davidylan:

No need. Some people are just naturally cantankerous. Its a new yr... i refuse to join their naked dance of shame. She can have the thread to herself.

Good boy

two of una need a room jor!

I dey go sleep jare shior!!

carefreewannabe: I would definitely have some back-up and my hubby would know about it. There is no way for me to accept another wife in my house and no way for me to leave my earnings for another wife. I have been working hard, I have a lot to bring into marriage and I will make sure no other woman, who wants to sleep with my husband, will profit from my hard earned money, house and car.

So, yes ladies, make sure you have some sort of security just IN CASE. Also think of your children.

I have also always been a fan of pre-ups.

God has given you a brain to think and anxiety is the mother of the careful. Life can be hard, it can be brutal. So use your brains.

pre-nups in Naija. . Lol. . I don hear you o.

chaircover:

. . but I dont want an investment in my name only. What for? We are one. The best investment that I can leave for my kids is an excellent world regognised education and a balanced and happy upbringing. That is better than any mansion in Apapa. Why would my kids need my house anyway? My prayer is that they do 1000 times better than I do.

As for a will. Any responsible parent will have life insurance in place and the kids will be on the life insurance policy, so that one is sorted out.

Maybe I am naive, but I am not going to kill myself over something that hasnt happened ; and may never happen. The ones we built together are still empty not to talk of the one I now went and built behind my husbands back and havent told him. How many things can one take to the grave sef? Who lives in Bobby Bensons House today?

Been off NL in a while been swamped that right now i am still in bed at Noon am so tired .But CC ur so spot on as usual.The best inheritance ever is a good education and upbringing.I know loads of people who neglect this vital part of a child's life to compete with their husbands for what i.dont know?I keep saying it whats the use of all the mansions in Lekki if the child who will inherit it is uhhhm something else.Not saying that mansions in Lekki are bad o but do kids really need mummy mansion and Daddy's mansion?I agree with jidegirl that certain investments should be in the kids names and for me all those investments sef are to pay for a good education.Life really is not that hard ojere.

rhymz: pre-nups in Naija. . Lol. . I don hear you o.

I am well aware that is not practiced in Naija. That doesn't mean that I can't favor this idea.

chaircover:

. . but I dont want an investment in my name only. What for? We are one. The best investment that I can leave for my kids is an excellent world regognised education and a balanced and happy upbringing. That is better than any mansion in Apapa. Why would my kids need my house anyway? My prayer is that they do 1000 times better than I do.

As for a will. Any responsible parent will have life insurance in place and the kids will be on the life insurance policy, so that one is sorted out.

Maybe I am naive, but I am not going to kill myself over something that hasnt happened and may never happen. The ones we built together are still empty not to talk of the one I now went and built behind my husbands back and havent told him. How many things can one take to the grave sef? Who lives in Bobby Bensons House today?

What if you become three because your hubby decides to take in another wife?

I agree with you that education and happy upbringing for children is the most important thing. And I agree when you say that there is no sense in having several mansions. But I don't agree when you say "I'm not going to kill myself over something that hasn't happened and may never happen." It's not about killing oneself. It's about you as a woman being independent no matter what. Yes, you and your husband are one but you don't know tomorrow. So when husband and wife both work, it's no longer my husband's house as Nigerians like to say but OURS and he alone doesn't decide who is going to live with us. This was how the thread started. It was initially inspired by the story of a woman who couldn't handle a second wife.

davidylan:

this is baffling. How does someone project their own experience unto millions of others? Funny how people manage to get across murtala mohammad airport then act as if they have never been near Africa in their lives.

i am not a stranger to nigeria, i was born there and only left becos i married someone who lived abroad.
we re just having a civilised debate.
things like this happen i have seen it with my two eyes. dont come and act likeam making things up or am trying to stir up trouble in pple's home.

bebe2:

i am not a stranger to nigeria, i was born there and only left becos i married someone who lived abroad.
we re just having a civilised debate.
things like this happen i have seen it with my two eyes. dont come and act likeam making things up or am trying to stir up trouble in pple's home.

