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Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:05pm On Jun 27, 2013
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:07pm On Jun 27, 2013
This OP's scenario is not surrogacy. The closest this situation would be to any legal terminology is to a 'private/independent adoption' but it is not surrogacy. CC was just stating facts not being emotional.

I am not against surrogacy. Matter of fact I have briefly considered it to avoid personally going through another pregnancy.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:07pm On Jun 27, 2013
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:08pm On Jun 27, 2013
Commercial Surrogacy ummmm, I'll check that out.

BTW pls get back on track, hopefully OP will return, which I doubt because this lady I perceived here needs Money so bad for the baby... I could be wrong tho.


Too much doubts lately.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:09pm On Jun 27, 2013
chaircover:

test driving or advanced formula one driver tongue grin

The latter +++ grin
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:10pm On Jun 27, 2013
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:11pm On Jun 27, 2013
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:11pm On Jun 27, 2013
ileobatojo: This OP's scenario is not surrogacy. The closest this situation would be to any legal terminology is to a 'private/independent adoption' but it is not surrogacy. CC was just stating facts not being emotional.

[b]I am not against surrogacy. Matter of fact I have briefly considered it to avoid personally going through another pregnancy.

You are right there frenemy wink

On a lighter note...Surrogacy is not only for infertile couple
.... Anytime I change my mind bout having that Boy , could be via a surrogate ....I've worked very hard to keep this tummy & butt flat , no no to flapping schizos cool
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:12pm On Jun 27, 2013
chaircover: why does cooger follow ileoba into threads . . . .could it be that these two are married cool grin



shocked shocked shocked shocked

Driving a stake through my eye would be more tolerable!! grin
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:14pm On Jun 27, 2013
I hope they don't start their arguments, on hell, I foresee 11 pages in 5 minutes.

@ile

Since you are trying to get coogar off your back, let him be your surrogate. I swear coogar's gender confuses me tongue cheesy
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:14pm On Jun 27, 2013
jidegirl12:

You are right there frenemy wink

On a lighter note...Surrogacy is not only for infertile couple
.... Anytime I change my mind bout having that Boy , could be via a surrogate ....I've worked very hard to keep this tummy & butt flat , no no to flapping schizos cool


Lol! My reasons are a tad different but this definitely works too!
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:16pm On Jun 27, 2013
Actually I take that back, its not for the infertile only, I am only exposed to them infertile ones not Hollywood ones cheesy
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:16pm On Jun 27, 2013
jennykadry: I hope they don't start their arguments, on hell, I foresee 11 pages in 5 minutes.

@ile

Since you are trying to get coogar off your back, let him be your surrogate. I swear coogar's gender confuses me tongue cheesy

Rotfl! Ngbo, sister Coogar, can I borrow your uterus for 9 months?
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:21pm On Jun 27, 2013
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:26pm On Jun 27, 2013
@cc , No it wouldn't as long the Lady is NOT involved. smiley The baby is mine.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by baby124: 8:28pm On Jun 27, 2013
Some women are simply not going to be able to have children. So they would rather give their spouse the opportunity. As long as the surrogate goes away, i dont think there will be an issue. If you love your spouse, you will love his kids like yours. cheesy
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:28pm On Jun 27, 2013
ileobatojo:

Rotfl! Ngbo, sister Coogar, can I borrow your uterus for 9 months?

Sister coogar is checking her fertility status at the doctor's tongue
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by EfemenaXY: 8:29pm On Jun 27, 2013
chaircover:

efe what is happening in those baby factories is different from what you and I know as surrogacy

Many of these girls are there against their wish, many are kidnapped, many have found themselves pregnant and run away from home, . . .basically they are not having these babies by choice

How to legalize this is beyond me. simply because the foundation is wrong and many of these girls will continue to be exploited one way or the other.

what they should do is to make adoption more open and easier. I dont think that anyone in their right mind especially in a culture that we come from will willingly allow herself to get pregnant just for expenses in Nigeria . . and that is what surrogacy is about i.e a woman getting pregnant and delivering a baby for another couple just for expenses

Ah! Is this what you guys meant by baby factories?? shocked shocked

Yes, I've read stories like those. Infact I remember reading about one somewhere in Port Harcourt but it was a lot more complicated!

Basically, this involved a married woman seeking a child and having been without one for such a long time, had reached the point of desperation where she would just about believe anything. Now such women fell pray to certain 'pastors' who told them that in order to get pregnant, they'll have to practically move into the church for series of fasting, prayers, etc. As some point, they would be given a concoction to drink. This concoction would then induce some sort of 'swelling' in her (womb?).

The pastors would then warn these women not to go for ultra-sound scans because being a 'spiritually-induced' child, it won't be seen by the 'naked' eyes of ordinary men or picked up by the scanners.

When the woman's 'due' date is at hand, she would be advised to leave home for some weeks so they could round off the final prayer sessions. During this time, she would be given something to drink / drugged so she falls asleep and when she awakens, would find a newborn baby in her arms.

Now obviously, this 'newborn' baby is the product of an unfortunate teenage girl held against her will in a child factory. I even read that many of these girls, having had their child would still be cajoled into having the second, third, fourth one, fathered by some of the men in the ring / setting....

