I sat in my sofa staring blankly at the screen.
A little tired, I had just finished seeing an American film titled ‘Bachelor’ and I couldn’t help but mentally slither through the whole concept of bachelorhood.

For the guys, nothing beats having that feel of freedom; freedom from parents, freedom from a nagging wife and freedom from commitments. No better phase in a guy’s life does he get all these than when he remains a bachelor.
Weirdly, being a bachelor has its perks and difficulties. The perks I will come to later but being a bachelor without them girls can easily be likened to being stuck alone in a desert with the feeling of everyone having gone on an outer space travel.
But if you are a bachelor and you have the control number of the girls, then one of the perks is having the world literally in your pocket.
Plus if you are a bachelor like me, a handsome lawyer with a sense of humor rivaling that of a comedian, intelligence like that of a nerd, a salary from an oil exploration company job enough to comfortably support a family of ten, an SUV car and an apartment in the most posh area in Surulere, Lagos, then the world isn’t just in your pocket, it stays in your pocket and is zipped in your pocket forever.
The feeling of empowerment and freedom was enjoyable enough for me to ignore the many pressures from the different quarters in my family to get married. Marriage can wait.

I wasn’t in a hurry to stop ‘living the life’.

I had always had a thing for the ladies. Luckily enough for me, I learnt early enough that to get your dream lady didn’t always have to be all about the Benjamins. Playing your cards right and saying the right words at the right time were key in the game of ‘girl hunting’. If girl hunting was an art, I would easily be termed the ‘Jägermeister’.
Whilst having the extra cash made my choice of women classier these days, I always had my regular flow of women even when I didn’t have much from my days as a youth corper.

I wasn’t always the randy guy. In fact, I was a virgin till my 500 level in the university. I was aged 24. I had grown up having nerds and ‘spirikoko’ guys as the core of my friend’s circle. I unconsciously believed having a girlfriend was a ‘sin’.
All that was to change from the moment I met Bimbo.
I had met Bimbo in my 400levels. Bimbo had a lovely personality and a chukle that melt hearts. She also had those kinds of booties you will usually see in Johannesburg, South Africa. She was blessed with a firm, rounded and protruding booty held by a tiny waist and a flat tummy giving her the perfect hourglass shape. Bimbo and I had met in fellowship on campus. I was an usher in fellowship and a diligent one at that. I guess I must have been too diligent that particular night because only a diligent eye could have noticed the size of the booty from the distance I was positioned.

From then on, my eyes stayed glued to her like a radar locked missile. I just couldn’t concentrate throughout the service and once service was over, I glided through the crowd to where she sat.
Unlike present day, I was still very shy back then and had not thought of mentally preparing a pick-up line. I just stood right in front of her not knowing what to say. Her eyes locked on to mine and she smiled. I looked away embarrassed.
‘Hi usher’. She quipped.
‘Hello’ came my weak and feeble reply. “i..er…em…was wondering if you have the offering envelope?”
(Every time I look back and remember that night, I still get embarrassed. Jeez! That had to be a contender for one of the dumbest pick-up lines ever!).

“Funny you. Why would I need one? Service is over remember?” she asked, still having that smile etched all over her face. Why don’t you be a gentleman and walk me to my room?”
‘Oh ok. Why not? (Phew! That was a get out of jail card she played there. Everything is working far beyond what I expected).

I walked her to Idia hall and by the time we had finished gisting, I had concluded in one part of my mind that I had met ‘the special one’.
If it all went well that night, it was to become better in the weeks that followed. It seemed as if she was practically waiting for me all her life! This was 2003. GSM phones had just been introduced into the Nigerian market and I and Bimbo were a few of the lucky ones who had a phone to use on campus.

