangement for someone to make a small banner for me so i will advertise my business. This man said he wasnt interested in my stu..pi.d business. I finally started that "stu..pi.d" business after the birth of my son and now i have really really excelled in it. I never believed i could actually be this good. The strenght to finally start the business came from my baby.

And in spite of all this grief, you still want to go back to him? Is this some Valentine April fool prank. You have been emancipated from mental slavery...be wise!!!

When my Ex was served with his divorce letter, he was suddenly over the place asking everyone to speak with me.
He would send me texts and mails reminding me of our growing up days and how he use to be. Prior to the divorce letter he was more interested in flaunting new girlfriends to my face, going with them to places he knew I would be. If I somehow ran into them he would start talking about their great qualities, their bueaty, etc.
Anyway, when the letter came he suddenly wanted a reconciliation, he disturbed my father sotay I decided to meet him, but unfortunately, the woman meeting him wasn't the timid "Yes sir" woman that left, I had grown, learnt and knew what I wanted.
We met and he was acting all sweet, reminding me of all our old times, even brought a diary we had together when we were kids.
When he was done I asked him "so what has changed now? How is this different from all the times I came back after your actions?"
He didn't have an answer, he launched into a defence for his actions, saying "if only you would quit your job and concentrate on have a baby I wouldn't be so angry with you", "If your father would stop disrespecting me I wouldn't take it out on you so much". " As for the women issue, that battle will be won by constant prayers from you, you are supposed to know how to fight for you man not give up and run away"
Lol, so in other words after almost 2 years he had learnt nothing, everything was still the same and worse, I had to go back and start starving myself praying for a man who breaks his vows to me to change when I wasn't the one with the problem, I had to quit my Job and be at his mercy and face constant torment and insults, I had to cut my father off from my life, so there will be nobody to remind me that am a human being first before a wife.
I finished my meal, thanked him, even let him walk me to the car and told him let me sleep over it, he attempted to kiss me I gave him my cheeks, he was cocky almost sure that I was chewing off his hands and would be back.
When he got the next sermons he was like a wounded lion, how dare me?

Anyway, the aim of this long sob story on valentines day is just to say find out what the real reasons are don't get carried away by sentiments, emotions and pressure, you have done well for yourself, decide how you want your future.

Happy Valentines Day sweets, give Baby a kiss for me

Wow, so, why do all the 'good girls' marry 'terrible' guys? Itz not like u ladies didnt see all these coming. Through datin and courtship and all. Its really sad. @Op, am glad u still believe that good men exists. Good luck

@ debrief

Wow!!

I'm happy that you didn't go back to him. Extremely happy.

Why do I just love Debrief so much
I am a silent stalker
Waiting for CC too

blueheart: Wow, so, why do all the 'good girls' marry 'terrible' guys? Itz not like u ladies didnt see all these coming. Through datin and courtship and all. Its really sad. @Op, am glad u still believe that good men exists. Good luck

Abusive men are usually "good men" during courtship. They hide sir true colors well well

Ileke-IdI:


Abusive men are usually "good men" during courtship. They hide sir true colors well well

Abusive men can't hide their real colors,one reason why some ladies fall into the hands of such men is because they choose to ignore all the red flags and they sheepishly go into such union feeling that they'll change the man...by the time the monster starts with them e no dey easy at all...mtcheew

Truckpusher: Abusive men can't hide their real colors,one reason why some ladies fall into the hands of such men is because they choose to ignore all the red flags and they sheepishly go into such union feeling that they'll change the man...by the time the monster starts with them e no dey easy at all...mtcheew

Plz stop shifting he blame on women.

Most time, the signs are well hidden.

Ileke-IdI:


Plz stop shifting he blame on women.

Most time, the signs are well hidden.

there are always myriads of red flags whether subtle or overt, but women choose to get blind to them.

@Poster; ur story's almost identical 2 dat of my sista, my advice is u shudn't go back 4 ur sake & dat of ur baby cos he'll neva change. My sista's husband was maltreating her & even assaulted her physically jst months afta their weddin, he claimed it was a mistake & his family begged dat it'll neva happen again but dey were wrong cos he almost killed her d 2nd time, we r returnin d dowry soon & also pursuing divorce in court,I'm glad u ve ur own source of income & I pray u get sum1 dat truly deserves

I'm a married man but I've 2 say dat majority of men r not marriage material,a woman will react 2 a man d way he treats her except in few cases, treat her like a queen & she'll give u a home, put ur male ego aside

@Poster,
I don't accept divorce in any way,but that is your cup of tea,after seeing your profile picture.
[size=20pt]I asked myself one question.What is wrong with men?[/size]
I am married and I do everything by the grace of God to make my wife the best woman in the world,but what the heck is wrong with your husband?