Ah, if this is what you guys meant all along, then what can I say except lipsrsealed lipsrsealed lipsrsealed

Debrief, I'm not trying to put you on the spot, nothing like that and pls don't be offended by what I'm about to ask. This scenario I've painted, is this what you were referring to when you mention making surrogacy legitimate?? undecided
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:32pm On Jun 27, 2013
chaircover: Can I ask you ladies, would it bother you so much if the baby didn't have your genes but it def must have your husbands genes.

I know im not putting this across right, (grammer has deserted me) but are you getting what im trying to say?.

For example if I went for surrogacy, it would have to be with my husbands spermmm but It wont be a matter of life or death to me if it wasnt my eggs that were fertilized.

Just interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter.

No it wouldn't really bother me as long as I'm comfortable with the woman's genetic history, I would be fine with that.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:38pm On Jun 27, 2013
jennykadry:

Sister coogar is checking her fertility status at the doctor's tongue


As long as 'she's' not 'test driving', I'm cool. grin Because any successful test driving session could render the uterus indisposed o!
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 8:47pm On Jun 27, 2013
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by EfemenaXY: 9:03pm On Jun 27, 2013
@CC, yep I remember that story. Very well too.

I forgot to mention that the sums involved in those baby factories are vast. Nothing less than N500K, even more expensive for male kids, AND much, much higher for twins and multiple births.

Those 'pastors' and 'clinics' that work hand-in-hand promoting such sham should be rightly shut down as Debrief mentioned... but I also think those pastors should be strung up by the balls and shot for prying on people's vulnerabilities.

It's so annoying. I know of a well educated nurse. Nurse o! who actually having suggested surrogacy to her young niece (that had just entered med school) but had her offer declined, then went to seek 'divine intervention' from those 'pastors' and child factories. I don't even know the full story behind her sojourns but eventually she did get what she wanted.

Anyway, to answer this question of yours:

chaircover: Can I ask you ladies, w[b]ould it bother you so much if the baby didn't have your genes but it def must have your husbands genes.[/b]

I know im not putting this across right, (grammer has deserted me) but are you getting what im trying to say?.

For example if I went for surrogacy, it would have to be with my husbands spermmm but It wont be a matter of life or death to me if it wasnt my eggs that were fertilized.

Just interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter.


Abeg, I nor fit. It would bother me no end. Don't think I can do it.

Am I selfish? Yes, perhaps. But then again, if the tables were turned, would he allow his wife to bring in another man's child into their matrimonial home, for him to feed, clothe and shelter? (Na Naija men I dey refer to here) No. I don't think so.

It's either we adopt or we go our separate ways. Then maybe, I can adopt one of my own...
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by damiso(f): 9:34pm On Jun 27, 2013
chaircover: Can I ask you ladies, would it bother you so much if the baby didn't have your genes but it def must have your husbands genes.

I know im not putting this across right, (grammer has deserted me) but are you getting what im trying to say?.

For example if I went for surrogacy, it would have to be with my husbands spermmm but It wont be a matter of life or death to me if it wasnt my eggs that were fertilized.

Just interested in hearing your thoughts on the matter.
[quote author=chaircover]

I would not necessarily be bothered about the genetical make up not comprising of mine which will lead me to my preferred option of adoption.Its not like am bothered about the child not being mine or anything but why cant we just adpot one of the kids out there who need a stable loving home rather going out to make another one.I know there are legal ways to go about surrogacy but I just believe a legal adoption is a far less personal and controversial way to go about it.

I dont want any more kids but thankfully me and my husband are both pro adoption so maybe in the future.He, from our courtship days(dont let me be presumptous here but just thank God for Grace cos he might have been singing another tune if we were still TTC) has always been of the opinion that if we had issues having kids, he had no qualms about adopting.When courting I used to cuss him out and get angry that he was jinxing us and God forbid me I will not have trouble conceiving embarassed.I used to throw bible verses at him but he would just be like I am just a typical naija gal cheesy before nko. I have told him to stop trying to advise typical naija TTC to adopt.A close friend told him, what if the child had a prostitute mother and armed robber father, so no thank you they will still keep trying IVF. lipsrsealed
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by TV01(m): 9:36pm On Jun 27, 2013
Surrogacy is an ethical and administrative minefield.

The short response here - to put it politely - is that Nigeria is simply not ready for it. For the simple reason that it needs to be highly regulated. Any country would do well to tread very cautiously here and take a leaf out of the UK's playbook.

Sure, surrogacy can work and successfully, but there are very real dangers of commoditising babies and exploiting women. In it's worst form, it's not far removed from the baby factory phenom. And invariably it's worst form is in "3rd world countries". It works best where money is not a motivating factor.

In Naija it would be fraught simply due to the inability to regulate as mentioned. Money is typically the driver for 3rd world surrogates and money and corruption are Siamese - no pun or offense intended - twins in Nigeria. And we have the added problem of ritualists to consider. By the time ""egg harvesting" comes along...I shudder to think.

With the advent of Gay marriage the picture worsens - for those who have concerns about this - as rich middle class westerners will also be on the prowl.

