You better run for your life, its better you leave him alive and unhurt my dear. Its a hard and wise decision....

"I have been feeling intense headache for more than 6 hours..."[/b][/b]

eagle,eye:

I no too know book. But your husband must be a machine to have slapped you for six hours and you Ma, you are indeed a super woman, and this story may just be a super story.
....:.......:....:............:....
[b]there and then he started landing slaps on me,my head,ear,face etc for more than 6 hrs

@portharcourtboy,peace, be calm. If truly you're the husband, I really need you to read this. Thanks brother. I just posted a small advice for my sis, your wife to read. I really do need your attention.
As a married man, I feel your frustrations. But first and foremost, your wife is someone's daughter and sibling, but she's all of those to you alone, coupled with the Chief title of a wife. I can guarantee you, you'd kill if you heard someone assaulted her in your absence, even though you are not happy with her short comings. your first duty is to defend and protect her with every inch of your life. Now don't get me wrong bro. I'm not playing the blame game, but laying a foundation for my advice. You've dated for 8yrs,but truly, you can't really know her, but can only try to understand her. On her short comings;did you ever PATIENTLY, try to let her know her deficiencies were working against you? In this 21st century, it very appalling how simple skills, like cooking, has become a colossal task for our ladies. She's your burden in that respect, and a Lil TOLERANCE and PATIENCE can help relief you of such, if you can't TEACH her, find someone who can. There's no shame in it. You don't have to be like "I'm not her mum". Let her know your favorite meals and have her prepare it. If it turns out a disaster, have her try AGAIN, till SHE GETS IT RIGHT! (you go marry, you nono say wahala dey)
Nearly all of our wives are GUILTY of intrusion. They go through our pockets, wallets, and ultimately, our PHONES. Atimes I wish my wife was an illiterate, and my phone left alone. Till this day, I don't know how she was able to bypass my password then. Be PATIENT. let her know how annoying and frustrating it is in a fatherly manner. I don't promise you she won't do it again cause it's a gradual process. Me and my wife have scaled that hurdle now and are better for it, cause the phone intrusion had been responsible for 70 percent of our fights.
Now most importantly, her lack of sexual prowess. (we seem to have had the same teething problems) my wife was fair in this field,but way out of my league. It took UNDERSTANDING AND AGAIN, PATIENCE.its kinda embarrassing, cause half the neighborhood knows when we're at it, and I tell you she's like overtaken me in that field, cause I kinda awoken the rabbit in her. I even back down at times when the sex challenge is thrown. All these HAPPY ENDING TALK,were achieved with PAINS, PATIENCE, PERSEVERANCE, PRAYERS, TOLERANCE. my guy, I swear, I no say e no easy, in fairness to you. I dey feel you die, but you're MARRIED to her, my guy, MARRIED! what makes you think the next, innocent looking, well brought up, religious, perfect gurl, won't be worse than her? My eyes don see. I suffer no be small, but I thank the Almighty God, say I fit SHAPE my wife to my own TASTE.
Please make it work, for the sake of the innocent child. I'm from a broken home, and I know the way the COOKIE CRUMBLES. Till then, God blessings.
I can be reached on goldalms@gmail.com, or dbliss25@gmail.com, if you need there's any need for us to talk.

WildChild00:

prove it....

I have more profitable things to do with my time

I quite understand how u feel ryt now cos i had similar exprience.If i start sharing my own,it wil tak a whole day.
my candid advice:
havin beaten u once, he is goin to beat u mor in d future.
people dont change,dey only becom clearer pics of whom they really are.
d choice is yours,if u want to stay be sure to endure mor miseries,it even becam mor painful wen ur children watch yl he batters you.
if u ar workin save for ur children's up keep cos tym wil com u wil b d only 1 to tak care of den dat is if u survive subseqent beating(COS IT MUST SURELY COM).MY BATTERY IS DOWN WIL COM BAK TO POST WEN I CHARGE,MINE WAS 5YRS DATING,5YRS OF MARIAGE WIT 4KIDS N HAVE BEEN BEATEN MORE DAN 15X,I KEPT HOPIN DAT HE WIL CHANG BUT PPL DONT CHANGE,,MAY B 1 DAY I WIL SHARE MY EXPRIENCE HERE,FOR D SINGE LADIES,DONT SETTLE WIT A GUY DAT SHOWS SIGNS OF BATTERING A WOMAN OR EVEN HAV D TRAIT,DEY DON CHANGE.DAT IS D OBVIOUS TRUTH

Idowuogbo:
Ur husband dey beat u and pet u she? Eyah... Pele!

