Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,105 members, 7,953,378 topics. Date: Thursday, 19 September 2024 at 03:13 PM |
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (1487377 Views)
akpos funniest joke, and more. / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (2) (3) (4)
(1) (2) (3) ... (81) (82) (83) (84) (85) (86) (87) ... (146) (Reply) (Go Down)
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by GeorgeBenson805: 6:24pm On Jun 04, 2016 |
Comedy video of the month
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1l6r-h70UU |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by blarkraimez: 8:16pm On Jun 04, 2016 |
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][color=#006600][/color1 LAUGHING AT MY PAINS PART ONE by whatdnewssay · February 15, 2016 A TALE OF DAPO BELLO (@BLARKRAIMEZ) Chapter 1: Approximately five years after my graduation from the university. Fixing me in any company’s pay roll seems so difficult like parting the Red sea. There are fierce looking employers that would not stop bombarding me with useless questions during interviews; “what have you been doing since 2010?…Are you saying in, the last 5 years you cannot come up with a plan that will put food on your table?” Are they not aware Barclay’s premiership and UEFA Champions league have been engaging thousands of Nigerian graduates? Please tell this man to check my CV again; I’m from Osun State. Our dear Governor, Aregbesola, did not pay a dime since eight months. How can you say “We are so sorry, 25 is the maximum age for this position” if you are not foolish enough to check my graduating age, NYSC, Msc. and PhD in view status? Do you still need to be told I was just 22 when I had my first degree? To avoid interviews and fake vacancies on the social network, my uncle forced me to register with a recruiting firm called PSS at Okota. Excluding N2000 transportation from Ikorodu, this company promised to give me four job postings at N3,500. What is Hmm?…Yea I lied to my uncle, the tfare is not more than N900 to and fro. U wan blame me? How I wan buy lacasera and gala in scotching sun and bobo for his battalion kids? God should postpone his coming back to at least when I got a job, then the judgment couldn’t be fairer. Unlike every recruiting firm with queues, my first day at PSS was somehow different. Just a stone throw from the popular Cele bustop via mile 2 badagary expressway, I spent almost 30 minute locating the office. It is not as big as my Uncle and his friend portrayed it… “Dapo this company will surely get you a job, they have found job for more than 50 people I know, if this company couldn’t get you a job, it means it is a spiritual attack from home and you should just stop looking for job.” If you knew my uncle you would not believe this statement. He once told me I couldn’t get a job in access bank because I dint do accounting. He could have fixed me in fly emirate if only I was a woman. His friend could have given me a job but am over qualified. Zenon oil was recruiting if only I had a first class blah blah blah………………. Uncle, please! Am jobless today because Nigeria is not doing something right, plus you are not connected sir. Inside the PSS office, I met only the owner. If I cannot see the other staff how do I access the workforce? In front of him, I saw avalanche of CVs and he keep scratching the legions of pimples that used his face as abode. I thought within me, do I stand a job position with this man’s pimples population and oversized suit? Well, don’t let me judge the book by the cover. After the total payment, he told me to go home and before evening my first posting will be sent to my mail. With so much enthusiasm, I waited for the mail like the astrologers awaiting the emergence of the eclipse. The first posting was Montaigne’s place opposite four point Sheraton, Sand field, Victoria Island Lagos. I used almost all my data to check what they do. Gosh! They are beautician and major in distribution of some designers’ products. In my mind, I was like, will securing a job here fulfill my dream of owning a range rover sport, will I be selling whitening cream, perfumes in buses and Molue, considering the location they should pay well, is it truly that am finally getting a job after all this years? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by joewill(m): 11:41pm On Jun 04, 2016 |
DIARY OF A DESTINED NIGERIAN ACCOUNTANT. a story that talked about a Yoruba family. Based on the father influencing his second daughter to reading accounting in the University while her dreams was to becoming a writer. she did very well studying her Dads course in school, graduating with top honors and securing a very good job that she later became the arrow head of the company, but along the way, she abandoned her marriage and success to pursue her dreams of been a writer, when she saw her husband was going to hold her down to fulfilling her dreams just as her father. Well, it didn't turn out well as she'd imagined, so now she is writing in her diary after many years of no success in the air, telling her life time story one evening she came back from work.