hi every one, i need ur advise on how to go overcome my grief. i lost my elder sister in sept 06 ( 1 wk before her birthday) to liver cancer. it never hit home at the time though i was shocked as she was only diagnosed 4 wks earlier and we were advised by the GPs in EKO hospital that they were doing their best to treat her. Basically, she has nausea symptoms and was feeling generally unwell; she not been the sick type went to the hospital and was admitted the same day based on the advice of the Docs. Nobody really told me what was exactly wrong with her as i had put to bed 7 wks back and had neurological problems during labour hence my mum was here with me. She left me a day after and went back 2 9ja to see my sister but still hid the exact state of my sister health to me. Every time i called, i was told she was asleep so never got to speak with her, eventually i spoke with the Dr who just said my sister was very ill and would require specialist care hence i arranged for her to come over to england and had spoken with some private hospitals who had arranged bed spaces and everything necessary at the time. She died on the flight.
What hurts the most is that we used to be very close before her illness, and when i visited 9ja in Jan 06, she complained that since i got pregnant i had shunned herside which to some extent was true; i never apologised to her before i left nigeria and wasnt able to speak with her during her last days.
Now, i just feel so alone cos its like i dont have someone to talk to, my mum bless her has her own issues to deal with, my brothers will always be busy with their runs, my husband feels i should get over it as he thinks i've mourned her enough.
I really miss my sister and 'm sorry i wasnt there, i wish i could see her to apologise for my wrong, i 'm really hurting as i never went for her burial cos i was recieving physio treatments and still had other tests that were been carried out as i lost feelings on my legs during labour.
I've tried all i can to get over her death and still have this guilt that maybe there was something different i could've done that would have changed things.
I know that a million words would not bring her back, I know because I've tried, neither would a million tears, I know cos I've cried and 'm still cryin and its affecting my marriage cos i just fret if my husband says he has a headache and i begin to think of the worst possible scenario.
Truth is i never thought she'll die as she's never been the sick type and the fact that i wasnt there when she was ill makes me feel like i let her down. i've blamed her death on the Docs who were collecting money saying she was been treated when she never was as they gave up on her, i've blamed evil doers as its done in my village but i know thats just an excuse, i've also blamed myself which is all i can do.
please, i just need some words of advise to help me grief her, words to help me thats all 'm asking

Take heart dear, I may not understand how you feel but just have in mind that she is resting now from all her pains. Feel free to cry, it helps a lot. She is with you everywhere you are.

its been 2 yrs dear, you need to move on.

My sister passed on in 2000  and I am slowly releasing her to rest in peace.  I was once like you, I blamed everybody and myself until I met one stranger who told me that my sister wants to move on but I keep her behind. Everytime I call her name when I cry she gets worried about me and cannot rest but has no way of communicating to tell me to stop.

This person advised me to keep an object like an ornament or candle (never a picture) in a special place and everytime you pass that ornament  think about your sister, touch it and think how peaceful that object that represents your sister looks like. Gradually you will realise that you no longer cry but that you want to keep the object restfull. Never tell anyone in your house about that object because those who do no believe in what you go through will never accept your intentions and may make a mockery of you.

Your husband will soon see the change in you and dear sister hang in there for your your sister is watching and smiling at your every efforts only she can't tell you how much she appreciates you.

I hope this helps you too. Good luck and work on your marriage your sister does not want your marriage to suffer. I trust in meditation, it helps me a lot maybe you can do that too. I may sound harsh but you are injuring yourself hence the loss of feeling in your legs. Let go of the grief slowly start by going out, I mean outside as in going to the park and just sit and listen to the birds, watch the clouds moving, smell the air, dogs barking, only encourage positive thoughts in your mind. If you are interested I can be with you everyday through email and encourage you till you reach happiness with your sister's death.

I sure know how it feels losing your sister.

Lost my younger sister 14 years ago. She was just 8 years old then. I remember that I was in the boarding school. In the week she died, I had this odd feeling to go home. I told my guardian that I wanted to go home that I sensed something was happening.

