Late last year, days before the last Saturday of December to be precise, Basket mouth posted a joke on twitter saying something like; “if you had planned marrying in 2012, you have one Saturday left”.
Marrying late seems to worry the ladies more and for obvious reasons-societal pressures and the ever dreaded ‘biological clock’. Just like getting a Job, finding a ‘Good man’ to marry in Nigeria can be become a ‘task’. But the truth is there are many ‘good men’ out there. Ask any girl who is ‘seriously engaged’ or getting married soon and she will tell you that she had to choose from; not 2 or 3 but up to 4 suitors. Why will some girls be getting up to 4 suitors, yet some can’t even get a guy to commit into a serious relationship? This piece is a direct response to a post i read some days back; “I Am 31 And Nobody Wants To Marry Me - Please Advise”- https://www.nairaland.com/1286361/31-nobody-wants-marry-me
I had an in-depth discussion with a friend who just got engaged (she had to choose amongst 4 suitors) and runs an event planning and managing outfit.
Here is a summary of our discussion:

• Most ladies have lost their natural gift of discernment: Women have a natural ability to sniff out success from miles away. History is full of women who stuck with men when they had nothing except a dream. But now, women want ‘made men’. The OP said; “all the men that approach me are unsettled yet”. When will any man be settled? Future ‘Dangotes’ with meagre salaries and ‘dreams’, have been approaching you, but you are turning them down. Please Ladies, try and differentiate between Pride, shakara and yanga!

• Looking for ‘Good men’ in the wrong places: Vultures converge at abattoirs; eagles ‘chillax’ on mountains and high tree tops. So it’s sheer waste of time to look for eagles around carcases. Club 69 last Friday, Elegushi beach this Friday, club tinz on my mind on BB and FB. People go to club to dance to ‘gaga going craze’ and that’s not the kind of mood people make marital decisions. Besides, these guys there are probably too ‘high’ to see that beyond ‘your waist’ lays true beauty inside. Stop looking for treasures in a swine’s pen. One good place to meet ‘serious-minded guys’ are weddings, but most girl blow up that chance. That brings me to the next point.

• Not exhibiting virtuous character: My friend told a story of how a chief bride’s maid insulted the very guy that had been ‘torch-lighting’ her right from the start of the wedding. The guy had gathered enough ‘intel’ about the girl and was looking for a way to create ‘a moment’. He got his chance when the bride was going to feed her groom, he said to the bride’s maid; “oya go help your madam for kitchen”. The comment got everyone present laughing except the bride’s maid, who got visibly angry, frowned all through and came around later to give her ‘potential suitor’ the warning of his life. Suffice to say, that chapter was closed. She was a bride’s MAID (helping the bride right?), but didn’t exhibit common humility or even restraint.
Secondly most ladies (especially those on bridal trains) out-dress even the bride.lol It’s great to look good, but modesty is the best policy-many men will agree. Looking like something from a vanity magazine ‘might’ shoo that guy away.
Thirdly, most ladies are too carried away by modernity to exhibit ‘old school’ virtuous character. A friend who came to Lagos for an interview at KPMG, agreed to meet for lunch. I pulled her a chair, but she opted to sit backing a pillar. I asked why and she said she didn’t want to be ‘distracted’. I checked and saw that a group of Banker-looking guys had come for lunch and were sitting direct adjacent to where she would have been sitting. I asked her what she wanted, stood up and went to order. I was still ordering when she walked towards me, smiled and squeezed three (3) N1000 notes into my palm, paying for half the bill. I refused, but she insisted. I went home thinking what a virtuous lady she is. She consciously avoided ‘temptation’ and showed care and consideration for my wallet. Some ladies would have used the chance to ‘flirt’ with those bankers and order my wallet into decay. Ladies, your beauty is a turn on, but your character will keep him turned on forever after. As these characters are indications of the kind of wife you will be. Be engaged in productive activities (not burying your head in your hand-held, only looking up to watch E! or keeping up with the Kardashians), be moderate, be thoughtful, be understanding, be supportive and above all be your(good)self because ‘prince charming’ is watching!

n.b: I know there are so many sides to this issue, but this is my 2 kobo!