(so interesting and captivating, it will blow your mind and imaginations away) A story well told and written by ASELENI WODO and this story has been chosen along side other stories in the world to compete for a world writing competition Naira-landers, please, he is one of our own (a Nigerian) and he has pleaded for a massive support in the SHORT STORY COMPETITION he has applied for. please it will give us the opportunity of recognition in the world. he is competing with the world and right now he is lagging behind other countries in the world because he hasn't got enough vote. the first guy is ahead with 2k likes from facebook, the second guy already has 1.5k likes form FB, and the third has 1.2k likes from FB, and he is only with 748 likes from FB. please and please again, he has pleaded with us to help he out win this competition so that he could go out their and tell the world that there is more to what they are seeing in this country. He knows people here with just one one of every one's vote he is already a winner, that is why he has pleaded with me to help him share this post with all NAIRALANDERS. TO VOTE FOR HIM, please simply follow this link, http://www.stptax.com/twisted-tax-tales/diary-destined-nigerian-accountant/ scroll down to the bottom and like his short story just to increase his likes from FB so that he could come out the winner - its Twixted Tax Tales competition... means a whole lot to him. thanks. (Please note that, opera mini does not work in this link, use UC web, Chrome or any other browser) its for love... NA BEG I DEY BEG OH... |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:48am On Jun 05, 2016 |
Ofego lost his luggage at JFK airport, and he reported at the airline office. When he was asked for the content of the luggage, he said personal effect like clothes, and drug. He was asked to wait, while the officer picked up his phone and dialed a number. Within a few minutes two policemen came in and Ofego was pointed to. He was handcuffed and whisked away. At the police station, the following conversations ensued between Ofego and the American Police. AMERICAN POLICE: How did you come about the drug in your possession? OFEGO: I was given. AMERICAN POLICE: Who gave it to you ?OFEGO: My Doctor na! AMERICAN POLICE:- Your Doctor gave you the drug? OFEGO:- Yes, I had malaria and my doctor gave me Chloroquine and Paracetamol, Piriton and some blood tonic. AMERICAN POLICE: That is medicine, your medication. Is that what you declared that you are having in your luggage? OFEGO: Yes, is it a crime to have Drug in my bag? AMERICAN POLICE: I'm sorry sir, your arrest was effected because you claimed you have DRUG in your luggage, but now, I understand that you refer to your medication as drug, here in America we call it MEDICATION and we refer to NARCOTIC substances as DRUG. You are hereby released, but mind your Word, when you talk, while you are in America. OFEGO: So the word we use in Nigeria means another thing in America, this America is something else oh. Download This Very Funny Video http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:28am On Jun 06, 2016 |
LIFE IS TURN BY TURN!!! Eleven years ago, Diego Simeone played alongside Fernando Torres at Atlectico Madrid in Spain. Then, Torres was the Club Captain despite being far younger than Simeone; Torres was in charge of the dressing room in the absence of the coaches. He was so influential that he even had a say on the team selection. Fast forward eleven years later, Diego Simeone is now Fernando Torres' coach. This came at a point when Torres had journeyed from Spain to England and Italy with his career almost dead as he has being rejected by Chelsea and AC Milan. But Diego Simeone brought him back to Athletico Madrid and thus resuscitated his career. Now: If Torres was rude or disrespectful to Simeone as the Club Captain eleven years ago, would he have had the opportunity to play at the 2016 UEFA Champions League Finals? In 2005, Diego Simeone was under Torres. He did what Torres ordered. In 2016, Torres now takes orders from Simeone. Life is like a COIN thrown up in the air. You can't really predict which side will turn up. No one stays TOP forever. NO ONE KNOWS TOMORROW. You might be the Boss today. But when tomorrow comes, someone you 'bossed' might become your boss. In 1985, Dazuki arrested Buhari. In 2016, Buhari arrested Dazuki. In 1995, El Mustapha arrested Obasanjo on the orders of General Abacha. In 1999, Obasanjo arrested El Mustapha and he spent eight years in jail. Moral Lesson: Treat everyone with respect because there will always be a tomorrow. A Boss today might become a Subordinate tomorrow. Always use your powers and position cautiously and for the benefit of all. Always stand for what is right, fair and just. Like I always tell people, "Treat the towel with care because the same place you use in cleaning your ass today might be the same place you will use in cleaning your face tomorrow" one love!. Download This Very Funny Video Don't Kill Me (NJUWO Episode 6) Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-dont-kill-me-njuwo.html 1 Like 2 Shares |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:58am On Jun 07, 2016 |
"Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video, Download & Enjoy With Joy http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Orevastar5(m): 3:27pm On Jun 07, 2016 |
Akpos was being asked a question which
he couldn't Answer.
The question was " Which food does
Monkey like so much"
A. Sugarcane
B. Butter
C. Banana
D. Yam
The conversation goes thus:
Akpos:This Question is too Hard sef,Let me call someone.
Presenter: Who do you want to call?
Akpos: Ogaga!
Phone rings!!!!