Despite the rather high rate for calls and text messages, my school allowances went into recharging my phone and calling Bimbo. Calls on an hourly basis and text messages to discuss the most mundane issues became the norm and within weeks, we had developed a bond. (Of course by this time, sex was not part of my lexicon yet).
That bond was to last a few weeks till she decided to attend foundation class for fellowship members and she met the Bible Study Secretary. Bro. Seun.
Our usual meetings started drying up with excuses of having to attend lectures, discussion groups, and foundation classes. Within three weeks, we basically stopped seeing. She also stopped picking my calls and depression started setting in for me. I ‘died’ any time a mutual friend informed me of seeing Bimbo with this same Bible study guy. I felt ‘chanced’ and ‘cheated’. I was only rescued from the torture by a three month ASUU strike that ensured I got Bimbo out of my mind.

On resumption in school after the strike, I was to get the biggest shocker of my life. After a Wednesday meeting, the fellowship pastor had announced to the full congregation that night that the Bible study secretary, Bro. Seun had been engaged to Bimbo. My Bimbo! The announcement literally had the effect of a magnitude 12.0 earthquake on my legs and I was literally shaking till I got back in my room.
After three days of ‘mourning’, self-pity and anger, I rose up and made some life changing decisions; I was quitting the fellowship, I was quitting the ‘Mr. Nice Guy’ persona and I was losing my virginity.
And that’s where it all began for me. Sit back and take a tour of my bachelor world of sexual escapades and self-discovery.

By the way, my name is Shola.

http://www.naijastories.com/2013/09/%ef%bb%bfthe-bachelor-life-episode-1/

Bachelor Life (episode 2)

I was jolted out of my self-imposed reverie by a knock on my door that I had now become all too familiar with. That has to be Funke. Problem is I wasn’t expecting her and i just didn’t want her around that time. Any other time was fine, but not today. Today was all about Tina, no other person. I was expecting Tina to hit my crib. The last we had spoken, she had told me she was in the cab to my place but was stuck in traffic.

I had mentally calculated the distance from Ojota where she was coming from and my place, and realized that plus or minus, within 45 minutes to an hour max she would get to my place. The last thing I needed was Funke being around. Having Tina come around was another story entirely. Let’s just say a lot of money, time, poetry and energy had gone into this venture. If you wonder why I had gone to that length to get her to come over, a brief description of her physical features will convince you. That description has to wait though ‘cos I‘ve got a more pressing problem; Funke.

Sweating, worried and confused, I asked;

“Who is that?

‘Funke’ came the reply.

Damn! My worst fears confirmed. But she didn’t call before coming! I cursed under my breath. I had to think of something. I can’t have Funke come around and spoil the best laid plans.

Funke was a lady I had met in the bus on one of those days I had decided not to drive down to the office. Traffic that week had been hellish and I had decided to take the quicker and easier route of taking public bus.

Funke sat beside me in the bus from CMS to Stadium; from there I was to connect to my crib. Work had been stressful and to ease my pain and distract me from the heat generated by the slow moving traffic, I scrolled through the videos on my phone and started watching ‘Pacific Rim’, a movie I had saved earlier on my phone and didn’t notice her beside me.

Five minutes into the trip and apparently feeling inconvenienced by her sitting position, she beckoned on me and I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“Can you please shift a little?” she asked.

I took out my earphones and quickly did a scan of this person ‘disturbing’ me and making me pause my movie. The scan result came back good. The hips were a pure piece of art. Even in her sitting position, the leggings she had on did very little to hide the superbly sculptured behind she was backing. I gladly obliged. Stupidly though, I didn’t capitalize on that opportunity to start a conversation.

For the remainder of the journey, my brain went into overdrive trying to get the perfect opportunity to start a conversation with her.

Unfortunately, I just couldn’t think of anything. I silently prayed that she wouldn’t get down before the final bus stop where I would alight.

My prayer was answered (I thought someone said the prayer of a sinner was an abomination to God…issh!) We both got down at the last bus stop and if her voluptuousness was noticeable from her sitting position, then seeing her fully stand not only made me respect God’s artistry on her, it also made my WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) give a ‘21 gun salute’.

‘Controlled’ by sight without any obvious strategy to strike a conversation, I walked up to her and simply said;

“Seems you are going my way, can I tag along?”

She looked at me and her look of disgust was palpable. She hissed and walked away from me briskly.

The feel of embarrassment was unbelievable. I could notice the telling stares and smiles on the face of people nearby who had seen me walk up to her and her subsequent reaction. I had to save face. I then remarked audibly ‘ok. Later now!’ A pretentious call and I briskly walked away silently cursing my luck.

Within a few hours, I had forgotten about Funke. Aided by the European Champions league match I watched that evening and a local dish I had bought from an eatery on my way home, I had unconsciously consigned the afternoon’s experience as one of those not so memorable ‘hunting expeditions’. A good night sleep and I was out early for work the next morning.

I started out towards the bus stop to get a vehicle to work and had barely walked for 5 minutes, when I basically bumped into Funke; the same lady who embarrassed me the day before. This time I was never going to allow her slip from my hands. I realized I had to up my game; Game on!

Following

sits with a bottle if Alomo bitters and one loaf of Agege bread...
[calls out to the narrator] where this lawyer dey come nack me torri my patience is limited

Don't know if this is Super Story or This Life series... anyways... m subscribing

Op, I heard mikel obe scored his first primary league goal, is it true?

swtchicgurl: Op, I heard mikel obe scored his first primary league goal, is it true?

it's premier league not primary league. And yes, it's true.
I also heard he is to be crowned african footballer of the year. Is it true?

*walks in find front seat,sits down and order for bottle of Smirnoff and plate of shawarma* hey!!!!!!!! come and complete the tori oh!!!! My patience is running out.

Am right here too

this story set

Mr. Barman wetere m otu bottle O'mpa ya na otu bottle shine shine bobo ka m were nyominaa anu okuko a m tara!!!

*takin d last sit, starin at d group of ladies takin d front sit* "will definitely catch one of dem" said 2my self... WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction) i lyk dat

Bachelor Life (episode 3)

On sighting Funke, I immediately remembered it was the same girl who had ignored me the previous day. Our eyes locked and after a few secondsof staring at each other, she looked away and smiled. (Correct! good sign).

“So thanks for embarrassing me in public yesterday. I only wanted to be a friend you know?”

For a few seconds, it seemed she was torn between deciding to walk away and replying me. She chose the latter;

“How did I embarrass you?” she asked trying to sound and look disinterested.

“Anyways, it doesn’t matter. My name is Shola’. I continued.

“Funke’ she replied curtly. (Playing hard to get eh?)

“Madam relax nau. Am only trying to make a conversation here. I don’t plan to take you from your boyfie na”.

She laughed. (First line of defense broken).

‘Very funny. Well, am also making a conversation. Just don’t like players and guys stalking me in the streets’, she replied.

‘Eh ya. Am sorry. First; I am not a player. Second, I only wanted to get to meet you and didn’t know how I could if I didn’t approach you then. Still I apologize.” I said using my most ‘phonetised’ English.

‘Hmmm. Ok o. Am taking my bus here’. She said stopping at some point at the bus stop.

Ok. Can I have your phone number and BB pin? I asked.

“Here…08023.”(lemme keep the number secret ‘cos of some sharpt guys).

‘Am not giving you my pin. Call me first. You have to earn the pin.” She said with a smile, then hopped to the next available bus.

4 nights later after regular calls and bbm chats (oh! I sure did earn the pin), she was in my house. I opened the door to see Funke looking as sexy as sexy can get, she was a different girl from the girl I saw four days before. The girl I saw was cute and sexy; the girl before me was bad ass!

Her cologne smelt nice and she wore a really a rather tight skirt which really accentuated her curves. It seemed like my WMD also noticed her beauty as it started acting uncontrollably. Only my excuse of getting her a drink and subsequent ‘adjusting’ made the stupid thing stop from embarrassing me further.

After entertaining her with the baddest shawama in my area along with a cool can of Malta Guinness, I knew I had to ‘do it’ tonight. One rule of the game- you hit it the first or maximum second visit or you can as well forget it. The problem I faced was how to get her to come to my room. Under the guise of showing her around my crib, I invited her to my room to show her around. She simply stood at the door refusing to join me on the bed where I had now nestled myself. Then she went back to the sitting room.