Truckpusher: Abusive men can't hide their real colors,one reason why some ladies fall into the hands of such men is because they choose to ignore all the red flags and they sheepishly go into such union feeling that they'll change the man...by the time the monster starts with them e no dey easy at all...mtcheew

u r very 100% correct, most lady feel dey can handle dis issue on their own & even hide it 4m their family until it reaches saturation point

shineureyes: @Poster; ur story's almost identical 2 dat of my sista, my advice is u shudn't go back 4 ur sake & dat of ur baby cos he'll neva change. My sista's husband was maltreating her & even assaulted her physically jst months afta their weddin, he claimed it was a mistake & his family begged dat it'll neva happen again but dey were wrong cos he almost killed her d 2nd time, we r returnin d dowry soon & also pursuing divorce in court,I'm glad u ve ur own source of income & I pray u get sum1 dat truly deserves

I'm a married man but I've 2 say dat majority of men r not marriage material,a woman will react 2 a man d way he treats her except in few cases, treat her like a queen & she'll give u a home, put ur male ego aside

have you taken time to check on your sis attitude, except her hussy is insane.you don't go taunting a man an expect a cuddle, check well with a sight void of sentiments.

@sayso; I agree wit u & I don't believe dat a woman u honestly treat well will give u issues except in few cases,u've 2 put ur male ego aside 2 ve a happy home

I've been trying to decipher what was going through the mans head all through the 20 months you were seperated. probably was thinking he's so irresistible and when you were tired of seperation you would come back begging or needing his help to raise the kid. Well, Sucker got Sucker punched! I like that you are strong enough to carry on your life without him.
Since it seems like his head has finally returned to earth you could try forgiving and then a trial reconciliation and see how that works out. I know you must feel really hurt after the maltreation especially since you were even pregnant at the time and because of his neglect of you and the baby, but try giving it a try again for the sake of the baby and so dat you satisfy your conscience that you tried on your own part.
Sorry for everything, wish you and your baby the best.

ifihearam:

where you a slave before?
so if you have made up your mind not to return to him,why are you telling us na.

nawa o, which school u go. didnt u read? poster said it clearly shes not sorting ur advice but just need to vent/talk

$25 million:
have you taken time to check on your sis attitude, except her hussy is insane.you don't go taunting a man an expect cuddle, check well with a sight void of sentiments.

my sista like evry person has/her flaws but dey r negligible cos no1 has complained b4 even in her previous relationship,I pray dat no woman shud experience wat my sista passed thru & some men r jst beasts in human nature. Do u knw dat I can't stand 2 c my wife cry not 2 talk of me raising my hand 2 hit her.

touchmeder:



Sorry just a question,do you really need a divorce from the court for a traditional wedding? Do they do that in customary court or what?

I wonder o!

caropy: prettycindy, i think i have read some of your posts before. I am sorry to say, my deductions from the past post especially the one you talk about you baby being left-handed, the way you replied a comment even when the lady dont really mean it really look rude to me and if that is the same attitude you portray to your ex husband,then am not surprise. Now, this is where am going, i am from middle belt married to a yoruba man, (though my mum is yoruba), one thing i notice from these yoruba people is respect (they eat it like food), and this i know is not what is common from the south east you come from. now you paint it all that you have no fault in the breaking away but that is hard for me to believe. i will not blame the man until i hear his own side of the story (I ONLY BLAME HIME FOR THE ABUSE, THAT IS IF NO BE YOU FIRST START AM).

my advise for you before thinking of another man:
1: consider your waysssssssssssssssss
2: if you know you cant give respect, stay off from yorubas and the likes.
3: be humble and be respectful to your husband no matter the tribe.

am sorry if am hash sha. How is your left-handed baby? hope he is doing well with it?

You are obviously the type who comes to nairaland and say "i will not believe this story till i hear from the other person". For christsake, this is Nairaland not Lindaikeji. Do you expect to get on the phone with the other party and interrogate him/her?
No one on this forum gives a damn what you believe. It doesnt mean anything to me what you believe. You hear?

Secondly, nairaland is full of bullys and abusers. I made it a point not to ever abuse anyone on this forum but the person (s) you referred to deserved it. Did you even bother to read what nonsense she wrote (i hope they havent modified their insultive comments) or you were just interested in my own response? so according to you, its ok to path the back of someone who abuses you for no reason.

Lastly, are you implying that i didnt respect the man i was married to? How dare you?
So in your dictionary of wifehood and motherhood, its ok to justify an abusive and irreponsible husband? So if i had actually caused the reason he physically abused me, to you i deserve it?
Caropy, i weep for you and for your female children.

shineureyes: my sista like evry person has/her flaws but dey r negligible cos no1 has complained b4 even in her previous relationship,I pray dat no woman shud experience wat my sista passed thru & some men r jst beasts in human nature. Do u knw dat I can't stand 2 c my wife cry not 2 talk of me raising my hand 2 hit her.

then she is perhaps unlucky. He might not be strongly attracted to her (deep love) or might have a destructive temper which can be contained by boycotting what triggers that temper. Goodluck to ur sis with her new divorcee status.