Okay, thanks for the heads up.

thank God the first female to comment appreciated.

clemz85: thank God the first female to comment appreciated.

It shows she's teachable....Her head dey there!

So OP why are you not married yet?

Dolly-Parton:
So OP why are you not married yet?

Good question.lol Here's why;

https://www.nairaland.com/1061193/how-future-wife-doing-right


https://www.nairaland.com/1136123/how-future-wife-doing-right


https://www.nairaland.com/1241582/how-future-wife-doing-right

Hello Nenergy, you did a great job here, wonderful piece from you and not far from the truth.

As I type, I am with two friends, working with diff blue chip coys, and still single. We were discussing this while watching....

In conclusion, one has a girlfriend, in fact, his only gf, so I asked him when is it happening and guess what He said, he can't ever dare to marry the girl, and pointed out so many flaws which revolves around some of the points u made here...

Honestly, this present modern civilization isn't doing our Nigerian ladies good, especially the southeasterners, southsoutherners and southwesterners...I don't know much abt northerners, but the few I know are diff, though they hardly agree to marry non-notherner, maybe cos of their dominant religion.

Once again, keep on with the free enlightenment and stay blessed.

...and yes, the lady i had lunch with is a wife material, but i don't do long distance. Bad for my heart.lol

Simple. Anyone that is not married is not ready to get married.



When you are ready to marry, then you will marry.

pDude: Simple. Anyone that is not married is not ready to get married.



When you are ready to marry, then you will marry.

Simplez!

pDude: Simple. Anyone that is not married is not ready to get married.



When you are ready to marry, then you will marry.

unfortunately, in nigeria, what you said is applicable to only guys...any day a guy feels like marrying, he will definitely marry, but sometimes, when a girl decides to marry, she may not find a suitor...that's where nature cheated women IMO though.

DailyNews: unfortunately,in nigeria, what you said is applicable to only guys...any day a guy feels like marrying, he will definitely marry

I agree with this!

DailyNews: Honestly, this present modern civilization isn't doing our Nigerian ladies good, especially the southeasterners, southsoutherners and southwesterners

Thanks! I agree, excessive Modernization is definately a factor. Humility is declining,thrash-talking and 'brash-talking' is increasing.

Ladies we are not asking you to live a fake life, we're just asking you to be your(better)self.

nenergy:
Thanks! I agree, excessive Modernization is definately a factor. Humility is declining,thrash-talking and 'brash-talking' is increasing.

Ladies we are not asking you to live a fake life, we're just asking you to be your(better)self.

you made another incredible point- humility has seriously declined, thrash-talking as u called it, has increased even amongst ladies known to be symbol of good and modest conduct.

Sometimes I can't help wondering the kind of women that modern civilisation has left for us- u will see a single lady going publicly crazy for a male celebrity, and proudly saying things a lady ought not to say abt how she is freaking tripping for a certain celebrity and she feels so good saying it publicly and still hope guys in general to respect her and see her as a modest girl.

Honestly, modern civilisation has shaped the African (Nigerian) women badly, we need to trace our way back for good else....hmmmm

Cos I still want to sleep in my own bed by myself

because I will marry in 2014/2015

Well said nenergy

I'm not yet married because......because.....because.....I'm not ready just yet. However if I see the woman of my dreams, the woman with all the virtues I so desire, I'll take her to the altar asap .

Obinoscopy: I'll take her to the altar asap .

ASAP.lol

GraceBestowed: OP, I think you're very sweet and if you're able to walk the talk, you'd make a really good husband.

I will always believe that it is better to enter a marriage with the right intentions, than rush in early and fumble. I'm not married because I want to enter marriage on God's terms, not mine or anyone else's

I believe in God and love, marriage is the perfect manifestation of God's love.

very mature, concise, and intelligent response....God will grant you your heart desire ok? Just ensure you do not let Him down.

