alutacontinua:

Do ugly thoughts come into your head

Just tryna make you see that some things said out of anger are just as a result of the anger. Nothing else! Yes, it's cool to just shut up and not yell but some people ain't that cool and taking their words for it when they're angry might not be a good idea.

No, ugly thoughts don't come to my head. I don't function that way. But you could be right. I always get the "I didn't mean it" apology. I just have a problem dealing with the heart that could produce such ugly thoughts, afterwards.

I will try tho.

Thank you.

miqos02: you try as much as possible to avoid shouting at your partner, but sometimes you cant just help it. how do you reconcile after such big fight

things can be said out of anger. A reasonable persn, wen a thought cums into the mind, analysis nd checks wl b made and wl try to make out a positive tin abt it b4 talking. Bt a persn who is angry is no longer reasoning. So u shld knw d result. Immediately it cums in, it wl b spit out exactly d way it came.

so much to learn ..wat a thread!
@yellowpawpaw
Dear, its in u. If u want to curb pride and quick temper,u can do it. Nobody was born with such. Its the environment we find ourselves in that moulded us to what we r and we accepted that as normal.
Look at those around u, like beget like....
Take each day as it comes. No too much expectations from anybody.
And on and on........


I don't even know if I make sense.

#so on point..

@ Veave.................I also have d same problem. Am tired. I don't know how to handle dis. My career and relationship. ......................................

veave: yellowpawpaw... please i need classes on how to handle pride and a quick temper. i also have a fast tongue too... i promise myself everyday i wunt flare upp and raise my voice... but i just dont know how...

This is a very enlightening thread. Sure majority of shouting sessions are usually ended with thy lights off but the comments so far is making me know what to do & how to even avoid shouting in the 1st place.

Great thread!

One of the atribute of good and sincere personality is the ability to know that he or she is wrong on an issue. I may say we have many bad minded people in nairaland. When u know u are wrong and refused to apologise u are a wicked and bad minded person, heaven is far from u.

Great comments here, quite impressive. Here's a lil summary......

A Professor was teaching about Proverbs 15: 1. He asked his students, 'why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?' The students thought for a while. One said, because we lose our calm. But why shout when the other person is just next to you? Asked the professor. Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you are angry? The students gave some answers but none satisfied the Professor. Finally he explained, 'when two people are angry at each other, there is a distance in their hearts psychologically.
To cover the distance, they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will shout to hear each other through that great distance. Then the Professor asked, 'What happens when two
people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly. Why?
Because their hearts are psychologically close. The distance between them is very close. The Professor continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They don't speak, only whisper and they even get closer to each other in
their love. Finally they even need not
whisper, they only look at each other and that's all.....
So next time you shout on a loved one, know that you are creating distance between your heart and that person’s heart.

Annonymous Quotes:
Never ruin an apology with an excuse

In this life, when you deny someone an apology, you will remember it at time you beg forgiveness

When you've done something wrong, admit it and be sorry. No one in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride

Lastly....
Proverbs 15:1 says a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

jamesbridget13: I hate somebody yelling @ me. I cant do it. But when ever i make my bf angry i simply say ''baby am sorry 4give me ok, i promise not 2 do it again, am sincerely sorry'' i will wait 4 his response after which i ask him 2 kiss me if sincerely he has 4given me.

Lol I'm the opposite. Well it depends. If I am not in the wrong I won't apologize and we just wouldnt talk for a few hours or days. but if i am to blame I just laugh it off, say I'm sorry and then the issue is rectified.

Would just sit, stare and watch u yell

vivianc: Pls I also need help cos I don't know how to handle this and its ruining my relationships.

I'm not the yelling type and honestly I don't like to be yelled at, especially by a man. So depending on what he said to me while yelling, if they are really hurtful things then that ship has sailed. I might forgive but I find it difficult to reconcile cos i would always wonder how those hurtful things could come out of his heart and what more is in there.

Honestly, this has been my burden. The going will be so rosy but immediately the guy yells at me maybe with hurtful words, the next thing that will come outta my mouth will be "its over between us!" And that's it, it doesn't matter how long we have been together or how sweet he has been.

What if this happens when I get married? The sentence; "Its over between us!" comes out so freely from my mouth. I'm so scared of myself and the things I can do.

I don't know if the problem is from me or not cos we always think we have no flaws. So if there is any role I play in this I would love to start working on myself. But since I can't see it, I pray someone here can. Please help me ..................


Sorry Op for maybe hijacking your thread. Just that I have been struggling with this for sometime now and i'm too shy to create a thread for it. So please forgive me..........

dis 1 don change guys tire

Royal Roy:

....just like me. I don't believe people say things out of anger or unknowingly.....nope....its what they had always wanted to say to me & didn't have the courage until they reached a boiling point.