PrettyCindy:


You are obviously the type who comes to nairaland and say "i will not believe this story till i hear from the other person". For christsake, this is Nairaland not Lindaikeji. Do you expect to get on the phone with the other party and interrogate him/her?
No one on this forum gives a damn what you believe. It doesnt mean anything to me what you believe. You hear?

Secondly, nairaland is full of bullys and abusers. I made it a point not to ever abuse anyone on this forum but the person (s) you referred to deserved it. Did you even bother to read what nonsense she wrote (i hope they havent modified their insultive comments) or you were just interested in my own response? so according to you, its ok to path the back of someone who abuses you for no reason.

Lastly, are you implying that i didnt respect the man i was married to? How dare you?
So in your dictionary of wifehood and motherhood, its ok to justify an abusive and irreponsible husband? So if i had actually caused the reason he physically abused me, to you i deserve it?
Caropy, i weep for you and for your female children.

Tell me why a man wouldn't basterdise this rude mofo. Folks I bet u,, men aren't mad, something triggers the reactions.

linearity: Giving what you have described, maybe he is trying to protect his assets. He might be looking at the financial implications of a divorce hence he does not want to go through it.

You might be surprise if you offer not to seek child support, sponsor support and any kind of property sharing, etc; he might agree to the divorce. You guys have lived more than a year apart, so each person must have with them their various valuables in term of cash, property, business, etc....

Assets ke. He doesnt even own a tire. Child support ke, for wia?
My believe is that he has dated all round, all shapes, sizes and ..............well, no one like me. He is even claiming born again. This is someone who dates about 7 girls at the same time.

PrettyCindy:

Assets ke. He doesnt even own a tire. Child support ke, for wia?
My believe is that he has dated all round, all shapes, sizes and ..............well, no one like me. He is even claiming born again. This is someone who dates about 7 girls at the same time.

I have a strong unwavering conviction you aren't innocent either. Madam brazillian hair

Crown Prince: Op, do you mean to say no man has been trimming the weeds in your garden all this while?


Jesus Christ forgave the adulterous woman when he challenge her prosecutors saying to them let the man that has not committed sin akin to hers be the first to cast a stone and at that instance they all dispersed.

The bible made us to believe that whoever believe he/she is without sin is a hypocrite and a lair.

For while we are yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Christians believe that challenges must come since the devil is still good at his work yet we must not waiver but remain steady fast.

How many times will someone hurt you and you seek for revenge and Christ said 70x70x70.

If you are a Christian, forgive and give your child a father.

Ekwu cha gwom...kpon kwem!

If you care to know, no. Am not dating yet. Want my baby to be of certain age before i involve a man in my life.

The issue here is not forgiveness. I forgave him before i put to bed.
I am not interested in anwering "wife", meanwhile i am very unhappy. I wanst treated like a wife at all so there is nothing to look forward to.
Yes, my son needs a father..........did i tell you i will die single? Am very goodlooking, respectful, an african woman, responsible, hardworking, romantic etc etc and can always get any man i want. Am just not ready yet.

@op good luck to you:
1.your thread made front page.
2.you. are single again and ready to mingle.
3.you succeeded in shocking your ex.

now be advised do not make the same error again,and appreciate God for seeing another mid february frenzied people day.

$25 million:
Tell me why a man wouldn't basterdise this rude mofo. Folks I bet u,, men aren't mad, something triggers the reactions.

Just shut up.

This OP no be Saint! Abi how you go marry person for just 8 months? The nigga wey she marry might be an Agbero on his own but OP sef na badoo. My nigga don change and see better reasons to hold on to his wife...na why him wan reconcile but if you rather be After-1 then na u sabi.

My advice be dis: If the guy no use juju hold you before you marry am...then there must be something pleasant about him. So make u go back to drawing board with the nigga, make una see where things go wrong, make una try to fix am...You don't have to move in with him to see if he has changed...and pray too. Unless one bobo don enter your eyes for road too.

My mind tell me say una go sweet if una come back...but my mind dey lie too at times...So Check for ursef.

PrettyCindy:

If you care to know, no. Am not dating yet. Want my baby to be of certain age before i involve a man in my life.

The issue here is not forgiveness. I forgave him before i put to bed.
I am not interested in anwering "wife", meanwhile i am very unhappy. I wanst treated like a wife at all so there is nothing to look forward to.
Yes, my son needs a father..........did i tell you i will die single? Am very goodlooking, respectful, an african woman, responsible, hardworking, romantic etc etc and can always get any man i want. Am just not ready yet.

arrogant thwart