My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her - Romance - Nairaland
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| My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by swoosh(m): 12:54pm On May 05, 2008 |
Hi Nairalanders, I'm counting on your good advices please I'm dating a girl who my family strongly disapproves of. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) she doesnt know- everyone receives her with warmth but I'm under intense pressure to call off the relationship I love this girl and i have reasons to believe she loves me too but my family has been told several things about her past and they also diapprove of some behaviors she currently exhibits. I have told them that she's still very young and could change with advice and time (she's 21) and I'm trying 2 make her a changed person so everyone in my family will have reasons to approve of our relationship - I love her so much but wudnt want to marry amidst very stiff opposition from every member of my family What do I do ?? - I need her to know these things but without hurting the relationship she already has with my family |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by frank316(m): 1:17pm On May 05, 2008 |
while it is important that you harken to the voice of your family, you have to look be4 you leap. how does she behave? what is so bad about her past? you know these answers and ask your self if you can accomodate her if she does not change. how long have you been dating her? do you think you can cope. if she is as bad as i think, i believe it will be dangerous for you to go ahead, even after you know about her nagative side. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by Nobody: 1:19pm On May 05, 2008 |
You're in a tight one dearie, no doubt. Maybe u cld've been more detailed about what exact traits in her rub your family membs off the wrong way. swoosh:the words in bold clearly show u agree with your people, only dt u're willing to change her. You cld try n' play the matyr here but sincerely i think it's unwise to build on this shaky foundation. Change her? People do change but most times for the worse. your family seems unanimous in it's decision, (correct me if I'm wrong) therefore be extremely careful not to keep viewing issues with rose-colored lenses of delusion. From the scanty details here, they seem to have a point. You need to clarify things a little more for us to be of any considerable help. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by NaJaHaJe(f): 1:46pm On May 05, 2008 |
BE A MAN!!!!!!!! If you really like this girl and you want to start a new family with her . . . . . . you won't be in this predicament. You wont let your family decide your life for you. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by eudio(f): 1:58pm On May 05, 2008 |
why dont they like her? is it the way she behaves? wht exactly is she not doing right? i'm very sure ur family members must have told u wht they dont like abt her. if u really love her, then talk to her, i'm sure will will change |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by tngtech(m): 2:04pm On May 05, 2008 |
NaJa HaJe: u spoke my mind. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by bawomolo(m): 2:09pm On May 05, 2008 |
can't u stand up to your family and support this girl's case?? |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by swoosh(m): 2:22pm On May 05, 2008 |
bawomolo: Im already doing this. I already called 3 of my family members individually and explained to them that we need to give her time and some advice - my oldest brother agrees to my suggestion Im grateful to every1 for all the replies I have gotten so far - they seem sincere enough. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by Nobody: 3:03pm On May 05, 2008 |
@ Swoosh, I'm with Naja on this one. You don't need to explain ANY of you actions, or decisions to your family. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by kiki(f): 3:05pm On May 05, 2008 |
do not let ur family members decide or run ur life 4 u cos in da long run u might rgret it let every decision u make about this situation come from u and always remember this is ur life watever hapens to it will be on u not ur family member be it good or bad u got ur life to live and they also got theirs |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by blaquie: 3:22pm On May 05, 2008 |
mm mm , Marriage is a life time commitment. You have to sit her down and talk to her about her current attitude.Your parents "might" be right but you still have to pray and seek God's face. If you are destined to be it will work out. Don't go into marriage with the intention of changing your spouse,you will be making a mistake, Do your assignment be for getting into marriage. Most importantly seek God's face, |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by Enockia(m): 5:39pm On Mar 16, 2012 |
NaJa HaJe: BE A MAN!!!!!!!!Its not dat easy o would he be able to accommodate her excesses if she goes back to being who she used to be. These and many more should be considered Oo°˚˚˚°! |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by Latrice699gmailcom(f): 3:20am On Mar 19, 2012 |
That's what I don't like about Africian family's they always think they can run ur whole life. Be a man or else u gonna be miserable trying to live for someone else. And quit trying to chge her, ur not GOD!!!!! |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by CalienteMi: 4:26am On Mar 19, 2012 |
OP Be careful because sometimes family members can be jealous or childish and you have to live with your decision. Who are you going to be happy for, you or your family? |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by InkedNerd(f): 5:10am On Mar 19, 2012 |
@OP: Hmmm, well I think you should sit your family down without your fiancée, and tell them that you already know how they feel but that you need them to understand your side. Once you've made that clear, tell them that you have looked around for girls that are up to their standards [if that is possibly the case] but that none of them make you feel like she does and that you would like to have their support in this relationship you have chosen but that if not you are still going to marry her and that is just what is going to happen. Make sure to tell them that you love them and appreciate their opinions because they care about you and want the best for you and that with that in mind, you're an adult and love this girl. If they can't accept that, they should at least be courteous to her when she is around. When that has been said, given the fact that you say she has a past [like any other human being], perhaps she as your fiancée has a desire to try to form a close relationship/bond with your family she could possibly try to get your family to accept her. She could use it as an opportunity to prove to your family that she is indeed good enough for their son [though she doesn't necessarily need to because some family members can be downright vile towards outsiders who want to marry into their family]. She probably needs some encouragement to look towards her future, that is where you and your family might be a positive support system to her. After reading the last part of your post, I must ask, you say that you are trying to make her into a changed person but does she want to be a changed person? Is it possible that you're trying to mold her into something that she can't or won't be? Also, what are these "behaviors" that she exhibits? Finally, just as I suggested that you try to get them to understand your side of this whole issue, you should try to see their side as well. All they can do is talk [if they're not the sort that physically insert themselves in such situations], ultimately it is a decision that only you can make. |
| Re: My Family Does Not Like My Fiance: But How Can I Tell Her by Mynd44: 7:45am On Mar 19, 2012 |
NaJa HaJe: BE A MAN!!!!!!!!Gbam!!!!!! |
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