Presenter: Hello Ogaga your Friend Akpos is
here on the hot seat, he needs your help to
win N5m
Ogaga: ye!
Presenter:Akpos you have 30secs, your
time starts now
akpos: ogaga!! How is your family?
Your Wife nko? Ogaga, which food do you
like most?
Ogaga: Banana na.
Akpos: Are you sure?
Ogaga: am......
Akpos: Oga presenter, your card is finish,
recharge, let me call him back.
Presenter: Haha! Your time is up! Will you go
with your friend?
Akpos: yes.
Presenter: Why?
Akpos: He resembles Monkey, that is why.
After winning N5 MILLION.
Presenter: How much will you give to your
friend?
Akpos: How much kee? Monkey don't eat
money. I will give him Banana. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by GeorgeBenson805: 12:38am On Jun 08, 2016 |
Very funny and hilarious, this is how comedy should look like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1l6r-h70UU |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:33am On Jun 08, 2016 |
This is a story about four people named, Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody. "Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Orevastar5(m): 7:41am On Jun 08, 2016 |
FUNNY THINGS ABOUT NIGERIANS . We love arriving late to an occasion just because we feel others would arrive late too- We flash with private number. We are very loud especially when we aretalking on the phone We wear sun glasses at night We run in the rain even though we are already wet We answer questions with questions. We always use 'o' at the end of word We call every elderly family friend uncle or aunty Some of us will go to ghana for 1wk &come back with American or British accent Welove to crush chicken bones Calcium things Our mums especially would force us to eat even if we aren't hungry or when we're sick We love to invite people to occasions some1else invited us to. If someone die in Nigeria, we don't believe it is natural Village must be involved. Our Mothers remind us they carried our pregnancy for nine month when we refuse to go on errands for them We see u awake in the morning and ask u "u don wake?" |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:22am On Jun 09, 2016 |
Two men and a woman went into a bar. "What is your name?" The barman asked the first man. "Tejiri" Was the reply. "How had your day been Tejiri?". " Great! I've been in and out of pool all day, What more could a man want?". " What's your name?" He aske d the second man. "Tega". Was the reply. "And I've been in and out of pool all day as well." He then turned to the woman and said, "I suppose yo u are Tema." "No." She said batting her eyelids, "My name is pool!!! "Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:57am On Jun 10, 2016 |
Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. The Angel said, "Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe." So they all agreed and were admitted in. The first guy made it a week before he lied about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appeared the ugliest woman he had ever seen. The second guy made it another couple weeks before he lied about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appeared the second ugliest woman in the universe. So the first two guys were walking around with their monsters of women when they saw their third friend walking with the most beautiful woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys said in unison, "How did you land with this babe when we got stuck with these nasty women?" He nudged the babe and said, "Tell them." She said to the first two guys, "I lied." "Jessica" (NJUWO Episode 7) Very Funny Video Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-jessica-njuwo-episode-7.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:09pm On Jun 10, 2016 |
Where Is My Wife Oh (NJUWO Episode Very Funny Video. Download It Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-where-is-my-wife-oh.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Orevastar5(m): 6:49am On Jun 11, 2016 |
njuwo: |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:44pm On Jun 11, 2016 |
One rainy day, an old man was standing with a book for sale. Ofego came to buy. He bought the book for 2,000 Naira. The old man advised, "DON'T OPEN THE LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK otherwise YOU'll face problem". Ofego finished the book with great fear but didn't open the last page. But, after a week, out of curiousity, he opened the last page and he almost fainted with what he saw.He saw . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Selling Price: 20 Naira HAHAHAHAHA!!! This Video Has Finished Me With Laugh Oh, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-where-is-my-wife-oh.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by PrinceLP: 8:48pm On Jun 11, 2016 |
This template will give your blog the SEO features it well deserves. Easy to edit and blend with the lowest html knowledge. Here are some of the features : http://bloggerpays..ae/2016/06/novinture-magazine-style-blogger.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 12:11am On Jun 12, 2016 |
free instagram followers
|
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:55am On Jun 13, 2016 |
Ofego: I have the perfect son. James: Does he smoke? Ofego: No, he doesn't. James: Does he drink whiskey? Ofego: No, he doesn't. James: Does he ever come home late? Ofego: No, he doesn't. James: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? Ofego: He will be three months old next tuesday. HAHAHAHAHA!!! This Video Has Finished Me With Laugh Oh, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-where-is-my-wife-oh.html?m=1 |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by djkellyu(m): 9:48am On Jun 13, 2016 |
