I attended a naming ceremony with a gathering of
about fifty people. I sat at
the front seat. A lady
started distributing food.
She started from the back and unfortunately, it
didn't get to us sitting at
the front.
Another lady started
sharing the drinks, she
started from the front but unfortunately I had
already moved to sit at
the back. Again the drink
didn't get to me.
I was so furious that I
stood up to take my leave but then I saw three ladies
each with a big bowl. This
time, I tried to be wise by
sitting at the middle. One
of the ladies started the
sharing from the front, the second lady started
distributing from the
back. The two ladies were
sharing fried chicken.
When they got to the
middle where I was seated, it got finished
again! Feeling so
frustrated, I bent my
head, putting my face in
my hands. But then the
third lady tapped me and stretched her bowl for me
to pick. I stretched and
put my hands inside the
bowl. Guess what was in
the bowl?
Pure waters.
Moral Lesson: Do not try to
position yourself in life,
allow God to put you in
the right place, otherwise,
you will wrongfully
position yourself for pure waters.
High Table (NJUWO Episode 3) very funny video. Download it here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-high-table-njuwo.html

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As his fufu and Egusi soup was almost ready for the dinner,a Lizard on the wall fell into the soup. He angrily searched through the soup and found the Lizard still alive. He held it in his hand and raised it.He licked all its body covered by the well prepared soup. After he has licked everything,he threw the Lizard away and said "naked you came into my soup and naked you shall go"

KUDOS TO NAFDAC AND W.H.O
For the sake of safe SEX,
NAFDAC has introduced a
protection cream in place
of Condoms. It's safe,
affordable and comfortable. Moreover,
there will be no need to
use condom again. The
advantage of using this
cream is that you can now
enjoy flesh to flesh without the fear of HIV/
AIDs. Wow! At last we can
now enjoy ourself skin to
skin. Go to any Pharmacy
close to you and request
for ABONIKI BALM.
High Table (NJUWO Episode 3) very funny video. Download it here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-high-table-njuwo.html

Fuel Robber (NJUWO Episode 4) This Episode is so funny Download it here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-fuel-robber-njuwo.html?m=1

Two guys were drinking in
a bar.
As they were drinking,
they started arguing, one of them
pounced on the other and started
beating him.

After a long beating he
realised that his friend
was no longer breathing, he
died instantly.
Then the guy started
running with his
shirt full of blood.Those
who were watching the fight started
chasing him.
.
He ran to the house of a
Christian man, knocked
and begged,
"Please hide me, I have killed somebody and
people are chasing me."

The Christian man replied, "Where am i going to hide
you in my one room
apartment?"
The muderer said, "There
is no time to
waste here, just think of anywhere you
can hide me."
After a long thinking, the
Christian man
said to the murderer, "Give me your shirt and
take my shirt but
remember
to keep my shirt clean oh."
They exchanged their
shirts.Then as soon as the Christian man
opened the
door, the people started
beating him and
injured him badly. He
was taken to the police station.
From police station, the
case was taken
to court and the man was
found guilty of
murder and sentenced to death.
The real murderer was
safe at home but
felt so guilty that
he ran to the Court and cried,
"Please release
that innocent man, I'm the
real murderer".
The Judge replied, "Unfortunately it's too
late, the man has already
been hanged."
He ran where
the man was
hanged and found him dead, hanging on the tree.

He knelt down and cried
his eyes out and said to
himself, "You paid for my
crime." He remembered the
Christian man's last
words:
"KEEP MY SHIRT CLEAN !!!"
That's how the murderer got
repented and became a christian!
.

MORAL OF THE STORY: This is what Jesus did for
us. He died for
the crime he did not commit on the cross of
Calvary.
Now if you are thankful
for what Jesus
did for you, Appreciate
Him with three words, type, "Thank
You Jesus.
Very Funny Video And A Must Watch For You Fuel Robber (NJUWO Episode 4) You Really Have To Download It here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-fuel-robber-njuwo.html?m=1 It Will Make Your Day.

