Yea I think lashawns story is becoming a bit too scripted. I think if she is trying to use this medium to waste other people's time. When she has a true bad experience no one might take her seriously. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get a real looney

babyosisi: Let me say something here that many men may not like including my own hubby if he reads this but it is so true
Almost every man wants to control his partner
It is a man's nature and make up to control the things around him including his family
The same make up that makes them protect their own also makes them wAnt to be in total control
It is the duty of a woman in marriage to wisely set a boundary and create some independence for herself
Anyone who has been married to the same man and is comfortable in the marriage knows exactly what I am talking about
And it is not easy to obtain ,the man will resist it and term it " open eye" and non submissiveness etc
But you are just trying to be allowed to be your own person within the marriage and there is nothing wrong in it.

That is why I insist every married woman should have a job and earn her own money
There is some level of respect when he knows you can take care of yourself and are pulling your weight .
I have heard women hiding clothing in the garage and in their cars so the man won't be upset
Well if You made your own money and had your own personal account even if you had a joint account,he cannot be mad that you bought a new pair of shoes or sent money to help your brother out .
Babyosisi ain't hiding no shoes in no cupboards,I work too hard for it.

Ma[b]rriage is good and I love my husband to pieces,he is not perfect by any stretch and neither am I but we are determined to make it work,thank God he is a Christian man that [/b]fears God.
I have written here before that I have this one chance at marriage,I will not do this marriage thing with anyone else lai lai
It is hardwork to fashion my life to align with hubby and I have invested a lot into it and God knows I don't have the energy to start it with anyone else
It is not easy training a man to your taste wallahi
Men are tough creatures

@ the bolded ,So what is your advice for all the abused folks? Stay and make it work?

stillwater:

He beat you with a belt? Wow!




Well people would have different reasons...

1) Love could be one of the reasons. You might still love the person in a twisted way.
2) Desperation to be married (especially in Nigeria)
3) fear of divorce
4) the kids
5) lack of finances

I agree to a large extent
What is love in being hit and devalued
Many woman stay out of no 3 ,4 and no 5 In Naija the biggest issue is and shame of what people will say
My sister told me that was her biggest fear
They had a big wedding and she was thinking how disappointing it would be to all the people if she left.
I am glad she woke up and left

kreami diva:


@ the bolded ,So what is your advice for all the abused folks? Stay and make it work?

I have written enough already and the poster read my posts and responded
I can't repeat it
Sorry
Click on my name and read my direct responses to her position and those like hers.i also wrote my sister's story
My stand on physical violence is pretty clear

babyosisi:

I have written enough already and the poster read my posts and responded
I can't repeat it
Sorry
Click on my name and read my direct responses to her position and those like hers.i also wrote my sister's story
My stand on physical violence is pretty clear

No offence intended dear. I hear that a lot. Stay and make it work,all men are like that. My friend's hubby calls her a prostitute at the slightest provocation and she says: kreami,that is our second name as women! I replied well,it's not my name and i won't take it.

Please let us leave LaShawn to share her story how she feels comfortable.
We are not all the same, some of us can sit and write it all at once, some of us have other outlets, some of us remember an experience when we see someone elses story.

Once in Nairaland I was accused of talking too much about my experience and asked to "Move on" and "concentrate on my new life", but I shared and shared, so many people have contacted me off line and said my experience and how I overcame it helped them.
Once in Nairaland it was almost a taboo to be a divorcee and say it, once in nairaland you couldn't advice anyone to leave an abusive situation without mob attack.

I couldn't fully share with my father because I would have given him a heart attack, I couldn't fully share with my friends because I didn't want them to have divided loyalty, most of their husbands were still friends with my ex and had the same circle.

I could only share with one of my sisters and I saw how it affected her, so when I found this place it helped me just as I helped others. I shared and shared and shared, even when my Ex finally apologised and I introduced him to this site he encouraged me to keep on sharing so that other parents could learn the long term impact of abuse and that it was carried on from one generation to the other when we continue to tell the abuser to "tolerate".

If the story is true, telling it may be like reliving it and saying all at once could overwhelm her.
Pleasw let's allow people to share the way they know best

Ema prince: Only slapped my sister once and that was like 11yrs ago.I was small anyway.she felt dizzy and i was filled with remorse.
since then,I have never beaten any woman and will never do!..But advising the abused to leave their marriage isn't the best.
If you are a Christian,talk to your pastor and he will tell you that it is not prudent to leave your marriage because,even if you get married to another,that first man is still your true husband.forget all these things we are learning from the white.

