An Inspector from the Ministry Of Agriculture came to my grandfather's farm and talked with my old farmer grandpa.

"I'm here to inspect your farm." He said.

My old farmer grandpa said, "You better not go into that field."

The Inspector said in a wise tone, "I have the authority of the Nigerian Government with me. See my I.D card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

So my old farmer grandpa went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Ministry of Agriculture Inspector running to the fence and chasing after him was my old farmer grandpa's cow. The cow was very crazy and the cow was catching up with him.

My old farmer grandpa called out, "Show him your I.D card!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eJkNpNOxeg

An ugly armed robber died. Reaching Heaven, Baba God said to him, "I know you not you worker of iniquty. Depart from me and have your part with the devil in hell.'' Seeing him at the gate of hell, the devil shouted, Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! How man pikin go ugly like this? Please oooooo!! You can't join us here o. Go and fetch fire woods and make your own hell."

Chei!

I was in a pharmacy when two boys walked in, picked out a packet of sanitary pad and proceeded to the counter.

The man at the counter asked the tall one, "How old are you?

"Nine," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?''.

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him."

"He's my little brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bicycle. He can't do anyone.

interesting. follow this trend to see what next https://www.nairaland.com/2683491/detoxify-excess-fat-just-9days

One day, my Dad received an unusually large paycheque from where he works. He decided not to say anything about it.

The following month, his cheque was for less than the normal amount and he confronted his boss.

"How come," The boss inquired, "You didn't say anything when you were overpaid?".

My Dad replied, "One mistake I can overlook, but not two in a row!''.

Age 13, Avoid boys they are
evil.

Age 18, I don't want to ever
see you with that boy.

Age 23, We've not seen your
boyfriend.

Age 26, Where is your boyfriend? Your mates are getting married.

Age 30, We've told you to stop selecting men.

Age 33, There is this
powerful man of God in Lagos he has helped many others.

Age 39, Manage him like
that, we'll take care of the wedding.

Age 42, God if it pleases you*tears*.

Age 45, I need it anyhow, weather Jobless or Poor, just be my husband.

Hmm life! I pray it will not happen to anyone close to us in Jesus name Amen!. Let me hear you scream Amen!!!!.

I know I'm not supposed to be disturbing you guys this very moment knowing fully well the situation of things. Please, don't think that I'm taking our friendship for granted or trying to take undue advantage. I cherish our friendship more than you can imagine, it's just dat I don't know who to ask or where to turn to at this very moment. Sometimes, things become so confusing and extremely difficult that one is forced to inconvenience friends and family and you are one of those I know I can run or turn to in a time like dis. Please don't be offended and don't take it to heart or feel bad if you cannot be of help to me, it happens atimes. Sometimes, you really want to help, but the situation at hand at that moment really makes it impossible to do so. I understand. But will appreciate if you can help me with this. It is very important you tell me. I really need the answer please. I want to cook Jollof, should I use rice?

lolzzzz look at what purge medicine can cause to a full grown man

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVee47jr_rA

A man got on a bus and saw a pretty young reverend sister. He sat down next to her, and pleaded with her, "You are so attractive and I must sleep with you." "No," she replied, "I'm married to God." She stood up and got off at the next bus stop. The man was devastated. The bus conductor, who overheard, turned to the man and said, "I can tell you how you can get to make love to her!" "Really?” said the man. "Yes!" said the bus conductor. "She goes to the cemetery every tuesday night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that glowing powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery claiming to be an Angel." The man promised to give it a try and arrived at the cemetery dressed as suggested the next tuesday night. "I am an Angel," he declared to the reverend sister, keeping the hood low about his face, "God has directed me to make love to you." The reverend sister agreed without question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate not to lose her virginity. The man agreed and promptly had his wicked way with her. This was the best sex he had ever had. After finishing, he jumped up and threw back his hood with a flourish, "Hahahaha!" he laughed happily, "Surprise, surprise, I am the man from the bus!" "Hahahaha!" replied the reverend sister, "Surprise, surprise, I am the bus conductor!".

To Package urself no be crime....
NEW JOB TITLES:

*Gardener: Landscape Executive Officer (LEO)

*House Maid : House Upkeep Manager (HUM)

*Receptionist : Office Access Control Manager(OACM)

*Typist : Printed Document Handler (PDH)

*Messenger : Business Communications Conveyor Specialist (BCCS)

*Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician (TWT)

*Temporary Teacher : Associate Tutor (AT)

*Tea Boy : Refreshment Specialist (RS)

*Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Engineer (PSE)

*Watchman : Theft Prevention & Surveillance Officer (TPSO)

*Thief : Wealth re-Distribution Expert (WrDE)

*Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist (APS)

*Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist (DOS)

*Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager (AM)

*Cook : Gastrointestina l Nourishment Management Executive(GNMO)

*Barber: Dead Scalp Cells Removal Specialist (DSCRS)

Do Not Forget
*Unemployed : Town Surveyor (TS)

*Gossip : Research & Communications Manager (RCM).

