Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. Give me your money, he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, You can't do this I'm a politician! In that case, replied the robber, give me my money!

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/what-armed-robber-demanded-from-man.html

Boy to mother: I've decided to stop studying. How
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/why-boy-decided-to-stop-studying.html

As Linda Ikeji released some top Nigerian Musicians age list, it is only Reekado Banks and Olamide's age that

http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/linda-ikeji-releases-some-top-nigerian.html

A Judge looked severely at the defendant and asked, ‘How
http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/see-what-defendant-asked-judge-in-law.html

STOP USING CUSTOMISED NAME ON FACEBOOK!!!! Mark Zuckerberg created facebook as an avenue to re-unite with friends and family especially old friends. When we use names like "Dar Pho Lee","Harbdul harziz","Holuwa rdhamilola",some would even go as far as writing "Etz Yhurmilee","Iam bruce-lee".. I wonder how will an old friend even re-connect with you. Why Can't you just write your name in a normal way? I recently read about how a guy lost a job he would have gotten because of this , he said the HR considered him to be an unserious person.

A friend wrote: Is APC a military regime or civilian? I don't understand.


Upon all what is happening he doesn't understand. He will soon understand when fuel starts selling for 1,000 Naira per litre.

How To Survive The Fuel Scarcity And Lack Of Electricity In Nigeria:
Just go to a Bank that is close to you. Greet everybody, plug extention on socket, plug phone on it, plug power bank, rechargeable light, drink water from dispenser, sit down and enjoy AC, watch Buhari on CNN, withdraw 1,000 Naira. Thank the bank staff and return home. The next day go and join queue to pay back the 1,000 Naira into your account. Thank me after the enjoyment.

A large notice in a shop window in Lagos announced a big sale, with sweeping reductions, starting at 9 a.m. An enormous queue had started to form by 7.30am Just before the shop was due to open, an inconspicuous little man walked to the head of the queue. Angry women elbowed and pushed him until he was right at the back of the line. Undaunted, the little man went to the head of the queue again. Once more, he was shoved unceremoniously to the back, this time with a few smacks on the face and a couple of thumps from umbrellas wielded by angry women. The little man walked to one side of the queue and said, "If that's your attitude, I won't open the shop at all today!"

This dress has a limited quantity and its about to be sold out on www.dressmeoutlet.com. Anyways, i just got mine *dancing*

An helicopter was flying around above Abuja when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said , "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A N HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to ABUJA airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the ASO ROCK Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

A Nigerian Policeman stopped a motorist and asked for his driver's license. The Motorist scuffles around in his purse and can't find it. He said to the Officer, "I must have left it at home, officer." The Policeman said, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in his purse again, and found a pocket mirror. He looked at it and said to the Officer, "All I have is this picture of myself." The Officer said, "Let me see it, then." So the motorist gave the mirror to the Officer, who looked at it, and replied, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."
Give This Officer A Name!

Girl Body Types. Which type is yours ?
http://smstv.org/fotogalerija/fotogalerija/142

Indomie and Pepsi will be using style to insult Nigerians.
First it was indomie hungry Man size. Now Pepsi Long throat bottle. Very soon we will see;
Bobo Overbellefull pikin.
Chin Chin Olojukokoro satchet.
Egg row Awuff size.
Fan Milk Agbero size.
Gala Ole size.
Lacasera Thief bottle.

A guy met one of his school mates several years after school and he could not believe his eyes, his friend was driving one of the latest sleek Mercedes Benz cars. He went home feeling awful and very disappointed in himself. He thought he was a failure. What he didn't know was that his friend was a driver and had been sent to run errands with his boss' car. Chioma nagged her husband always for not being romantic. She accused him for not getting down to open the car door for her as her friend Mary's husband does when he drops her off at work. What Chioma didn't know is that Mary's husband car had a faulty door that could only be opened from the outside. Tobias' wife went to visit one of her long time friends and was very troubled within for seeing the 4 lovely kids of her friend playing around. Her problem was that she had only one child and have been struggling to conceive for the past five years. What she didn't know was that one of those kids who was the biological child of her friend had sickle cell and had just a year to live, the other three were adopted. Moral of this is that: Life does not have a universal measuring tool so create yours and use it. Looking at people and comparing yourself with them will not make you better. If you know the kind of load the chameleon is carrying you wouldn't ask why it takes those gentle strides. Enjoy what you have!

