teemilo:


His grandparents ie his fathers parents.

My mind is not made up at all, I am still so scared and confused.

I know that if my boyfriend was my sons father he would v sent us both out of d country because he can afford to, but I don't think the fact that he refuses to do so makes him selfish.
Its his money afterall, he has to be careful how he spends it on someone who isn't his wife...
Sigh!

Can't you see he just wants to get rid of your son? Yes, he is being selfish. He should accept you, all of you, and that includes your 3yr old son.

You are obviiously more than a GF for him to want to spend that kind of money on you. But at what price, at the price of giving up your son!

According to you, money is not the problem so he just wants to get rid of your son and create a life for both of you.

Yea, you may eventually marry him and have more kids, I just fell sorry for the collateral damage (your son!)

LOL this got me laughing out real hard. Jenny i'm at work o lol

jennykadry:

Has anyone told you how crazy and stoopid you are/sound? Let me be the first to tell you that

teemilo:


Well it won't be a NL thread if someone didn't insult you.
Madam, I know several people who have travelled out for studies,hustling etc and they all left their children behind. Does this mean their children are disposable. Its because its not easy travelling with dependants,life in a new country is tough&full of uncertainties, its just smarter to wait till ure settled then u bring ur children.

I know there are women who leave their children from past relationships because of a new one but if u were not in such a hurry to judge you would have realized that this is not the case.

It is my dream to be a professor not my boyfriend's,I am perfectly content with getting my degrees in Nigeria but my man wants to give me the world.

I refuse to be ashamed that I am considering letting someone pay for my graduate degree, I am just twenty five y should I be ashamed that I don't v 8 million naira.

And don't u dare talk to me about hardwork and dedication, I work hard everyday to take care of my boy&my sick mother.
You have no idea what my life is like Madam..

I wonder why you bothered to even start the topic when you are so sure of yourself. Plus you know so much about something you have never experienced to try to lecture me, which is schooling abroad. Families move abroad, mothers with their kids. Since you don't have anyone you trust with your boy, then you really have no business dreaming these dreams. Like I said, make your own way. The day you annoy the guy, he gets tired of paying your school fees or things change financially for him. You are going to be on your own abroad. Running helter skelter. You think school fees abroad is that easy? Please abeg, laugh at your level of reasoning and do some research. What does this boyfriend do by the way? Since he is going to be in uni with you, where is the money going to come from? Or is it his daddy's money? This sounds like a fake story sef. OP, do what you like.

LOL this got me laughing real hard. Jenny, i'm a work o lol

jennykadry:

Has anyone told you how crazy and stoopid you are/sound? Let me be the first to tell you that

princessmoi: LOL this got me laughing real hard. Jenny, i'm a work o lol

I feel honored to be the first to tell her that.

teemilo:


I am really inspired by your example, I know it must have been really difficult leaving ur baby with family members but u did it any way.
How did u cope with the guilt&pain of being apart from ur child?
Does ur son hate or resent u even a bit?
Its just so hard sometimes

Sorry. I just saw this.

Guilt? I consoled myself that the only way he could have a better life was for me to get ahead in life. The pain I assuaged by calling, visiting and buying little gifts I could afford. In 2008, I didn't see him at all.

Today, I'm my son's best friend. We talk almost everyday and he is very appreciative of the life I give him.

Its hard. Very hard. But you can do it.

jenny long time - you have to drop me ur email sometime

anyway back to topic - are you minding this one, any man that had given me that condition with my daughter would have been dismissed immediately.

One of the crosses you have to carry as a single mother is going into a relationship as a package - if a partner can't accept that then let it go. if the course is in the UK look into what help (if any you can get with childcare)

if i had a bigger place - heck i would look after him myself - cos i don't think the people u intend to leave ur son with will even look after him well - no matter what your telling us here.

In my case I would rather let my semi-crazy neighbour opposite me look after my daughter than my ex's people

mollytinrox:

Sorry. I just saw this.

Guilt? I consoled myself that the only way he could have a better life was for me to get ahead in life. The pain I assuaged by calling, visiting and buying little gifts I could afford. In 2008, I didn't see him at all.

Today, I'm my son's best friend. We talk almost everyday and he is very appreciative of the life I give him.