I'll advice that you pray harder to GOD over this.there is nothing impossible to him

********PLS TAKE UR TYM TO READ THIS SHARED EXPERIENCE OF MY MUMS FRND,ITS LONG BUT PLS READ CUZ ITS NOT EASY TYPiN FROM PHONE,BUT I V TO HELP PEOPLE!! THANKS***********


bro forget pastor here! Let me share u my mum's frnd story........my mum n her childhood frnd.......my mums frnd advised her to 4get univsty while she awaited admsn am talkn 80's.....she told her to hop into poly.......she owe her dat big favor uptill date cuz she's stil remeba wen we share words......dis her frnd got to meet her husband at her place of work she's a secondary school teacher! They started datin,this same man aS asked a lot women out in d same skool!......she suppose to return bak to her parent during weeknds but will skip it stayin wit her fiance,lyk dat lyk dey got an apartment togeda started living n she neva showed up to her parents! She bcame pregnant! Cld u bliv it was 2days to delivery they both went to d ladies parnt to seek her hand in marriage! The lady father was so angry dat he said ,if they didn't showed up before d delivery dat he won't join dem togeda n he would disown her....dis my mums parent were rich bak in d days cuz dey stayed in quarters during her grownin up so she neva lacked anytn,so they moved in togeda and stat dia life.....afta givin birth to a lady,problem stat! D MIL neva liked her at allll,notin she does dat pleases her! D followin year I was born! So her 1st born is a year older dan me,she started vn problem in her marriage,d man started beating her, throw her clothes outside n call her ASHEWO,she would come to my moms house to safe the shame for a while, d man would come beggin,askin my mom to beg on his bhalf, they would sort it,later move In,samething would apen,up till I grew up,the man so arrogant that his friends don't talk when he talks! He moves with royal dignitaries! He won't allow his wife to work,will tel her jst pick the kids n cook,he would giv her money for pedicure,manicure,hairs,clothing,the man would pay all the bills all because he doesn't want the man working! He doesn't comes home until 11pm,12pm......continue fighting that I have grown up to notice when they fight, the woman bore 3kids fors him, 2boys,one gal......he bought car for her, n all that.....he can pamper today but beat a month, the woman became tired that she would tel my mum is this how she would be living her life!my mum would pet her heart,she continiue strugglin,she wasn't the type saving,clothes chai!! Sometyms den my mum will curse her stars when goin parties with her,jewelries! She don't save,fast forward......the woman met a man along her working place,asking her out but she said she's married,she kept on calling.......but this man is so carinGgggg so her fragile mind became weak she would stop by at the mans work to play witout sayin yes......this woman husband as gotten to the stage if he wants to have sex wit his wife,all he says his *the whistle way* lyk sayin aceee wit ur mouth* n he would say meet me in my room,have fun with her n tel her to go back to her room!one day I guess God wants to call it a quit in his house! The man from outside called her phone,the husband hasn't picked the womans phone before,but on dat memorable day he did!he heard a mans voice,the man outside immediately noticed it was her husband that picked immediately said wrong numba, but the man neva blived called his wife ASHEWO started flingin her clothes oitsyd doin aLl sought of tinz,then the woman made that great decision that day n neva returned bak home dat was 2011 april since 1991 they have been togeda......she went to slip in one of her area sister house who is a widower! 1st day went,2nd day...a week,they husband taught it was the normal threat that she would soon be back,a week turned 1months!he later started beggin......but she stood firm,so she was gettn calls from the outsyd man dat hope he hasn't ruin her home!she said No......they begin dia lovey-dovey which her children were in support......the man started trailling her to the point he went to the skool to abuse her n abandon the kids.....dats how she started her own life.....the outsyd man rent an apartment for her 3months afta gettn out......they started rlshp at 49.yrs.....could u blive her husband never had a house the same flat they rented while courtn was the same they were togeda til she went parkin.....but the man gets enuf used car due to dignitaries he moved with.......can u bliv this year 2013 they all most amputate this woman legs when she got attack....from her husband! Cause she later confam her husband as join the OGBONI cult group......I saw the pictures of the leg wen I got home for assu strike,people u nid to see them,as fat as an elephant leg......she has been doin fyn......she got an attack on her bday whch was august 1st dis year....whc so many prayas were goin on.........my conclusion I told my mum she the woman caused it.....that if she had left earlier.....it won't v grown to a full grown iroko tree! Ladies make decisions about ur marriage fast.....from my survey women within late 40's----early 50 60% suffered in there marriage due to "he would change"cuz of my children""where would I start"........when u makin money try to build a house women no matter how the husband can be cuz tomorow myt change so u can v a house to fall too! V a solid biznez not sellin petty provision foods.......u human also n v ryt to be independent......my wife can never ever be a full house wife even if I be warren buffet........

Don't mind mind typings......am typing from a phone.....bloods no more going thru my finger but I jst v to share this,I'm so angry at myself I came late!but hope its useful

Donxavier: @Cathaliya

I can see the razzness in you already

Where is Jenny?

Right here darling... I have to agree with Catalina here

LaShawn:

Na wa for these pipu.

I have tried to move on. I've tried to be strong. Just that he keeps imposing himself into my present. I told my friend who brings his sorry tales to stop talking to him. She says she can't.

I think it is time you excommunicated that 'friend' of yours

jennykadry:

Right here darling... I have to agree with Catalina here

I know and she's right and I know you wouldn't let any MODAFKR treat you anyhow

Happy so many people opened up, i am still young and never had an abusive rlationship
Maybe some how i know how to tame the Men i've come acrossed.

This days abusive relationships is on the increase, lost count of many instances i have read in the dailies most notably the lagos banker...
Many lives have gone beyond, as a result, its now a everyday thing
Don't know if its pressure or what could have caused a Man to lay his hands on someone, you pleaded, courted, paid bride price for, the daughter of your child(ren), the one you claim you L♥√ع ....
I try to find answers, but i found none, you just notice the man has turned a beast ready to devour, most turn their wives into punching bags, they can't even fight their mates.
Personally, i think its a curse for a man to lay his hands on a woman.
They deserve your respect, we should be protected by you and not abused, we should be cared for and loved, there are better ways to correct, reproove a woman, other than bashing, beating hitting, its not even manly, if you can't control your temper, you are not a Man.

As a lady immediately you notice such, please run for your dear lives and never return, i cannot but agree less to what babyosisi has said on this thread(she's been a great role model to me nairaland coupled with greatgod and some others)
Run and don't give a second chance to such Men, forget the crocodile tears they shed or the pleadings cos he'll still repeat it when given a second chance, and another thing is do not be silent on the issue, that's why many have gone beyond
They keep quiet, in such situations, speak out, you need help, and most importantly, learn to be less dependent, work and have your money, earn your respect, don't act like a beggar, you are his wife, learn how to tame a Man to your taste, be a strong woman, don't be a pendullum he can just push anyhow, you are a woman, be strong

Lastly, learn how to control your tongues, it sure gets many of us into trouble, a man does not joke with his ego, even if he is financially unstable, don't talk to a man anyhow, be of a good character, don't useless him in public or disgrace him amidst his friends, don't be insultive and rain curses on him, it sure alters their ego and cause him to overreact. Their are better ways to deal with a man.
Men are like dogs, but they can be trained to whatever you want them to be, some dogs eat poo, some don't, some sleep and live in a nice place, and some roam about the streets, some dull, some intelligent!

Silence is the best answer, smiling is the best reaction to all situation,

So it is now a crime to write lucidly. Or I'm so jobless that I would stay up half the night thinking up and typing a story.
One would think you would go through my past threads and posts before reaching a conclusion.
Sorry for disturbing you people with my 'stories'. It won't happen again.

^^^
Continue with your stories.

And I bet if I talk of how I went back to him briefly, I'll be chopped raw. What have I even said, that it is sounding like fiction? What if I begin from A and finish at Z without leaving out anything? Well, some things are meant to follow you to the grave, I guess. So I will keep quiet.

Anyway, maybe there's another girl out there like me. I'd tell her this, get your people involved. And talk to those around you. Let them know what you're going through.
Because it took the collective efforts of my family to pull me back, my dad particularly.
Thank you for your time all.

Please continue sharing..


You should know it's NL with the drama and whatnots

Worst case, it's fabricated.. But someone somewhere is suffering the exact same thing..

The main thing now is what are your next steps

LaShawn: So it is now a crime to write lucidly. Or I'm so jobless that I would stay up half the night thinking up and typing a story.
One would think you would go through my past threads and posts before reaching a conclusion.
Sorry for disturbing you people with my 'stories'. It won't happen again.

babyosisi: Let me say something here that many men may not like including my own hubby if he reads this but it is so true
Almost every man wants to control his partner
It is a man's nature and make up to control the things around him including his family
The same make up that makes them protect their own also makes them wAnt to be in total control
It is the duty of a woman in marriage to wisely set a boundary and create some independence for herself
Anyone who has been married to the same man and is comfortable in the marriage knows exactly what I am talking about
And it is not easy to obtain ,the man will resist it and term it " open eye" and non submissiveness etc
But you are just trying to be allowed to be your own person within the marriage and there is nothing wrong in it.

That is why I insist every married woman should have a job and earn her own money
There is some level of respect when he knows you can take care of yourself and are pulling your weight .
I have heard women hiding clothing in the garage and in their cars so the man won't be upset
Well if You made your own money and had your own personal account even if you had a joint account,he cannot be mad that you bought a new pair of shoes or sent money to help your brother out .
Babyosisi ain't hiding no shoes in no cupboards,I work too hard for it.

Marriage is good and I love my husband to pieces,he is not perfect by any stretch and neither am I but we are determined to make it work,thank God he is a Christian man that fears God.
I have written here before that I have this one chance at marriage,I will not do this marriage thing with anyone else lai lai
It is hardwork to fashion my life to align with hubby and I have invested a lot into it and God knows I don't have the energy to start it with anyone else
It is not easy training a man to your taste wallahi
Men are tough creatures

baby that's not true at, all. Just few insecure men. Though your Last sentence is true, why would you train me, I resemble your kiddo??

LaShawn: And I bet if I talk of how I went back to him briefly, I'll be chopped raw. What have I even said, that it is sounding like fiction? What if I begin from A and finish at Z without leaving out anything? Well, some things are meant to follow you to the grave, I guess. So I will keep quiet.

Anyway, maybe there's another girl out there like me. I'd tell her this, get your people involved. And talk to those around you. Let them know what you're going through.
Because it took the collective efforts of my family to pull me back, my dad particularly.
Thank you for your time all.

Well, LaShawn, sorry that you have just experienced the hypocrisy of some NLanders live. The very same ones that went about tattling to the mods to come and clean up the thread and close the thread whenever the discussion led to other things are the same ones that came to shut the person staying on topic up. The same ones that go around maligning other posters non stop 'for always causing drama' are the same ones that have attacked someone trying to share the story of their abuse simply because they don't like their styling. And I'm not speaking to those who simply expressed skeptism but to those who attacked the poster!

If you don't want to read the story of someone's abuse can't you just hit the back button?

Even if the story is a pile of lies (and Lashawn, let's face it, lot's of people tell fake stories around here) she is still educating people about abuse and abusers. The topic of discussion is sensitive enough to just let things lie! The story was already coming to an end anyway so what was the point exactly? Even after they saw other posters identify with Lashawn's stories and come out to tell theirs as a result, they still aimed to gun her down. Appalling.

LaShawn, thanks for writing, I understand if you can't continue, sorry things turned out this way. I hope that the parts you have written have been helpful to your process. But if you ever do feel like sharing, some of us are willing to listen.

Lashawn, Biko come and finish ur series o!!
Real or fake, I dontu Kia! Finish wot u've started o!!

Les: baby that's not true at, all. Just few insecure men. Though your Last sentence is true, why would you train me, I resemble your kiddo??

I sight u!! Happy new year

Idowuogbo:
I sight u!! Happy new year

haha calls for celebrity, wia art thou been??

LaShawn: And I bet if I talk of how I went back to him briefly, I'll be chopped raw. What have I even said, that it is sounding like fiction? What if I begin from A and finish at Z without leaving out anything? Well, some things are meant to follow you to the grave, I guess. So I will keep quiet.

Anyway, maybe there's another girl out there like me. I'd tell her this, get your people involved. And talk to those around you. Let them know what you're going through.
Because it took the collective efforts of my family to pull me back, my dad particularly.
Thank you for your time all.

Pay them no mind...continue

Donxavier:

I know and she's right and I know you wouldn't let any MODAFKR treat you anyhow

Them no born that person well when he only has one d...k and not two and the one isn't made of gold

ileobatojo:

Well, LaShawn, sorry that you have just experienced the hypocrisy of some NLanders live. The very same ones that went about tattling to the mods to come and clean up the thread and close the thread whenever the discussion led to other things are the same ones that came to shut the person staying on topic up. The same ones that go around maligning other posters non stop 'for always causing drama' are the same ones that have attacked someone trying to share the story of their abuse simply because they don't like their styling. And I'm not speaking to those who simply expressed skeptism but to those who attacked the poster!

