baby_123:

Get away with your fake post. Tired of indulging your lunacy. *yawn. If you have a problem with the truth. Then that is your issue. But you have serious issues. Why not give the boy up for adoption? Seriously this is my last post to you. I am agressive? How? Because i told you to make your way? Madam intelligent, that is such a mountain for you to climb What a joke.

nikkykay:
baby,
There r certain ways you advise some certain people who are under certain condition.
This lady is in her 20s.
She is a single mom.
She is under pressure becos she wants to fulfill her career and doesnt knwo how to resolve the issue of her son.
Her mum isnt ready to takkia of dat boy while she is away.
You shld know she is not happy and so she will snap at anyone dat tries to abuse her or something.
If a younger lady in dis situation comes to you for advice, how will you go about it?

teemilo: I really can't pick on all of the above post so I will just try to address the issues I feel have been raised repeatedly.

The first will be:why can't I travel with my son?
My son is young&yet to start school, to the best of my knowledge free public education starts at age 5&thereabout, that means if travel I will have to pay heavily for private preschool+childcare afterwards if I decide to work.
If I persuade my bf to sponsor us both, I fear for what will happen if the relationship hits the rocks&he stops sending money.

If I am by myself if something like that happens it will be a lot easier to cope if all I have to worry about is myself.

So the way I see it my only real options are stay in Nigeria or travel without my son.


2) Why am I considering sending my son back to his grandparents after the last time.

The last time he was there, he was younger&was not really eating solids properly.I guess they tried to wean him forcefully. You know how old people think every child should be content eating amala and ewedu everyday... Anyway, I think that explains( but does not excuse tho) how skinny he looked when he came back.

If I ever intend to leave him there&travel,i will definitely stock their house with his favorite foods that would last at least 3mnths, I will also make sure my younger ones visit at least once a month with provisions&to check how he is doing.

If travel next year, he will be already four, it will be easier for them to care for a four year old boy than a two year old baby...
And I definitely do not think they went out of their way to maltreat him. They threw him a first year birthday party (even though the date had since passed) he came home with several toys that he got as gifts.

Infact my real fear is that they won't give him back to me when I get back into the country.

I am yoruba&yoruba families don't joke with their first sons.

baby_123:

Advice to someone that has an answer for everything? At the same time lacks the ability to think critically? A PhD is 5yrs in the US, and 3years in UK. What if she doesn't get the fellowship? So many things for the fake OP to think about. Was it not here that someone came and was crying her sponsor stopped paying her fees abroad? You really have time to give advice to story tellers and listen to outrageous stories. Someone that has made up her mind but only looking for validation online. SMH.

baby_123:

Get away with your fake post. Tired of indulging your lunacy. *yawn. If you have a problem with the truth. Then that is your issue. But you have serious issues. Why not give the boy up for adoption? Seriously this is my last post to you. I am agressive? How? Because i told you to make your way? Madam intelligent, that is such a mountain for you to climb What a joke.

teemilo: I really can't pick on all of the above post so I will just try to address the issues I feel have been raised repeatedly.

The first will be:why can't I travel with my son?
My son is young&yet to start school, to the best of my knowledge free public education starts at age 5&thereabout, that means if travel I will have to pay heavily for private preschool+childcare afterwards if I decide to work.
If I persuade my bf to sponsor us both, I fear for what will happen if the relationship hits the rocks&he stops sending money.

If I am by myself if something like that happens it will be a lot easier to cope if all I have to worry about is myself.

So the way I see it my only real options are stay in Nigeria or travel without my son.


2) Why am I considering sending my son back to his grandparents after the last time.

The last time he was there, he was younger&was not really eating solids properly.I guess they tried to wean him forcefully. You know how old people think every child should be content eating amala and ewedu everyday... Anyway, I think that explains( but does not excuse tho) how skinny he looked when he came back.

If I ever intend to leave him there&travel,i will definitely stock their house with his favorite foods that would last at least 3mnths, I will also make sure my younger ones visit at least once a month with provisions&to check how he is doing.