Even after resolving the issue, Some words you say might be used against you later in the relationship.

Cheers!

RR ,So I will assume you have never said a word out of anger to your partner before? Words that you don't mean... or are you a saint? You have Never used a 'foul' word on her before...


Some words are said purely out of ANGER...

Nice thread by the way....have learnt a lot May God help me.

i hate been yelled at and have never yelled at my fiancee like wise him tơơ. Instead we jus stop talking and keep quiet.........wats even d essence of shouting wen u can atleast talk calmly nd make ur points knowni

The best thing is to say "im sorry", even wen am not at fault. Just to keep my home from falling apart.

Every couple on earth have in one way or other yelled on each other. Personally, I do yell on my wife, and she shouts at me at some point as well.
When we finish bawling, we would go our ways and in few minutes, I would find myself playing banters with her just to take her mind off the rift we had previously and good night s x to ensure the differences is done for.

I am married for 5 years now.

arcbabe: this will sure make a lady cheap and make the guy feel afterall if i get her upset she will come begging on her knees naked and also round it up with sex.

U have just spoken like ur age. ASUU oooooooooooooo, pls call off this strike.

carefreewannabe: From my experience: To be ignored out of anger CAN be worse than to be yelled at.

You are very correct. My Baby totally puts me off when he is angry. He will be around yet I will be missing him. Really hurting

Couples differ in ways of settling quarrels. And its better one finds a way suitable for ones spouse so that issues may not escalat. My own i think may be different. And if applied by another may not work but it has been workng for us. Initially i usually appologise, but hubby sees it as if because i find it easy to render appology it makes me to always be misbehaving then if i appologise it does'nt seem to go down well with him. Again in our case there is nothing like one partner shouting to the other, because if i shout he would shout back and if he shouts i will fire back immediately saying everything i need to say before it becomes too late. At the end we would have quarrelled. No matter what after that we give ourselves some space for one or two hours. Then we would forget everyting and start conversing again as if nothing happened. After the quarrel, from what we voiced out each person will make amendment towards the others grieviances and we move on. No appologies no regrets from any side and no one is expecting appology. Its from quarelling that we reshape our behaviours to suit ourselves.

ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" .
Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus.

There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven.

u make sense die dear

vivianc: Pls I also need help cos I don't know how to handle this and its ruining my relationships.

I'm not the yelling type and honestly I don't like to be yelled at, especially by a man. So depending on what he said to me while yelling, if they are really hurtful things then that ship has sailed. I might forgive but I find it difficult to reconcile cos i would always wonder how those hurtful things could come out of his heart and what more is in there.

Honestly, this has been my burden. The going will be so rosy but immediately the guy yells at me maybe with hurtful words, the next thing that will come outta my mouth will be "its over between us!" And that's it, it doesn't matter how long we have been together or how sweet he has been.

What if this happens when I get married? The sentence; "Its over between us!" comes out so freely from my mouth. I'm so scared of myself and the things I can do.

I don't know if the problem is from me or not cos we always think we have no flaws. So if there is any role I play in this I would love to start working on myself. But since I can't see it, I pray someone here can. Please help me ..................


Sorry Op for maybe hijacking your thread. Just that I have been struggling with this for sometime now and i'm too shy to create a thread for it. So please forgive me..........

Am joining the party very late! ...just saw this. I'll be very brief as well.

*Reflect on that statement itself: (It is Over between us). What does it really mean (a) to you (b) Generally (c) to him

If what it means to you is what it means to (b) and especially (c ) l mean your darling then, is it really over as in dead and buried?

If it is not really over as in you dont mean "this relationship is dead and buried" ... dont say it.
Look for another phrase to express your anger You can even call him a kunt-sucker!

It appears to me you say that phrase but you dont attach its real and general meaning to it ... but others do! ...and take you seriously.

Its good you have identified that it is doing you harm.... adjusting is the next stage.
Another thing is to tell your Pal (if you find it difficult to drop the phrase) that he should take note: If l say it is over when l am angry with you, dont take it literally.... I dont mean it is really over, l just mean you're a d.ic.k head (or something like you hurting me and l feel like kissing you! )

I am a bit temperamental myself and l am working very hard on it.
Once l get into "the mood", l just look at you and switch my mind to something else that l like (like my kids).
It has a calming effect on me somehow. ..... and l reduce the "vibration" a bit.

Cheers

Lastpage!

I'm sorry is the medicine and afterward good s9x

bebe2:

i fit try ur system o, but i bet my hubby will think its a trap

we men knw is trap quet right bt it is a welcom one and far honorabl n beta dan pretenc, aroganc and sturbonence.

ifyalways: Nowadays,I sit and reflect honestly first then apologize. I try to analyze "what went wrong, how we could have resolved it and how to avoid same scenario from repeating itself" .
Afterwards,I go to my man on bended knees,stark naked, hail him, massage his isi nkwocha, tell him we both behaved like kids,bring up my already thought out "better conflict resolution" plans then end it with correct kpekus.