Another drama queen responding to a post that wasnt directed at her. Please take a quick check, the post you are quoting and having an enema over was SPECIFICALLY directed at a comment jidegirl made about nigeria being backward.

bebe2:

i am not a stranger to nigeria, i was born there and only left becos i married someone who lived abroad.
we re just having a civilised debate.
things like this happen i have seen it with my two eyes. dont come and act likeam making things up or am trying to stir up trouble in pple's home.

You are definitely pouring fuel on people's homes. You cannot throw a blanket advice to the public because of the unfortunate experiences of a single lady. You act like you are the one that wants a break, maybe you have found a younger man?

carefreewannabe:

What if you become three because your hubby decides to take in another wife?

I agree with you that education and happy upbringing for children is the most important thing. And I agree when you say that there is no sense in having several mansions. But I don't agree when you say "I'm not going to kill myself over something that hasn't happened and may never happen." It's not about killing oneself. It's about you as a woman being independent no matter what. Yes, you and your husband are one but you don't know tomorrow. So when husband and wife both work, it's no longer my husband's house as Nigerians like to say but OURS and he alone doesn't decide who is going to live with us. This was how the thread started. It was initially inspired by the story of a woman who couldn't handle a second wife.

i agree, with both points. i pray dis neva happens to any of us, it may sound like am a bad wife and dnt luv my hubby etc. dats far from the truth, yes i did buy a house, but its not a mansion it a 3 bed bungalow, i used my son as next of kin. if it all goes wonky at least i wont be homeless. if it goes well it hus a plus 1 to our properties. this is for my own peace of mind. i will tell hubby wen i fell comfortable to tell him.

if i wanted to retire and remain here dats fine,i know am covered wateva happen but i want to go back home wen my kids become adults.

as for the lady, we decided to call the hubby and ask him since they are friends of ours, the man is playing the victim. " ask ur friend if i drove her out, ask her if she was ever insulted by her junior wife, how can she leave her home for another woman" i was shocked he doesnt seem to realise how much he has hurt his woman.

wit all the small small insult i get in this forum an addicted i cant stop.

moderator, dis is a serious matter o, oya front page nah

can i say dis is not about house, maybe little saving from ur salary or money hidden under ur mattress

bebe2: ok, this is something that has been causing trouble btw husband and wives especially in d diaspora. i will give u a quick story so u can understand my point.
a lady living in one european country decided with her hubby that it was time for them to build a home in nigeria somewhere they can live in wen they both return home finally. the plan was the man shud start doing business to nigeria and the woman wud work and send money down to 9ja. they man kept shuffling between europe and nija.

few years later the house was built, during the opening ceremony one lady kept dancing wit the woman and her husband, thinking shewas just a well wisher the wife was hugging the lady and dancing with her until someone called her to the side and told her that d lady was her husband's wife.

the man called his family to help him beg her saying he still loved her and wants her to accept the situation and take the younger wife as her sista.

each morning the new wife wud greet the first wife wit both knees "good morning mummy" on one occassion the first wife called the second wife and started to scream at her "wat kinh of respect are u resoecting me, at night u will jump on my hubby's pe.nis in the morning u will call me mummy. they had a big quarrel and the first wife left the house she is now back in the europe, in her late 50s trying to work as hard as possible to build a house that she would retire to in nigeria.

following this incident lot of women here have properties in their names, but some pple think dat is wrong. but in a country like nigeria can really depend on ur husband for security in ur old age

orishirishi on nairaland....
while you are at it, you might as well buy a gold-plated casket and a grave in abuja to secure your final place of rest. only people with backward reasoning can bother about building a house in my name or my wife's name.........who is going to live in those houses people build here n there? by 21, my kids should be out of the house to build their own future. nigerians should move past all these "na me get am property".

coogar:

orishirishi on nairaland....
while you are at it, you might as well buy a gold-plated casket and a grave in abuja to secure your final place of rest. only people with backward reasoning can bother about building a house in my name or my wife's name.........who is going to live in those houses people build here n there? by 21, my kids should be out of the house to build their own future. nigerians should move past all these "na me get am property".

lol

coogar:

orishirishi on nairaland....
while you are at it, you might as well buy a gold-plated casket and a grave in abuja to secure your final place of rest. only people with backward reasoning can bother about building a house in my name or my wife's name.........who is going to live in those houses people build here n there? by 21, my kids should be out of the house to build their own future. nigerians should move past all these "na me get am property".

