Men are not really as bad as we think, sometimes. In fact, they can be quite kind and considerate. A few of them. Unlike when they slump into slumber after making love, some of them occasionally wait around to assess any damage they might have caused. That does not mean women don’t want to break their heads when they break a heart. Unfortunately, for head breakers, heart breakers  are smarter and fitter on their feet and almost always make good their escape after every havoc. Which is criminal.

Now, on checking many crime scenes over the years as a private relationship investigator, I have discovered that too many women let themselves be used and abused. Too many women fall in lust with their eyes wide open and accuse the men of not loving them back and breaking their hearts. Awful logic. When a man falls in lust he does not hide his raging desire. For a man, lust is lust. It is a woman who mistakes a man’s shaking legs when he sees her well-shaped breasts for love. Like I have written more than once, a man’s third led is stationed outside his body for a reason: so it can exercise its independence. That thing in between a man’s legs has a mind of its own and in case you haven’t noticed, it is on an island far from the heart. Measure the distance if doubt my logic.

A man’s staff of office does its business independent of the heart most of the time. It is smarter than the heart and you hardly find it at a crime scene. Only the heart gets caught. Men know this fact of life, women don’t. Men exploit it and  women suffer the consequences. Well, sometimes, the boot gets to be on the other foot when the tables are turned, which is not often enough if you ask me.

A kiss is a kiss and it is, in the minds of men, just that. Nothing to moan or groan over. Nothing to be fussy about. Men know it, women don’t.  So we have more women saying stuff like;

HE WASTED FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE.

I am no believer in long courtship when marriage is the goal. Every smart girl should do the smart thing. Watch the guy closely. Check out his past and see if he gets his kick from breaking hearts. If he does, don’t stick around him for a day longer than necessary. Why should you be another feather in his philandering cap? If he won’t shape in, he should ship out. Loitering around where you are not allowed to park is dangerous. Only you can waste five years of your life. No man can.

WE DATED FOR THREE YEARS ONLY FOR HIM TO MARRY SOMEONE ELSE


Does anybody need three years, 36 whole months, to know when an affair is going nowhere fast? A woman’s instincts are God-given and I am of the opinion that a woman in denial is different from a woman who does not know, if you understand what I mean. Sometimes a woman knows that she is in a relationship that is not going anywhere permanent, just drifting but because she is in denial, she drifts along. Now, how is that the guy’s problem? If you are just one of his retinue of girlfriends, for goodness sake, don’t pretend to be his woman. You are one of many and he is under no obligation to choose you. He alone gets to choose who wears his ring.

I gave him everything; my heart, my body, my money and he married someone else.

What you gave you gave freely. Or did he force anything out of you? I bet he’s a great kisser and a world-rate lover. He made your toes curl in bed, didn’t he? That was why you kept going back for more. He loved your body, still does actually and your money was good as added advantage. Who no like better thing? He was having fun and so were you. Nothing more, nothing expected. You were the one who threw in your heart for added measure.  He married someone else because you only had his body, his heart someone else held. Too bad, but it was nice doing business with you.

After all I did for him? I already introduced him to my mum, my uncles and he still left me?

What did you do for him and what did he ask you to do for him? What was he giving back each time you do something special for him? It is not his fault that you couldn’t read between the lines. As for your introducing him to your mother or whoever, that was absolutely your choice and when he didn’t reciprocate the gesture, you ought to have smelt a rat. A man who won’t introduce you to his family after one year of solid dating is just kissing you.

I am an advocate of a woman going into a relationship with her head screwed on tight and her eyes focussed on the ball. It’s sweet to feel all mushy-mushy. You are allowed to wear the rose-tinted glasses even, but not for so long that you forget the true colours of love and life. You can believe his purple prose and revel in his charm. All’s fun in love but it is absolutely foolish to hang on to a ship that is adrift. It knoweth not where it goeth, so you can’t hang on to it. If a relationship is not heading for the altar and the altar is your goal, cut your losses and cut loose. If he’s in it for just the fun and sweet romance, you can’t force him to commit. Even if you get pregnant, you’ll only end up a miserable single mother.  And he’d move on as a fresh single bachelor, ready to mingle again.

It may be tough right now but look at the big picture, look further down the road and consider what you’ve got to lose in a relationship that is just about the kiss. If he’s not in it for the long haul, mourn your loss and move on.




Source: Funke Egbemode(sunnews paper)
May 5, 2013