ADVANTAGES OF FUEL SCARCITY IN NIGERIA

1. Most compounds are noiseless because 'I pass my neighbour generators are on sabbatical leave.

2. Wives are happy because husbands who like hanging out are now staying at home with the family because drinks outside are not cold and no fuel to drive out.
3. All the housewives are cooking good food because no more Crunches and Mr Biggs.
4. Kids are reading their books since watching TV needs fuel.

5. No more congestion in network since many peoples phones are off.
6. Browsing and downloading is faster than before cause not much people are online.

7. Everybody sleeps very early now, no more late night movies. Light no dey na.

8. There are MORE PRAYERS and less distractions.
9. Parents are over-joyed because their children that were always online now concentrate on their studies.

10. Even God Himself is very happy when he see people that haven't gone to church for months and years now going to church and staying for both first and second services just to charge their phones.

I got into a steamy conversation with miss Nnaji where she revealed she http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/genevieve-nnaji-set-to-get-married.html

Today April 11th, Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego is 3 years old. Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego started as a facebook page on April 11th 2013 with a mission to give laughter to Nigerians and Non - Nigerians through Nigeria Jokes from Ofego. A happy birthday to Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego.

I don't know for sure which http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/dele-momodu-fires-at-davido-for-calling.html

Linda Ikeji, one of Nigeria's female and famous blogger is http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/linda-ikeji-gets-set-to-wed-phyno.html

Girlfriend: Ofego, you are 31 years old now, when are you renting your own apartment?
Me (Ofego): Jesus is more than 2016 years old and still lives in his father's mansion. Don't put pressure on me, please!

1. Saudi Arabia with a population of 26m has http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/why-you-should-exercise-patience-like.html

How The Bible Warned Us About APC ~ we obviously don't read our bible. Open to Proverbs http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/how-bible-warned-us-about-apc.html

School Girl Orders Buhari To Vacate The Throne For Jonathan With Immediate Effect ~ In a video posted on Facebook, this girl http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/school-girl-in-tears-orders-buhari-to.html

Why Buhari Is Traveling Anyhow ~ Today China, tomorrow http://www.njuwo.com/2016/04/why-buhari-is-travelling-anyhow.html

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. Can you imagine??

A guy was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it was directly over him. The guy said, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"

One pregnant girl on instagram finally gave birth but posts so many photos of the baby. Got me feeling like I'm raising the baby too with my megabyte.

NEW ALBUM
OF THE YEAR BY
BUHARI.

TRACK LIST


1. I belong to nobody


2. Fighting corruption ft. EFCC


3. Fuel scarcity ft. All
Nigerians


4. Call me Johnny walker
of Africa


5. Change is change

6. Show me the money ft
Dasuki


7. Aeroplane dey sweet


8. Jonathan is to blame


9. Declare your asset ft Saraki


10. Devalue Naira? No way

11. I no send una


12. Dollar don rise ft. All
Nigerians


13. Boko haram defeated
ft Lai Mohammed


14. Point and kill (Nnamdi Kanu diss ft. Dss)


15. Missing budget ft Nass


16. Sidon make I dey
travel ft Osibanjo


BONUS TRACK


Fuel scarcity remix ft Kachukwu


ALBUM in stores nationwide as from may 29.

The world tour has already started. You can see Buhari travelling round the world looking for collabo for the next album.

I was watching one
American film
yesterday
night with my Dad
and Mum, as we
were watching the film, a
young
boy of my age started
romancing his girlfriend, they kissed each
other and when the guy's hand
crossed the girl's
private
part,
I looked straight at my
dad and noticed that his eyes had changed, then I focused my eyes more on the film
even though I knew my dad
wanted me to leave the parlour at
once, I did not care.
They were still
kissing, this time hotter, then they
both fell on
the bed
and the guy was
about to open the girl's brazier.
My Dad looked at me
with his red eyes and
shouted at me, "Ofego have
you ironed my car?"

Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow….. ….. We are living in a generation where people who are “in love” are free to touch each others private part but are not allowed to touch each others phones because they are private…. ……. Sometimes you look back on girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum, you realise that witchcraft is real…… …….. If you’re a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform………