Research shows that in approximately one-third of all divorces , at least one spouse cheated during the marriage. And every one of those cheaters intended to do it.

bukatyne:

My dear,

The parents are accountable for what their kids do... that's why they are parents.

The Bible says... 'Train up a child in the way he/she should go and he/she is old, he/she will not depart from it.' God punished Eli for the sins of his children because he refused to train them even at their old age. However, if parents train their kids well they are exonerated if when they don't turn out well. An example is Samuel

For you to refuse following a sugar daddy means you have been trained to believe it is wrong. Have you not seen people who don't know that doing some wrong thing is wrong?

Most kids become who their parents trained them to be. Look at little children closely... have you seen anyone who lacks self-esteem? Whether the baby is wrapped in golden shawl or rags, they will both smile.

Fhemmmy: Brilliant thread and awesome comments, however, here is where the failure came from:
1. Pastors and Imams ought to be a good counselor as well but some are not, and when you are under such leader try to figure our a way to deal with issues.
2. Some of our customs are outdated, like the woman is to carry all the emotional problem of the home? that is totally not fair, if we could change and now allow women to work, then, men needs to take the wrapper as well to take care of some issues.
3. Woman need to voice out and not just get into the marriage all in the name of "all my friends are married"

And again, there is nothing wrong in professional counselors but please make sure you are not being counseled just from the book and no experience cos most of the books wont be written in Nigeria for our cases.

biolabee: As much as I agree with some things uve said it's not always like that

Was David a good father yes..

But his son overthrew him as king, another a ra.pist and one eyed his fathers's concubine

Samuel in his old age had so much pain due to his sons

A parent can try but God knows best

The same womb raised abel and abel's killer

bellong:

I beg to disagree with you about David.

David was a good man, friend and leader but he was a very BAD father.

That is why most of his children turned out the way they are. A man can be good to the society and be a bad father. Being a bad father does not necessarily mean being cruel to children. He had no time for those children he gave birth to in his early years because he was too busy with the affairs of the state.

nikkykay:
I disagree o madam
Hw about a child brot up in a Christian home and she got to school to do aristo?
I used to have a friend dat her mum was sleeping with politicians wayback then. She told her daughter to start dating big men in order to take care of herself & pay her school fees. She turned her mum down. She worked while in school and able to finish her part time progame.
Today she is happily married with 3kids.
So everythg still boils down to d individual.


I love ur post
How are we sure that those clerics dat do counseling have a good marriage dat is worth emulating?
Most of them r wife beaters & cheats which we know. So do u think troubled couples will love to go to these people?
Also d idea of my mates r getting married hasto do with issue of desperation needs to be curbed in d society. It is high time ladies realised marriage is not a do or die affair.


Biola,
In the issue of David, it was karma. There was no way he culd go unpunished despite being forgiven

Yes ! Thumb up

nikkykay:
I love ur post
How are we sure that those clerics dat do counseling have a good marriage dat is worth emulating?
Most of them r wife beaters & cheats which we know. So do u think troubled couples will love to go to these people?
Also d idea of my mates r getting married hasto do with issue of desperation needs to be curbed in d society. It is high time ladies realised marriage is not a do or die affair.

Fhemmmy:

That is the whole idea, for us to learn from their mistakes and not from their books, a parent is not training or advising a kid cos they got it together, but cos they wont want the kids to thread same path that led them nowhere.

bellong:

I beg to disagree with you about David.

David was a good man, friend and leader but he was a very BAD father.

That is why most of his children turned out the way they are. A man can be good to the society and be a bad father. Being a bad father does not necessarily mean being cruel to children. He had no time for those children he gave birth to in his early years because he was too busy with the affairs of the state.

nikkykay:
I just believe marriage will can only work if u r willing to make it work. Counselor or no counselor
You can force a horse to d stream but u cant force it to drink.
Some will even go to pastors for counseling and the next thing is pastor asking you out

bukatyne:

@bolded: Aka women

bukatyne:

There is nobody that is perfect. Chasing perfection is a type of bondage.

There is a joy that comes from knowing you have done all you could do. Parents who train their kids well are justified even if they do not turn out well.

babyosisi: Nigerian men no dey do counseling abeg
They are too macho and too big headed to be told what to do and how to do it
The only counsellor they will go to is one that will talk sense sense to his wife

biolabee:

haba... so for all the post na that one u see...
the greatest king in all of israel na him u reduce to womaniser....?!

biolabee:

haba... so for all the post na that one u see...
the greatest king in all of israel na him u reduce to womaniser....?!

Fhemmmy:

That is not true, i am a Nigerian man and i will gladly attend one with my wife, as long as i know will make our marriage last and work . . . But when i get to your office as a counselor, i will ask you - Are you married and for how long, once u are married and longer than 6 months, i will sit and listen to you as a counselor but if less than 6 months, i will sit and listen to you as a friend and "Maybe" you could have something to tell me that is not just from the book.

Fhemmmy:

That is not true, i am a Nigerian man and i will gladly attend one with my wife, as long as i know will make our marriage last and work . . . But when i get to your office as a counselor, i will ask you - Are you married and for how long, once u are married and longer than 6 months, i will sit and listen to you as a counselor but if less than 6 months, i will sit and listen to you as a friend and "Maybe" you could have something to tell me that is not just from the book.

babyosisi:
NIgerian men will opt for counseling with the same enthusiasm as choosing vasectomy for a birth control method

biolabee:

So why does it seem u blame the parents who did not raise their kids to stay off dating or dont treat their wives well...

bukatyne:

Because they did not do their job.

God said He will bless the work of our hands, faith without work is dead etc.

Imagine a farmer that refuses to plant corn in the soil crying and praying that 'God let my corn grow etc.'

That Farmer is the parents;
The soil is the child/his mind;
The corn is the teachings and training;
The God is God.

God did not give children to parents as a status symbol; He gave children to parents for training and helping them achieve what God created them to achieve. Just how God cannot rain Naira notes from the sky, He cannot teach babies Himself though He takes over in extreme cases.

nikkykay:
Madam u r just blaming parents as if it is only parents that have impact on d lives of dir children
Do u want to compare d society of the 70s - 90s to d kinda society we have now
Then children had ds kinda fear dat mum or dad is coming, let me run inside so dat dey dnt catch me playing outside with sand or something.
Do we have those kinda kids na.
Fine parents share part of d blame but u dont heap everything on them.

bukatyne:

Nike,

The duty of parents are to make sure that their children fulfill their God given purpose in life. God still punished Eli for his married children's sins even though He still punished the children. God did not say that they are married or grown and should know what is right. A place in the Bible even instruct us to teach our 'grandchildren'

Once parents train their kids very well, they are absolved of all blame even if the kids refuse to accept the training.

My point is that parents, do your part so that when it is time to account for your children, you can say 'I did what God asked me to do. I taught him/her your word, ways etc. but he/she did not take heed. I taught them by example and the bad behaviors he/she has, he/she did not get it from me...'

Let us train our kids in such a way that we will be bold before God to say 'indeed, I tried.'

Fhemmmy:

The duty of a parent is to guide the kids to the right path by instructing and discipline when needs be, but the parent will not follow the kids around to check what they are doing . . . Same Bible instruct the kids to listen and be obedient and how many kids are obedient now?
Parents have a lot to do, but the kids too needs to be willing to learn, parents only shows you the road and you have to be the one to toll that road.

bukatyne:

Maybe fulfill is the wrong word and I will modify it but the rest of that post says the same with yours...

damiso: Counselling When most Nigerians think depression is not disease.Its a mood.I told someone that I had mild post natal depression after I had my daughter and she was like am spoilt.

Most africans feel odd spilling their issues to total strangers.

Fhemmmy:

The difference is that, we cant blame parents for ALL what kids are doing, some parents have done their parts and up to the kids to listen and take to the teaching of the parents . . . in most cases of what we have these days, the kids are to be blamed, the parents send a kid to school to read and be someone in life and he got there to be a gang member, is that the fault of the father or momsie?

bukatyne:

Nike,

The duty of parents is to strictly guide their children to fulfill their God given purpose in life. God still punished Eli for his married children's sins even though He still punished the children. God did not say that they are married or grown and should know what is right. A place in the Bible even instruct us to teach our 'grandchildren'

Once parents train their kids very well, they are absolved of all blame even if the kids refuse to accept the training.

My point is that parents, do your part so that when it is time to account for your children, you can say 'I did what God asked me to do. I taught him/her your word, ways etc. but he/she did not take heed. I taught them by example and the bad behaviors he/she has, he/she did not get it from me...'

Let us train our kids in such a way that we will be bold before God to say 'indeed, I tried.'

bukatyne:

[quote author=Fhemmmy]

The duty of a parent is to guide the kids to the right path by instructing and discipline when needs be, but the parent will not follow the kids around to check what they are doing . . . Same Bible instruct the kids to listen and be obedient and how many kids are obedient now?
Parents have a lot to do, but the kids too needs to be willing to learn, parents only shows you the road and you have to be the one to toll that road.

nikkykay:

bukatyne:

Sending the child to school is not a training...

What values did they instill in that child before sending him to school?

What attracted the child to the gang or vice versa?

Are they involved in the school life of the child?

bukatyne:

You have gotten it.

The children can only practice what the parents have taught them, BUT they must practice it. I am not exonerating the children from their duty of retaining and practicing what their parents have taught them

Fhemmmy:

So a child that is born and the parents are dead and yet that child is of great value . . . Who taught that child? and if one did not do well, do we blame the dead parents?

bukatyne:

All my posts pieced together will explain all I have been saying...

Somebody trained that child and that person is the child's parent.

Can a child turn out well without training?

Train up a child in the way he/she go...

By training, I don't mean educational alone. I am talking of spiritual, physical, mental, psychological, financial, all round training.

Fhemmmy:

There is something called [b]self training . . . And it does work - After some certain age, a parents is only there to tell and guide but you as a child will toll the road[/b]