I have nothing against social crusades that are based on sound moral and ethical considerations. Feminism 101 has given us many who jump on Western ideology - and some of the more extreme ones - without thought to our cultural circumstances and morés. We should be both judicious and cautious in adopting ideology or technology

CC, you have been temperate here and were absolutely right to voice concerns.

For the record I'm a feminist cheesy.

TV
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by bis7(f): 10:01pm On Jun 27, 2013
sexymoma: While you guys are here raining abuses on her, someone is there thinking of paying her 700k.
ehn madam, let me remind you that the baby didn't write you an application o
think about this, see how successful Fashola is, one lady should now come out and says she gave birth to him but sold him to the woman who took care of him, do you think people would blame the woman or you think people would advise you to claim your son by force....
why are you thinking of the present position, have you thought the blessing after giving birth, the joy of motherhood dont you think your baby might bring you fortune? you want to collect 700k as if you gonna spend the money till eternity.
i wish to continue but i think am done.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by bis7(f): 10:02pm On Jun 27, 2013
Thanks Sexymoma & Efemana xy .. i will make the right decision soon.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by cigaricon(m): 10:42pm On Jun 27, 2013
Chai what a pity. See what people are planning with innocent baby's life. when the child grow up now and finds out the truth about its birth, you think he will smile at you and start singing kumbayaya? You tell me how you would feel if it were to be you?

Other people want children and dont have doesnt mean you should go about selling yours. Its human life we are talking about here

sorry to say but WOMEN: to precious but too stupid creatures

ya bring it on with the curses.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by dasparrow: 11:00pm On Jun 27, 2013
cigar icon: Chai what a pity. See what people are planning with innocent baby's life. when the child grow up now and finds out the truth about its birth, you think he will smile at you and start singing kumbayaya? You tell me how you would feel if it were to be you?

Other people want children and dont have doesnt mean you should go about selling yours. Its human life we are talking about here

sorry to say but WOMEN: to precious but too stupid creatures

ya bring it on with the curses.

@Bolded

I guess your mother and grand mothers are all stupid creatures too. I guess any woman who raises a male child who grows up to become a chauvinist can be considered a stupid creature so I guess your mother is a stupid creature.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 1:23am On Jun 28, 2013
bis7: i m thinking of the old way of giving birth and gave it up for couples or single looking for there own children but not free.. if they are able to sponsor me till i gave birth and they have the baby plus 700k given after that i am willingly to leave it but if i cant get anyone between a week from now i will get rid of it so it wont affect my life now and also i dont have enough to take care of myself talkless of a child now. lopeobama@yahoo.com

You know what I think? I think you're planing on stealing someone's baby. But if you're truly pregnant, seriously you wanna sell your own baby?

I heard people that are not ready for for kids uses condoms or morning afterpill. Unless you're young and curious.
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by Nobody: 1:30am On Jun 28, 2013
dasparrow:

@Bolded

I guess your mother and grand mothers are all stupid creatures too. I guess any woman who raises a male child who grows up to become a chauvinist can be considered a stupid creature so I guess your mother is a stupid creature.

He said ALL women, course his mom and ALL his entire lineage included too undecided

*Crapface*
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by ow11(m): 11:25am On Jun 28, 2013
chaircover: Efe actually it is her constant referring to the baby that she has already carried in her womb for 3 months as "it" that got to me.

Her post was very cold and I felt it. If she genuinely wanted help, then she would have asked for help, not threatening to abort the baby and hold people to ransom. Whose loss is it if she aborts her baby? Nairalanders or hers?

She wont be the first nairalander to get pregnant and need help. There is one about to give birth or has already just given birth and debrief and others rallied round and supported her. There was another young girl and the baby is almost 2 years old now and the baby is with her and doing well.

Yes it is a big problem being pregnant and not having money and support but is the next step to threaten people who had nothing to do with the conception?

I have always wondered why Nigerians get offended when you use the pronoun 'it' to refer to a baby or a child of unknown gender. That is proper use as the baby is genderless (neuter) and until the sex is known before the rules change an thus can be referred to as he or she.

Although language like most things can change depending on common rules in a particular environment*, it is unfair to brand her as cold if she refers to her baby as 'it'.

Regarding the post, bis7 should abort the baby before it is too late. Better to die before birth than to be born and neglected. No one should offer her any money

* Nigeria: I am coming! meaning I am going away and would return shortly. . In UK English this would be said like this: I would be back in a moment! whilst 'I am coming' actually means I am moving towards you currently in UK English
Re: Pls Help, I Am 3 Months Plus Pregnant And Not Ready by baby124: 11:44am On Jun 28, 2013
REALITY101:

You know what I think? I think you're planing on stealing someone's baby. But if you're truly pregnant, seriously you wanna sell your own baby?

I heard people that are not ready for for kids uses condoms or morning afterpill. Unless you're young and curious.

Morning after pill is not chewing gum. It should not replace birth control. It is to be used for emergency situations like a condom bursting once in a while. Just wanted to put that information out there. If used too frequently, it may have bad effects on the user. Too strong to be used frequently.

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