Loll, and they can start paying grave diggers and ambulance service since they already conclude they will be dumped and lonely in later years. Women with this type of mentality carry on with troublesome manners in present marriages

7842I:

Loll, and they can start paying grave diggers and ambulance service since they already conclude they will be dumped and lonely in later years. Women with this type of mentality carry on with troublesome manners in present marriages

I don't get why you feel so bad about a woman having financial securities
Don't you want to have a working wife who has her own? If no is your answer, fine with me, have a stay at home wife, nothing bad about it. To each his own BUT I have been working hard in my life and I have something to bring into marriage. So whatever I and my husband will have is OURS. If anything happens, nobody will have to ask me what I brought into our marriage, they will know.
Does it come as a surprise to you that many wives in Nigeria ended up miserable in their later years? I have seen plenty of them. They turned 40 or 50 and their husbands brought new wives home, young enough to be their daughters. Are women supposed to like it

Nigerians always say, go to your husband's house. Why is it HIS house? Isn't it our and our children's home?
See, my parents educated me well and made sure I graduate from a good university so that I'm useful. Therefore, it will NEVER be my husband's house, it will be OUR house.

carefreewannabe:

I don't get why you feel so bad about a woman having financial securities
Don't you want to have a working wife who has her own? If no is your answer, fine with me, have a stay at home wife, nothing bad about it. To each his own BUT I have been working hard in my life and I have something to bring into marriage. So whatever I and my husband will have is OURS. If anything happens, nobody will have to ask me what I brought into our marriage, they will know.
Does it come as a surprise to you that many wives in Nigeria ended up miserable in their later years? I have seen plenty of them. They turned 40 or 50 and their husbands brought new wives home, young enough to be their daughters. Are women supposed to like it

Nigerians always say, go to your husband's house. Why is it HIS house? Isn't it our and our children's home?
See, my parents educated me well and made sure I graduate from a good university so that I'm useful. Therefore, it will NEVER be my husband's house, it will be OUR house.

I am sure you will not take my advice but I will drop it all the same. Work hard with your husband and entrust all your earnings with him for a combined investment with his own earnings. You two can also build together, anytime you cannot trust your husband, divorce him and go your way.

Men are not monsters, they know what yr efforts are and will appreciate it if you show yourself to be open and trustworthy. Will he stray? Sometimes, will he give you reasons to doubt him? Many times. But never give up, build the relationship and put everything in the hands of God (if you believe in him)

If you start to act defensively in a marriage, chances are that your man will notice and in turn start acting defensively too, seeking love and trust from outside.

In conclusion, men may bring in another woman later, but when you look into it, the wife contributed to it. Maybe she put her career before her husband? Or was selfish with her earnings.

Think about this.

7842I:

I am sure you will not take my advice but I will drop it all the same. Work hard with your husband and entrust all your earnings with him for a combined investment with his own earnings. You two can also build together, anytime you cannot trust your husband, divorce him and go your way.

Men are not monsters, they know what yr efforts are and will appreciate it if you show yourself to be open and trustworthy. Will he stray? Sometimes, will he give you reasons to doubt him? Many times. But never give up, build the relationship and put everything in the hands of God (if you believe in him)

If you start to act defensively in a marriage, chances are that your man will notice and in turn start acting defensively too, seeking love and trust from outside.

In conclusion, men may bring in another woman later, but when you look into it, the wife contributed to it. Maybe she put her career before her husband? Or was selfish with her earnings.

Think about this.

Thank you for your advice but you must confess that you are being very opportunistic.
I don't blame you, we all are. And as you are a man, you will naturally say:
1. You as a woman have to entrust your earnings with him. (Would you entrust your earnings with your wife?)
2. Even when he gives you reasons to doubt him many times, never give up. (Would you do the same for your wife?)
3. Those men who bring in second or third or fourth wives do it 'cause women made them do it. (Do you really like this victim mentality? And don't you think women have enough reasons too to search for love, affection and attention outside?)