Lol...Idowuogbo na u sabi...my husband is not a weak man but has d same view as goldenboy007..i know women bla bla bla.bla.bla.women are a bunch of trouble shooting necessary evil! Disgusting! Smh. Men who hit women are WEAK!!!!!!!

Dear OP,

I would not advocate divorce, separation or even prayers because you walked into the marriage with your eyes opened. Leave the prayer to people who were really surprised in marriage as I don't what your prayer point will be.

That said, your husband has aired his grievances (if this thread/story is true) and it will do you good to look at it and try to make amends. If you knew that food and sex was important to your then fiancé, you should have improved yourself in areas you are lacking. I believe a man must up his game in relationship but that doesn't give a woman the license to contribute nothing to making it work. If you complain that he doesn't make you happy, what do you do to make him happy? Your hubby is human too and you should learn to treat him how you want him to treat you.

As for the food, I know who doesn't know how to cook and still doesn't want her hubby in the kitchen. Perhaps you can enlighten us why. Your hubby is the best bet you have now. You both can turn the cooking lessons into ... You should appropriate he is willing to teach you.

I believe that it takes two to tango in marriage and both parties should make it work. Even if you believe your hubby should join you in chores, you must not be found wanting also. I don't know why a married woman is not willing to experiment sexually with her hubby (if your hubby's allegation is true). You have gotten the license to do that. Variety is the spice of life (sex) If he doesn't experiment with you, who will?


@PortHarcourtBoy,

I am assuming this story is true. You decided to marry her despite her faults and vice versa so you shouldn't be surprised or start complaining she is still exhibiting them. Do you think marriage transforms people overnight? Doctorazz who doesn't know how to cook will not suddenly develop the skills overnight because she has become Mrs. PHCboy.

Stop the beating for God's sake. How would you feel if someone beats you because he knows he can beat you and get away with it? You are the husband and have been called to lead your home by example. Would you like your wife beats you because you did something wrong? Treat your wife how you want her to treat you. Teach her by examples in love the things she doesn't know and vice versa.

AS for the sex, try to improve yourself too and find out if you are satisfying her. I believe you don't need to teach her how to respond to you if she is enjoying it. If she doesn't initiate different environments, you can. In the car, bathroom, under the stairs, your balcony at night (this is always my dream)etc. and see if there will be no difference. Also find out if something happened to her while she was young to make her frigid. It takes two to make it wrong. Do all you very best so that you will be free of blames tomorrow.

It is well with you both.

goodchild24: I quite understand how u feel ryt now cos i had similar exprience.If i start sharing my own,it wil tak a whole day.
my candid advice:
havin beaten u once, he is goin to beat u mor in d future.
people dont change,dey only becom clearer pics of whom they really are.
d choice is yours,if u want to stay be sure to endure mor miseries,it even becam mor painful wen ur children watch yl he batters you.
if u ar workin save for ur children's up keep cos tym wil com u wil b d only 1 to tak care of den dat is if u survive subseqent beating(COS IT MUST SURELY COM).MY BATTERY IS DOWN WIL COM BAK TO POST WEN I CHARGE,MINE WAS 5YRS DATING,5YRS OF MARIAGE WIT 4KIDS N HAVE BEEN BEATEN MORE DAN 15X,I KEPT HOPIN DAT HE WIL CHANG BUT PPL DONT CHANGE,,MAY B 1 DAY I WIL SHARE MY EXPRIENCE HERE,FOR D SINGE LADIES,DONT SETTLE WIT A GUY DAT SHOWS SIGNS OF BATTERING A WOMAN OR EVEN HAV D TRAIT,DEY DON CHANGE.DAT IS D OBVIOUS TRUTH

I earnestly believe in not accepting bullshit but I also believe in not giving bullshit either. I know some men are evil and will misbehave irrespective of what the woman does. I also know that men are humans like we women and feel hurt and pain.

I really don't believe the once beaten mantra especially if the woman provoked it. If a person jacks my shirt once, twice, the third time, it will take extra ordinary patience to not slap that person especially if it was a mild disagreement. We should learn to do unto others as we want others to do unto us.