She didn't approve my request. On the Sunday of that week (which was a visiting day), my dad came to my school (Command Army Sec. Schl, Ipaja) with his friend and my younger brother in his friends car.

I asked after my mum and was told she didn't come. I asked after my younger sister too and was told that she was ok not knowing that she died during the week after being hit by a hit and run driver.

On the Monday that followed, (which happened to be our mid-term break), I expected my dad to come pick me up but didn't see him. I slept in school. On the next day, my dad came betraying no signs of the tragedy that happened(trust matured men).

On getting home, I began to sense that something was wrong. Everywhere was just dead silent. I saw my home and knew that something was wrong. On seeing me, my mum quickly entered her room. There and then, I surely knew something was amiss.

My dad called me into his room, took out the bible (cann't remember the exact place), after which he narrated the details of the accident (All that is history now). I wept bitterly. It was painful.

With time however, the pain is gone.

Friend, time will heal the pain.

God bless you and help you in this trying time.

though d the memory of love n griefs never ceased totally, u can still live without depression if u choose to.


one thing about life is that Life is lived in Phases. one phase in- another phase -out.

one is born today, tommorow one will die. we all come to this world- we'll soon leave when d time comes.

what a wonderful sister of yours that was translated into glory- into a place of Transquility and rest. i tell u she is lost- she's in another phase/cycle- " The realm of Higher Intelligent".

Never be disturbed again 4 u see her again @ end of time in a place where there's no sorrow nor tears.

i do share i ur sorrow 4 i know what it experienx such things- it wasn't easy but i get through it when i read a verse in d great book of life " it said , For we do not have a High Priest (Jesus) who cannot SYMPATHIZE with our WEAKNESSES, Hebrew 4 vs 15.

he feels what u feel. He feels ur grief, sorrow , bitterness , just mention it, YOU ARE NOT ALONE friend for he feels all what u are passing just now and he'll see u thru .

someone , somewhere, is waiting for u to share ur grieves and sorrows with HIM.

thank u all for ur words of encouragement and support. its all very much appreciated. the words are true and real, guess 'm probably not ready to move on which is really the hard part of grieving cos every time i feel i should move on, i remember why 'm holdin on and that keeps me dwelling on the good times we had

YOUR SOLUTION IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU, JUST TAKE IT. HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU AND HE SEES YOUR HURT. HIS NAME IS JESUS! ONLY GOD CAN GIVE YOU PEACE OF MIND AND STRENGTH IN THE TIME OF GRIEF. I KNOW IT IS NOT EASY, BUT THIS IS WHEN GOD COMES INTO PLAY! I'M SURE UR SISTER IS IN A BETTER PLACE AND SHE IS PROLLY WEEPING FOR YOU CAUSE SHE IS IN HEAVEN AND U ARE STILL ON EARTH (SUCH AN IMPERFECT PLACE).

YOUR SOLUTION IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU

What solution are you raving about? Her sister his dead, what she needs from us is support, not denial.

Sweetie you have to move on with your life. May her soul rest in peace. Amen

Dear i can feel your pains.
The saddest thing that can happen to man if to loose a loved one.
I lost my dad in 2004 and till date i still feel the pains and anger of his death,but his death and other family issues which is happening since his death make me to appreciate my late dad the more for his unconditional love and care.
@poster,
Always pray for your sister and you will be fine.

My sister God is your strength. You have to forgive yourself for whatever you think you have done wrong. I know your sister is not holding any grudges. You can't get over it because you are blaming yourself when you should not. You both loved each other and I know that she does not want you to suffer. Try and be happy. Remember that the joy of the Lord is your strength. It is well.

Dear, I was in your shoes about two years ago. My elder sister died IN MY ARMS. In face, she had to postpone her last breath until I came, and seconds later, she passed on. It was hell. I can feel your guilt. I sympathize with you sincerely.
However, you have to let go. She will always remain in your memory, but you have to let her go to rest. Remember that holding her might ruin a lot of other things.
Be brave. Be strong, and GOD will stand by, with and for you. Take care, my dear. I wish you the best. May her soul rest in perfect peace. I bid her adieu.

i feel ur pain i know wat it means to lose a loved one esp. through cancer, i dont think we ever get over it but we get through it wiyh time , maybe u can be writting ur tots down wen u feel sad. hugs

engineerd:

YOUR SOLUTION IS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU, JUST TAKE IT. HE IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU AND HE SEES YOUR HURT. HIS NAME IS JESUS! ONLY GOD CAN GIVE YOU PEACE OF MIND AND STRENGTH IN THE TIME OF GRIEF. I KNOW IT IS NOT EASY, BUT THIS IS WHEN GOD COMES INTO PLAY! I'M SURE UR SISTER IS IN A BETTER PLACE AND SHE IS PROLLY WEEPING FOR YOU CAUSE SHE IS IN HEAVEN AND You ARE STILL ON EARTH (SUCH AN IMPERFECT PLACE).

that is very insensitive.

i know what you are going through my big sister died last year and i am missing her like hell she was in a car accident and um she wasn't the driver her friend was and she survived and i was very angry at her friend and um i wish i could of done something to help her but she was all smashed up and i broke my heart out and i am still trying to get over her now she will be 18 this year in august and i will always love her in my heart and i will always know that she is there watching over me and she will always be my big sister who i looked up to and i just wished that she wasn't in that car on that night but we will just need to think to our selves that they wouldn't want us crying of not getting on with our lives and the worst thing is my brother didant even now we had a sister because we kept a secret from him for all his life and he will never now what she was like so stay strong for your sister she would want you to xx

I never wish to lose someone i care about in my life...

My sister died two and half years ago and I still feel like it was yesterday. I have dreams about her alot. I feel like I cant stop. I blame myself for us not being really close. When we were young she use to protect me from my dads beatings and she use to steal me shoes for school when my mother couldnt afford them. She died of aids. She shot herself up with the disease. I feel like alot of it is my fault and I dont know what to do!!! Sometimes I just want to scream!!!! I miss her so bad, I want to put my arms around her so bad. Before she died she slipped into a coma and I dont think she heard me telling her how sorry I am. When I dream of her she always looks so beautiful, not like she did when they pulled the plug. I know life goes on I am not nieve. I just cant shake the way I feel. I try to talk to my husband but if you have never lost anyone close you really dont know what to say. I am to the point that I think I may need therapy. Can someone comment and let me know how you feel?

I know how you feel you cannot mourn forever as your sister is resting in peace, all you can do is get closer to the rest of the family

@mourningsister
sorry i feel ur pain,i know how it's,u are alread told u cannot mourn ur sis forever,there's two things for every human,the day u are born and the day u die,let it go, forget how she die let it be a lesson
my daddy die last year march and i'm not allow to leave europ till next year fabuary just imagin my situation,i decid to be happy because i'm not going to see him again for sure,i used to dream of him before,just because his always in my mind before i decid to let it go
may his soul rest in peace sweet papa

@mourningsister, sorry for ur lose bt my dear you wil never get over it, I would be lying if I told you that you would.
But with time you will heal "you will never forget" but you wil heal.
there will always be a void that is deep inside of you and that void will be your sister.
Things in life just happen that's out of your control. You can wish a million times to have that one moment back and think to yourself "if I had to do all over again, I could have done something different". Truth is you can't have that back and you know that. So you have to start looking on the outside instead of dwelling on the inside.
Example: you need to remind yourself that this isn't your fault and this was out of your control. It's a horrible thing that has happened. But it did happen and you must never "forget" but you must move on to live your life.
Life is no fun when your not living it to Enjoy it.
You ve to learn how to live without her but think about it, she would want you to go with your life don't you think? Do you think she would want you to get upset every single day of your life and living with regret? I doubt
Life is sweet it's worth living, life can be great. You are blessed to be here so grab life and go on with all it's worth.
Do what your sister would have wanted you to do, go live and enjoy your life.

thank you guys for your input I know you are right I just never thought I would ever go through something like this thank you very much. It helps to know other people feel this way. I WILL KEEP ON KEEPING ON!!! And thank you again!!!