(Stubborn geh)

I was not to be deterred. If Ali does not go to the mountain, the mountain will go to Ali. I went and meet her where she sat.

I started by playing with her hair. She didn’t stop me so I got encouraged and became bolder. Then the first hug which was cut short by her pushing me away.

‘What’s wrong with you? whats with all this you are doing?’ She said looking straight at me.

Then I moved closer to her while touching her thighs and acting like I didn’t hear a word of her earlier protest.



‘Hope you had a nice day today?’ I asked. Poor question but I just had to distract her from noticing the ‘actions’ being performed by my fingers.



‘Yeah’ Funke replied, looking suspicious.



‘You know I love you so much?’ I asked becoming a little desperate while smiling and sweating at the same time, my WMD already beginning to charge.



Funke noticed this and moved further back on the settees. ‘Ya I know. But don’t you think this is too early? You need to stop this or I will go.’ (Go where?)



‘How? Why would you want me to stop? I want you. I love you’ (At this stage, I could have said I loved Osama!), my sense of reasoning controlled by my rising libido.



“But we just met 4 days ago and you are beginning to asking for sex, is that what you want from me?’ (You should expect this from me dear; after all I am not impotent!).



Realizing I am beginning to lose the game slowly, I knew I had to raise my game.

“Not what you think sweetheart” (This time I adopt the love poet approach and the sweet lies follow).



“You are the only girl in my life and I will never hurt you. Well, if you don’t want it then its ok by me’ (Na lie! What is ok? You must do o. This line almost always works!)



Looking at me pitifully, she said softly; ‘Please don’t feel sad, it’s not that I don’t love you, is just that am scared’. At this point, I decided there was no need for words anymore.



Somehow, I can’t explain how I found my fingers in between her thighs. I prodded further and felt wetness between her legs. (Game on! Second line of defense broken).



I knew I had succeeded, with one finger still ‘prodding’ her thighs, I started kissing her. Before long and seeing her responsiveness to my moves, I lifted her up whilst still kissing her, took her to my ‘Maracana stadium’ (my room, where else?), gently placed her on the bed, unzipped my fly and unleashed the ‘Krakon’.

chai! nice story anyways

thanks for stopping by...

BACHELOR LIFE (EPISODE 4)