*Bad Belle pple: Research, Analysis & Criticism Specialist (RACS)

*Local Drunk: Alcohol Testing & Maintenance Executive (ATME)

*Mechanic: Automotive Fault Tracing & Correction Engineer (AFTCE)

*Tailor: Couture Fabrication Specialist (CFS)

*Yahoo boy: International Wealth re-Distribution Consultant (IWDC)

Have a laughter-filled week!

njuwo:
I was in a pharmacy when two boys walked in, picked out a packet of sanitary pad and proceeded to the counter.

The man at the counter asked the tall one, "How old are you?

"Nine," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?''.

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for him."

"He's my little brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bicycle. He can't do anyone.

I don't understand this one.

Z

mynaijainfo:
To Package urself no be crime....
NEW JOB TITLES:

*Gardener: Landscape Executive Officer (LEO)

*House Maid : House Upkeep Manager (HUM)

*Receptionist : Office Access Control Manager(OACM)

*Typist : Printed Document Handler (PDH)

*Messenger : Business Communications Conveyor Specialist (BCCS)

*Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician (TWT)

*Temporary Teacher : Associate Tutor (AT)

*Tea Boy : Refreshment Specialist (RS)

*Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Engineer (PSE)

*Watchman : Theft Prevention & Surveillance Officer (TPSO)

*Thief : Wealth re-Distribution Expert (WrDE)

*Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist (APS)

*Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist (DOS)

*Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager (AM)

*Cook : Gastrointestina l Nourishment Management Executive(GNMO)

*Barber: Dead Scalp Cells Removal Specialist (DSCRS)

Do Not Forget
*Unemployed : Town Surveyor (TS)

*Gossip : Research & Communications Manager (RCM).

*Bad Belle pple: Research, Analysis & Criticism Specialist (RACS)

*Local Drunk: Alcohol Testing & Maintenance Executive (ATME)

*Mechanic: Automotive Fault Tracing & Correction Engineer (AFTCE)

*Tailor: Couture Fabrication Specialist (CFS)

*Yahoo boy: International Wealth re-Distribution Consultant (IWDC)

Have a laughter-filled week!

Bartender: mixologist! Actually saw that in a movie.

One sunday morning my neighbour got up early from bed, put on his polo, dressed quietly, made his breakfast, slipped quietly into the garage to pick up his hook from his car boot, and proceeded back out into a heavy rainfall.

The rain was so heavy and the wind was blowing 50 mph. He rushed back into the car, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There he cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied, "Can you believe that my stupid husband is out fishing in that terrible weather?".

One fascinating word in English Language is Oxymoron: An Oxymoron is defined as a phrase in which two words of opposite meanings are brought together.

Here are some area scatter oxymorons,

1) Independently dependent.

2) Clearly Misunderstood.

3) Exact Estimate.

4) Small Crowd.

5) Act Naturally.

6) Found Missing.

7) Fully Empty.

Pretty Ugly.

9) Seriously Funny.

10) Only Choice.

11) Original Copies.

12) Open Secret.

13) Tragic Comedy.

14) Foolish Wisdom.

15) Liquid Gas.

16) Stupidly Intelligent.

17) Richly Poor.

18) Naturally Homemade.

19) Impatiently Waiting.

20) Living Dead.

21) Beautifully Ugly.

22) Educated Illiterate.

You can add yours!.

A world summit was scheduled to be attended by just 3 presidents of the world through pool. An almost unending one practically in an unknown world which would last years. The pool drew out the American, Nigerian, and Brazilian presidents.
.
.
.
.
Present day: after so many years, they can now return back to their almost forgotten countries. All three seated inside a luxurious car provided to convey them back, couldn't figure out the geographical location of their countries. It was 9:45am when the Nigerian president checked his time and admire his just acquired blancpain 1735 grande complication watch. Minutes later, the American president sighted the liberty statue and signaled that he has reached his country and so did he leave.
Few hours gone by and the Brazilian president saw the Christ the redeemer statue and also signaled, dropped and left. The Nigerian president checking the update of time, saw it's 2pm. And like most big guns, puts his hand on the street. Few hours gone by and he retracts his hand from the window to check the time only for him to find out his blancpain watch is no longer around his wrist. He signaled to the chauffeur... " driver stop. I don reach my country".

