I was talked down at, cheated on, deceived and used. Sometimes I wonder if this is what love is about, do we have to go through all that ?

pray and ask GOD for a direction dont always be on the run..... Its only God that can give u a happy endin in your marraige life.

Sorry dear if this's your true life story. Thank God you've already know what many of you ladies don't know, marry someone who really love you and not the one you'll be trying so hard to gain his attention.

Thank u Sage i appreciate your advice. Jojo thanks too i never stopped praying

Na wao!!!na exam be dis?abeg summarize dis ur biography... by the way,stop listening to too many people.All dis advice being peddled ur way is wrecking havoc on ur sense of discernement.

Nwanne'm I feel ur pain. Continue to pray...beg God for a sign or revelation...meanwhile I'll pray for u also. It is well!

Sweetie, you re not helpless ok.....the Lord is your helper
If he makes you feel this bad then don't do it
Take 2 steps back and gather yourself together
Don't enter into a life of bondage ok

Please, please, take your time and see what God can do
Stop making a mere man your ' be all and end all' .......he's not all that ok
People come from nothing today to become something tomorrow

Do you have a business? A job? Stick with it
Don't ever look down on yourself
So no man will have the audacity to look down on you
Please dear get yourself together.......

You are not helpless! Stop telling yourself that! Then, this guy claims to have the 'fear of God' but he lied to you? Yea, so much for having the fear of God! Well, that's what happens when you put religion first as a basis of assessment instead of the person's character. Now hear this, that a man/woman prays all the time, doesn't go out, doesn't drink, etc doesn't make him or her "God fearing." Don't get me wrong o, but the criterion for choosing a life partner should be character, like "who is this man/woman?" And focus less on what the so called religion has turned him/her to. Baby girl, if he lied to you then, there are a thousand and 1 things he had lied to you about before, YOU CAN'T TRUST HIM!, because the beginning of long lasting relationship, CAN NEVER BE BUILT ON LIES!

One more thing, pls trust your instincts! No woman should joke with hers, if in ur mind of minds, you have really searched through every bit of your soul and you are not convinced that this man will make you happy (I doubt too cos he lies), pls back down. Broken engagement is better than broken marriage.

Then finally, you need to forget men for now and concentrate on yourself. What are ur dreams? What is that thing you have been trying so hard to achieve? Now is the time to do it! Trust me, getting married won't fix you neither would it erase who you are. So you have to find yourself, you have to discover yourself and you have to do it now! Hold unto God by his shirt, chase him and see other things chasing you.

You are not helpless, you are just making yourself helpless!

