I am in my mid 20s, I live in Gravesend Kent.

There are two good guys in my life at the moment and I am in a fix. I need your honest opinions please.

Guy A --- We had relations when we were younger but we broke it off. About 4 years ago he made made fresh contact with me but we didn't speak properly till a year ago. We realised that we were now a lot more matured and really strong feelings have developed.

He is in his early 20s
He is based in Nigeria
He is a strong Christian
We are from the same place
I really really really like him a lot
We are in sync on every level
When i think of what i want in a man he is everything I want.

Guy B --- We met a month ago through our friends. I honestly didn't think it was going to be directed towards a possible relationship. Things have kind of escalated rapidly between us. He is where i am at in my life. We are sort of on the same level in terms of progressions in life. He is ready to settle

He is in his late 20s
He is based in UK
He is a strong Christian
We are from different places
I do like him and i can see a future with him
He is geographically accessible to me
He is making something of himself
He is in love with me



Sliding doors ---- If i pick Guy A i will have to wait for about 4-5years for him to finish with university in Nigeria before anything can happen. ( Thats if he leaves uni without meeting another babe and hurting me)

If i pick Guy B am worried that i may not be totally fulfilled in my relationship and in my marriage (which is what this guy is hinting at -- marriage)

I have just agreed to commit to a relationship with Guy A as i feel myself falling in love with him. It was at this time that I met Guy B.  I am really worried, confused and frustrated. This are two good men who (right now) love me and will do anything for me but am not sure whom to go for. Both have also said that they have seen what they want in a woman in me.

The long distance relationship or the the UK one. I realllllly like the Naija guy but I may very likely grow to like the UK guy as he is just new on my block.

What are your opinions?

Forget marriage - stick with your heart. Don't settle for Guy B because you are on the same level of life. If you want to marry him, marry him for Love.

I think you should take the risk and go for Guy A. Marriage is a big deal. You don't want to get married and end up making the biggest mistake of your life.

1. You like them both but which one of them do u really LOVE??
2. I'll keep saying this . . . distance doesn't work
3. How old are u? or rather, how soon do u wanna settle down?

@ Busta

I love Guy A

@ J-girl

I worry that i may love Guy B as i just met him.

crain:

@ J-girl

I worry that i may love Guy B as i just met him.

but are u attracted to him?

@ Busta

Yes I am.

Crain - since you've answered busta's question. . . . .
give it time to grow. Don't jump into a relationship with Guy A just yet. Take your time and find out if that attraction for Guy B can develop into love.

@poster

What kind of occupation you are in now? student? employee? jobless? Where you reside at?

If you are in UK or 9ja while jobless student, then forget both guys, focus on study FIRST until graduation. Then get start serious committed relationship once you land a job after graduation. That is my opinion! Education COMES FIRST!!!

If you are employee in either UK or 9ja, then you follow your heart which guy is the best for you at below:

For strong relationship between two people connect that is based on:

[list]
[li]Trust[/li]
[li]Spirituality[/li]
[li]4 Characters[/li]
[list]
[li]Humility[/li]
[li]Kindness[/li]
[li]Responsibility[/li]
[li]Happiness[/li]
[/list]

[li]Personal Hygiene[/li]
[li]Communication Skill[/li]
[li]Personal Habits[/li]
[li]Strong Connections[/li]
[list]
[li]Good Chemistry and Compatibility[/li]
[li]Shared Common Interest[/li]
[li]Shared Common Life Goal[/li]
[li]Deeper Emotional[/li]
[li]Sexual Compatibility[/li] (refer the knowledge of sexuality)
[li]Agreed Financial Obligations/Compromise Equally[/li]
[/list]
[/list]

@ j-girl

I have already started a reationship with Guy A. Just about the time I met Guy B. So this is rather urgent for me to know am not going to make a decision in picking the wrong person.

@uspry1

I am a graduate, working and am resident in the UK.

Thanks for the pointers, but I wanted to know what you think.

Then try and see what's up with Guy B.
Guy A is probably shining his eyes too. Shine ya eye!
I'm not saying you should double date them but look at the options you have.
Don't let either relationship get too serious until you are sure of the one you want to be with.

Distance don't work.

How do u and Guy A plan to commit/compromise on the relationship?
Is he moving over or u moving back to nigeria?
How genuine is Guy A? he might just want u for papers oh
Besides what u have with Guy A might just be mere infatuation as u guys were once together while u're younger.
Guy A still has a long way to go . . u never know what will happen if u have to wait for him to go to uni and all the dramas that comes with it

If Guy B is in the same location with u, and u're attracted to him like u say then why not give him a shot?

Just my opinion, can't stand distance relationships, too much emotions and stress involved . . how much money for phone cards, travel tickets, etc . . . unless u can handle all that

@ busta- u seem to b flyin a life-size banner for guy b. (just teasin u)

@crain- my dear, whatever u do, let your decision be based on conviction and not convenience.

also consider uspry's pointers, they may be some kind of guiding lite. cheers.

crain:

@uspry1

I am a graduate, working and am resident in the UK.

Thanks for the pointers, but I wanted to know what you think.

@crain

You're welcome! If i was in your shoe, I rather someone in the same location better than distance outside your residence is more safe and committed relationship stability. Because both of you can see each other geographically better than spending money over distance expenses!!! That is my opinion!

More important following your heart based on my pointers I provided. I know from my experience!

GOD will see you through !

chinda3:

AMEN

Amen

@poster
Hmm. This is what the situation looks like to me, from my point of view. I think you're in love with Guy A. The only reason you think [/i]you're in love with guy B is because he's in love with you. Now, i may be wrong. Just telling you as i see it.
My advice will be for [i]you to think about this yourself. No one can tell you who you love or who you don't love. We don't all share a heart, each heart function similarly, yet, it's unique.
Think about this, Don't let the idea that Guy B love you make you force yourself to love him back. Also, don't let your love for guy A make you think he loves you in return. Do each of them really love you? Figure the answer out.

The problem here is that you're thinking about how you want to make things convenient to you. you're thinking about location, you're thinking about how he's easily or not so easily accessible to you, things like that might be a factor that'll change the idea of who you really love. If you really love this guy or if he really loves you, long distance should not be a problem. You should not even be thinking about how far he is from you.

Guy A might be young, a man of potential. Guy B might just be desperate for marriage. But who am I to know. I don't know the whole situation from point A-Z, so I cannot decide for you. What I'm trying to say is that it's all unto you. NLers might think they know who is the right choice for you, but the only person that really know is you. You know both men, we don't.

All I will encourage you to do is to sit down and carefully Think, madam. Think carefully, I strongly hope you make the right choice

@poster,

What's your ethnicity? And what's Guy B's ethnicity?

Life is unfair, while some are wishing 4 at least 1 committed rship, others complain of too much to handle.
Anyway, my little contribution is this you dont ve to marry the guy you love the most at a given point in time. Love grows, what you shd look out 4 is hw ready u r to get into a committed rship and then who is available to take that step with you.
The Guy A may be more committed than guy B, but u ve 2 ask urself hw ready his he and r u willing r u to wait 4 something that may not eventually happen. With Guy B the, he may eventually disappoint u cos until a man puts that ring on ur finger u can never say its well. But then the risk is less.
If you prefer to take the risk and wait 4 Guy A be ready for any disappointment cos the likelihood of it happening is very high. Life is a gamble but some are riskier than others.
Love alone can not sustain a rship. I dont blame you cos LOVE IS LIKE WAR, EASY TO BEGIN BUT HARD TO STOP ( If you doubt me ask George Bush).

In truth, they have said it all !!!!

Please, take ur time, consider all that u have been told here, think very carefully and then, take your decision.

For real, i wish u the very best of luck.
Cheers

@ poster,

lets look at it this way,

you LOVE GUY A

because of the distance, you found yourself becoming infactuated with GUY B. deep down within your heart, you love Guy A so much more that you would not want to hurt him. deep down, you habour the fear of unknown. what ifs'.

just like all the posters have said, follow your heart. dont do what you will regret later. if you love a guy, fight for it. dont give up, please and dont allow your head and false emotions to rule you.

God guide you in making the right decision. it is well.

hey poster,

its a shame that distance cud possibly robb u of settling down with the best guy.
just saying, not like am sure.
but have u really sat down and talked with this guy in naija to know what he's plan is?


the poster who said the naija guy might want you for papers, well why do we always assume the worst about our own.
nah we be the only bad ppl living on th face of the earth?

becos person broda nah thief, does dat make him one 2?


look my dear irrespective of wether or not the 9ja guy needs papers, i will ask that u dont judge him based on that alone.

look more closely, the answer lies with u.

@ busta- u seem to b flyin a life-size banner for guy b.   (just teasin u)

not really, I just don't support distance relationship a lot is given and lost in the process.

the poster who said the naija guy might want you for papers,  well why do we always assume the worst about our own.
nah we be the only bad people living on th face of the earth?

I said it and am glad u noticed the word "might".
It happens everywhere not just in nigeria abeg.
alot of spanish people use each just to get papers to settle abroad.
It is a possibility and shld not thrown aside.
U can't tell me that some guys don't do that? even girls too. . . no need for sentiments.

maybe, maybe not.

One thing some of you folks ought to realise is that you can always grow to love anybody when you allow he/she into your life. Hence, it's quite a fallacy to make a long term decision, relationship-wise, based on current premises/circumstances. Secondly, long distance relationships, just like any other types work. . .it's based on your preference. I'm of the opinion that if two matured individuals decide to make something work between both of them, there's hardly anything that stops them.

@poster, if I were to give you an advice, I'd say shoot for the guy B simply because of the prospects of settling down. You definitely seem to have an issue with that since you mentioned about guy A being in school for the next 5yrs. Also, with guy B, you can always grow to love or hate him. . .however, if the timing and distance isnt an issue for u, stick with the first dude. However, regardless of ur decision, always keep ur sliding doors open. . .cos there might even be a guy C in the picture that wud make u smile.

Regards,
D Luv Doctor

@izeek and busta

On the papers issue, his understanding is that if i marry him i would have to come back to naija an live as i am not totally legal. 

@yemivictor
My friend mentioned the film (sliding doors) in reference to the issue at hand because we were wondering what my life would be like if i settled with either guy.

@everyone
thank you all for all your heartfelt responses. I am so grateful for the honest and unbiased contributions which was the main reason i decided to post on this site.

One of my friends said to double date for a short while in order to give GuyB a chance to prove himself. In her words 'don't put all your eggs in one basket'. What are your opinions?

wel can u cope with living in naija?
its not soo bad, really naija has alot of opportunities.
u just have to be open to them.


am assuming this other guy is prob some none nigerian?

i hope 9ja gets a head start. but still follow ur heart is all am saying

Let the truth be said,i think you like the A guy but the B Guy is available? love is very tricky.my advice: GIRL LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP AND REMEMBER ALL THAT GLITTER AIN'T GOLD.

You must be really naive to think that your Guy A jambite is faithful to you.
you are working,probably finished with school, in Enland, and you want to wait for sb who still has 5 yrs down the line. Do you think Nigeria is like England? He's probably not even thinking about you right now, with all those beautiful chics on campus. Get real.