GraceBestowed:
OP, I think you're very sweet and if you're able to walk the talk, you'd make a really good husband.

Thank you. By the grace of God.

GraceBestowed:
I believe in God and love, marriage is the perfect manifestation of God's love.

Powerfully spoken!

@Post

I sense you have a low self esteem like most Nigerian-bred men. Why has Nairaland become like a pseudo-relationship site/forum? Why do most of you Nigerian-bred men not give your ladies a breathing space? Always feeling the need to give the ladies advice but never working on your own flaws or addressing that adulterous demonic spirit that pushes many of you to start cheating on your gullible wives shortly after marital vows have been exchanged.

The other day, I read a thread in the politics section of one Edo PDP chairman who is clearly married - wedding ring on and everything - yet was sleeping with a commercial sex worker in a hotel. The commercial sex worker took a picture of him in his gullible state stark naked with his fat protruding beer belly looking like an overfed lion on the TV channel National Geographic Wild and posted it on the internet when he refused to pay her the amount they both agreed on.

This PDP chairman is doing what most married Nigerian-bred men are doing: sleeping around. People like you make so much noise about marriage and how your women should better themselves to make them more wife material yet you don't open threads to caution Nigerian-bred men on how to respect their marital vows and stop the incessant cheating and adulterous behavior which is very acceptable in chauvinist Nigerian society.

Why the double standard? it takes 2 mature adults who love and respect each other to make a marriage work. You can advice your ladies all you want and keep opening threads such as this day in, day out but if the men don't work on their flaws too, then we will continue to see an increase in divorce rates.

Lastly, I wish the same way the average Nigerian obsesses about marriage, they will obsess about ensuring their leaders give them constant electricity supply and constant clean running tap water. How do you people even manage to enjoy intimacy - smacking sweaty bodies against each other during the act - with all that heat in Nigeria and no constant electricity to run the fan or air conditioner to stay cool? Anyways, I digress......

dasparrow: @Post

I sense you have a low self esteem like most Nigerian-bred men. Why has Nairaland become like a pseudo-relationship site/forum? Why do most of you Nigerian-bred men not give your ladies a breathing space? Always feeling the need to give the ladies advice but never working on your own flaws or addressing that adulterous demonic spirit that pushes many of you to start cheating on your gullible wives shortly after marital vows have been exchanged.

The other day, I read a thread in the politics section of one Edo PDP chairman who is clearly married - wedding ring on and everything - yet was sleeping with a commercial sex worker in a hotel. The commercial sex worker took a picture of him in his gullible state stark naked with his fat protruding beer belly looking like an overfed lion on the TV channel National Geographic Wild and posted it on the internet when he refused to pay her the amount they both agreed on.

This PDP chairman is doing what most married Nigerian-bred men are doing: sleeping around. People like you make so much noise about marriage and how your women should better themselves to make them more wife material yet you don't open threads to caution Nigerian-bred men on how to respect their marital vows and stop the incessant cheating and adulterous behavior which is very acceptable in chauvinist Nigerian society.

Why the double standard? it takes 2 mature adults who love and respect each other to make a marriage work. You can advice your ladies all you want and keep opening threads such as this day in, day out but if the men don't work on their flaws too, then we will continue to see an increase in divorce rates.

Lastly, I wish the same way the average Nigerian obsesses about marriage, they will obsess about ensuring their leaders give them constant electricity supply and constant clean running tap water. How do you people even manage to enjoy intimacy - smacking sweaty bodies against each other during the act - with all that heat in Nigeria and no constant electricity to run the fan or air conditioner to stay cool? Anyways, I digress......

Well said.
Naija married men are most time worse than a bachelor

But the last paragraph of ur post.you started well on that but, the last 5 lines...not so nice i think

dasparrow: @Post

I sense you have a low self esteem like most Nigerian-bred men. Why has Nairaland become like a pseudo-relationship site/forum? Why do most of you Nigerian-bred men not give your ladies a breathing space? Always feeling the need to give the ladies advice but never working on your own flaws or addressing that adulterous demonic spirit that pushes many of you to start cheating on your gullible wives shortly after marital vows have been exchanged.