I ran into a mosque carrying a brand new cutlass and asked, "Who is a Muslim here?" The whole mosque went as silent as a grave yard. I asked again, "How can a full mosque have no Muslim?". No one replied. Then I grabbed the nearby young man and went out with him and told him, "Come and help me kill my cow because I don't know how to do it". After the young man had killed the cow, he told me that he didn't know how to skin it and that I should go back to the mosque and get someone else to help me do that. I returned to the mosque with the cutlass dripping with blood. When the Imam saw me in the mosque with blood dripping from my cutlass, he immediately shouted, "My Brothers in Christ, praise thy Lord o!". The whole mosque responded, "Halleluyah!!!!!.

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A friend asked me to wait for her in a restaurant. I ordered for lacasera and pie, all together, worth 200 Naira. While eating and waiting, I noticed a rich man in an agbada, a man went to him and told him he lost his mother and needed money. Immediately, the rich man gave him one millon naira cheque out of pity. Wow! I was shocked. Another man went to him crying that he just lost his father and needed money for the burial, this kind and generous rich man gave him one millon naira cheque too. ''I can't be left out.'' I said to myself and manufactured in my mind, the kind of pitiable lie I will tell to receive my own one million naira. I summoned up courage and went to the rich man, crying, shedding crocodile tears, and told him I just lost my wife and needed money. As I was expecting this rich man to open his briefcase and give me a cheque too, suddenly, I heard a shout, "Cut! Cut! Cut!!! Mr Man, what's wrong with you, why are you interrupting our film?".

I saw a notification on my phone from MTN that said, "Your account is too low and you are having 90
naira remaining, if you need more airtime kindly dial *322*214*Amount# ". Without wasting time, I dialled *322*214*1000# and got credited with 1,000 naira credit and I was happy that MTN is dead in my hand today. I never knew that I was helding for my doom, so, I continued dialling until I got
credited with the sum of 21,000 naira. I was jubilating and wanted to do more when I received two messages that shocked me, one from MTN that said, "You have successfully purchased your airtime through your First Bank account", and the other from First Bank that says, ''The sum of 21,000 naira has been debited from your First Bank account.''

Ogah, age 85, and Ese, age 78, were excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they were passing by a pharmacy when Ogah suggested that they go in.

Ogah addressed the man behind the counter, "Are you the owner?"

The pharmacist answered, "Yes sir!".

Ogah: "We are about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Ogah: "How about medicine for circulation?"

Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Ogah: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"

Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Ogah: "How about Viagra?"

Pharmacist: "Yes."

Ogah: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"

Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety that works."

Ogah: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for back pains?"

Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Ogah: "You sell wheelchairs and walking stick too?"

Pharmacist: "All sizes and shapes."

Ogah then said to the pharmacist, "We will like to direct all our friends, family members and well wishers here for our wedding gifts, please."

Just use beans

One day a little girl became puzzled about her origin.

"How did I get here, Mummy?" she asked.

Her mother replied, using a well-worn phrase, "God sent you here my daughter."

"Did God sent you here too, Mummy?" she continued.

"Yes, sweetheart, he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their mums and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shaked her head in disbelief. "Then you are telling me there has been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so hot tempered!".

Things From Ofego For You To Ponder Upon This Beautiful Morning,

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are deep in water.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

There are no new sins, the old ones just get more publicity.

Think about this, no one ever says, "It's only a game" when his team is winning.

Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

Do you realise that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness but somehow, it is more comfortable to cry in a toyota camry than on top of a deepak bicycle.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.

In the village, I went out for a walk. I got to a river and saw a man on the opposite bank. "Heys!" I shouted, "How can I get to the other side?" The man looked up the river then down the river and shouted back, "You are on the other side."

My uncle's wife was helping him set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.
He was in a rather humourous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in.

"P, E, N, I, S, "

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied, ''**** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****''.

The Doctor told him that masturbating before sex often help men last longer during the the thing.

My uncle decided, ''Ehen, okay, I will try it".

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He could not do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered the company's hallway, but figured that was too unsafe.

Finally, he realised the solution. On his way home, he pulled his car over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the car. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his boxer and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his wife. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his boxer.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?".

He heard, "This is the police. What is going on down there?".

He replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted".

The police replied, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you are down there because your car rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

An old man, Mr Soji, was living the last of his life in a nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Abigail asked if there was anything wrong. "Yes, Nurse," said Mr Soji, "My private part died today, and I am very sad." Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr Soji, please accept my condolences." The following day, Mr Soji was walking down the hallway with his private part hanging out of his pyjamas, when he met Nurse Abigail. "Mr Soji," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hallway like that. Please put your private part back inside your pyjamas." ''But, Nurse," replied Mr Soji, "I told you yesterday that my private part died na." "Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pyjamas?" Nurse Abigail asked. "Well," he replied, "Today is the wake keeping.''

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