kellylicious: Let me start by introducing myself my name is kelechi,i'll be 27 by next month and i promised myself that i must settle down b4 the end of dis year.Here is my story; am not from a wealthy family so i've been through a lot in my life,i started having suitors from the age of 14 which i believe is due to my stature.At first my parent saw those guys who came seeking for my hand in marriage as crazy but when i clocked 15 my dad started pressurising me to accept. I turned them all down cos i believe in love.Am a highly emotional person,i believe i should date and be inlove with a man b4 speaking of marriage. I've been through so many things that i can not write here but it made me went exile,nobody knew where i was for so many years and so many painful things happened to me while i was away also cos i was tooo young to be alone. I suffered,i got help,got disppointed,made friends and enemies,learn different kind of things,violence,anger,pains,kindness i also learnt different kinds of tricks men uses on girls. While i was passing trough that phase of life i never give up on myself,i had every opportunities to live a wayward live but i didn't cos i no it will all bounce on my mother,just like u all no(when a child is bad he/she becomes mother's child) so i tried not to make my mom suffer for my problems.I tried to work and school at thesame time though i met girls and guys who liked and assisted me but i did not marry any of the guys for different reasons.To cut the long story short,i reconciled with my family but yet living with stranger and pursing to be someone in life till i met a guy,he's my spec of guy,he is like everything i described in my prayer request 3 weeks b4 i met him when i accompanied my sister to her church crusade,he was like a dream come true,i did not even wait for him to say "i love u" or propose b4 i called and told my sis that i have found the man i want to marry(crazy isn't it?) Yes i guess that is how it is when u fall in love.He prays and fast a lot,he's that type that doesn't stay out late cos he has to pray every 9pm.He does not go to clubs,does not smoke and drinks accasionally (red wine only).seriously i can say aside his apperance his prayer life is the main reason i fell inlove with him without control.He was very fond of me too and we see each other everday.I asked him a lots of questions about his relationships cos am the talking type while he is the taciturn type so he really liked my person,he told me he has no girlfriend but later i discovered he lied to me about his affairs cos i found out about some girls,we quarrelled so much that i almost left him cos as much as am faithful so am jealous.He gradually left those girls to be with me but since then i've not been able to trust him again. I had problem in school which kinda take me to a squre one,i thought he was going to leave me then but he still stood by me. Now here is my problem... He took me to meet his parent last November and they did not approve of me. His father said am not as educated as he want,am not tall and am from a poor background.His mother did not really say anything just that she asked him to listen to his father.All his brothers are friendly with me and he has no sister. Every member of my family loves and accept him ,though he has not met my mom but they spoke over the phone when my father and uncle arranged another Abuja based guy for me to marry and lied to me to come home that my father was very ill and needed my attention,when i got home and the battle started he begged my mom to be on my side when i turn down the marriage proposal that he loves and wants to be my husband.My mom did as he said and i ran away as usual. Finally he said he's paying for my dowry after August,the relationship has not been as sweet as it used to be since the time he took me to his parent or should i say 2 months b4 he took me to his parents yet he still says he wants to marry me.We quarrel a lot this days but he still claims he loves me. I was with some of my friends and their friends that i've not met b4 and they started gisting about love and marriage,two of the ladies are marrie,d one is about to then myself and one other lady are still in a relationship.They said a lot of things about men which scares the shit out of me,they said the man u think u no so well that loves u like mad,that never lets u cry,that carries u like an egg when u are dating him will turn to ur worst nightmare when u finally marries him. They said if a woman wants to marry and be happy she should marry a man who loves her not who she loves,cos if she marries who she loves she will end up crying for the rest of her married life but if she marries a man who loves her instead then he'll always try to please her but if he eventually turns to be the opposite of what he was b4 marriage then the woman will be strong to deal with him cos she's not inlove with him.They also said if she happens to be the type that cares so much and probably the selfless type also the type that makes her husband her friend by so doing not keeping friends out there that means she's totally doomed. trust me people everything these ladies mentioned above is who i am that's why i hurt easily.The question i never stopped asking myself since that day is "if he's already hurting me now that we are not married and does not care how i feel since the day i met his parent till now is it when i marry him that he'll begin to? Everything i do these days to please him turns out pissing him off and hurting me,we easily quarrel and he uses words that kills me! But despite all this he still claims he wants me,he refused to say it's over! But his doings kinda wants to make me run .... Pls people should i run or should i wait to see the end of this? What if he never says it's over? What if he marries me and make my life misrable? I don't want to try divorce,nobody in my family has ever tried that. Pls i need help me! Am helpless!! Am really thinking a lot this days and it's making me sick!!!

STORY.... juss marry a whote woman!!

