soul_glo: You really helped him be useless. You took money that was not yours and gave to him and till today he has not paid it all back. If you could give him money that was not yours of course you would give him everything else. Remember that as you carry on this nonsense you are punishing your children. I really don't care about you. It is the children I feel sorry for. You are choosing to keep doing what you are doing. Please don't start with the "he does not give me peace if I don't do it". If he tells you to kill someone would you do it. Honestly your behavior makes you just as irresponsible as him.You called your SIL and she gave you her opinion but of course you totally ignored it. [b]Open that account and do not make it a secret. Let him know the account is there but make sure he has no access. [/b]In fact show him the balance every month. If he wants to run head first into a concrete wall because you refuse to give it to him then let him do just that. One less mouth to feed.

acorn tree: Op@ if what u describe above is true, u must be a big fool for u to be fending for a complete grown up lazy man. The responsibility of a man is to take care of his family even if ur income is more than his. ur husband is a complete irresponsible lazy man. From what u describe above, it seem ure making him see ur marriage as a favour for u. I would advise uve one on one talk with him.let him know that marriage is not suppose to be like this. A man should not depend on a woman likewise a woman.after sometime,if he is still adamant, not ready to get a job I advise u open a secret account and stop providing for him. if not u will be working and end up living a wretched life.

dayokanu: I have read this thread and can just laugh. The same women who would argue for a housewife that the husband should do everything

They argue cleaning and cooking is a job on his own

Now they have a man cooking and cleaning for the woman to bring in the bacon solely has now become wahala.

Abi where are all those people?

Now a man with no job has to be denied his conjugal rights. Maybe you should just divorce him to make things easier. I hope jobless women too would have no right to demand for sex from their husband. A job is your ticket to sex with your spouse Nowadays, As Greatgid would say, May God help us
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NB: I am never in support of any partner in a marriage being lazy or playing househusband/housewife Just that its funny seeing people who usually condone that act from women now vexing when the shoe is on the other foot

Yield:

+1! Everything you wrote is on point. I like the bolded part especially - because I also do not think she should keep the account a secret (that is, if she opens a new account). By doing that, she would still be giving him control, because now she has to be living on tip-toes 'cuz of him. She should tell him about it, but give him no access, like you suggested.

StateOfMind:

Don't let him blackmail you. From your narration, you have done more than enough for this man;paying rent for 2yrs, lending huge sum for business even after largely contributing to pay off his huge debt. Did he call what he's going through small financial crises? I wonder what small means to him then. And why are some posters saying you should be giving him some amount monthly? Is he working for you? What exactly is he doing with the money? Madam, go to your banks and block your atm cards, change you password too like some posters have suggested and be the only signatory to your account.

How can you be working your ass off while someone would just be chopping ur money? And you end up being the broke one? Even men would not tolerate this from a woman in this century not to talk of a woman tolerating this. if he wants to keep lazing about without a dime, let him be. With time, he'd return to his senses. And if he doesn't, his loss. Just make sure you start doing the right thing-save your money. You sure don't want your child to suffer.

InesQor:

You're very wise for your age. I like that.

stillwater:

But in this case he spends money like no man's business and has full access to her accounts. A right most housewives have no access to.
As the responsible member and head of the family, that is the OP since the husband has relinquished all rights to provide, then she needs to seize such access, before this family goes bankrupt. Put him on a typical allowance and let him take care of the house and kids. Unfortunately she married a house husband, start treating him like one. Open a small kiosk for him so he can be selling indomie, biscuit and chewing gum etc.

Guitarlife: So many feminists on this thread but how disturbing to see them speaking from both sides of their mouth.

Would you advice in this manner if the roles were reversed ?

If it was the woman that had been jobless for so long, would you have seen anything wrong in that ?

I keep shouting that men and women are not equal and that they can never be.

I thought y'all said women = men so let them do what the man does, you begin to raise dust huh ?

What exactly do you women want ?

@Op trust me, unless a miracle happens your marriage is dead already because you are gonna receive on this thread enough confidence to walk out on your marriage with some women even linning up to award you a medal of honour for that.

But remember, he maybe lazy, decietful, cunning, hopeless, unpresentable.

He is also one thing, your husband.

And I hope you understand what that means ?

Its true you are the one paying the bills in your home, why don't you go ahead and tell every one on your street too.

Atleast you have started from somewhere by humiliating him in front of his family.

This is the mistake women make, they fail to do necessary checks before getting married.

They forget that marriage is a no going back tin.

I hope single ladies will learn a lesson or two about looking before leaping.

Finally, I will advise you Op to rather open the business for him.

INstead of giving him a huge amount to do that by himself. My suggestions are, opening a provisions store for him or buying him a taxi.

And make sure you make him understand that after the business you will be changing your account passwords which you should do.

You have to be ruthless if need be here but, never ever discuss your marriage with family again cos that is why you are an adult.

If he kicks you out which is the worst thing he can do then, you will know you tried.

I pray that peace will return to your marriage. And learn to be impervious to neighbours comments cos in the event that he walks out on your marriage the neighbours are likely to make you an item of their discussion.

Goodluck!

Yield:

It's InesQor!!! Long time!! HugsHugsHugs!!! Hope you're good?

Thank You.

StateOfMind:

No, the question is would you encourage such if roles were switched? How can a grown up man refuse to be responsible? Can you do such and still retain your masculinity? Did you all masculinsts read the part where the woman borrowed her bro's money from her even before the marriage? She paid back most of the debt? Paid house rent for 2years, lent him 2.5 mill for business that went down the drain? Sought different job applications for him? Encouraged him to continue his education and retake his failed exams? Even offered to pay? Paid no dime for her post natal? Yet she's still giving him access to her account, he withdraws anyhow from her account with her atm cards, transfers money online as he pleases. N now a working class woman is broke just because of a leech she calls husband. Yet, she has remained 'submissive' by not withdrawing all these privileges.


Tell me how many husbands would do all of these to their housewives? Tell me if you can allow your own sister or daughter working her fingers to the bone make ends meet to be drained this much by a man.


Come on, be real!

ifyalways: My comment on this thread is : no comment.

More ororo to your elbow sister. God is in control and your miracle is on the way. Love is patient and kind,it does not keep record of evil. A virtuous woman provides for her family, covers her husband with wool and anoints his feet with sweet scented oil.

Patience was patient and that was why Goodluck lead her to Aso rock. Are you ready to enter your own Zion rock sister? Tarry,I say! Tarry and do not grumble.

It is well.

Guitarlife:
You need to ask yourself, which kind of woman borrows her boyfriend 2.5 million naira ?

Have you thought of that ?

I have a feeling the Op had to put in everything to get a marriage from this man.

Women, let your men earn you. You will be treated like a trash if you keep throwing yourself at them.

For petes sakes, 2.5million naira as at 7 years ago!!!

More like 5million naira today.

The man is clearly a nonentity but whoose fault is it that @Op chose to marry one ?

I hope single ladies are reading this thread sha ?

bukatyne:

As rare as it is to agree with you, I quite agree with your post esp. the bolded.

Most of these signs are clear during courtship

Guitarlife:
You need to ask yourself, which kind of woman borrows her boyfriend 2.5 million naira ?

Have you thought of that ?

I have a feeling the Op had to put in everything to get a marriage from this man.

Women, let your men earn you. You will be treated like a trash if you keep throwing yourself at them.

For petes sakes, 2.5million naira as at 7 years ago!!!

More like 5million naira today.

The man is clearly a nonentity but whoose fault is it that @Op chose to marry one ?

I hope single ladies are reading this thread sha?

Guitarlife:
You need to ask yourself, which kind of woman borrows her boyfriend 2.5 million naira ?

Have you thought of that ?

I have a feeling the Op had to put in everything to get a marriage from this man.

Women, let your men earn you. You will be treated like a trash if you keep throwing yourself at them.

For petes sakes, 2.5million naira as at 7 years ago!!!

More like 5million naira today.

The man is clearly a nonentity but whoose fault is it that @Op chose to marry one ?

I hope single ladies are reading this thread sha ?

Lordlexyy: Your spirit is surely bless.

dominique:

Ok let's reverse roles shall we? Is it unheard of for a man to set his fiance up with a business of that anount? At the time, the woman felt she was securing their future. My only grouse was that she used someone eles's money.



I believe you missed out the parts where the woman listed his positive aspects. Also the part where she said he had a job at the time they were married. Oh! she was so wrong in believing in his dreams abi?



One minute, you guys will say Naija women only knows about money and are too materialistic, now you're expecting single ladies to shine their eyes. What exactly do you men want?

dayokanu: ^^^Would you be in support of a man who does exactly the same to a non working wife?

Waspy: No one is looking at the bright side of this situation?
So long the lazy hubby is broke, there are less chances for him to be keeping Oloshos and Runz Girls nao...Abi how una see am?

StateOfMind:
Paid house rent for 2years, lent him 2.5 mill for business that went down the drain? Sought different job applications for him? Encouraged him to continue his education and retake his failed exams? Even offered to pay? Paid no dime for her post natal? Yet she's still giving him access to her account, he withdraws anyhow from her account with her atm cards, transfers money online as he pleases. N now a working class woman is broke just because of a leech she calls husband. Yet, she has remained 'submissive' by not withdrawing all these privileges.


Tell me how many husbands would do all of these to their housewives? Tell me if you can allow your own sister or daughter working her fingers to the bone make ends meet to be drained this much by a man.


Come on, be real!

Phema:

Yes! I've zero tolerance for leeches with wasteful attitude ontop of it all.

I, A woman, won't sit at home, do nothing to help the family financially and then lavish my husband's money. Its a very bad attitude.

Guitarlife: Please try and be objective for once.

A woman went out of her way to borrow her boyfriend (not even husband o) 2.5million naira (as at 7 years ago).

Not even her own money, and you wanna tell me nothing is wrong with that ?

You need to be ashamed of yourself for being such a brazen hypocrite.

If you do not see anything wrong in that then I guess there is no point trying to make you.

Its simply a lost cause.

Its fine if you wanna defend the Op but please, stop playing on our collective intelligence in this section.

dayokanu:

WHich of the above dont Nigerian men do to their wifes regularly?

is it sponsoring their education totally from secondary school till masters?

Paying rents for all their life? Opening shops for their wifes yet still have access to every money in the house?

If it were a housewife you all would come up with excuses . Now the shoe is on the other foot see vexing

The bottom line is its bad for any partner to leech on another permanently whether man or woman

I would see the next housewife thread and responses from the same posters on this thread who are threatening fire and brimstone