If you don't want to read the story of someone's abuse can't you just hit the back button?

Even if the story is a pile of lies (and Lashawn, let's face it, lot's of people tell fake stories around here) she is still educating people about abuse and abusers. The topic of discussion is sensitive enough to just let things lie! The story was already coming to an end anyway so what was the point exactly? Even after they saw other posters identify with Lashawn's stories and come out to tell theirs as a result, they still aimed to gun her down. Appalling.

LaShawn, thanks for writing, I understand if you can't continue, sorry things turned out this way. I hope that the parts you have written have been helpful to your process. But if you ever do feel like sharing, some of us are willing to listen.

Hypocrites darling, bloody hypocrites

Lashawn, I hope you heal real fast. Continue with the series if you like, but the most important thing for you now is try and forget about it and focus in your future. Almost all your threads you opened, you are lamenting about this your ex, since 2011...... Just try and focus on your self. Don't put too much energy thinking about all the details...

Anyway, continue if it makes you feel better...some ppl are already addicted to your story. There you go!

coogar:

nigerian men & their uppity ways.
i[b]f you are not careful, they would burst into your bedroom without knocking. 6-3-3-4 failed to teach us simple etiquettes[/b]. I must tell my friends of my intended visit before i can visit them. if i am bringing anyone with me, i must ask the host first if it's ok.

his privacy must be respected!!!

THANK YOU !!

That is all really. Nigerian men just do not have etiquette (I'm a Nigerian male). False bravado, chauvanistic attitude, and just plain socially stunted. You wonder why they are all suspect women abusers !

By the way, this is for those who still doubt Lashawn's story

https://www.nairaland.com/673555/what-happens-serious-relationships

jennykadry:
Hypocrites darling, bloody hypocrites

babyosisi: Abi o
My wedding anniversary came around and all I got was a kiss and a dozen roses
Not even a check or dollar bills like sometimes in the past
I said to my Okonkwo ,so all these years, of all the sons and daughters I bore you with pain and great anguish ,I haven't reached the people that get a key to a brand new Mercedes convertible on their anniversary eh kwa.
He said I should be patient
Till when I ask
Anyway sha
Just ranting y'all
Let me see what will happen next year

By the way the roses died after a week in a vase with plant food
I showed him the flowers ,all dead and dried up
I hope it ministered to him
If those roses signified our love,they are now in the trash
The Mercedes would have still been in the driveway,all shiny and cute

Hope I made someone laugh

hahahaha . . .

This woman you no well, I swear!

LaShawn: And I bet if I talk of how I went back to him briefly, I'll be chopped raw. What have I even said, that it is sounding like fiction? What if I begin from A and finish at Z without leaving out anything? Well, some things are meant to follow you to the grave, I guess. So I will keep quiet.

Anyway, maybe there's another girl out there like me. I'd tell her this, get your people involved. And talk to those around you. Let them know what you're going through.
Because it took the collective efforts of my family to pull me back, my dad particularly.
Thank you for your time all.

LaShawn,pls bare your mind because this thread is all about u and a million and one other people in situations as these.

The advice i got here has made me so strong that i can even carry any abuser on my head and throw him into a transformer! Take the advice from here and walk away.

My mum asked me yesterday if i can't forgive him if he changes and agrees that i can work. I made it unequivocally clear that i want some time away from the negative energy around me. She sounded angry and disappointed but i had to tell her that i was disappointed in her. That no mother would want her daughter to stay where she's not comfortable. And it was her my husband called on the phone and was calling me names. Doesn't that amount to insult.why would you call my mum to heap insults on her daughter many women i know would tell him off and land the next morning to pick their daughters up!

swag queen:
The advice i got here has made me so strong that i can even carry any abuser on my head and throw him into a transformer!

swag queen:


LaShawn,pls bare your mind because this thread is all about u and a million and one other people in situations as these.

The advice i got here has made me so strong that i can even carry any abuser on my head and throw him into a transformer!

Dats wazzup!

kadman:

THANK YOU !!

That is all really. Nigerian men just do not have etiquette (I'm a Nigerian male). False bravado, chauvanistic attitude, and just plain socially stunted. You wonder why they are all suspect women abusers !

Lol @suspect. Infact 90% look like women beaters....just look into their blood shot eyes and you will pick race

It's sad that lot's of young girls think extreme jealousy and obsession is sign of true love and if a man beats them in a jealous rage, he must really love them.