kellylicious: Let me start by introducing myself my name is kelechi,i'll be 27 by next month and i promised myself that i must settle down b4 the end of dis year.Here is my story; am not from a wealthy family so i've been through a lot in my life,i started having suitors from the age of 14 which i believe is due to my stature.At first my parent saw those guys who came seeking for my hand in marriage as crazy but when i clocked 15 my dad started pressurising me to accept. I turned them all down cos i believe in love.Am a highly emotional person,i believe i should date and be inlove with a man b4 speaking of marriage. I've been through so many things that i can not write here but it made me went exile,nobody knew where i was for so many years and so many painful things happened to me while i was away also cos i was tooo young to be alone. I suffered,i got help,got disppointed,made friends and enemies,learn different kind of things,violence,anger,pains,kindness i also learnt different kinds of tricks men uses on girls. While i was passing trough that phase of life i never give up on myself,i had every opportunities to live a wayward live but i didn't cos i no it will all bounce on my mother,just like u all no(when a child is bad he/she becomes mother's child) so i tried not to make my mom suffer for my problems.I tried to work and school at thesame time though i met girls and guys who liked and assisted me but i did not marry any of the guys for different reasons.To cut the long story short,i reconciled with my family but yet living with stranger and pursing to be someone in life till i met a guy,he's my spec of guy,he is like everything i described in my prayer request 3 weeks b4 i met him when i accompanied my sister to her church crusade,he was like a dream come true,i did not even wait for him to say "i love u" or propose b4 i called and told my sis that i have found the man i want to marry(crazy isn't it?) Yes i guess that is how it is when u fall in love.He prays and fast a lot,he's that type that doesn't stay out late cos he has to pray every 9pm.He does not go to clubs,does not smoke and drinks accasionally (red wine only).seriously i can say aside his apperance his prayer life is the main reason i fell inlove with him without control.He was very fond of me too and we see each other everday.I asked him a lots of questions about his relationships cos am the talking type while he is the taciturn type so he really liked my person,he told me he has no girlfriend but later i discovered he lied to me about his affairs cos i found out about some girls,we quarrelled so much that i almost left him cos as much as am faithful so am jealous.He gradually left those girls to be with me but since then i've not been able to trust him again. I had problem in school which kinda take me to a squre one,i thought he was going to leave me then but he still stood by me. Now here is my problem... He took me to meet his parent last November and they did not approve of me. His father said am not as educated as he want,am not tall and am from a poor background.His mother did not really say anything just that she asked him to listen to his father.All his brothers are friendly with me and he has no sister. Every member of my family loves and accept him ,though he has not met my mom but they spoke over the phone when my father and uncle arranged another Abuja based guy for me to marry and lied to me to come home that my father was very ill and needed my attention,when i got home and the battle started he begged my mom to be on my side when i turn down the marriage proposal that he loves and wants to be my husband.My mom did as he said and i ran away as usual. Finally he said he's paying for my dowry after August,the relationship has not been as sweet as it used to be since the time he took me to his parent or should i say 2 months b4 he took me to his parents yet he still says he wants to marry me.We quarrel a lot this days but he still claims he loves me. I was with some of my friends and their friends that i've not met b4 and they started gisting about love and marriage,two of the ladies are marrie,d one is about to then myself and one other lady are still in a relationship.They said a lot of things about men which scares the shit out of me,they said the man u think u no so well that loves u like mad,that never lets u cry,that carries u like an egg when u are dating him will turn to ur worst nightmare when u finally marries him. They said if a woman wants to marry and be happy she should marry a man who loves her not who she loves,cos if she marries who she loves she will end up crying for the rest of her married life but if she marries a man who loves her instead then he'll always try to please her but if he eventually turns to be the opposite of what he was b4 marriage then the woman will be strong to deal with him cos she's not inlove with him.They also said if she happens to be the type that cares so much and probably the selfless type also the type that makes her husband her friend by so doing not keeping friends out there that means she's totally doomed. trust me people everything these ladies mentioned above is who i am that's why i hurt easily.The question i never stopped asking myself since that day is "if he's already hurting me now that we are not married and does not care how i feel since the day i met his parent till now is it when i marry him that he'll begin to? Everything i do these days to please him turns out pissing him off and hurting me,we easily quarrel and he uses words that kills me! But despite all this he still claims he wants me,he refused to say it's over! But his doings kinda wants to make me run .... Pls people should i run or should i wait to see the end of this? What if he never says it's over? What if he marries me and make my life misrable? I don't want to try divorce,nobody in my family has ever tried that. Pls i need help me! Am helpless!! Am really thinking a lot this days and it's making me sick!!!

STORY!!.... marry a white woman!

Thanks to U all Chummy,Chinwe and Vivian, i really appreciate the time it took u to read my post and am more grateful for the advice and courage.May God bless u all

Kelly unfortunately i cldnt read it all bt ever1 gets scared of marriage even if u both ve d perfect r/ship.there wld always b doubts,u just ve 2 trust u ve made d right decision & stick wit it.no need 2 b dramtic & run off,there is absolutely no need 4 dat.



Hello vivi sweet

cdamsel: Kelly unfortunately i cldnt read it all bt ever1 gets scared of marriage even if u both ve d perfect r/ship.there wld always b doubts,u just ve 2 trust u ve made d right decision & stick wit it.no need 2 b dramtic & run off,there is absolutely no need 4 dat.



Hello vivi sweet

Hi honey, I'm good, u? Missed you loads, meet me at derailer's paradise biko.

D sage: Sorry dear if this's your true life story. Thank God you've already know what many of you ladies don't know, marry someone who really love you and not the one you'll be trying so hard to gain his attention.

Bt unfotunately, most gals reject people who love them and chase people they THINK they love

@ OP, marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured, if you think marrying this guy will bring pains to you for the remaining days of your life, don’t do it. This is marriage we are talking about, someone you will live with for up to 60 yrs. or more, and from what you said, you always quarrel with this guy, it’s a sign of negative things to come, there should be peace around a relationship.

Pray and commit this to the Lord. But note, the taste of friendship is not the taste of marriage. Lying and also his family issue is a problem for the future as this could lead to a problem and divorce.
Only God can show you your husband. If I may suggest to you, seek God's face and you may try visiting Synagogue Church of All Nations as God will show you who your real husband is. Or watch Emmanuel TV and see what God is doing. Only Him can show you a true husband because right now, nobody can be able to decode the kind of relationship if God is not involved.