Look, I don't want to build a house alone and never behind my husband's back. All that I'm saying is that I'm able to contribute a lot and therefore will never accept a second wife, let alone leave my house for her like the woman in the poster's story did. Why? Because I built it TOGETHER with my husband. I will protect it with all means possible.

I secured my future before I got married. I have my career, house, investment, pension, savings that will last me after my retirement.

Now we are together, we make our plans together for the benefit of us and the kids.

He knows I have these things and he is not in any way asking about next of kin etc..funny enough most of the deeds and savings still have my dad and sister as next of kin.

Thanks for this, I will start the process of changing it to ......emmm...my kid, which will be used as a guarantee for their education if all other option fails.

As for hubby, we are building together now we are together, what ever he has before he met me, I couldn't care about that...he can as well change the next of kin to our kids ....

Am not afraid of the future anyway, am too fortified to be!
If all fails, I can go back to my village and live happily with 1 dollar per day, cos I am a bit of both worlds

I always find a way to be happy and enjoy my life in every condition.

Above all, all is vanity!

carefreewannabe:

Thank you for your advice but you must confess that you are being very opportunistic.
I don't blame you, we all are. And as you are a man, you will naturally say:
1. You as a woman have to entrust your earnings with him. (Would you entrust your earnings with your wife?)
2. Even when he gives you reasons to doubt him many times, never give up. (Would you do the same for your wife?)
3. Those men who bring in second or third or fourth wives do it 'cause women made them do it. (Do you really like this victim mentality? And don't you think women have enough reasons too to search for love, affection and attention outside?)

Look, I don't want to build a house alone and never behind my husband's back. All that I'm saying is that I'm able to contribute a lot and therefore will never accept a second wife, let alone leave my house for her like the woman in the poster's story did. Why? Because I built it TOGETHER with my husband. I will protect it with all means possible.

Well, this is the internet where every body can claim anything. But in real life, all my property are domiciled in my wives accounts, including all lump sums. Whenever I want to start a new project, I just ask that she transfer so so and so amout into my company account. She is 100% trustworthy, and have never spent $1 without my consent. I know many people will still doubt me sha.

"Why? Because I built it TOGETHER with my husband. I will protect it with all means possible".




Gbam!!!my kInda girl.

bebe2: ok, this is something that has been causing trouble btw husband and wives especially in d diaspora. i will give u a quick story so u can understand my point.
a lady living in one european country decided with her hubby that it was time for them to build a home in nigeria somewhere they can live in wen they both return home finally. the plan was the man shud start doing business to nigeria and the woman wud work and send money down to 9ja. they man kept shuffling between europe and nija.

few years later the house was built, during the opening ceremony one lady kept dancing wit the woman and her husband, thinking shewas just a well wisher the wife was hugging the lady and dancing with her until someone called her to the side and told her that d lady was her husband's wife.

the man called his family to help him beg her saying he still loved her and wants her to accept the situation and take the younger wife as her sista.

each morning the new wife wud greet the first wife wit both knees "good morning mummy" on one occassion the first wife called the second wife and started to scream at her "wat kinh of respect are u resoecting me, at night u will jump on my hubby's pe.nis in the morning u will call me mummy. they had a big quarrel and the first wife left the house she is now back in the europe, in her late 50s trying to work as hard as possible to build a house that she would retire to in nigeria.

following this incident lot of women here have properties in their names, but some pple think dat is wrong. but in a country like nigeria can really depend on ur husband for security in ur old age

Let me guess, the perpetrator is a yoruba man!
This is one thing I dislike about those people . . . their inability to keep 'the other woman' away.
Igbo women don't usually worry about thing like that because a real igbo man knows how to chop and clean mouth!
Any Igbo woman dating a married man knows she's not going to last, sooner or later he's going to dump her for the next available chick.
But a Yoruba man will get her pregnant and then go ahead to bring her into the home as a second wife, tufiakwa!

