Why is it he cant marry me because im American.
Are things still going on like this in Nigeria.
I hope this helps he's in his late 30's and he's yoruba.
I dont want him to disrespect his family.
But i feel he should be able to marry whom ever he loves.
Can someone please give me some insight on how this works in Nigeria.

Of course it still goes on.

I don't know what to tell you and it is all up to him.

Is it really up to him.
He asked me if there was anything else i can think of but at the moment im lost.
I never had to deal with something like this before.
He still claims he loves me and wants the relationship, we just cant marry.

Visit Nigeria first for atleast a month then we can talk about this topic!

@prince_onx : Well im planning on it.
When we first started dating 5 years ago we talked about this.
He claimed he could marry whom ever he wanted to.
He kept to his word intill he visted home in November of last year.

Well the truth is that we have a very very strong/stupid/good/bad/ugly culture that is killing us including those of us here in US, UK, Europe, name it! For some/no reason it feels like you have to marry from your culture or your country atleast. Don't get me wrong, its possible to marry from anywhere but the truth is its tough for Africans especially Nigerians! if I break that more I'llsay the Igbos! but yours is a Yoruba guy (might not make a diff).
Marriage sometimes in America seem like a union between only husband and wife but its completely diff in Africa.
My mum asked me one time that (I reject in Jesus name) what if something happen to you? that means she'll be gone into tin air with my grandkids? then she start naming those it happen to! such and such uncle his American wife left with his two kids 3days after his burial since 85 and that was it, such and such school mate never step foot into Nigeria again after marrying an American, and such and such church member! forgetting that even an African girl can disappear like that too!
lets not go into this seriously I'm sure there are hundreds of threads/topic on marriages like this here!
haven't you read threads here on how cultural diffs cause couple/relationships to break up? and remember these are people from the same Country, might even be the same State or the same city!
to cut stories short, I'm sure there are people in his family that don't even want to hear your name atall not because they hate you but they just preffer him to marry within his culture!

I didnt know it was so hard to love someone and be told you cant marry them.

Ive heard of many situations like this. Personally I feel that if a Nigerian man really want to marry you, HE WILL. regardless of what his family says, 

Plus its not just an American thing, sometimes it happens cross culturally, like xtians can't marry muslems,  or hausa can't marry yoruba and all that Jazz,

C'mon Judy,

Dump him! simple, truth is he is using the PARENT CARD TO STRING YOU ALONG! God how can i advise women this days,

Its simple, if he doesnt want to marry you cuz u are not Nigerian by all means leave him and Move on. When some guys

are tired of a woman they come up with all the excuses in the book. If he knew he couldnt marry you then why did he stay with you? Wake up and Smell the morning coffee!!! even in Nigeria when some guys want to run away they play the TRIBAL CARD of saying my family doesnt like your tribe.


Have you read the book titled "he's not that into you"? go get it and read it and that should do you some magic

I don't think you being American is the real reason he doesn't wanna wife you. I think he met someone else when he visited home and now he's trying to dump you.

Please dump him.

judy, i would suggest visiting nigeria first. i hate to co-sign what the others have said but if nothing changes after uve visited nigeria then by all means dump.

oh yeah, i would strongly suggest buying an open ticket to nigeria so that u can come back anytime of ur choice. do not make the mistake of buying a months ticket.

OMO IBO:

judy, i would suggest visiting nigeria first. i hate to co-sign what the others have said but if nothing changes after uve visited nigeria then by all means dump.

oh yeah, i would strongly suggest buying an open ticket to nigeria so that u can come back anytime of your choice. do not make the mistake of buying a months ticket.

i second that. A way to an african man's heart is sometimes thru his family. Buy a ticket to nigeria and see if he is the man for u or not

Why would a woman stress about trying to get into a mans heart. if he loves her he loves her , its really not rocket science!

its all this special unnecessary attention that women give men that causes some guys to treat them like Rag Dolls.

its a simple thing, if a man digs you nothing can make him leave you. we all need to wise up when it comes to the man and woman thing. men can act up alot when they want to dump a woman. its rare to see a "Real Man" that would be truthful and tell the lady that he cant handle being with her.

Judy's case is simple, but as usual we women would believe anything.

NubianQ:


Why would a woman stress about trying to get into a mans heart. if he loves her he loves her , its really not rocket science!

its all this special unnecessary attention that women give men that causes some guys to treat them like Rag Dolls.

its a simple thing, if a man digs you nothing can make him leave you. we all need to wise up when it comes to the man and woman thing. men can act up alot when they want to dump a woman. its rare to see a "Real Man" that would be truthful and tell the lady that he can't handle being with her.

Judy's case is simple, but as usual we women would believe anything.

I definitely agee with this.

merge, u seem to have problems with men at a tender age. shouldnt u be worried about ur medical school or college?

He is lying to you dump him!

Yorubas are not that strict in who they can marry and being a male he can more or less pick who he wants to marry even if he family dont like it.

I know our Igbo brothers and sisters are a bit more strict in who and what they marry but still if they choose to be strong headed they too will marry whoever they chose.