There and then,all sins are forgotten and forgiven.

I just hope dat all marital problems can be resolved with sex but I pray dat u won't face a problem dat sex wount be able τ̅☺ solve. But honesltly ify, ur husband is a very lucky dude

It do happen,esp 4rm me,cos am hot tempered,nd ma man is d coolest guy ve eva met.wen an argument gets heatd,he walks away.den i wil knw ve hurt him so much.i wil send him txt,prepare his favourite meal,cal him swt names,even d ones his mum cals him.hail him 2 his nick.CASE SETTLED.bt at tyms e no dy work oh.wat i do in harder cases is,i wil remind him of d day we met,hw we startd,hw far we ve gone,our dreams nd aspiration.i wil end by askin him,is dis hw u want it al 2 go down d drain,jst bcus of my stupidity.EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.sharp sharp i go begin shade tearz.d nxt tin he wil b d 1 2 beg.lolz.[power of a woman]

carefreewannabe: From my experience: To be ignored out of anger CAN be worse than to be yelled at.

So right. Yelling is not encouraged. But not thrashing it out, knowing d issue is there n growing, is worse.

I think i prefer a yelling wife to a "swelling in silence" one.

Wt d former at least u r given a glimpse of d problem. As a man u work out a strategy to tackle it.

Wt d latter, u only know there is a problem when d capacity to bear it has been exceeded. By then its a real big issue, trust me.

If keeping quiet means u ll come back to d issue when nerves are calmer, then wonderful.

Resolving goes beyond saying sorry n make up sex. They help a lot. But soon become routine, i mess up, i say sorry, makeup sex...

That method is sustainable though short-termic.

Developing d capacity to avoid recurrence is a beta long term solution.

My take.

You can't.

That's why one needs to think before speaking.

Some spoken words cannot be unspoken.

This yelling thing happens alot in my relationship and my husband is not the "I'm sorry" kind of person. But he apologies by buying gifts or asking for a date out. Marriage is not a child's play o. Would tell him am out after a heat,alot of hurtful words been said.but i find myself still here.

She jt simply tells me I LUV 2, n it's ova.

I love this @ op
Yelling? Yea I do it too but its just to get the attention off my woman or make her stop want ever she is doin I don't like, it does not last cos I have learnt to shut up when she tries to explain to her reasons. My voice will calm down when she start and the next tin on my mind is apology if I am wrong ut I she is wrong sh will apologise as she explains.that why I love her cos she just knows how to get me

vivianc: Pls I also need help cos I don't know how to handle this and its ruining my relationships.

I'm not the yelling type and honestly I don't like to be yelled at, especially by a man. So depending on what he said to me while yelling, if they are really hurtful things then that ship has sailed. I might forgive but I find it difficult to reconcile cos i would always wonder how those hurtful things could come out of his heart and what more is in there.

Honestly, this has been my burden. The going will be so rosy but immediately the guy yells at me maybe with hurtful words, the next thing that will come outta my mouth will be "its over between us!" And that's it, it doesn't matter how long we have been together or how sweet he has been.

What if this happens when I get married? The sentence; "Its over between us!" comes out so freely from my mouth. I'm so scared of myself and the things I can do.

I don't know if the problem is from me or not cos we always think we have no flaws. So if there is any role I play in this I would love to start working on myself. But since I can't see it, I pray someone here can. Please help me ..................


Sorry Op for maybe hijacking your thread. Just that I have been struggling with this for sometime now and i'm too shy to create a thread for it. So please forgive me..........

you couldnt forget the evil words said to you cos you continued to think about them after the event

today God has placed me above malice by giving me a scope of quick reconsiliation. Imidiately i finish a quarel section-say in the moring, i can allow the moring to pass but afternoon wil never pass without me greeting the fello. This is bc the more you prolong reconsiliation the more it is difficult to reconcile and the more you get prone to health chalenges and lose fellowship with God. God help us.
You can call me on 08060641170 for more advice. God bles you!

...wonder why someone should even yell to start with...it is usually counter productive cos there are more effective ways of registering one's displeasure.

1st i try my best 2 kep my partna hapy and nt 2 hot her,....wen i am at fault i try my best 2 acept my fault and also apologis 2 her,..wen she is at fault i try my best 2 talk senc in2 her but if she stil dnt want 2 undastand wit me i wil put her ON and hav cul sex wit her ,..bcs she must b quiet and sumisiv afta d sex,...it work wela 4 me o