P.S.: I do not support wife/husband beating/ abuse in any form.

Cheers.

Very pathetic though, but madam, have you done a thorough homework on your own side?
No one is good and no one is bad either ("Man makes man to be wicked"
D person u dated for 8yrs and said "yes i do" after d 8yrs (means u understood him very well only that u were desperate for marriage or u thought u will change him after marriage or trap him down to be a good husband by having children for him.

Now, let's understand u very well. Are u seeking for help cos of his bb conversation with a female friend or cos of d problem with his family of generally because of his sudden change towards u?

When women refuse to be women in relationship, that is exactly some of d results they get. 1st, u started playing d boss by sharing ur pocket money, being of immense good help to him and all that; thereby creating d impression that u're equal 2 d task (Playing the man). Mostly in such situation, everything is being done based on the palatables and not on true love.

D mistake has been made already so my advise is that u pray fervently n seek d advice of his family elders (cos of d dignity of man). Real unfortunate that he has no good relationship with his family. Then your own family if his cannot handle it, then your church if the two families fail. Good luck!

What a pity. It is quite unfortunate that we still have men like this. Well my dear, marriage is for better for worse, "Leaving" time has long passed u shda left him when u both were dating.
You said you found out that he's having issues with his family. Is there something u can do to help in that regard? are u the solace he runs to? or u r jus anoda nagging and suspecting wife?
On the piteous mode, i think u should tell ur closest relation or ur pastor if una de go church...

kreami diva:


Lol...Idowuogbo na u sabi...my husband is not a weak man but has d same view as goldenboy007..i know women bla bla bla.bla.bla.women are a bunch of trouble shooting necessary evil! Disgusting! Smh. Men who hit women are WEAK!!!!!!!

If your husband talks like me then you are a lucky woman because people like us have been able to understand women and know when to wait it out if they enter troubleshooting mode !!!! Believe me both genders have their weaknesses!!! Do we blame a lion for being ferocious? No! it is just their nature...at times it works to their advantage and atimes it works to their disadvantage. I grew up with a mother that is a firebrand !!! you don't dear touch her kids or else you are in for the mother hen !!! and we also grew up very disciplined too because you don't dare mess with her !!!! We chop cane reach secondary school !!!but to her husband she is an obedient Ruth !!!

The greatest mistake you would ever make is to marry a man you can't submit to, apart from the biblical injunction its practically impossible to have two captains in a ship !!!Marriage is not competition of who is better !! Patience is the key !!!!So therefore i would say again - women una get una own for body!!!

Idowuogbo: Fake couple! Fake story!

U jobless excrembres! U na still here dey type Bullshyte? Last year, na verbal abuse, this year na physical abi? Who go post obituary next year? Doctorwerey or POrtharcourtagbero? Watch out for part 3!!!!







Grab ya copy from d nearest Abule awon werey!!!

Madam you might be right or wrong, you should listen to Nigerian radio counseling program to have an idea of what people call in to say about their marriages. Even if this particular story is a sham there are others out there that have similar problems and are part of the audience here, they would benefit from the few constructive advice !!!

www.nairaland.com/957132/fiance-verbally-abusive/3#11036349

Hian!!!

Hiaaaaan!!! Man complain sey woman no dey submissive, no fit cook, clean and nyash,yet he went ahead to marry her because he no wan, quote,"fall
her hand". Woman complain sey the man too dey abusive, yet she stil went ahead to marry him. Also, in that other thread he promised to change his bad mouth and violence after marriage. Foolishness. Lesson learnt, never marry a person with the hope of changing them.

O ga o. Alo yi ya mi lenu

www.nairaland.com/952752/marrying-woman-cant-cook/5#10996915

Phboy and Doctorass, una matter get as e be. Smh

Phboy, you have always had the propensity to be violent so I am not surprised that you are now testing your WWF skills on your wife. Smh.

All these kind of stories make one scared about this marriage of a thing. Mscheeew

PortHarcourtBoy: The more you sand sand and slap slap the babes dem...the more dem love You...

Slap a girl today...

www.nairaland.com/1057997/domestic-violence-relationships/1#12331434

Ishilove: Phboy, you have always had the propensity to be violent so I am not surprised that you are now testing your WWF skills on your wife. Smh.

All these kind of stories make one scared about this marriage of a thing. Mscheeew

Why should you be scared? I don't think you'd go into a marriage with someone who has been verbally abusive over a period of time as well as pushing you, or would you?

People ignore warning signs and then come back to tell sob stories saying they 'didn't know'. I find it difficult to empathise with such people when they knowingly put themselves in danger for no good reason.

PortHarcourtBoy:

Goldenboy007, Okijajuju, Chokolatte, BluStreak, Olushowunm, e-herbal and a few others, God bless you for your wisdom and ur ability to x-ray issues and pass good judgments...

You are 'blessing' them because the support you? It means you are not ready to grow up!

I don't care how incompetent she is as a wife, you knew all that in the 8 years you dated her and yet went ahead to marry her . . . but you have no right to raise your hands against another man's daughter. Your wife is pregnant and yet you beat her up because she 'pushed' you!

You claim she's lying about the financial assistance but something must have made you marry her. It's obviously not love, or her great wifely attributes, so I'm guessing it's money. I'm not judging you for that (to each his won) but it's wrong of you to blame her for all the troubles in your marriage.

You are a man (an older one for that matter) and should comport yourself as such. No matter the provocation, never allow yourself to fall into a situation where you'll regret your actions. If you kill or injure her out of anger, you'll live the rest of your life regretting it.

Ujujoan:

You are 'blessing' them because the support you? It means you are not ready to grow up!

I don't care how incompetent she is as a wife, you knew all that in the 8 years you dated her and yet went ahead to marry her . . . but you have no right to raise your hands against another man's daughter. Your wife is pregnant and yet you beat her up because she 'pushed' you!

You are a man and should carry yourself as such. No matter the provocation, never allow yourself to fall into a situation where you'll regret your actions. If you kill or injure her out of anger, you'll live the rest of your life regretting it.

^^ DIdn't you hear she broke his shoulders and smashed his tablet?

Or is he not another man's son?

They are both violent people - let them keep beating each other up.

debosky:

^^ DIdn't you hear she broke his shoulders and smashed his tablet?

Or is he not another man's son?

They are both violent people - let them keep beating each other up.

I doubt that she had the strength to break his shoulders; It probably happened while they were fighting.

He needs to learn to walk away from such confrontations. Women are volatile by nature, not to talk of a pregnant one. Besides he dated this woman for 8 years, he knew all these about her. What did he think? That he's humble her with lashes of koboko?

I'm not trying to justify her actions . . . just trying to save a life. If he kills her, it will be different story entirely!

Doctorazz: I was severely slapped on the ear/face for reading ur "toasting msg" to a certain girl,that was not in any self defence MR.Thanks everyone,i know i will leave sooner or later,but as advised i will go to court to get a restraining order.

Where will you 'leave' to? With your attitude I doubt any r/ship or marriage you get into will work. You sound very stubborn and proud. You married him knowing he was abusive and now you want to 'leave'

You need to grow up. You are no more a kid . . . Sometimes the only way to conquer is to let the other person lead.

Your husband is obviously very controlling but you must have known that before you married him.

Marriages need work . . don't think you can just lie back and everything will be rosy. Even the best of us have problems in our marriages, but what makes us different is our willingness to work things out.

Don't think running away will fix this, it won't!

debosky:

^^ DIdn't you hear she broke his shoulders and smashed his tablet?

Or is he not another man's son?

They are both violent people - let them keep beating each other up.

Lol

Ujujoan:

I doubt that she had the strength to break his shoulders; It probably happened while they were fighting.

You see - already excusing her behaviour. So it's ok to break his shoulders during a fight eh?

He needs to learn to walk away from such confrontations. Women are volatile by nature, not to talk of a pregnant one. Besides he dated this woman for 8 years, he knew all these about her. What did he think? That he's humble her with lashes of koboko?

Una don come again - who said men aren’t volatile too? Since when has volatility been an excuse for violence? Can I be ‘volatile’ and come give you some hot slaps?

I'm not trying to justify her actions . . . just trying to save a life. If he kills her, it will be different story entirely!

But you’re justifying her actions - if you’re excusing her breaking his shoulders, what else do we call that?

He only gave her a few headache-inducing hot slaps. She on the other hand has broken his bones. He needs a restraining order to protect himself from her before she kills him!

debosky:

You see - already excusing her behaviour. So it's ok to break his shoulders during a fight eh?




