Kaycee7: I didn't know lustful stares could be innocent. I'll start working on mine

D innocent used there was just used 2 connote d helpless,yet stylish way the guys were oogling at her.

Mike, U've got a powerful plot told in a suspense-filled environment. The Naija setting immediately sparks a relationship with your audience on Nairaland. I just read the whole story from the first chapter so I may have to draw you back with my opinions and suggestions. In chapter 1, u made mention of Lagos-Ibadan Expressway. It would have been much better if you specified the particular location say, Kilometer 12 just to be more detailed. This is more so important as you later made mention of '500km away' where Michael was.

Also, the I think you should insert a little description of Michael such as his baby-looking innocent face when he was seen by the policeman. This would draw a sharp contrast between his character and his looks. It is a well known fact that looks do deceive.

Your use of flashback and suspense is commendable. A tremendous work by a terrific and dedicated writer. Please do finish this story of yours. Although comments are encouraging, they may not be a yardstick for measuring traffic on your story.

More ink to your pen,
Voice of an Ink.

Wow, thanks a lot @ voice of ink.

Preye suffered a momentary brain shutdown due to excessive cleavage been displayed by Isidora. She then took his hand and walked away, with him following like a sheep going to the abbatoir. She led him to a tree not far from his previous location and told him her plan. He listened, nodding at intervals. He then patted her back and kissed her lightly on the lips,before heading to his group of friends. He entered the class, packed his books and said 'Am coming' before heading out.




Michael and Aminat were talking about class work just outside the school,when a jeep passed them. Isidora looked at the couple from inside the jeep and hissed. Not long after though she smiled smugly.


The reason for that smile was bringing great sorrow for Michael and Aminat.



Micheal was about to kiss Aminat in the lips when she heard her name. As soon as she saw who called the name, her face turned sad and troubled.



'Michael, am in trouble o!'

*following*

Michael noticed her change of attitude and withdrew from her and then he noticed the man staring at them



He was what you call averagely tall, not short but neither was he majestic in height. His dark face was somewhat covered by a face cap as he stood astride, staring at them. His dark body shone with sweat as his T-shirt was unable to disguise his proturding belly while his lower part was covered by a jean trouser and shoes. He looked at them for some minutes and then left.


Aminat suddenly started to pack her books, clearly distressed while wondering how he got to know their location. Michael helped her,trying to ascertain the identity of the man. She kept mum though and after gathering her books, started walking out of the school like a car that has lost its brakes. Michael walked after her, trying to get her attention until he dragged her arms back.


'Aminat, i deserve to know what is happening, you know.' he blurted out. She looked at him in a 'if-i-blow-your-face' manner, then responded, 'That is my husband's father, so if you don't mind, leave me alone'. Michael however continued to struggle with her,totally obilivous of the jeep that was adjacent to them.


In the jeep,Isidora smiled sweetly. Preye is a master dealer!

Busted!! But I wonder what this Isidora bitc.h is going to get out of this. Anyway let's wait and see

Isidora had obtained Kagoura's number through her network of friends. She then went to Preye specifically.



Preye was the only boy in her class who knew how to navigate the web and operate 'runs' from the net ( Isidora herself did nt bother because she had people to do things for her). She met Preye when her elder sister had to register online for the JAMB exams. Preye did all the paperwork effortlessly and got her sister registered within ten minutes, which was a feat in the north due to lack of knowledge about the internet. She had since kept him in cordial terms, knowing that he will prove useful someday.



Like today!


She had met Preye and had given him Kagoura's number. Then Preye left for the cybercafe and logged into his bulk sms account. He then sent a disturbing message to Kagoura, telling him about Aminat's adventure with Michael and giving him details about their meeting place. It was convincing enough for the man to leave his house and meet the girl, not knowing that he will meet them in a 'compromising' situation.

i wish to use the opportunity to thank everyone who has commented to this thread. It moving thanks to you guys. For the silent viewers, thank you too.

rapmike: i wish to use the opportunity to thank everyone who has commented to this thread. It moving thanks to you guys. For the silent viewers, thank you too.

yhuawecome

rapmike: i wish to use the opportunity to thank everyone who has commented to this thread. It moving thanks to you guys. For the silent viewers, thank you too.

You're welcome. More data to your phone. But you're spending too much time on the back story ooo

Kaycee7: You're welcome. More data to your phone. But you're spending too much time on the back story ooo

D back story is very crucial here, cus i want 2 bring out sumtins 4rm it. It won't be 2 long though.

It was enough for the man to realise the authentic nature of the story.


Aminat had expected the anger of her father but what she met baffled her.


Her dad was sitting comfortably on the sofa, looking at her as she entered. She greeted him and made for her room,when his voice stopped her.


'Aminat, you are not going to school again'.


She felt like she was hit by a cyclone.'Baa mi, ki lo so sir? Before she said the next sentence a hot slap descended apparently from the skies to her, sending her sliding across the sitting room. When she looked up, she saw an angry beast instead of her father.


'I should have listened to the people around here and the Kagoura's about sending you to school' he fumed. 'O ti baje,omo jati jati, you can talk to me like that, that school is spoiling you'.


'Baa mi, it is not like that, i just wanted....