If travel next year, he will be already four, it will be easier for them to care for a four year old boy than a two year old baby...
And I definitely do not think they went out of their way to maltreat him. They threw him a first year birthday party (even though the date had since passed) he came home with several toys that he got as gifts.

Infact my real fear is that they won't give him back to me when I get back into the country.

I am yoruba&yoruba families don't joke with their first sons.

teemilo: I am a mom to a three year old boy from a previous relationship that ended because it was abusive.

My boyfriend of about six months is pressuring me to give my boy to his fathers 'people' (at least for a while)so I can move on with my life.

Since I was a girl I have wanted to be an academic and I was right on track(excellent grades&everything) until I fell pregnant.

Now boyfie wants to pay for my Uk/US/canada Masters degree with the hope that I will get a PHD research position immediately after.

I would love with all my heart to be able to travel for graduate studies but I clearly can't do this with a little boy in tow, that why my man insists I have to take him to his fathers people.

The problem is my boy stayed with them(at his fathers insistence) for few weeks last year&came back malnourised, sickly&very frightened. It broke my heart several times over and I swore I won't do it again.

My own mother is sick and constantly needs care herself.

My boyfie insists that I am overly worried that my son will be fine, he tells me repeatedly that if I give up on my dreams I will eventually regret it. This issue is beginning to cause a rift in what is an otherwise perfect relationship.

What do u all think? Should I let me son live with relatives for a few years? Am I being too protective?

I will really like to hear from anyone who lived with uncles, aunties, grandparents etc growing up, what was it like for you?

Everyone else, can u ever consider letting ur kids live with someone else?

nikkykay:

Sorry with wot i read up dre i can see she has made up her mind alrdy.
There is no point.
Wish u all d best OP

Ujujoan:

Oooookaaaaaaaaaay . . . you want us to help you pick out the best place to buy his 'favorite' food so you can stock them for 3 months abi

You should have said nau, and we were just blowing big big grammar since . . .

Abeg who can suggest a nice supermarket in Lagos for her. Me I dey my village so I no know . . .

teemilo:


i have already stated many posts ago that i have decided to pursue a Nigerian Masters.
i was only explaining the train of thought that led me to even consider giving up custody, thanks alot for your posts on this thread.

Pataki:

OLODO (Dunce), I will keep spanking your head!

teemilo:


i have already stated many posts ago that i have decided to pursue a Nigerian Masters.
i was only explaining the train of thought that led me to even consider giving up custody, thanks alot for your posts on this thread.

Ujujoan:

Ok fine . . . I'll just wait for him in another thread!

Pataki:

OLODO (Dunce), I will keep spanking your head!

Ujujoan:

@ Ile shey you are seeing him now oh . . me I dey on my own and he came to look for my trouble!

Okpo!

ileobatojo:

Don't mind him Uju! It's love!!

teemilo: I really can't pick on all of the above post so I will just try to address the issues I feel have been raised repeatedly.

The first will be:why can't I travel with my son?
My son is young&yet to start school, to the best of my knowledge free public education starts at age 5&thereabout, that means if travel I will have to pay heavily for private preschool+childcare afterwards if I decide to work.
If I persuade my bf to sponsor us both, I fear for what will happen if the relationship hits the rocks&he stops sending money.

If I am by myself if something like that happens it will be a lot easier to cope if all I have to worry about is myself.

So the way I see it my only real options are stay in Nigeria or travel without my son.


2) Why am I considering sending my son back to his grandparents after the last time.

The last time he was there, he was younger&was not really eating solids properly.I guess they tried to wean him forcefully. You know how old people think every child should be content eating amala and ewedu everyday... Anyway, I think that explains( but does not excuse tho) how skinny he looked when he came back.

If I ever intend to leave him there&travel,i will definitely stock their house with his favorite foods that would last at least 3mnths, I will also make sure my younger ones visit at least once a month with provisions&to check how he is doing.

If travel next year, he will be already four, it will be easier for them to care for a four year old boy than a two year old baby...
And I definitely do not think they went out of their way to maltreat him. They threw him a first year birthday party (even though the date had since passed) he came home with several toys that he got as gifts.