Una don come again - who said men aren’t volatile too? Since when has volatility been an excuse for violence? Can I be ‘volatile’ and come give you some hot slaps?



But you’re justifying her actions - if you’re excusing her breaking his shoulders, what else do we call that?

He only gave her a few headache-inducing hot slaps. She on the other hand has broken his bones. He needs a restraining order to protect himself from her before she kills him!

Let me give you marriage tips debo . . .

Men are entitled some things while women to some . . . a man can't have it both ways and a woman can't either.

Just like we expect her to cook the meals the way her husband wants, have sex the way he wants and keep the house the way he likes; we also expect the husband to be big enough to avoid confrontations, learn to manage her volatile and hormone-infested emotions and learn to walk away!

I can't even begin to tell you how many fight Mr. Ujujoan had walked away from . . trust me, I can be very annoying!

So when he walks away from these fights and comes home to demand nkwobi, I don't hesitate to go into the kitchen and work my magic!

My point is that both parties should learn to meet each other half way. What do they achieve from constantly fighting each other!

A brute worth not being in the ambience of a caring woman and bask in her love. Don't wait for him to kill u. If u can't go to ur parents' house, for somewhere else and save ur poor life. When he regain his lost sense, he'd come for u. Don't be quick to embrace if he comes. That would give him the illusion that u can't live without him.

Ujujoan:

You are 'blessing' them because the support you? It means you are not ready to grow up!

I don't care how incompetent she is as a wife, you knew all that in the 8 years you dated her and yet went ahead to marry her . . . but you have no right to raise your hands against another man's daughter. Your wife is pregnant and yet you beat her up because she 'pushed' you!

You claim she's lying about the financial assistance but something must have made you marry her. It's obviously not love, or her great wifely attributes, so I'm guessing it's money. I'm not judging you for that (to each his won) but it's wrong of you to blame her for all the troubles in your marriage.

You are a man (an older one for that matter) and should comport yourself as such. No matter the provocation, never allow yourself to fall into a situation where you'll regret your actions. If you kill or injure her out of anger, you'll live the rest of your life regretting it.

I know but the madam caused it....my dear we all determine the way we are treated in our relationships....and it works in all relationships from employee to boss, teacher to student etc....

you outline what you won't take from your partner from the start of your relationship..and you don't make your demands by voicing them..you set your standards by acting right,respecting yourself and being responsible and see if you wont be respected or valued.

If after all that your guy still misbehaves which i doubt he will then take a walk he is not the man for you...

Relationships are meant to be enjoyed and not endured..life is too short

debosky:

You see - already excusing her behaviour. So it's ok to break his shoulders during a fight eh?




Una don come again - who said men aren’t volatile too? Since when has volatility been an excuse for violence? Can I be ‘volatile’ and come give you some hot slaps?



But you’re justifying her actions - if you’re excusing her breaking his shoulders, what else do we call that?

He only gave her a few headache-inducing hot slaps. She on the other hand has broken his bones. He needs a restraining order to protect himself from her before she kills him!

Lmao!!

God hates divorce, marriage is for better and for worse, learn to endure. Again stop thinking of moving out, a few slap here and there will not kill you, so many single ladies will prefer to be married with six hot slap every morning than to remain single. My final advice, don't divorce and stop complaining.

eastman11: God hates divorce, marriage is for better and for worse, learn to endure. Again stop thinking of moving out, a few slap here and there will not kill you, so many single ladies will prefer to be married with six hot slap every morning than to remain single. My final advice, don't divorce and stop complaining.

I want to sincerely believe you ain't real!

You made me shed tears unnecessarily...

.... You drove urself into this mess, u consciously/unconsciously 'ignored the messages written on the wall during the courtship'
Ref:
'My Fiance Is Verbally Abusive' - as seen on your profile (June 2012) and we ã®ε here today discussing the result -

Its pity.
God Help You.

Marriage is the only institution whereby you are given a certificate when you have not written the exams,,,, I think you have just started writing some of the crucial exams.,, Don't go anywhere,,, it is part of your marital vow.

Do this, get a rope and tie his hands while he's sleeping. And when he woke up tell him to promise he will never beat you again before you will loose it,,,lol.

This is love fight!

@op you got what you you deserved, i feel like beating you myself
@phboy well done, women are like goats, beat her arse the more