Ujujoan:
Let me guess, the perpetrator is a yoruba man!
This is one thing I dislike about those people . . . their inability to keep 'the other woman' away.
Igbo women don't usually worry about thing like that because a real igbo man knows how to chop and clean mouth!
Any Igbo woman dating a married man knows she's not going to last, sooner or later he's going to dump her for the next available chick.
But a Yoruba man will get her pregnant and then go ahead to bring her into the home as a second wife, tufiakwa!

stunning!

coogar:

orishirishi on nairaland....
while you are at it, you might as well buy a gold-plated casket and a grave in abuja to secure your final place of rest. only people with backward reasoning can bother about building a house in my name or my wife's name.........who is going to live in those houses people build here n there? by 21, my kids should be out of the house to build their own future. nigerians should move past all these "na me get am property".

You are being myopic as usual . . . this is NOT just about fighting for property, it's about preventing those greedy people from reaping where they dis not sow!
After years of deprivation and hard work, another woman comes from no where to take over? That's enough to drive anybody insane!

Ujujoan:
You are being myopic as usual . . . this is NOT just about fighting for property, it's about preventing those greedy people from reaping where they dis not sow!
After years of deprivation and hard work, another woman comes from no where to take over? That's enough to drive anybody insane!

take over what exactly?
i work everyday, my wife works too. she has got her savings account - if i kick the bucket, my family would take over her savings account? this village mentality is the reason nigeria is where it is today.......people like you who spent more than 20 years receiving formal education are even helping to fuel the razz mentality! if you don't trust your husband not to marry a second wife then you shouldn't have married him or you must be daft to have married him. instead of you stooges to concentrate on other important things, putting names on the certificate of ownership is your problem - may God help the average nigerian woman........

coogar:

stunning!

What
Are you going to turn what I just said into some tribalistic comment

Ujujoan:
What
Are you going to turn what I just said into some tribalistic comment

sip some water and read the drivel you typed again....
it's fair to say the formal education you took all these years has done nothing to improve you.

coogar:

take over what exactly?
i work everyday, my wife works too. she has got her savings account - if i kick the bucket, my family would take over her savings account? this village mentality is the reason nigeria is where it is today.......people like you who spent more than 20 years receiving formal education are even helping to fuel the razz mentality! if you don't trust your husband not to marry a second wife then you shouldn't have married him or you must be daft to have married him. instead of you stooges to concentrate on other important things, putting names on the certificate of ownership is your problem - may God help the average nigerian woman........

Sheeh . . . save that crap for that gullible chick you plan to make your wife!
Even if it's an old rickety car, I'm not about to let it go to some husband snatcher . . . suck on it!
As for the husband who (God forbid) decides to marry another wife, he's free to, but not with my hard earned money!
If that makes me a local Nigerian villager, then so be it!

coogar:

sip some water and read the drivel you typed again....
it's fair to say the formal education you took all these years has done nothing to improve you.

At least I can pick out fakers like you from the crowd . . . If that's all the 'formal education' has helped me do, I'll say it has done enof!

Ujujoan:

Let me guess, the perpetrator is a yoruba man!
This is one thing I dislike about those people . . . their inability to keep 'the other woman' away.
Igbo women don't usually worry about thing like that because a real igbo man knows how to chop and clean mouth!
Any Igbo woman dating a married man knows she's not going to last, sooner or later he's going to dump her for the next available chick.
But a Yoruba man will get her pregnant and then go ahead to bring her into the home as a second wife, tufiakwa!

True, the Igbo man will pay raw cash, chop and clean mouth and if you near his family, he is dumping your butt immediately. The Igbo values their family.

Ujujoan:
Sheeh . . . save that crap for that gullible chick you plan to make your wife! Even if it's an old rickety car, I'm not about to let it go to some husband snatcher . . . suck on it!

you married the wrong man then.....you are doing the equivalent of a man that wants to join the church of helen akpabio in case his wife or his female child becomes a witch later in future. that's how daft the idea sounds.

As for the husband who (God forbid) decides to marry another wife, he's free to, but not with my hard earned money! If that makes me a local Nigerian villager, then so be it!

you are a villager......

Ujujoan:
At least I can pick out fakers like you from the crowd . . . If that's all the 'formal education' has helped me do, I'll say it has done enof!

you are the faker.....
women like you come to the cyberspace to claim lara croft and yet you are a subservient wife.......how are we even sure you are not a 2nd or 3rd wife sef who cannot even contribute your opinion in family meetings?