@ op, it's really disheartening, but that's wats happening...and it amazes me.... I simply place my fate in God hands.... But I don't stay long in depressing relationships...am a bubbly person, falling sick is out of it...so op, u av to choose to be happy nw, u r still single, than feeling miserable...

Interestingly in your write-up, you did not address the real issue.....the dislike of his parents. Whether he loves you or not, if his parents dislike you, you are on a long thing. No one says you will not be able to marry him, but honestly those guys will make life miserable for you. And if God wan catch you, let anything untowards happens to the guy, headache oo, loss of job oo, any turn of event will be attributed to you.

Yes i think it is scary to imagine that you will spend the rest of your life with just one person, but hey, if its gotta be done at all, do it. Listening to all manner of advise and suggestions will further throw you into the deep end, take a decision and move on with it. Life is short, make the best of it. At 27, you are growing, dont wait till you start singing 'I am married to Jesus, Satan leave me alone...'

WTF is this ! Place it in God's hands this..place in Gods hands that. Do you think the over 63 people in kano luxurious bus bombing didnt place thier journey in "God's" hands? What of the deeper life bombings...sh!!t, those guys were placing "it" in Gods hands when a bomb was placed in thier church ! ya'll can see the guy used the "holy holy" trick on her and his dad has rejected the union for the most mundane reason like height and poor background and yet you blind women open your mouth and say leave it to God !
I will cool down amd post later..i am so pissed.

before i clicked the topic i assumed the poster was gamophobic and has a phobia for commitment and marriage, but i see its just another case of indecison by a love blind woman. You sound like a nice lady so i wont you harsh words... Leave this guy ! Damn, why are women like this? "church guys" are one of the most dangerous because they target "church girls". You're being played and you know it, i know that wont stop you from marrying this "God sent" man !

He gave you what you wanted- a religious man. Until young women learn the big difference between a religious person and a man with a sound moral upbringing, cases like this will keep coming up from time to time on nairaland.Whether you agree with me or not, your so called prince charming is a snake in green grass. In Africa, you don't just marry a man but also his family. Don't ignore the all important red flag of his family not wanting you. The guy is a fake replica of your dream husband. Use your head well. However no perfect man exists anywhere nor do perfect relationships. Just try and find out those things you cant tolerate about him and if he is not willing to change them, you may move on. Only few church guys are real, be warned.

He gave you what you wanted- a religious man. Until young women learn the big difference between a religious person and a man with a sound moral upbringing, cases like this will keep coming up from time to time on nairaland.Whether you agree with me or not, your so called prince charming is a snake in green grass. In Africa, you don't just marry a man but also his family. Don't ignore the all important red flag of his family not wanting you. The guy is a fake replica of your dream husband. Use your head well. However no perfect man exists anywhere nor do perfect relationships. Just try and find out those things you cant tolerate about him and if he is not willing to change them, you may move on. Only few church guys are real, be warned.

obyrich: He gave you what you wanted- a religious man. Until young women learn the big difference between a religious person and a man with a sound moral upbringing, cases like this will keep coming up from time to time on nairaland.Whether you agree with me or not, your so called prince charming is a snake in green grass. In Africa, you don't just marry a man but also his family. Don't ignore the all important red flag of his family not wanting you. The guy is a fake replica of your dream husband. Use your head well. However no perfect man exists anywhere nor do perfect relationships. Just try and find out those things you cant tolerate about him and if he is not willing to change them, you may move on. Only few church guys are real, be warned.

I hope this relationship will teach her the difference. This experience is painful, have been there, but of great value!

Obyrich is right, the guy is a snake in green grass!

Apart from that, read Vivian's advice over and over again. It's a wise piece of advice.

My best wishes to you honey. Don't listen to people who will tell you to accept the pain he puts you through just because you're 27. You're still very young and even if you were 35, this wouldn't be a reason to enter a risky marriage. Only you can make yourself happy and only you have to live and deal with the consequences of your decisions. Decide wisely.
Listen to your reason first, then to your heart.
My grandma always says: Reason and heart have to go hand in hand when you choose your life partner. Grandma is a wise lady ;-)

i have heard your story, to know try to ask the guy what his attraction is towards u,where it is coming from
whether it is from natural or artificia.

again try to know his compatible needs. if you have known all these, the picture of the guy will come to your palm.

meanwhile go tru my post here in this romance forum "THE 20 SECRET WONDERS OF SUCCESSUL DATIND AND MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP"