The most annoying thing about this is that 99% of the people typing trash here don't even know nada about what they are saying.

If you don't take your chance now, you may regret it. I didn't say you should take your child back to his father's people. I asked if a relative could help out with your mom and son.

And please, analyzers of life, you don't shit what you're talking about here. I had the choice of going to learn a trade and taking my son everyday. And I could have done part time so I can be with him, but for how long?

See, Teemilo, these people haven't worn these shoes, how can they know?

I read someone saying she allowed herself to get pregnant? Really? Are we talking morals here?

These mods sef, *apologies to Tgirl*, you watch people derail a thread and do nothing.

If you like, sit back and be nursing your son forever. When he asks you what you were doing while your mates were achieving their dreams, come and ask for help on NL again.

#all the best.

jidegirl12:

It's a NO brainer Mr ?? Children are Responsibility hence Baggage that you carry along with you wherever you go and I don't mean to the washroom......

To be regarded and venerated as a responsible and intelligent parent ( that you just mentioned as a mere thing) , you MUST be accountable for your kid ( under 18) as long as you don't have a disability of any kind that puts the kid in danger. ( I have disabled clients with children so what gives??)

You know what I'm not up to this lovely evening? arguing for argument sake, I need to tend to my premeditated baggages right here ( going biking) you can keep aro using her bad choice all you want cos that's pretty common here , I'm just rooting for the little kid dazzall!

You have been rather obnoxious on this thread but I have chosen to ignore you because I almost feel sorry for u. It is apparent that ur hard life has made u quite bitter.

Since ignoring u hasn't worked I need to tell u this,You need to stop harassing people who come here to post just because they don't see the need to be as disrespectful&uncouth as ur uncultured self.

My son doesn't need u or any one else to root for him, he has a great mother.

It was me not you or any other crying-louder-than-the-bereaved over sabi on this thread who loved him from the moment I knew I was expecting.
U didn't face scorn and choose to have ur child anyway.
U didn't spend three days in labour giving birth 2 him.
U didn't carry him on ur back and walk to the hospital in d middle of the night when he was ill...
I don't need any1 online to tell me I am a great mother, my sons smile everyday is more than enough.

I have given up a million things to be a single mom but by the grace of God my academic dreams won't be one.

Its not my fault if ur "baggage" has slowed u down.
Get a shrink, deal with ur anger, get off this thread.

^^^come on girl, u really don't have to have to prove to anyone how good a mother you are and u definitely donot have to stoop to anyone's level by insulting them. Just take the pieces of advice you need and ignore the rest.

If u have further questions, ask, people that have something reasonable to say will respond.

mollytinrox: The most annoying thing about this is that 99% of the people typing trash here don't even know nada about what they are saying.

If you don't take your chance now, you may regret it. I didn't say you should take your child back to his father's people. I asked if a relative could help out with your mom and son.

And please, analyzers of life, you don't shit what you're talking about here. I had the choice of going to learn a trade and taking my son everyday. And I could have done part time so I can be with him, but for how long?

See, Teemilo, these people haven't worn these shoes, how can they know?

I read someone saying she allowed herself to get pregnant? Really? Are we talking morals here?

These mods sef, *apologies to Tgirl*, you watch people derail a thread and do nothing.

If you like, sit back and be nursing your son forever. When he asks you what you were doing while your mates were achieving their dreams, come and ask for help on NL again.

#all the best.

My dear, if I decided to respond to all the nonsense here, I would have discouraged people who had realy good advice from posting on d topic.

Its unbelievable how some people want to force their opinions down ur throat when they don't even know the whole story...

Imagine d meat heads, I came talking abt Masters&PHD, they came out saying work hard for your money... That's how u know people who have never done any academically challenging exercise. How can u not know its work of the hardest kind.

Or saying m giving up my son for money, if money was all I cared abt, won't I be pushing him to set up a business for me so I can sit in Nigeria&luxuriate.

I am determined to pursue my dreams&gifts and I know its incredibly competitive out there, I might even end up pursuing a PHD in a totally different country from where I get a Masters&they r shouting get over there with ur son &see first.

My dear co-traveller, we must be the best we can be in this life, so that when people push statistics before our sons to try to tell them they can't have exceptional lives we will say, "I did it in spite of everything, u too can do it"

Cheers.

Op i love your drive to better yourself.And also the example you are striving to give to your son by going for your dreams.

BUT the issue the naysayers probably have is the fact that having kids one way or the other means you would have to be pro-active in working around them in still achieving those goals.There is no two ways about it once you decide to have a child till their 18,their needs and well being comes first.There would be no need for this thread if you did not have a child you would just up and go.I know where i would be now in my career if not for my kids but its for a while.Your son is 3,here 0-5 is called early years foundation stage and is the most key stage of a child development.Unfortunately in this case the Dad is not here to buffer the effect(not fair to you i know).Seriously he needs you and except God forbid you are not mentally capable your the best person to give that support.Alot of other posters have given alternatives that might not entail you leaving him behind.

I am in no way saying dont pursue your dream,i admire you for it(i am too wanting to go the academic route)but darling kids means you sometimes have to delay those dreams.They grow so quick you know.Please enjoy these very precious early years with him.Very soon he wont want to even hug you in public

Holy Molly !!!

OP really, name calling? I'm not shoving anything down your throat , this is a public forum and I get to contribute from my point of view, like one of your funeral criers mentioned, pick and choose and buzz off

My 'baggage' never slowed me down, they are all planned for( didn't you read the word premeditated?) , life's how you make it, procrastination has never been my way of doing things, I worked and made what I had blossom and trust me, 10 years and counting you're still struggling to get there

You can whine all you want tho, I still stand by what I said, stay put and raise your child and stop shifting your responsibilities around!! Or take him with you .

Dami you're too nice , you shouldn't have. Does she bother to know about the important milestone in kids life? She's all bout me me me.

ko si eeyan Lara e kobo, emi Lo mu bu. eni ta wi fun oba ję ko gbo, to ba choose not to gbo, problem aye e ni yen. Emi ti ka ABD temi de GB!
Mtcheww!!

If u can't find someone else whom ur son will be safe wit I suggest u take care of him urself...the guy is just a bf and that lil boy is ur blood

And to you Mollytrinox ..... stop spewing, your situation is different from what we are discussing here, you chose to mess around in high school and led you to the expected - teen pregnancy, of-course you have to drop the kid for whatever years and go to school, as the matter of fact , some parents will put that kid of yours for adoption if need be so stop sugarcoating your promiscuous past. You're no good example in any way.

Don't come for me Molly , I didn't send for you

I feel obliged to contribute cause I have a feel of what it means to be a single mother. The issues:
1. You CANNOT drop your son with his grandparents from ur baby daddy's side. You well enuff know why. They may not return him when you come back. If the matter ends in court, they'll win.
2. You knw ur bf for JST 6MONTHS. Much as I appreciate the fact that he is willing to assist u at this early stage (he definitely values you), you have no guarantee that you'll date long enuff to fund ur program or he will continue funding. Please have that the back of ur mind if u decide to eventually go.Have a plan B for if the funds stop coming from him.
3. Accepting to fund you my jst be his way of showing how willing he is to take responsibility abt ur affairs. That is how he feels now. He feels a need to prove himself. He may not feel that same way in 3 months time.
4. From ur initial post, if you eventually decide to go, the best option is for you to drop ur child with someone in YOUR family. Someone you can trust with ur life. That is left for u to find (I still believe you can convince ur mum and get ur younger siblings help out in caring for ur child)
5. You have NO RIGHT to ask ur bf to fund you and your kid. For now it's ur kid not his. It's acceptable if he funds u.
6. If he funds you, and u eventually don't get hooked up in marriage, don't u think resentment will set him from his side.
7. If he is willing to go to that same school. The same one you're going to and I'm guessin you will be staying together in the same apartment then It is CUMPOLSORY ur son comes with u. If he wants to have that kind of thing going on , then he should get used to the fact that u're a packaged deal. It would be ethically and morally wrong to have it any other way.
8.There's ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong hustling for greener pastures for the benefit of u and ur kid.
9. Talk abt every issue u have abt this with ur bf before u go stating this scenarios I've listed (and others u may have), and ask how u will both handle it.
10. Take it to God in prayer.
11. This is jara. If he funds you and he asks you to marry him, hope you know you must also say YES.

Poster, I understand where you are coming from, in all honesty child care while studying abroad is no beans.
My Husband did some schooling last year while I took care of the home front, this year is my turn, believe me its hard, mine isn't as grown as yours, I feel sad and guilty sometimes but its for the best.
If the road to success was easy we would all be there.
Please don't get into unnecessary e- fights and name calling its not worth it.
I wish you the best, its hard but you owe it to your self and son to succed, and yes you are a wonderful mother.
That you chose to keep your baby doesn't mean you messed around it means you took responsibility for your actions.
Kudos

I feel a need to revise my number 7. If you guys are going to be staying together, then you must get married in Nigeria even if you don't tell the immigration authorities that you are. We don't want a scenario where he gets u preg because u're staying together then u break up and now u're left with another baby daddy and another responsibility.

And you too Debrief, your spouse was home taking care of your home front or would you leave them with strangers they hardly know?? This woman has nobody to care for this kid, mom is sick and she mentioned her ex's relatives are no good either ( oh unless they're stocked up with can food) or drop him with you?

So what's really your point Debrief, that she should go without her son because she owned it to her son ? please clarify your point?

Nl and their pity parties sha.

@teemilo

If you think you have enough info to make a decision

You can request the mod Tgirl4real to lock the thread

All d best in your decision and life choices

My original post was quite clear I want to travel with my son my bf thinks its unnecessary hardship.
So I can here to ask and from responses so far I can see that my mans reasoning isn't so out of it.

Thanks a lot to everyone who has contributed so far esp those who remembered to be nice&choose their words carefully, May you all reap fruits of kindness when u need it.

So yesterday my man&i had a long hard talk, made a few compromises and made the following decisions.

1) We try all options for scholarships, this will greatly reduce d financial burden on him&i will be able to travel with my son.
2) If that doesn't work I will have to travel by myself. He believes we can get two maids to live with my mum&son. Promises to check on them weekly and all that. We hope to win my mum over by prayer&gifts b4 d time comes.
3) I will have to postpone my program till we can all go together. He is due for a sponsored Masters in his organisation. If he gets it this year, then we will go together with my son. He was actually amazed that I thought he suggested we both travel without my son.

To those asking about marriage, he hasn't exactly asked but keeps dropping hints.

To those asking if I can believe his promises,i am learning to trust him because he is so open with me. After all I have been through, my trust is hard won.

I have the keys to his home&i go and come as please. Infact recently when he had to be out of town for 2 weeks he left his house&cars in my care.

I hope he puts a ring on it b4 I travel sha but I am really enjoying this period...
Thanks again everyone.

teemilo: My original post was quite clear I want to travel with my son my bf thinks its unnecessary hardship.
So I can here to ask and from responses so far I can see that my mans reasoning isn't so out of it.

Thanks a lot to everyone who has contributed so far esp those who remembered to be nice&choose their words carefully, May you all reap fruits of kindness when u need it.

So yesterday my man&i had a long hard talk, made a few compromises and made the following decisions.

1) We try all options for scholarships, this will greatly reduce d financial burden on him&i will be able to travel with my son.
2) If that doesn't work I will have to travel by myself. He believes we can get two maids to live with my mum&son. Promises to check on them weekly and all that. We hope to win my mum over by prayer&gifts b4 d time comes.
3) I will have to postpone my program till we can all go together. He is due for a sponsored Masters in his organisation. If he gets it this year, then we will go together with my son. He was actually amazed that I thought he suggested we both travel without my son.

To those asking about marriage, he hasn't exactly asked but keeps dropping hints.

To those asking if I can believe his promises,i am learning to trust him because he is so open with me. After all I have been through, my trust is hard won.

I have the keys to his home&i go and come as please. Infact recently when he had to be out of town for 2 weeks he left his house&cars in my care.

I hope he puts a ring on it b4 I travel sha but I am really enjoying this period...
Thanks again everyone.

Nice update. Great communication and compromise... And a far cry from these statements in your opening post that prompted the kinds of responses you received. Especially the bolded parts.

My boyfriend of about six months is pressuring me to give my boy to his fathers 'people' (at least for a while)so I can move on with my life.


I would love with all my heart to be able to travel for graduate studies but I clearly can't do this with a little boy in tow, that why my man insists I have to take him to his fathers people.

The problem is my boy stayed with them(at his fathers insistence) for few weeks last year&came back malnourised, sickly&very frightened. It broke my heart several times over and I swore I won't do it again.

So, while your opening post apparently did no justice whatsoever to the situation, it's great to see things are going well for you. All the best!

This is good OP
All the best moving forward!

teemilo:

So yesterday my man&i had a long hard talk, made a few compromises and made the following decisions.

1) We try all options for scholarships, this will greatly reduce d financial burden on him&i will be able to travel with my son.
2) If that doesn't work I will have to travel by myself. He believes we can get two maids to live with my mum&son. Promises to check on them weekly and all that. We hope to win my mum over by prayer&gifts b4 d time comes.
3) I will have to postpone my program till we can all go together. He is due for a sponsored Masters in his organisation. If he gets it this year, then we will go together with my son. He was actually amazed that I thought he suggested we both travel without my son.

.

Now you're talking. everything has to be planned WITH him inclusive...... Love me love my Dog thanks @sisi, omo agba

We are all adults here, let everybody chose their words how they like and face its consequences( ban/hide post) , you're in no position to make that call.

I chose to keep you on your toes about this situation and I got the response I needed that the boy is safe. I am not here to make friends. Done!!

biolabee: @teemilo

If you think you have enough info to make a decision

You can request the mod Tgirl4real to lock the thread

All d best in your decision and life choices

biolabee: This is good OP
All the best moving forward!

And you !! SMH Tafotafo Master how body?

jidegirl12:

Now you're talking. everything has to be planned WITH him inclusive...... Love me love my Dog thanks @sisi, omo agba

We are all adults here, let everybody chose their words how they like and face its consequences( ban/hide post) , you're in no position to make that call.

I chose to keep you on your toes about this situation and I got the response I needed that the boy is safe. I am not here to make friends. Done!!

Me too....I no come here to make friends....jeez! But you know, we can compro........

*Jidegirl was angry. Temi, thank God that baby is safe....else she for trace you!*

@Temi, there are lots of advices here. I suggest you keep them because you'll definitely need them later in future.

Remain bless and say 'hi' to you your baby boy for me. #missingmine

ileobatojo:

Nice update. Great communication and compromise... And a far cry from these statements in your opening post that prompted the kinds of responses you received. Especially the bolded parts.



So, while your opening post apparently did no justice whatsoever to the situation, it's great to see things are going well for you. All the best!

Thanks Ile for highlighting the first post.

She puts up something like that, using inciting words like that in her initial post and gets upset people are up in arms about her situation and the boy's.

I'm glad she seems to have opened the doors of communication with the dude but personally, I still don't agree with totally depending on a guy in a situation this delicate. I don't know the guy, so I don't know how trustworthy he is but based observation of human beings, I believe it is safe to say the only person you can trust is yourself.

People are complex, people are fickle, people let emotions override their common sense. What happens if he changes his mind half way through whatever they decide she should do? What happens if the money stops flowing? What happens if....Just What happens if?!!!!

The boy is my only priority on this thread, I really don't give a whack bout her long throat agenda, she already has first degree, worst case scenario she drops out and secures herself a hourly job as long as her son's with her.

She talked about showering her mom with gifts to change her mind into taking the boy ( only God knows why the mom refused to take the boy in the first place, hint bout OP 's person) - not interested in any epistle either.

if the guy dropped her for another hot babè wey boku there and no more flow not to talk of sending home, would the mom understand her ordeal abroad ?

What really surprised me was how those funeral criers saw nothing absurd with her plans :
1.Depending on a boyfriend financially
2. Leave the boy with relatives OP cannot even stand herself.

I mean what the hell is this world turning into, no more morals and Dignity because of money??

jidegirl12:



And you !! SMH Tafotafo Master how body?

I'm fine ma..... Just chilling on a sat preparing for an exam

My regards to you and yours

biolabee:

I'm fine ma..... Just chilling on a sat preparing for an exam

My regards to you and yours

Goodluck bro . We dey too , chilling in bed, oga is working.

Thanks ma ko ba fi da noni

jidegirl12:

Goodluck bro . We dey too , chilling in bed, oga is working.

teemilo: My original post was quite clear I want to travel with my son my bf thinks its unnecessary hardship.
So I can here to ask and from responses so far I can see that my mans reasoning isn't so out of it.

Thanks a lot to everyone who has contributed so far esp those who remembered to be nice&choose their words carefully, May you all reap fruits of kindness when u need it.

So yesterday my man&i had a long hard talk, made a few compromises and made the following decisions.

1) We try all options for scholarships, this will greatly reduce d financial burden on him&i will be able to travel with my son.
2) If that doesn't work I will have to travel by myself. He believes we can get two maids to live with my mum&son. Promises to check on them weekly and all that. We hope to win my mum over by prayer&gifts b4 d time comes.
3) I will have to postpone my program till we can all go together. He is due for a sponsored Masters in his organisation. If he gets it this year, then we will go together with my son. He was actually amazed that I thought he suggested we both travel without my son.

To those asking about marriage, he hasn't exactly asked but keeps dropping hints.

To those asking if I can believe his promises,i am learning to trust him because he is so open with me. After all I have been through, my trust is hard won.

I have the keys to his home&i go and come as please. Infact recently when he had to be out of town for 2 weeks he left his house&cars in my care.

I hope he puts a ring on it b4 I travel sha but I am really enjoying this period...
Thanks again everyone.

Am so happy dat guys were able 2discuss & reach on agreements!
Ds guy will value u & ur son more!
If I were u, I wuld go wit d 2nd option! Start ur prog as soon as u can time waitts 4 no1b
Wot of if dre is no scholarship or he eventually can't go ds year wn u think u can all go 2gether?
And if u all plan 2go,do u think u will have time 2look afta ur child wit d stress of academics!
Have u tot abt it dat if u guys r 2gether u may get pregnant along d line?
These r d reasons me think u shld choose d 2nd option! Go wit u man to talk 2ur mum!
Convince her dat she wil b well taken care of! Start taking care of her from now!
Get a nanny like 30-35yrs 2look after dem! Let ur boy starts school so dat he will spend lesser time @ home!
Send monthly allawance 2buy stuff @home & some 4mumsie!
Finally, like kid sister! Do ur introduction b4 u travel if u think he wants 2marry u!
Ds will make him more serious wit anything dat concerns u!
Take care dearie & wish u d best

The only way option 3 will work is if he marries u before then and that is not a sure thing for now. In fact if u guys were married already, it would solve a lot. His MSc funding from is own organisation has not being confirmed yet. So that is anoda if. You are left with one option. Option 2. In fact that is ur only option right now unless u marry before u travel. Also, make sure u agree how much he pays so u dnt become a burden on him. You will also have to work by the side. Nothing comes easy.

jidegirl12: The boy is my only priority on this thread, I really don't give a whack bout her long throat agenda, she already has first degree, worst case scenario she drops out and secures herself a hourly job as long as her son's with her.

She talked about showering her mom with gifts to change her mind into taking the boy ( only God knows why the mom refused to take the boy in the first place, hint bout OP 's person) - not interested in any epistle either.

if the guy dropped her for another hot babè wey boku there and no more flow not to talk of sending home, would the mom understand her ordeal abroad ?

What really surprised me was how those funeral criers saw nothing absurd with her plans :
1.Depending on a boyfriend financially
2. Leave the boy with relatives OP cannot even stand herself.

I mean what the hell is this world turning into, no more morals and Dignity because of money??

Just when I thought you were turning a new leaf with your other post, you went and did this!

Honestly, you need to back off her case. Neither you, nor I, nor anybody for that matter has the right to condemn her. We can sit on our high horses and judge her all we want, still doesn't change the fact that she's doing the best she can in an incredibly difficult position.

The fact that her mum refused to take care of her own grandson except when bribed says a lot about her and not OP.

She has a man that loves her enough to want to pick up her bills, that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Just back off . . .

Uju for all it's worth , I really don't give a fûck bout you nor anybody else's perception bout my person so if that quoted post is a red flag for you, you may as well shove it up in your mouth and choke on it and same goes whoever too.

I'm not gonna go into any other discussion with you on this thread cos I'm not talking to you (you are the one who mentioned my name) , stop crying more than the bereaved ko. Why can't you just waka pass my posts Uju? dem swear for you bout my case?

Does this face look like she gives a damn??

*THE PRECIOUS SUBJECT MATTER IS A VERY VERY VERY VERY STILL YOUNG 3 YEARS OLD BABY


*HIS DAD CAN'T HAVE HIM BECAUSE - He was abusive to the boy's mother whilst they were together hence reason they parted ways eventually, he is in the Military and lives in an Army Barrack, so we can easily deduce that he is an unfit dad.


*HIS PATERNAL GRANDPARENTS ARE NOT COMPETENT ENOUGH TO LOOK AFTER HIM BECAUSE - According to the OP, the only time she was forced to send him to stay with them at his Dad's insistance, he came back sick, malnourished, frightened and traumatised and that was for a couple of weeks. Which begs the painful and heart-tugging question - Was it his grandparents idea to have him over or did his Dad force him on his grandparents hence the outome


*HIS MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER REFUSES TO TAKE HIM IN - Although she herself is not in good health, hence she could have used this as an excuse, but she categorically and blatantly and emphathetically said no BECAUSE she knows "whats up" aka "she knows that this is a clearut case of what the adult sees whilst sitting down matter" HENCE reason she told her daughter to take her son if she travels


*HIS MUM'S SIBLINGS AND COUSINS CAN'T HAVE HIM - because they are still young and funding their own feet too, understandably...


*HIS STEP-DAD-TO-BE DOESN'T WANT HIM yet - according to the OP, he can afford it and he would have taken the boy along if he was his son/BUT instead revels in INSISTING the boy's Mum return this too young boy to his Father's family/repeatedly berates her that she will regret it if she turns his offer down/tells her she is overly worried that her baby will be fine/tells her that travelling with her baby will scupper her chance of getting the visa/that travelling with her baby will cause unneessary hardship?blah/blah/blah/dsng he seems so sure of all these variables


*WHERE IS THE BOY'S MOTHER IN ALL THIS





All these talks of providing 3 months worth of food, bribing your mum against her consience, etc, is heart-rending to say the least, thinking about it sef is leaving me emotionally traumatised... This baby is still too young for all this in his short time on earth. You have something on the table regarding your Nigerian masters degree, which takes after that proverbial saying that states that "A bird in the hand is worth..." Cast your mind back to when you first beame a Mum, remember disovering how vulnerable one can get, seeing that we are now responsible for these tiny cute bundle of joy, but then their smiles and the way their fingers grip ours help us realise what strength we have and helps us take them to unknown depth, they beoome our main priority, our ambitions shift, and every moment with them recreates this bottomless pit of happiness, and we wanna get it right and make sure we give them the world... please think deeply whether this is the time to rock that boat now..,.


I have read your last post as well, but going back to the other posts and your boyfriend's utterances, you have supplied loads of information about him that is screaming out that "he has strong controlling tendencies", you on the other hand oozes this "too nice/eager to please" character. Wish you the best of luck, whatever you decide