Will you shut up there, stupid girl, you are going to where you belong, in Usman's house! I sent you to school so that you would be a bit literate, that happened despite the pressure from everyone else to stop your education at primary school level and upon what i have gone through, you went there to be frolicking with small boys tun te yin ni idi kakiri, mo ti gbo,omo dada, useless girl. Pack your things now'. He bellowed. 'And as for that boy, his punishment is waiting for him, walahi'. He swore

Aminat looked stunned with surprise as she looked at the man she called her dad, who went inside after his ranting. Then like small drops before a shower of rain, she started to sob quietly. If only she knew what will happen next, she may have saved those tears for later.


Michael was walking back home after failing to get Aminat to tell him what was happening when he noticed them.


They were three,maybe four boys following him at a distance. They looked eager to get to him unnoticed and often veered off to another street when he looked back,only to continue to tail him when his gaze is off them. He was uneasy about them,because they were certainly older than him by a few years. He decided to branch off to a street away from the direction of his house.


That was his mistake!

Here comes the pain

Am nt continuing 4 sum tym, d glitches in dis site is discouraging me.

Nnnnoooooooo!!!

He turned round and noticed them coming towards him, their paces increasing by the second. He had no choice than to go into different streets from time to time, confusing the boys. he supposedly did a good work of that and was confidently walking home,when a punch came from nowhere, hitting his face with venom.

He staggered back,and was soon engaged in a tussle with one of the boys, who held him down until the rest came. They then ganged up against him, tied him and started beating him mercilessly with planks,bamboo sticks and virtually anything they could lay their hand on. He was passing out when he saw a man running towards them from a distance

Paul was angry as he returned from the school. The 'Michael' incident had got to the school management and was the center of discussion in the afternoon break by the teachers. Almost all the teachers had proffered stiff penalties for both of them, not minding how embarrassing it will be. Paul has tried to water down the offence, stating their obvious age and naivety as reasons for a lighter punishment. The other teachers had none of it however, and called for Michael's head. What angered Paul the most about the incident was that barely a week ago, two guys were caught in a more compromising position with three girls and the teachers dismissed it. He had the feeling that the supposed 'infurity' of the teachers was due to the fact that Michael was Igbo. He then took a turn form the usual route back home, in order to think. If he did not do that, Michael may have not survived what was happening to him!

Cybercafe things, updates will be much slower.



But am still writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has the markings of becoming a graphic novel.
You're getting there rapmike-kun.

firestar: This has the markings of becoming a graphic novel.
You're getting there rapmike-kun.

Thanks firestar-chan!

He had decided to pass a longer route to his abode because he wanted to think on the way, his thoughts were however interrupted by what seemed to be the merciless mauling of a boy by some irate youths. He wanted to turn a blind eye since this was not new, but the way the boys were 'dishing' out the beating touched his heart. He said if it was Michael that was beaten like that, he would want to intervene.

As he got nearer to the scene, he suddenly realised that it was not just 'any boy' that was been beaten, it was Michael, his own Michael, who he took as a blood brother. His anger skyrocketed all of a sudden, with his feet following suit. His face was murderous as he approached the lads, who fled at the sight of him.

He approached Michael and tried to call his name. Michael, who was knocked out, did not respond. He was worried and quickly decided to move Michael. He quickly lifted them over his shoulders and moved as fast as his legs would go. He soon stopped a bike and zoomed off.

Michael woke up with a splitting headache. He looked around, completely lost as regards where he was, but was calm when he saw a doctor, he realised that he was in a hospital. He then tried to remember what happened, sparking more pain.




'Ah!' a short, sharp exclaimation escaped his lips. All of a sudden, the doctor who was busy with some other patient, moved suddenly towards him.



'Easy there boy, you need some rest', the doctor said, placing his hand on Michael's chest and laid him down. 'You were lucky that you had no broken bones.



Michael slept off to wonderland, where he dreamt of been chased by a mob and stripped nude, his genitals showing. Then Aminat came from no where,a man with her, as she met Michael and started laughing at him, pointing at his thing. The mob joined in the laughter, as Michael felt like crying there. He was about to cry when he woke up.


Something seemed wrong. There was no light.

The darkness had an odd feeling which was bearing down on Michael. Although it sounded more superstitous than real, he felt an evil spirit was hanging somewhere close to him,looking with glited eyes at him. The fear was heightened by the white cloth in front of him, which was in line with the unknown shining object. He was almost passing out in fear when.....





UP NEPA! The shouts seemed to come just in time as power was suddenly restored to the hospital, with Michael's fears disappearing with them. The scary white cloth was then discovered to be a ward coat, with an aluminium hanger supporting it giving the shining look. Michael heaved a sigh of relief and slept off.

Paranoia.

Don't scare me like that, Mike

firestar: Paranoia.

No be im fault na, d beating cause am.

Kaycee7: Don't scare me like that, Mike

No be mine fault.

The next day was better for Michael,as Paul came to visit. They chatted for quite a long time before Paul decided to leave for home.



Michael stayed for a week in the hospital before he was discharged. Paul was taking him home and was at his house gate when he stopped and swiftly moved in front of Michael. He squatted and faced the young boy, anxiety etched on his face. Michael was quite surprised at the action and the next words will shock him further more.



'Michael, don't return to that school again!'

Michael looked astonished, as he mentally asked what was wrong before verbally saying so to Paul.



'Michael, please don't argue about it, i will find a way to change your school, but don't come back, please' Paul pleaded.



'Don't you find it funny that no one from your school asked for you' Paul said. 'I don't want anything to happen to you because i know what happened to you is related to some people in the school,so please just obey me' Paul said with a knowing smile.


Michael agreed relucantly after much pleading and went into the house. However after a day he decided to go to school.



The stubborn fly follows the corpse to the grave.