JOKE OF THE WEEK FROM A KELLY-U COMEDY. A boy met a girl, after a little conversation,the boy wanted to leave,then he said to the girl boy: Sorry, I didn't get ur name. Girl: OK. I'm Dike Sandra Thelma Vera, u can call me (DSTV):/ Boy: (I no fit carry last) well I'm ..http://kellyucomedy..com.ng/2016/06/joke-of-week-from-kelly-u-comedy.html?m=0 1 Share
|
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:50pm On Jun 13, 2016 |
Oh My God! This Video Is Something Else. Carry This Thing (NJUWO Episode 9) Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-carry-this-thing-njuwo.html Click Below To Watch it on Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPQCnRkqnQ8&itct=CCcQpDAYACITCIDQibXLpc0CFcgPFgod1zAPK1IFbmp1d28%3D&client=mv-google&gl=NG&hl=en |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 6:27am On Jun 15, 2016 |
Heavenly call to Hell......... Heavenly call to Hell.........Heavenly call to Hell......... One day as Jesus was strolling round heaven, he came to the kitchen and heard the angels shouting at some poeple, he asked , Angels wats the matter. Angels; God its this Nigerians o, they dont obey instructions , they dont follow queues GOD; angels please bear with they, they are so dear to me. Angels yes God. God now decided to call devil in hell to see how hwe his doing Phone rings ring ring devil; hello sir GOD; hello lucifer how are you doing overthere devil; sir am fine, sir sir sir pls call me back in 10 min i want to attend to an issue here sir GOD; lucifr are you ok devil; no sir, call dropssss 10 min later phone rings devil; GOD sir pls call me back, sir the issue has turned into a crisis, please i need to attend to it urgently sir..... call dropssssss 15 min later Call rings Devil; Sir GOD; lucifer hope you are ok over there devil; sir no ooooo, GOD; whats the issue devil; God its this Nigerians ooooo, they have turned hell fire upsidedown, they have bribed my angels, they have quench all the fire here, they have installed boreholes every where, they have installed air conditions every where, the ncold that is catching me here is very terrible, i dont know where they got chicken from, Olamide is currently holding a mega concert in the furnace chamber, i dont know what to do, please come and take them to heaven sir. GOD, please take it easy with them, they are very special to me........ 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:06pm On Jun 15, 2016 |
A teacher asked the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat things. The first little boy said, "Alligator." "Very good, that's a big word." The second boy said, "Predator." "Yes, that's another big word. Well done." Ofego said, "Romance-Machine, Auntie." After nearly falling off her chair, she said, "That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything." "Well my Dad knows a lady named Chioma that has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!" Carry This Thing (NJUWO Episode 9) This Video Is So Funny, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-carry-this-thing-njuwo.html |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by duduKING(m): 5:39am On Jun 17, 2016 |
NEW VIDEO Touch Not My Annointed - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDZq8xwQ6r0 enjoy | share | subscribe |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Isholaoni: 8:15am On Jun 17, 2016 |
Teacher: who can make a sentence with the
word STRESS?
Mary: You are causing me
more STRESS
John: I hate STRESS
Akpos: Yesterday i saw our
teacher and our headmiSTRESS
making love in her office.
The Teacher fainted! |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:55am On Jun 17, 2016 |
A Radio Station 93.7 FM was running a competition to find contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Sheraton Hotel Lagos for a week. The DJ had many callers; DJ: "93.7FM, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, me name's Ofego." DJ: "Ofego, what is your word?" Caller: "Goan, spelt G-O-A- N, pronounced 'go-an'." DJ: "We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Ofego, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Lagos, is: What sentence can you use that word in that would make logical sense?" Caller: "Goan f*ck yourself!" At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that there is no place for that sort of language on a family show. After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the following caller: DJ: "93.7 FM, what's your name?" Caller: "Hi, me name's Obuka." DJ: "Obuka, what is your word?" Caller: "Smee, spelt S-M-E- E, pronounced 'smee'." DJ: "We are checking that (pause) and you are correct, Obuka. 'Smee' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now the next question, for a trip for two to Lagos, is: What sentence can you use that word in that would make logical sense?" Caller: "Smee again! Goan f*ck yourself!" Carry This Thing (NJUWO Episode 9) This Video Is So Funny, Download Here http://www.njuwo.com/2016/06/very-funny-video-carry-this-thing-njuwo.html |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by blarkraimez: 3:06pm On Jun 17, 2016 |
njuwo: Lmfaooooooo |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:55am On Jun 18, 2016 |
Facebook page with 128,000 likes for sale at a cheaper rate. Call or Whatsapp + 2 3 4 8 0 5 4 5 1 5 7 6 1 serious minded persons only pls. |
(1) (2) (3) ... (81) (82) (83) (84) (85) (86) (87) ... (146) (Reply)
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 93 |