Its hard. Very hard. But you can do it.

Stop encouraging her, you were a teenager with little education, you had little or no choice.

She's a graduate and(if I'm right), and can take care of her son. She just wants to pass on the responsibilities to someone else now to please her boyfriend.

Two very different scenarios . .

Ujujoan:

Stop encouraging her, you were a teenager with little education, you had little or no choice.

She's a graduate and(if I'm right), and can take care of her son. She just wants to pass on the responsibilities to someone else now to please her boyfriend.

Two very different scenarios . .

Don't mind her. Yeye dey smell


Cotton101, I see you.

teemilo: @biolabee, thank you so much for your words.

hmmm,,,.. i understand what the ladies are saying
Please do not mind the insults - its from the usual suspects

The issue here is not how your son will be the year you are gone for your study but what will happen post study and marriage etc

The best person to do this is your discussion with your man

Hard decisions have to be taken and lucky you, you have the cloak of anonymity here as noone know you but ensure your stakeholders primarily your son and your fiance etc are all satisfied

Steve Jobs was given up by his biological parents and he had a better life than he could dream making devices people are usign to post on this same NL

Advancin your career to provide a better life for yourself and son is GOOD
DOnt let anyone guilt you that you are a money hungry wench; just that you have to be strategic


Now see everyone attacking the lady that she is evil but nothing for the good-for-nothing arze of a baby daddy that put them in the position they are in is left out

Even my friends wife who travelled abroad for a Masters had to leave her kids behind because they will constitute a distraction which negates the effect of their study and travelling abroad so WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO IS NOT NEW

Uju here mentioned her husband helped her when she had a professional program

WHY CANT WE HELP HER WITH PLAUSIBLE SOLUTIONS RATHER THAN CONDEMNATION AND JUDGEMENT

ish

*sighs* here we go again, Biola I really don't know what you stand for really? I don't mean to attack you but your views just .... I don't know

*off to work for my daily bread*

Somebody's hubby accompanied her for a job with his own child oh... you're comparing that scenario to dropping a 3 year old for just random family member she herself can't spend a night with. A 3 year old oh

Are you now encouraging her to jump at her boyfriend's 'offer' cos it's an opportunity of a lifetime? *Aristo moves*

And then your transferring your aggression to the ( irresponsible) baby daddy that's outta the picture since when?

*sighs* God why do you have to give these people a son to maltreat when I desperately crave one , just one??

biolabee:

hmmm,,,.. i understand what the ladies are saying
Please do not mind the insults - its from the usual suspects

The issue here is not how your son will be the year you are gone for your study but what will happen post study and marriage etc

The best person to do this is your discussion with your man

Hard decisions have to be taken and lucky you, you have the cloak of anonymity here as noone know you but ensure your stakeholders primarily your son and your fiance etc are all satisfied

Steve Jobs was given up by his biological parents and he had a better life than he could dream making devices people are usign to post on this same NL

Advancin your career to provide a better life for yourself and son is GOOD
DOnt let anyone guilt you that you are a money hungry wench; just that you have to be strategic

I completely agree . . .

Now see everyone attacking the lady that she is evil but nothing for the good-for-nothing arze of a baby daddy that put them in the position they are in is left out

That's why women should be more careful when dating. If you make a wrong decision (pregnancy), it affects you more that it affects the man. She knew her baby daddy was irresponsible, and yet she went ahead to get pragnant for him.

She knew she wasn't ready to start a family, and yet she went ahead to have the baby.

And now she wants to run way from the irresponsibility

Even my friends wife who travelled abroad for a Masters had to leave her kids behind because they will constitute a distraction which negates the effect of their study and travelling abroad so WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO IS NOT NEW

If I have to travel for anything, I'll leave my kid with my husband. I do it all the time. Becasue he's her father and I know he can take good care of her. If my husband has to travel with him, I'll leave the baby with my mum because I trust she can take very good care of her too!

If OP is sure her baby's father's parents are capable of taking care of him, she won't be here asking us these questions!

Uju here mentioned her husband helped her when she had a professional program

And . . .

WHY CANT WE HELP HER WITH PLAUSIBLE SOLUTIONS RATHER THAN CONDEMNATION AND JUDGEMENT

ish

Honestly, if I believed the bf means well and intends to bring the boy into their life in the future, I won't be so worried. But it's obvious he doesn't want the boy in their lives. He's asking her to make a choice between him and the boy.