After shopping for most
of the day, a couple
returned to find their car
has been stolen. They went to the police station to
make a report. Then, a detective drove them
back to the parking lot to
see if any evidence can be
found at the scene of the
crime. To their
amazement, the car had been returned.
There was an envelope on
the windscreen with a
note of apology and two
tickets to a Nite Of A Thousand Laughs.
The note reads, "I apologise for taking your
car, my wife was
having a baby and I had
to hot-wire your ignition
to rush her to the
hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience. Here
are two tickets for
tonight's Opa William's A Nite Of A Thousand Laughs."
Their faith in humanity restored, the couple
attended the show and
returned home late. They
found their house had been
robbed. Valuable goods
had been taken from through out the house,
from basement to attic.
And, there was a note on
the door reading, "Well,
you still have your car. I
have to put my newly born child through enjoyment
somehow, don't I?"
Very Funny Video And A Must Watch For You Fuel Robber (NJUWO Episode 4) You Really Have To Download It here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-fuel-robber-njuwo.html?m=1 It Will Make Your Day.

Lol

WHAT IF.....
You woke up in the
morning and you saw your
body still lying helplessly
on the bed. You were
shocked, so you tried calling your sibling who was
sleeping beside you, and
he did not hear you
mention his name.
You tried to pick up your
phone to make a call to somebody and you couldn't
pick it up. You started
crying, but no one heard
you. You tried touching
the gate to go out, but your
hand penetrated. You went outside and your
neighbours were
chatting, but you were
not seen.
After some few
minutes, you saw your brothers And sisters
coming out of your room
shouting and crying All
you could hear them say
was, "HE IS DEAD".
You stood there watching them cry.
So you asked yourself
, "WHERE EXACTLY I'M I
GOING?" Your spirit started
crying bitterly, because
you were not prepared to start that journey so
sooner.

Where exactly are you
going when you stop
breathing? Are you aware
of your final destination? Let's start preparing. Look
unto Jesus, He is the only
way to the best
destination (Heaven).
Be wise! it can take one
unaware! Please choose this day, where exactly do you want
to spend your eternity?
Very Funny Video: Download It here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-fuel-robber-njuwo.html?m=1

Two cannibals, a father
and son, were elected by
the tribe to go out and
get something to eat.
They walked deep into
the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came
this little old man. The son
said, "Oh dad, there's
one." "No," said the
father. "There's not enough meat on that one
to even feed the dogs.
We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later,
along came this really fat
man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big
enough." "No," the father
said. "We'd all die of a
heart attack from the fat
in that one. We'll just
wait." About an hour later, here
comes this absolutely
gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's
nothing wrong with that
one dad. Let's eat her." "No," said the father.
"We'll not eat her."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we are going to
take her home alive, and
eat your mother."
Very Funny Video: Download It here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-fuel-robber-njuwo.html?m=1

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A Nigerian couple living in the U.S.A unable to
have children decided to
adopt, they talked to the
management and agreed
to adopt a three months old
Chinese baby. On the way back home, they signed up
for Chinese lessons at a
nearby institution. The
Secretary asked in a
friendly way, "Are you
guys planning to go to China?". The Husband
answered," No oh! We are
adopting a Chinese boy". "
Oh" She continued "I guess you
don't understand a word
he says!". The Wife jumped in, "You see, we are very
clever, he hasn't started
talking yet, he's only three
months old, so, we are
taking these lessons so that
when he starts talking, we will be able to
understand him."
One Word For This Couple.
Very Funny Video: Download It here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-fuel-robber-njuwo.html?m=1

There are ssomething we should imagine
Imagine if obasanjo is a lady chie www.ugly.com
Or
Imagine if to say samson still day alI've till now them for use bottol barb am plan kodo
Or
imagine say them fit kiss a lady from phone many ladies for be unwanted mumy
. Or
Imagine say that lady we they talk for phone anytime U run oit of airtime guys for don chyke her tire Married woman for Don cus demon come out from her
Or
imagine say ladies rule the world buy now I for get belle !!
Or
Imagine say an army general na chronic starmara!!! Lol 2 days his troop still day wait make he finish giving his order Lol
. Or
Imagine say rape is legalize hhahah many ladies no go day cat work hahahah na to wear yansh proof
Or
Imagine say oxl or konga day sale second hand ladies U go see something like purchase your second hand Stella Damascus for sale direct Belgium
Or
Imagine say all guys day cat walk Lol by now most guys for done get two left legs
Or
Imagine say it's possible taa all dis too much shakara ladis bad market for kill them na to waka go the nearest oxl!!!
Life for sweet

This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (NJUWO) is now on BBM. Add us, for more undisputed fun. Here is our pin 7B6ADDC4. See you there.

Employer: "In this
job we need
someone who is
responsible".

Ofego: "I'm the
one you want cause on my last job every
time anything went
wrong, they said I
was responsible."
This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

At a
wedding, I asked the person
sitting next to me, "Have you noticed how
horrible-looking the bride
is? She's ugly!" "You fool. That's my
daughter you are talking
about!" The person
responded. "
Oops! I'm sorry sir. I
didn't know you were the father.
" "I'm not, you stupid fool. I'm
the mother!".
This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

A 75-year old man went
to his doctor's office
to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man
a jar and said, "Take this
jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the
75-year old man
reappeared at the doctor's
office
and gave him the jar, which was as clean and
empty as on the previous
day. The doctor asked what happened, and the
man explained, "Well, doc,
it's like this. First I tried with my right hand,
but nothing. Then I tried
with my left hand, but
nothing. Then I asked my
wife for help. She tried
with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left,
but nothing. She even
tried with her mouth, first
with the teeth in, then
with the teeth out, and
still nothing. We even called up the lady
next door, and she tried
with both hands and her
mouth too, but nothing."

The doctor was shocked.
"You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man
replied,
"Yes, but no matter what
we tried, we couldn't
get the damn jar open!" Hahahahaha!!!! You were thinking what the doctor was thinking abi, Yes Or No?
This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

15 Signs That You Are In A Nigerian Party:
1. Almost everyone
arrives at the party late -
hence the reference,
"African time".

2. You were given one
invitation card, but you invite 20 other friends.

3. You call the attention of
the people serving food
by saying "Please, we
haven't eaten in this roll oh!"
4. Even when it was
obvious that no alcohol
was served, you still ask
"Don't you have any
alcohol?
5. You go back to ask for more food and drinks.

6. You dance to "Obesere"
or "Fela" music as if your
life depends on it.

7. You go to the dance
floor and start "spraying" naira notes.

8. You hear people
talking, as if they are in a
fight, about sports and
politics.

9. Towards the end of the party you see people
going into the kitchen
helping themselves to
"take away" food and
drinks.

10. You ask the DJ to play a specially recorded
cassette tape you brought
with you.

11. Most of the guys are
frowning and cursing
because fufu, semo, gira
or eba wasn't served.
12. More than two
bouncers are at the door
that leads to where the
foods/drinks are kept.

13. The men are sitting in
groups, instead of sitting with their women.

14. You hear, "Wetin dem
dey wait for sef? I beg
make dem bring the food
make I comot jor!"

15. The hall empties
immediately after food
have been served.
This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

I just saved a life today on my way out. I asked a beggar how would he feel if l gave him 1000gh? He replied "Oga, I will die," So l kept my money. Thank God I've saved a life!

The day after his wife
disappeared in a car
accident, a
man answered his door to
find two grim-faced Nigerian Police.
"We are sorry Mr Onoriode,
but we have some
information about your
wife," said one Police.
"Tell me! Did you find her?" Onoriode shouted.
The Policemen looked at
each other. One said, "We
have some bad news,
some good news, and
some really great news. Which do you want to
hear first?"
Fearing the worst, Mr Onoriode said,
"Give me the bad news
first." The Police said, "I'm
sorry to tell you, sir, but
this morning we found
your wife's body in
Third Mainland Bridge."
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Onoriode swallowing hard,
he asked, "What's the
good news?"
The Police continued,
"When we brought her out,
she had five fishes and three tortoises clinging to her."
Stunned, Mr Onoriode demanded, "If that's the
good news, what's the great news?"
The Police said, "We are
going to bring her out again
tomorrow."
One Word For The Police.
This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

A guy walked up to his
friend one sunday and
said, "I'm sleeping with
the pastor's wife. Can you
hold him in church after
service for me?" The friend agreed and
after mass, he started
talking to the pastor and
asking him all kind of
stupid questions just to
keep him occupied. After about an hour, the
pastor got angry and
asked the guy what's
up. Feeling guilty, the guy
confessed, "My friend is
sleeping with your wife right now."
The pastor then smiled and said, "You should run
back home and check your
wife, my wife has been
dead for years."
This Video Is So Funny Semester Result (NJUWO Episode 5) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/05/very-funny-video-semester-result-njuwo.html?m=1

An old farmer wrote a letter to his son in prison." Son this year I will not plant cassava and yam because I can't dig the field, I know if you were here you would have helped me". The son replied his father "Dad don't even think of digging the field because that's were I burried the money I stole". NIGERIAN POLICE" on reading this letter went early in the morning to the house, dug the whole field in search of the money but nothing was found. The next day the son wrote his father again "Dad you can now plant your cassava and yam this is the best I can do from here. Dad replied " haaa my son you are too powerful indeed ,even in prison you still command police men to work for me,I was so suprised to see the IG and team holding hoes and shovels, digging my farm. I will write to you when I want to harvest.
visit diz9ja.com for funny jokes!

Hahahahaha!! Very Funny Video, "Don't Kill Me" NJUWO Episode 6. Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html

A pretty woman was
driving down a country
road in her new sports car
when something went
wrong and it broke down. Luckily, she happened
to be near a farmhouse.
She went up to the
farmhouse and knocked on
the
door. When the farmer answered, she said to him,
"It's Sunday night and my
car broke down! I don't
know what to do! Can I
stay here for the night
until tomorrow when I can get some help?"
"Well," said the farmer,
"You can stay here, but
I don't want you messing
with my sons, Okafor and Okoro." She looked through the
screen door and saw two
men
standing behind the
farmer. She judged them
to be in their early twenties.
"Okay," she said.

After they have gone to
bed for the night the
woman began to get a
little hot just thinking about the two boys in the
room next to her. So she
quietly went into their
room and said,
"Boys, how would you
like for me to teach you the
ways of the world?"
They said, "Huh?"
She said, "The only thing
is, I don't want to get
pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."
She put them on the
boys, and the three of
them
went it all night long.

Forty years later, Okafor and Okoro were sitting on the
front porch, rocking back
and forth.
Okafor said, "You remember
that woman that
came by here about forty years ago and showed us
the ways of the world?"
"Yeah", said Okoro, "I
remember."
"Well, do you care if she
gets pregnant?" "No," said Okoro, "I
don't care."
"Me too" said Okafor,
"Let's take these
things off jor!"
Hahahahaha!! Very Funny Video, "Don't Kill Me" NJUWO Episode 6. Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html

This is how some prayer warriors
make GOSSIP sound like
PRAYER POINTS.
They start like this, "People Of God, let's
remember Brother Toibu Alex in our
prayers. He has gonorrhea
and doctors said they are
even screening him for
HIV too, but we know that
our God can heal him. So brothers and sisters let's
pray for divine healing,
pray, pray."
"Brethren let's also pray
for Sister Annabel and
Brother Chinedu. Sister Annabel is pregnant for
Brother Chinedu and Brother Chinedu is
not ready for marriage
now, you know they are
not married abi? Okay!
He told her to abort it but she refused. The situation
is tearing them and their
families apart. Let's pray
to God for peace and amicable settlement."
"Children of God's kingdom, let's remember
Mr and Mrs Fabiyi in our
prayers. Mr Fabiyi left
Mrs Fabiyi for Sister Glory in the
choir. That light skin slim sister that works in the Bank, Hmmm!! Let's pray
for God to restore Mr and
Mrs Fabiyi marriage."
Brethren pray, open your
mouth and pray. The Lord will answer us.
" And finally before we
round up, let us lift Sister
Patience before the Lord. She
has been suspended from
her place of work due to some fraud in her office.
We know she is innocent.
Even though she has been
wearing some bling bling lately plus that
new car she just bought. Erhh, let's pray that as the
police are carrying out their
investigations. Those things will not be seized. Please
praaaaay. She is our Sister. Pray, pray, pray!!!
Hahahahaha!! Very Funny Video, "Don't Kill Me" NJUWO Episode 6. Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html

A married man woke up one morning. He took his marriage certificate,stared at it seriously for a very long time. His wife then asked him, why are u looking on the marriage certificate like that? He answered, i'm looking for the expiry date

I nid the massive support of Nigerians to winnning this competition. its currently been led by an Albania, and we want a Nigerian to come out the first and make the country proud. vote for me Please, by clicking this link,
http://www.stptax.com/diary-destined-nigerian-accountant/ scroll down to the bottom and like my short story - its Twixted Tax Tale competition... means a whole lot to me. thanks. (Please note that, opera mini does not work in this link, use UC web, Chrome or any other browser) its for love...

Ring, ring, ring
... The Librarian's phone
rang. He picked it up and
the following
conversation ensued:
"What time does the library open?" The man on
the phone asked.
"9am." came the
reply. "And what's the
idea of calling me at home
in the middle of the night to ask a question like
that?"
"9am.??" The
man asked in a
disappointed voice.
"Yes, 9am.!" The librarian said. "Why
do you want to get in
before 9am?"
"Who said I want to get
in?" The man sighed sadly.
"I want to get out."
Hahahahaha!! Very Funny Video, "Don't Kill Me" NJUWO Episode 6. Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html

Comedy video of the month
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1l6r-h70UU