The other day, I read a thread in the politics section of one Edo PDP chairman who is clearly married - wedding ring on and everything - yet was sleeping with a commercial sex worker in a hotel. The commercial sex worker took a picture of him in his gullible state stark naked with his fat protruding beer belly looking like an overfed lion on the TV channel National Geographic Wild and posted it on the internet when he refused to pay her the amount they both agreed on.

This PDP chairman is doing what most married Nigerian-bred men are doing: sleeping around. People like you make so much noise about marriage and how your women should better themselves to make them more wife material yet you don't open threads to caution Nigerian-bred men on how to respect their marital vows and stop the incessant cheating and adulterous behavior which is very acceptable in chauvinist Nigerian society.

Why the double standard? it takes 2 mature adults who love and respect each other to make a marriage work. You can advice your ladies all you want and keep opening threads such as this day in, day out but if the men don't work on their flaws too, then we will continue to see an increase in divorce rates.

Lastly, I wish the same way the average Nigerian obsesses about marriage, they will obsess about ensuring their leaders give them constant electricity supply and constant clean running tap water. How do you people even manage to enjoy intimacy - smacking sweaty bodies against each other during the act - with all that heat in Nigeria and no constant electricity to run the fan or air conditioner to stay cool? Anyways, I digress......

Your 'off comment' shows you didn't read my post, atleast not properly.lol Permit me to ask which of the points i raised applies to you? So only 'Nigerian-bred men' sleep around?lol Is that what 'they' teach you over there? There is something almost 'devilish' about a woman who believes that men have low self esteem.
Seun should personally ban you for derailing this thread.

Not yet my time...

Cos I am scared pooless

What if one is just not interested in getting married? Of which marriage is not for everybody. Some people are happier on their own, it may seem selfish but that's their own preference. Plus a lot of people getting married these days are doing so for all the wrong reasons, they forget that it's not all about getting married but staying married! I know someone who got married cuz her friends were getting married, she did not think of the journey afterwards, another one in a bid to ans "mrs" is married to a DL bro, those ones that are very macho and you would not suspect.

Nice work nenergy, the respect I had for you just doubled after going through this thread. The issues you pointed out are true but most often people who have character flaws don't even know they have them. So my advise is if you meet a lady you would like to settle down with, don't let the "BUT" in her character stop you as long as its a fault you can live with or gradually make her realise and change. The truth is there is no perfect man/woman out there and just because you decide to marry a lady of impecable character does not guarantee a happy home afterall we women are good at pretending just to get what we want. A peruvian hair blackberry babe may settle down after marriage and make a good wife while the holy didi plaiting no make up sister may become a man"s nightmare after marriage. In order words, do not leave a woman because you feel she has a few issues unless if it is a major character flaw you can't live with.

specialguest: In order words, do not leave a woman because you feel she has a few issues unless if it is a major character flaw you can't live with.

Exactly! I agree 1000%. i.e A woman who doesn't have cooking skills marrying a man who loves to cook. She'll learn from him, and the 'cooking lessons' will help them bond more.

That's a question dat always baffles me! Y some ladies who are ready 4 marriage nd passed 30 will say they dnt hav ANY1 at all intereated in them! Strange cos I grew up with 3 of my aunts who where in d uni wen I was in sec sch nd they are all married now. As at d tym they got engaged they had 2 choose frm 3/4 suitors. Now am in d uni nd I see ladies of 29,30 still single! Baffling

fruityjojo: That's a question dat always baffles me! Y some ladies who are ready 4 marriage nd passed 30 will say they dnt hav ANY1 at all intereated in them! Strange cos I grew up with 3 of my aunts who where in d uni wen I was in sec sch nd they are all married now. As at d tym they got engaged they had 2 choose frm 3/4 suitors. Now am in d uni nd I see ladies of 29,30 still single! Baffling

So many factors are responsible. Socio-economics changes, the quest for buoyancy/self-reliant by both men and women etc