I don't blame him cos he's not the father, but she should know better, cos he's her son!

Ujujoan:

I completely agree . . .



That's why women should be more careful when dating. If you make a wrong decision (pregnancy), it affects you more that it affects the man. She knew her baby daddy was irresponsible, and yet she went ahead to get pragnant for him.

She knew she wasn't ready to start a family, and yet she went ahead to have the baby.

And now she wants to run way from the irresponsibility



If I have to travel for anything, I'll leave my kid with my husband. I do it all the time. Becasue he's her father and I know he can take good care of her. If my husband has to travel with him, I'll leave the baby with my mum because I trust she can take very good care of her too!

If OP is sure her baby's father's parents are capable of taking care of him, she won't be here asking us these questions!



And . . .



Honestly, if I believed the bf means well and intends to bring the boy into their life in the future, I won't be so worried. But it's obvious he doesn't want the boy in their lives. He's asking her to make a choice between him and the boy.

I don't blame him cos he's not the father, but she should know better, cos he's her son!

The point was made to show the innate disadvantage single mothers face relative to wives who have their husbands to do daddy duty

I like the point you made about recoognised the need for advancement and I feel that is what the lady should tell us

@OP
What is the role of your first child post study in your life with this man

Now I see why some here advocates abortion if a girl gets pregnant and the father bails

Meanwhile the girl will be tagged demonic if she aborts

Na wa

jidegirl12: *sighs* here we go again, Biola I really don't know what you stand for really? I don't mean to attack you but your views just .... I don't know

*off to work for my daily bread*

Somebody's hubby accompanied her for a job with his own child oh... you're comparing that scenario to dropping a 3 year old for just random family member she herself can't spend a night with. A 3 year old oh

Are you now encouraging her to jump at her boyfriend's 'offer' cos it's an opportunity of a lifetime? *Aristo moves*

And then your transferring your aggression to the ( irresponsible) baby daddy that's outta the picture since when?

*sighs* God why do you have to give these people a son to maltreat when I desperately crave one , just one??

I sincerely don't understand why you give it any attention. I have never seen a more bitter and attention starved creature. Likes to talk like a miserable woman. Honestly, ignore it. When it is tired of being frustrated, it will go away.

I don't know if these questions have been asked here before.
Do you plan on working in the country u decide to do your masters in ? if yes, is your boyfriend willing to leave his job and come and join you
Why don't you consider online masters ?
If you are already bothered about your decision now, how do u think you'll be able to read and come out with a good grade knowing your son may be maltreated.

My advise will be this, if your bf is serious he should marry you, then you can go and do your masters abroad with your son, I know for Uk if u come with your husband you'll get a visa. Other than that, please your child comes first !

@op. sorry to say this. u are not serious at all. i wish u could reason like a normal woman who is meant to be loved, cheriched and adore as queen as u are. why are u in a haste with ur life? u'r defending ur 6months old bf? are u blind or what is wrong with u? dont u know that if he truely love u, he'll care more about ur son since that will make u happy? pls reason well and plan ur life very well including ur son.

biolabee:

The point was made to show the innate disadvantage single mothers face relative to wives who have their husbands to do daddy duty

I like the point you made about recoognised the need for advancement and I feel that is what the lady should tell us

@OP
What is the role of your first child post study in your life with this man

Now I see why some here advocates abortion if a girl gets pregnant and the father bails

Meanwhile the girl will be tagged demonic if she aborts

Na wa

The point is pointless . . . she knew her baby daddy was irresponsible from the word go. You know how these military people are. Na she wey go open leg for am I blame. Even if na by mistake, postinor don finish for market? But let's not go into that now . . . See now, she doesn't know what to do with the boy.

OP Please give Jide . . . or give me abeg. Imagine getting a 3-year old son now, my life will be perfect. I won't have to get preggers again . . *dancing azonto*

jidegirl12: *sighs* here we go again, Biola I really don't know what you stand for really? I don't mean to attack you but your views just .... I don't know

*off to work for my daily bread*

Somebody's hubby accompanied her for a job with his own child oh... you're comparing that scenario to dropping a 3 year old for just random family member she herself can't spend a night with. A 3 year old oh

Are you now encouraging her to jump at her boyfriend's 'offer' cos it's an opportunity of a lifetime? *Aristo moves*

And then your transferring your aggression to the ( irresponsible) baby daddy that's outta the picture since when?