Infact my real fear is that they won't give him back to me when I get back into the country.

I am yoruba&yoruba families don't joke with their first sons.

teemilo:


i have already stated many posts ago that i have decided to pursue a Nigerian Masters.
i was only explaining the train of thought that led me to even consider giving up custody, thanks alot for your posts on this thread.

Ujujoan:

@ Ile shey you are seeing him now oh . . me I dey on my own and he came to look for my trouble!

Okpo!

Ujujoan:

Pukes . . .

my time don expire for this thread.

@ Pataki I'm waiting for you in another thread . . .

biolabee:

Ok that clears the seeming malnourishment however what is ur bf medium term plan for u and ur son
Say you go gfor the Masters and get a Fellowship for a PH D
what next? where is marriage? where is your son in all this?

Is he coming back into the loop after the 1 year

ileobatojo:

Lol!





Take your lovefest to another thread jor!

Pataki:

Man, wetin be your own?! This is why you allow most of the ladies here to be on your case!

You are the one who made a comment that most of the posters here are either single or married so they cannot give any input to the OP. Are you then well vast enough to give her a solution? Keep asking questions that does not even any inkling to the topic nor would it bring the thread to a close.

She has already concluded the thread, so leave it be!

Pataki:

xxxxxxx

nikkykay:
But pataki ds are important questions na

Pataki:

Nikkykay, I don't think they are. What if she has no plans for marriage with him? Why should we be bothered to know what her plans after study?

She already said the thread was created to highlight her train of thoughts towards giving the custody of her son. Why should I want to be bothered about what plans she has for marriage, and what not.....just my opinion though.

biolabee:

Dude,,, i think there is sth else to this matter
I never said no one can give input - the criticism initially was too much
There is no need for everyone to tell us that she made an error in getting pregnant - she knows that
if thats what we will talk about - there is no value to the OP

The ladies can be on anyone:s case But why r u on my case

I am not vast and will not claim to be

Why dont you drop the issue
You are the one that comes here claiming all macho n all that yet u harass people online
Dude -- u dont know me

ish

Pataki: xxxxx

nikkykay:
But you knw from dey way she said d guy is taking d issue of the boy's custodian, it warrants ds questions?
If i can still remember, she said somewhere dat dey hav future 2gether or something.

biolabee:

I aint sniffing nothing,, you seem to be oin heat attacking people up and down
Best you ignore me

ish

Pataki:
You are an adult who rants as a kid. On a forum, arguments are bound to occur. Exchanges of opinion (heated or mild) are bound to happen. In your distorted view, does that amount to attacking people up and down? Should we then say your first post here was an attack on earlier respondents; when you stated that they (the respondents), were either married or single hence they have no reasonable opinion to offer?

biolabee: Op please don't let anyone hassle you.

Remember also just as it looks bad that the man wants to seperate you from jr he may also have good plans for you

Someone has mentioned canada and that is a good idea

Discuss your concerns with your man and you guys should come up with an alternative suitable to all parties

As a woman, you also have your needs don't let anyone make you feel ashamed of that

Now she is the trapper but the phool of a baby daddy is the star abi?
If you are empowered, that child has a better life too


Always women castigating each other

If it works well na you go benefit am

Ish

May God help you

biolabee:

hey brah... did not want to do this but let me humor you .... this is my first post here below..
you have an issue and thus perception has coloured your interpretation of the post
Where did i say others have nothing to say

You claim to be the adult and yet u are now insulting me
Is this how u run your domain - shouting everyone down

Ok.. carry go...

I expect arguments to occur and i welcome it as in that we all get to learn from each other
But you oh you,, the important igi that knows everything .. kakaaki??

biolabee: See confusion wey dey this woman life because a man did not do the needful

Woman always suffer in this issue of single motherhood. always

OP please contact nikkykay https://www.nairaland.com/nikkykay and WAVixen https://www.nairaland.com/wavixen

You can also read more here https://www.nairaland.com/1202357/single-parenting-love-life-career

They may be able to give you more relevant advice

Most of the people here are single or married so cant really understand the issues - no offense