I still remember the very first time I had sex with Funke. It felt really good.
Problem was that with every more round of sex I had with her, the joy of having sex with her reduced. The ‘over regularity’ of our ‘sexcapades’ coupled with the fact that she lived in my area and was always coming over to my crib for sex, meant I stopped looking forward to the sex. I had read somewhere about guys possessing one hormone which naturally reduces his desire for a girl he regularly has sex with. I think that hormone was particularly active in me with regards to Funke’s.
These days, perhaps noticing my reluctance to meet with her anytime she asked to come over and see me, Funke had developed a knack for coming over to my house without notice. Aided by the fact that she knew when I was home because I usually drove past her house on my way home from work, she would just show up at my door knocking and banging the door like we shared the same flat. I had decided I would tell her off and strongly resist that habit. Problem is the erection I get every time I saw her always ensured I forgot about any other thing than tapping her ass.
Today was different.
Today, Tina was coming and I wasn’t ready for anyone to spoil my plans. I had arranged and agreed with Tina to have her stay for the night and I had to get Funke out of that place or everything becomes complicated. No stories. I am telling her off this time!
I opened the door and saw Funke in the tightest seductive mini skirt I had ever seen. She also wore a tube that was so tight it made her boobs look like they would pop out at any minute.
If her dressing got me aroused, then her next few words after she stepped into my apartment got my joystick charging;
‘You ehn! You‘ve been avoiding me for some days abi. Well you are not running anywhere today. I am not letting you go till I screw your brains out today’.
Immediately two streams of thought went to war in my head; one told me to get Funke out of my crib before Tina came. Another one told me to give her the screw of her life and call Tina to reschedule.
From nowhere, a third one told me to have the best of both worlds- ‘screw Funke before Tina arrives’. I agreed with this rather innovative line of thought and quickly decided to go with the third line of thinking.
Without saying a word and without locking the door, I reached out for my wallet, retrieved the condom I had in my wallet and rushed Funke like a sex starved ex-convict just released from prison.
With one swift movement, I gently pushed her to turn and face the wall. She promptly went with the flow and stamped her hands against the wall whilst she separated her legs wider for easier ‘entry’. I slipped the condom on my joystick and touched her clitoris to ensure she was wet. I noticed she had no panties on and was dripping wet (lets goooo there!). Without warning, I shoved my joystick deep inside her resulting in her letting out a gasp. Then I started trash talking, telling her I would punish her for daring to say she would screw me. After about 3 minutes of nonstop pumping action, she turned her face to look at me, and asked half serious and half moaning;
“Shola, I luv your dick. Promise me you won’t share it with another girl beside me’
‘I promise’. (If na so I dey promise babes since, you sef go fit chop inside?)
“huuu…haaaa…hmmm. I can’t share this with any other bitch. You hear? Haaaa, gosh you are so sweet...” she continued. (But there is love in sharing na! wait small, you go see as Tina go ‘share inside’).
With every thrust into her, her moans grew louder and I was starting to get worried her moans might be heard outside my flat. If her moans were already loud, then it reached a crescendo when I grabbed her boobs whilst playing with her nipples. She was close to screaming.
“Bang me…screw me…shola screw me hard…ha! Am cumming…am cumming”; she was literally screaming now. By this time, I was fully convinced that everyone in the area could hear her voice. (alakoba!).
Probably cued by the dirty talk, I released my load within seconds and she came almost immediately after I did. We both collapsed to the nearest sofa we could find. She fell asleep immediately or so it seemed. A quick glance at my wrist watch and I realized it would be about 10 or so minutes before Tina would show up. Then I noticed the blinking of my Blackberry phone across the room on my table and got the feeling Tonia would have called. I strolled to pick it up and my feeling was confirmed. I saw three missed calls and series of BBM messages from Tina;
“Am in Ojuelegba now.”
“I have gotten to Surulere. PING!!!”
“y aren’t you replying? I ve also been calling you nau”
“Am just standing in the bus stop looking like a fool”
‘PING!!!’
“Where are you? Are you home? Should I just try and locate your place?”
“PING!!!
“PING!!!
“PING!!!”
‘Am on my way, I ‘ll try and locate it”
“Where are you? Are you home? Should I just try and locate your place?
“‘PING!!!’
“Call me immediately you get this”
‘PING!!!’
‘PING!!!’
I checked the phone again and realized the last message had hit my phone like 5 minutes before and judging by the distance between my house and the bus stop, I knew she would get to my crib anytime soon.
Shit! Shit!!Shit!!!

Am followin... Will definitely screw dis thread

this nairalandsef with the way it censures words.

which one is 'poo! poo! poo!'...'femalecore' and 'Tips'?

thats not what i wrote na.

sucess001: this nairalandsef with the way it censures words.

which one is 'poo! poo! poo!'...'femalecore' and 'Tips'?

thats not what i wrote na.

Lol naa so we see am... Update pls, let d thread move...

BACHELOR LIFE (EPISODE 5)

I had totally forgotten I had given her my address. Who would have thought she would come to my house directly? My plan had been to pick her up from the bus stop close to my apartment. I silently prayed she would miss her way. Problem was that my house can easily be located and was only a stone’s throw from the Bus Stop.

Nervous and panicky, I quickly roused Funke and told her I had to go pick my mum who was visiting from the airport. She noticed my impatient nudging’s for her to leave quickly and asked;

“Na wa o. Why are you so much in a hurry? Are you pursuing me?”

“Noo nau. Not that. It’s just that her flight will land in 2o minutes and I am late already.” I replied.

“So when are we seeing again?” (Which kain babe be dis na? we say make you go, you dey ask when we go see).

“Don’t worry. We‘ll see before the week runs out. I even want to take you to the movies. There’s this movie I want you to watch. I lied.
‘Ok. Am set. Let’s go’, she replied reluctantly.

My phone rang again and I checked the caller; it was Tina yet again. This time, she kept calling continually. I knew she must be pretty close by. I didn’t and couldn’t pick the call.

“Pick your call nau.” Funke said staring at the ringing phone.

“It’s my oga at work. I know why he is calling. I don’t want to pick or cut the call” I lied yet again.

As we left my apartment, I didn’t bother locking the door. By now, I was basically a bundle of nerves. I couldn’t think straight. I quickly mustered a silent desperate prayer to God to spare me from the impending embarrassment in return for which I would attend church the coming Sunday (I had not been in church for six months).

Unfortunately, it seemed like the heavens were pretty much angered towards me because immediately we set foot on my street, we bumped into Tina.

“Shola, what’s all this nau? I‘ve been calling and pinging you since. Haba. You just left me stranded since. Didn’t you see all my missed calls and bb messages?’ Tina fumed immediately she set eyes on me completely ignoring Funke standing beside me.
‘Tina! Tina Watsup?..em..err..am so sorry. I wasn’t with my phone. Em..just gimme a minute, lemme walk my friend.’

“So what should I do? Just stand in the middle of nowhere while you finish with your friend? She asked, eyeing Funke contemptuously and still fuming with rage. (There’s this thing with girls when they get angry. They just seem to lose all sense of reasoning)

“Chill nau. I said am coming. I‘ll join you in the next 5 minutes. That’s my house. The door is open, You can go and wait for me. I‘ll join you soon”. I said pointing at the door to my apartment.

Then I turned to Funke whose face was clearly boiling and before I could say anything, she seethed in a loud voice;

“Who are you walking away?”
“Don’t you dare!!!”
“Don’t you dare come near me!!!”

She was basically screaming now and her voice had started attracting a few passersby.
“So this is who you are? Is this your mum that you want to go pick at the airport abi? So you‘ve been lying and pretending abi? I just knew something was fishy. So you were rushing me out of your house because of this low life cheap prostitute? abi’ she bellowed.

Things were beginning to get out of hand and I could notice a few of my neighbors peeping from their windows. Being a quiet environment, I was sure that with the way Funke was screaming, it would be a matter of seconds before a full blown scene would be created. Whilst I was still thinking of the words to say in response to Funke and how to handle the situation, I heard a loud sound; Tina had landed a Funke a heavy slap; the type typically given by mobile policemen and soldiers; accompanied by the question;

“who are you calling a prostitute?”

Staggering and not in a mood to reply Tina with words, Funke didn’t seem to be fazed by Tina’s obvious size superiority to her and had responded to Tina with two slaps while I just stood and watched; rooted to the spot in shock.

Despite Funke’s rather small stature, she had always had this fiery and feisty side to her. Her Olympic boxing champion styled slap cum blows to Tina’s face must have made Floyd Mayweather green with envy. It not only resulted in Tina wobbling and stumbling away, it also ensured her bag and phone were flung in different directions.

By now, a large crowd had gathered. (Who wouldn’t want to see two girls fighting in public?)Rather weirdly, no one made any attempt to separate the feuding divas. Overcoming my initial shock, I decided it was time to end the madness.

I approached Funke to try and stop her from landing further blows but I could see her eyes were blazing with rage. She seemed rather stronger than usual and pushed me away with the ferocity of someone possessed shouting;

‘Leave me! Leave me! Let me teach this bitch a lesson!”

By now, Tina had gathered herself and braced herself for the final onslaught. Eyes beaming with rage and vengeance, she charged forward towards Funke who was also ready to show she wasn’t a push over.

Then all hell was let loose.

sucess001: Then all hell was let loose.

putting maself in your position... man i cant imagine... interesting... am following... *carrying ma mat*

**Follows**...

very interesting story... waiting for the next espisode... don't keep your fans waiting

Am following........
Casala don burst