*sighs* God why do you have to give these people a son to maltreat when I desperately crave one , just one??

Read what I said mama jhyde I said she should consider all ramifications and consider the reality of the situation that she may live alone all her life because she is waiting for someone that will take her and her son on a masters

When even married people leave their kids behind

My jibe at the nonsense baby daddy is just to highlight the same double standards in our society

Baby123 you call yourself baby but you are full of such bitterness and excrement

You remind me of dorian grays picture - putrid
And I leave you to your machinations and what you call peace for an Unprovoked statement at my person.

Ujujoan:

The point is pointless . . . she knew her baby daddy was irresponsible from the word go. You know how these military people are. Na she wey go open leg for am I blame. Even if na by mistake, postinor don finish for market? But let's not go into that now . . . See now, she doesn't know what to do with the boy.

OP Please give Jide . . . or give me abeg. Imagine getting a 3-year old son now, my life will be perfect. I won't have to get preggers again . . *dancing azonto*

Pointless to you but since life allows for each and everyone of us to have our point of view

No problem

Did something talk? Oh, its the little man with a small pen*is. Abeg, go and hang. You are nothing but a waste of space. I never notice you on any thread. Like I said, you are an IT. I wonder why you run around threads referring to me. Take your obsession else where. Not interested in you. You carry bitterness around and talk more than a gay man. Are you gay? Come out please. Stop following me around, you are obsessed. Next time you try me, I will conclude your obsession has gone over the edge into lunacy. Disgusting, miserable creature.

pls u people should stop making her feel bad. everyone make mistake. the fact that it doesnt happen to u, does not mean u are the most wisest or the smart one, but i think the @op need to change her sense of reasoning. if a man truely love, he'll care for u and ur 3years old son. last yr a frend of mine married a pregnant lady he truely loved. she have given birth and they'r happy. we are patiently waiting for the baby to grow up a litle so she can have my frnd's child. so what is it that a boyf who said he love u, cant do for u since it's makes u happy?

Woman... It's really a pity that you have so much bitterness

Well nothing good can come out of your putrid mouth and soul

Me small dikk because you claim that size of your punny is deep and only a mandingo can solve that putrid itch you have

Shey my own is small according to you I'm ok with it it'sa phsycial thing only in use for another 50years or so but you your bitterness lives within you daily and when you die, the effects will still be felt long after you end your miserable existence


Thanks
I dey ok.. Nothing do me

Trouble in paradise

I thought you guys were buddies

Ujujoan: Trouble in paradise

I thought you guys were buddies

One day....just one day I would like to read a post from Broda Bioblee where his stance on an issue is crystal clear. I swear to God, sometimes I read your posts and I am literally scratching my head wondering if I misread a previous post that was EXACTLY the opposite of subsequent posts.

And where does the need to play thread monitor...telling people who they should ignore and how to respond to others, come from?!! You must be a first born, I notice that a lot with first borns. On the other hand, first borns are known to be honest to goodness peace makers....I mean they actually do a fantastic job at trying to keep peace not a sly pretense of it which really does the opposite. Oy! You my Broda-on-line are an enigma.

@ Topic (Yes, Yes, I know it ya mi abi? )

Lemme see if I get this right, you once left your baby with his father's family and came back after a few days (weeks?) to find him malnourished yet this does not deter you from thinking of leaving with them for years? Brilliant!

My momma, as unbelievably old fashioned as she is, has a saying about love, it may sound a bit errr...unPC but I think it sums up succinctly what most people on this thread are trying to say - LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOG

biolabee:

hmmm,,,.. i understand what the ladies are saying
Please do not mind the insults - its from the usual suspects

The issue here is not how your son will be the year you are gone for your study but what will happen post study and marriage etc

The best person to do this is your discussion with your man

Hard decisions have to be taken and lucky you, you have the cloak of anonymity here as noone know you but ensure your stakeholders primarily your son and your fiance etc are all satisfied

Steve Jobs was given up by his biological parents and he had a better life than he could dream making devices people are usign to post on this same NL

Advancin your career to provide a better life for yourself and son is GOOD
DOnt let anyone guilt you that you are a money hungry wench; just that you have to be strategic


Now see everyone attacking the lady that she is evil but nothing for the good-for-nothing arze of a baby daddy that put them in the position they are in is left out

Even my friends wife who travelled abroad for a Masters had to leave her kids behind because they will constitute a distraction which negates the effect of their study and travelling abroad so WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO IS NOT NEW

Uju here mentioned her husband helped her when she had a professional program

WHY CANT WE HELP HER WITH PLAUSIBLE SOLUTIONS RATHER THAN CONDEMNATION AND JUDGEMENT

ish

Sorry to attack you here, but as a guy to a guy now, you talk too much as a woman. Your points are neither here nor there. Gosh! Your first opinion here was that most of the respondents cannot be of help to the poster simply because they are either married or single.....In my mind, I was like.....is this dude for real?

Who informed you that issue here is not about her son? But rather marriage and post study bla bla bla Are you in the OP's head? Did you actually take time to assimilate her story before deciding what is her main issue or not? She is concerned about her son in view of the demand placed on her by her boyfriend who wants to sponsor her Masters education abroad. How hard is that for you to grasp?

You make reference to your friend's WIFE. Take note, 'wife' I deliberately wrote in capital letters. The OP is not married, she has a 6months tenure BOYFRIEND not husband. How does your example lie in parallel to the situation of the OP? Women who tend to leave their kids behind to study abroad are often times MARRIED. This is not the case with the OP. Hence I earlier asked her, what is the relationship guaranty she has with this so-called boyfriend other than a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship status?

Different scenarios are at play here. It is totally wrong to bring in Steve Jobs as another example where the context and content are totally different to the case of the OP. Like seriously.....

jennykadry:

nne e na afukwa ife mm na afu ? Odikwa egwu!

Pataki:

Sorry to attack you here, but as a guy to a guy now, you talk too much as a woman.

Take it back! Take it back Now!!!

Why naa...why would you insult us like that?

How can someone who doesn't even acknowledge you be bitter? I don't care if you are alive, who you are or if you can speak. Biola, you cannot go on a thread without mentioning my name. Whether am online or not or even threads I don't even comment on. Did they tell you somewhere that if you mention my name or refer to me so much, I will become yours? I am permanently taken, titi lai lai. Forget it, and focus your energy elsewhere. Please, Biola and I were never and would never be buddies. Jide may try to tolerate him, but I don't suffer f*ools gladly. Biolabee, abi Mr queen bee or what ever you call yourself. Take your obsession elsewhere. This lady is taken. Henceforth, you are ignored as you are a bitter, miserable and you have obsessive traits.

Dude I read well and said the issue is not the one year but rather post study

If that is not apparent .. Pity!

You dont need to apologise to attack, you are free to attack just as the putrid shrew is hocking her bytes out

I made reference to married people or not because I understand her need to improve herself and moreover settle with someone rather than become a promiscous flirt sleeping around town

It is my opinion and i did not know hthere was a counter or quota needed around this land

biolabee: Dude I read well and said the issue is not the one year but rather post study

If that is not apparent .. Pity!

Don't mind that one . . what does he know? Mtcheeeeeeeeew!

teemilo:

The masters in Nigeria is definitely on the table. Its just that a foreign degree from a top school gives me a much better chance to get a research fellowship which is what we are really after.

I have no way to know if he will actually pay when d time comes but since I won't have to give up my son until I know for sure I am travelling ie fees have been paid, there's no danger of me giving up my son for nothing as it were&therefore no need to worry abt if he really will pay.

Finally, He plans 2 register for a programme in the same school during d same period.

Everything sounds fishy to me. Also, you do not need to have a foreign degree from a top school to have a research fellowship. I am speaking 100% from experience here.

If you really want to know if your boyfriend is serious about your education, ask him what are his plans for settling down with you? I simply refuse to believe that a boyfriend will pay for your education abroad while he is also planning to register for a programme in the same school at the same time. That is all but a bunch of pipeline dream.

Sorry, but this is just my opinion. The decision on what is best for you lies within your hands.