So please quite wasting your time get rid of the guy!

Call a spade a spade, several things are against Judy here:
- she's white (many Nigerian families arent comfortable with this)
- She's American (same reason as above)
- She's FAT (That is probably the biggest problem he is not telling you, if he's met a nice little Nigerian girl then its over for you).

You and your big mouth 4HIM

Some of you guys are chubby chasers so don't start.

Plus they have been together 5 years!

LadyT, we love chubby women when it comes to casual sex.

When it comes to serious issues like marriage no one wants to enter a life commitment knowing issues like diabetes, cardiac problems and obesity are just round the corner.

5yrs, 10 . . . dont mean a thing! When a man is ready to get married he will marry that woman he loves AND believes is the most rational choice for him.

LMAO you bastard!

4 Him:

Call a spade a spade, several things are against Judy here:
- she's white (many Nigerian families arent comfortable with this)
- She's American (same reason as above)
- She's FAT (That is probably the biggest problem he is not telling you, if he's met a nice little Nigerian girl then its over for you).

Swthrt, I don't want to jeopardise our new found love but what do u have against fat people, they do get married too u know?


@ post

Honey, why are u killing yourself over a man that doesnt want you anymore? Sorry if I sound harsh but start thinkin of the possibility that he never wanted to marry you in the first place and is placing d blame on his family and culture. marriage is an individual thing and its ultimately his decision. You also might want to think about the possibility that he met someone new, whatever the reasons get over it and move on

Even if it was a tradition in Nigeria, what can or will you do about it?
The guy has said he can't marry you, for me thats enough of a reason to get the hell out of there. . . .  who cares what his reasons are.
Visiting Nigeria wont make a difference, if the guy doesnt want you why r u forcing the issue, move on!

Call a spade a spade, several things are against Judy here:
- she's white (many Nigerian families arent comfortable with this)
- She's American (same reason as above)
- She's FAT (That is probably the biggest problem he is not telling you, if he's met a nice little Nigerian girl then its over for you).




LOL.

HR.hotness:

Swthrt, I don't want to jeopardise our new found love but what do u have against fat people, they do get married too u know?

I have nothing against fat people, they need love too. But lets be realistic here, while a woman is all about love and emotion a man prefers to think with his head when it gets to crucial issues such as a life time commitment.
No matter how much i love a woman i wont marry one with major health issues. An obese person is a ticking time bomb, spending all your savings on medical bills isnt my idea of what a marriage is all about especially when the fellow is in his late 30s.

are men as thoughtful as this ?

Do they R E A L L Y think about all these issues u've raised before marrying a woman ?

to start with,
how did u meet this guy
have u seen him (i dont mean his pix)
how much does he give u (cash wise/gift items)and finally,
HOW MUCH have u give him?

be sincere 2 urself in answering these questions and afterwards ponder if u've not fallen into the trap of a Gboy; if u know what i mean (yahoo yahoo). i really sympathise with you  

and I wish U luck all dsame.

LadyT:

He is lying to you dump him!

Yorubas are not that strict in who they can marry and being a male he can more or less pick who he wants to marry even if he family don't like it.

I know our Igbo brothers and sisters are a bit more strict in who and what they marry but still if they choose to be strong headed they too will marry whoever they chose.

So please quite wasting your time get rid of the guy!

speak for urself my dear.

viogirl:

to start with,
how did u meet this guy
have u seen him (i don't mean his pix)
how much does he give u (cash wise/gift items)and finally,
HOW MUCH have u give him?

be sincere 2 yourself in answering these questions and afterwards ponder if u've not fallen into the trap of a Gboy; if u know what i mean (yahoo yahoo). i really sympathise with you

and I wish You luck all dsame.

Questions from someone who didnt read the thread at all before responding.

madamkoko:

are men as thoughtful as this ?

Do they R E A L L Y think about all these issues u've raised before marrying a woman ?

My dear, marriage is an investment . . . no one wants to put his money into a distressed bank.

viogirl:

to start with,
how did u meet this guy
have u seen him (i don't mean his pix)
how much does he give u (cash wise/gift items)and finally,
HOW MUCH have u give him?

be sincere 2 yourself in answering these questions and afterwards ponder if u've not fallen into the trap of a Gboy; if u know what i mean (yahoo yahoo). i really sympathise with you

and I wish You luck all dsame.

GARBAGE!

In fact. . .I dont even know what to say. . .
From Nigerians. . . .To Yorubas. . .to Igbos. . . .To Yahoo Bwoi. . . To Fat people. . . .Wetin i no go hear. . . .

Who gave you access to the computer?

viogirl:

to start with,
how did u meet this guy
have u seen him (i don't mean his pix)
how much does he give u (cash wise/gift items)and finally,
HOW MUCH have u give him?

be sincere 2 yourself in answering these questions and afterwards ponder if u've not fallen into the trap of a Gboy; if u know what i mean (yahoo yahoo). i really sympathise with you

and I wish You luck all dsame.

OMO IBO:

GARBAGE!

Omo Ibo Free the Girl abeg
you dey stalk the chick online
she post you quote her post
you see the lady for dream?